Tim ducked into his dressing room between takes, hoping for five minutes of peace and quiet.
He groaned the second he opened the door.
Sitting there, in his chair in front of his mirror reading his copy of that week's script, was Carlton Lassiter.
"What the heck are you doing, Lassiter?" Tim growled, shutting the door behind him.
Lassiter glanced up from the script, his face twisted into an angry pretzel.
"What am I doing?" He spat back, waving the script through the air like a sword. "What the hell are you doing? What is this crap?"
"What crap?" Tim sighed, gently massaging the bridge of his nose as he mentally began counting to ten.
"The script!"
Lassiter flung the pages across the room at Tim, who caught them and quickly looked them over.
"What about it?" He mumbled. "It's a good episode."
"Look at the title!" Lassiter bellowed, standing up and angrily storming across the room.
"'Shawn Vs. The Red Phantom'." Tim read the title page aloud, still not seeing the problem.
"Exactly!" Lassiter sneered, snatching the script out of his fingers. "Shawn Vs. The Red Phantom! Shawn! The whole episode is about Spencer! They cut out all my good scenes with Karen! I saved her life and delivered that baby, and I'm only getting five minutes of screen time! The episode should be called 'The Brave Detective Vs. The Evil Reddish-Kind-of-Pinkish-Okay-I-Didn't-Get-A-Very-Good-Look-At-It Placenta!'"
Tim rolled his eyes.
By now, he was starting to get used to these conversations with Lassiter.
"Well, Shawn is the star…" he sighed, hoping to pacify the fuming detective.
"Spencer?" Lassiter snorted. "The star? All he does is annoy the hell out of everyone! This is supposed to be a police procedural! Like CSI! Spencer's not even a cop! He's lucky we even let him in the show!"
"Yeah…" Tim coughed discreetly. "…Right…"
"He is!" Lassiter insisted, unfazed by Tim's obvious sarcasm. "…And what the hell is up with this crap on page 57 about me wanting kids?"
"What?" Tim blinked, quickly flipping to the page. "It's a great character moment! It really lets the audience see your humanity…I'm looking forward to playing the scene."
"I'm a cop!" Lassiter shouted indignantly. "Cops don't talk about wanting kids! Cops don't have character moments!...And-" He added with a pointed, bitter scowl. "…I told you about that in confidence! You weren't supposed to go blabbing it to the writers!"
"I didn't go blabbing!" Tim insisted defensively, perching in his chair. "I just thought it was a good chance to show…the real Lassiter…you know, the man behind the scowl."
Lassiter's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Behind the scowl?" He repeated in a low, furious roar. "Where the hell do you get off putting anything behind my scowl?!"
"Look…Carlton." Tim sighed, turning in his chair so he was facing the detective. "You're a good guy…a great detective…but without these little moments, you kind of come off a little…"
He paused, searching the air in front of his mirror for the right words.
"A little what?"
"Well…a little…cold."
"Cold?"
For a moment, Lassiter almost looked hurt.
"Is that how people perceive me?" He asked quietly.
Tim nodded slowly.
"That's why you need these moments."
Lassiter blinked slowly.
It was a lot to absorb all at once.
Finally, a dark cloud settled over his face and his jaw tightened.
"Well, I'm still never telling you anything again!" He snapped, marching out of the room and slamming the door behind him.
Tim rolled his eyes, looking in the mirror thoughtfully.
"Is that how people perceive me?" He said, lowering his voice to mimic Lassiter's inflection.
"Is that how people perceive me?"
He cleared his throat, still not satisfied with his efforts, and tried one more time.
"Is that how people perceive me?"
This time, he smiled at his reflection.
"Yeah…" he murmured. "…That's it…"