The Gossips

Mission

"I'm going to die," Luffy said, slumped over Sunny's railing with Usopp and Chopper. "She's going to butcher me alive, and Sanji will serve me for breakfast."

"Well, if you two want human babies-"

"Quit freaking me out!"

Usopp shrugged, "I don't know what to tell you, Luffy. She's dead set on marrying you. Might as well enjoy whatever ride she's going to drag you through."

"Like in bed?" Luffy rubbed his nose then, trying not to cringe.

"Ah, sure."

"Still can't see it. She's going to beat me up, and then toss me into the fish tank."

Sighing, Usopp said, "There's got to be some good coming from it."

"Like human babies?"

"Chopper, you're not helping!"

"Indeed," the three turned to blink at Sanji who was standing behind them. "In any case, this is a grave tragedy, and since the captain is as adamant as I in this matter, we must take action. Normally, I would never do anything to take pleasure from my sweet Nami-san, but I fear shit for brains will make her miserable for the rest of her life."

"Oi, oi."

"That's it!" Usopp said.

They glanced at him, and Luffy said, "What is?"

"That's what you got to do, Luffy," he said, lowering his voice just in case, and they leaned in to hear him better. "If you don't want to marry her, you got to make sure she doesn't want to marry you."

"Ah?"

"Make her miserable."

"Don't you dare, rubber man!"

Usopp pushed Sanji's face away, "Listen, Luffy. You just have to make sure she doesn't want to marry you. If she doesn't like Sanji's type, then try acting like him. She doesn't like Zoro either, so start wasting your money more than usual. Oh! And start demanding stuff from her."

He blinked, "Demanding what?"

"You're her future husband-to-be, right? Tell her you want to be able to see her panties or something."

"Huh!?"

Pulling out his notepad, he started writing, "Act like Sanji and Zoro, ask for her panties …"

Luffy tilted his head, "I gotta act like Brook too?"

He grinned, "It couldn't hurt. Oh, you should try pinching her butt."

"She'd murder me!"

"And she won't want to marry you, idiot! You should start slow though or she'll figure out what we're doing. Go ask for her panties." Luffy blanched until Usopp made shooing motions at him, "Get moving!"

Pouting, Luffy headed for the women's room, wondering how it had come down to this. He stood in front of their door for a little while before glancing back at a drowsy looking but curious Zoro, and then he faced the door again. After a moment, he knocked.

"Come in," said Nami, and Luffy finally entered, doing his best not to drag his feet.

She raised a thin brow at him, and Robin smiled softly. Closing her book, Robin rose to leave the room, saying, "I'm going to see how nice the weather is."

"Mm," he said, still staring at Nami who shifted uneasily.

She said, "What is it? You wanted something, right, Luffy? Spit it out."

Taking a deep breath, he held out a hand, "If I'm gonna be your husband, I want your panties."

"Huh?"

"If you're not going to give me 'em, how do I know you if you'll give me any when we're married?"

"Oh, I see," she smiled. "You want some proof, Captain?" Rising from her chair, she put her hands on her hips, "Sounds easy enough. Turn around."

Luffy frowned softly before he did so, staring at the door with some boredom until he heard the soft shifting of clothes. For a moment, he did not quite understand what he was hearing until he realized it was the gentle rasp of cloth against skin. He began to sweat, wondering just what exactly Nami was doing, and then something landed on his shoulder. Blinking, he glanced over to see a pair of green panties resting there.

Looking back at her, Luffy tilted his head when she sat back down nonchalantly, "I'm going to read now. You have fun."

Hesitantly reaching up, he took the panties into his hand, and then blinked rapidly at the warmth of her underwear, "Huh?"

Then something clicked in his head.

"You just-!?"

She giggled, and waved, crossing her legs. Sometimes, if Luffy was especially lucky, he could see her panties whenever she did this, however, this time he received more of an eyeful than he ever had in the past.

"I don't care what you do with them. Go ahead and keep them if you want."

Quickly backing out of the room, he shoved the still warm panties into his pocket, and then swallowed hard as Usopp stepped forward when the door was shut, "So? How'd it go? Did she freak out?"

"I … I don't wanna talk about it."

"But you have to tell me or else how will we advance the plans?"

"I don't wanna!"

"You don't want to advance the plans?"

Luffy rushed away, "I don't wanna!"

"But what's that even supposed to mean!? Luffy!"

!#&()+

Aah, poor Luffy. Or is that lucky? I'm not sure yet …

kingofpetrovia: Yes, kingofpetrovia, yes, she does.

MewPirate: Wait no more. But … then wait for the one after this too.

Mihase: I'm relying on her witchy ways in this story really.

Confession68: Malspritulo. Kial vi diris tion al mi? SNIFF.

penguin: I know. Haha.

Super Blue: And I intend to do better!

Bleaked: Me neither. I've seen it mentioned here and there, but nothing full-fledged like this.

LuffysAngel: Yahyah. Poor Luffy. Or so he wishes – that would chase Nami away.

NopeJustMe: I did imagine. Too bad his family isn't involved in this story … haha, maybe in a sequel though?

wheathermangohanssj4: Again, nope, not that story.

Sonicmario: Nami's never OOC when it involves her money!

!#&()+