I would never have thought I could feel so low. Each night I go through my routine, and generally, I do not go out during the day time now. I barely leave my house. I am not a prisoner to the house, but a prisoner to my mind. And I hate this! Some days I feel so close to normal. But this, I am so weak. Some Gryffindor I am, I am hardly brave. What is wrong with me?

In the mirror, the dark circles under my eyes are almost gone. Good thing, because I will need to go out and get supplies, for potions and food.

I hated being cooped up like this, but some days I can barely get out of my room. Terrified by the shadows my mind creates. How did I let myself become so meek?

I let out a frustrated scream, and turned quickly away from the mirror, leaving the bathroom. I put on some of my clothes haphazardly and boots not bothering to lace them before walking out of the house, not even looking to see if I closed the door all the way. I just started walking, trudging through the snow. I didn't pick up my feet all the way, and my feet left just a singular line of where I had been walking.

I was so frustrated with myself that the icy air felt great on my warm face, the moon was my guide as I trudged across my field, into the woods around my house. I entered the forest beneath a dark canopy of trees. Trees whose leaves had all fallen off for the winter months. I walked all the way the edge of my barrier, the one that kept people from finding me, kept people from accidentally walking into my area. And I stood there, watching the heat from my breath appear as misty fog in front of me.

I watched as the wind rustled the trees and bushes ahead of me, an evergreen shifted as an owl took flight. Was that just an owl? Or some animagi? Or could it have be someone's owl, sent here to look for me? Was this just my mind playing tricks on me?

I didn't even send my own owl from my house hidden here, I have another place I go when sending messages. That's where owl's deliver mail. Even for an owl to know where I live terrifies me! This is ridiculous. I took a breath and removed my wards, slowly, cautiously.

I moved through the snow past where the wards had previously been, into an area I haden't visited in some time. I replaced the majority of the wards before turning back to the area that I've kept myself from. I walked quietly and slowly at first, listening for any sounds that are out of the ordinary, that are not coming from myself or the wind. Soon I picked up my pace, walking faster, still leaving a line in the snow. Briefly I wondered if I should cover that, someone could find me. Panic overtook me. But then I just closed my eyes, took a breath, and apparated.

An alleyway in a muggle street. There were so few people around, I had little sense of time, but that told me it must be somewhere between 2 and 5 AM. I was not far from the Leaky Cauldron, so I headed in that direction.

As I walked, I watched all around me; as nonchalantly as could be I tried to stay aware of my surroundings. For some reason the darkness here didn't terrify me as much as it used to. I slowed my pace and took in a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment to feel the air around me. I reopened them just as a hooded figure came out of an alleyway, just a few blocks from the Leaky Cauldron. "Oi!" A male voice. A familiar male voice. My mind was screaming and I felt frozen as I realized who I had just collided with. My body had already reacted, I was walking the opposite direction from him and my pace resumed it's speed. I ignored his mumblings and continued away from my destination.

This couldn't happen. I pulled my collar up over my nose as I was practically running now. The tears on my face freezing and I couldn't even stop to rid myself of them. When I could no longer hear him or movements apart from the wind I dipped into another alleyway. I collapsed against the brick wall, taking stock of where I was and then released a short breath. I sunk down, crouching with my face in my hands. I couldn't break down here, I had to get up and move, but my body wouldn't obey my command.

How foolish. I breathed in slow, soft footsteps were approaching. I managed to stand and attempted to keep my face from view, hiding in the shadows like a criminal.

The person did not seem to notice me at first, but just as they were about to pass by, they paused. They hesitated before asking, "Are you alright?" What small world this is. Another familiar male, his voice, slightly deeper than usual, almost as if he were sick. Did I dare respond? Did I disappear? No he could follow me. I cleared my throat, "I'm more than fine, thank you." I attempted to go around him and to my surprise he gave me a wide berth. I looked up quickly, his face white as the snow as he recognized me. His eyes grew wide, shining in the moonlight. He looked down at his feet, "Pardon the intrusion then," he began to back away, but he glanced up once more and his eyes locked on my face. His mouth seemed to mouth my name, but I couldn't hear a thing.

My heart was racing and memories were flooding me, screams echoed in my mind and I felt dizzy. I couldn't say a word as he stared at me. I was open and vulnerable, locked in the floodplain.

I hardened my stance, trying to break myself from the past, "Could you repeat that?" His eyes narrowed at the ground as he glanced away, "Have a good night, or morning. Whichever it is for you. Be well." He looked as though he wanted to say more, but the next thing I knew, he turned and briskly walked away from me. As he rounded a corner the last thing I caught was a flash of his silvery hair as his hat flew off of his head.

That sight awakened me. Draco Malloy had lost his hat to the wind. I let out a hysterical giggle. When he was at Hogwarts, he would've turned and cursed the wind for its animosity towards him. And that sight playing in my head made me realize I didn't want to be who I used to be. He did not come back for his hat. Now aware of what had happened, I rushed to pick up his hat from the ground. But he was nowhere to be seen. If I ever saw him again, I was determined to return it to him.

I tucked it into my pocket, and turned to stare toward the Leaky Cauldron. I was determined now. I refuses to let anyone prevent me from accomplishing my mission.

This time around, I did not close my eyes except to blink. I wiped the frozen tears from my face and straightened out my clothes as best I could. As I entered the building, the sudden warmth made me realize just how long I must have spent in the alley way.

There were only a few people inside, one of which appeared to be dozing with his head on the table. I went to the secret entrance to Diagon Alley, this was farther than I had made it in some time now. For moment I was proud of myself, but I shoke that off. I entered the magical market just as the sun began to rise. Just a few places open this early, the first of which being Gringotts, my first destination.

As I passed by the storefronts, all sorts of memories came back to me. When all the girls were fawning over Lockhart, the dragon ride away from the Gringotts vaults, my first ever trip to Ollivander's. As I entered the bank, not a single goblin looked up, just as I remembered, and as I preferred. I intentionally walked to the goblin that liked me the least. Griphook looked much healthier than last I saw. His scar was healed now fully, and much fainter. I'm not sure if he hadn't tried or wanted to attempt to remove it, or if it was much like my own. I rubbed my arm through my sweater and looked up at him. "Ah, Miss Granger. You've come for a visit? No? I assume you would like access to your vault then."

I nodded, "You look well Griphook. Yes I would. Do you mind?" He gave me half a scowl, "Of course I mind, but I will escort you." Our conversation was much more pleasant than the last we spoke, and longer in fact. We went quietly to my vault, as he opened the door I was a little shocked. "He took more than you were expecting?" Griphook almost sounded apologetic, I nodded. The vault was a lot emptier than last I visited, and I haden't spent that much of my savings. He took it. When he was just going to pick up a few things. Taking my money without my knowledge. It was Griphook who contacted me about the allowance I had set on my account so that I would continue to have a set amount of money in my vault. Told me about how he was close to meeting that allowance. I should have known he would, before we completely divorced. I finally had my account restricted from him once I was out of the house.

I took what I needed and a tad more just in case, and we slowly walked back toward the entrance. Griphook cleared his throat, "I would like to apologize for not alerting you earlier. As he was your husband and as you had given him access, I did not realize there was a problem. Gringotts should like to be the safest place for you to store your gold. But as you are very well aware, things can happen." I nodded down to him, "Thank you Griphook. I don't think I ever thanked you for telling me. So thank you for that as well. He hasn't tried recently has he?" He shook his head and I let out a breath. Good, at least he had stopped trying to get that from me.

I parted ways with Griphook and he went back to his seat as I exited the building. Now that more of the shops were opening up, I could smell the fresh baking breads and treats from the nearby shops. I would have to stop by and grab a puff pastry for Wopsy before I left.

I made my through the shops, stopping at Borgen and Burks amongst other places picking up the numerous ingredients and things that I would need. I stopped in Ollivander's just as he opened the door. He greeted me with a smile, "Oh Hermione Granger. It has been some time now." His smile was infectious and I couldn't help but return it, he looks good. So much better now that the war had passed. "I'm sorry for not visiting you sooner Mr. Ollivander. Would you like me to bring you a pastry on my way home?" He held his hand out to me, inviting but not commanding. I slowly slipped one of my hands into his and he patted it gently with his other hand. The physical contact felt so odd, but he just held my hand, patting it as he spoke, "You don't have to get me a thing dear. I'm just glad to see you out and about. Send me an owl every once in a while so that I may know you still roam the earth." He released my hand with a twinkle in his eye, the edges of his eyes crinkling up as he smiled. "Alright Mr. Ollivander. I'll make sure to write you," I smiled even bigger and gave out a quick laugh as we talked for a short time more before I headed out the door with a wave.

As I was finishing buying up the last of my things, the market place began to fill with people. I headed quickly to buy my pastries before it became too crowded. This was why I did not want to return to Hogwarts. The crowds, the chatter. There was far too much of it for me to feel confident. I couldn't even feel confident in my own home yet.

I purchase four pastries and make my way through the crowd to Ollivander's. He grins at me as I drop it off while he assists a new young witch finding her first wand. The look on her face as it chooses her. This is true magic. Not what we produce, but the feelings we have, the reactions we share.

I exited quickly and made my way from Diagon Alley. I made sure everything was nice and neat inside my newly purchased bag, since I had forgotten to bring one on my way out the door, and I found a place secluded enough to leave from and apparated back to my forest.

I followed my footprints back to the edge of my wards. Had I put them back up? No!? Wait, yes. Yes I did, a sigh of relief came out of me as I removed them and stepped closer to my house. I spent time replacing the wards before I relaxed again and finished heading toward the house.

Once inside, I drew my wand and quietly checked each room before heading upstairs to finish my sweep to make sure nothing was out of place, and there were no intruders. I took my things to the kitchen, placing all things that needed to stay cool or be frozen inside the fridge. Everything has a place, and everything appeared to be in place.

I sat by the fireplace, covering my feet with a blanket. The crackle of the fire was comforting. My day, though it would seem to most as uneventful, was a struggle for me. To be home and away from all the noise now was pleasant. I was in fact so relaxed, that I quickly began to doze off.