Thanks to you, reviewers, I am now able to write chapter two! Oh yeah, all questions are in underlined text. I know it's excruciatingly long, but don't worry, it's really funny! Don't forget, there are numbers in this chapter, so read my comments at the bottom about those when you're done! So, here we go!
Me: Oh… My… Gods… SWIRLY WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS?!
Gaara: Uh… Should I be worried?
Naruto: Yes. Yes you should.
Gaara: Why?
Naruto: Because she has an M50.
Me: Oh yeah… Sakura, will you do the honors?
Sakura: Sure. BluPiratePuppies does not own Naruto in any way, shape, or form. All things Naruto belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
Gaara: O.o Ookay, then… Um… Shouldn't we start answering questions now?
Deidara: Hey! I heard someone had a question for me-un!
Temari: Yeah, Splode did.
Me: DAM DADDI DOO! DAM DAM DI DOODI DA! (1)
All: O.O WTF?
Me: What? It's a good song with a seizurerific video! And I enjoy listening to music off YouTube when I'm writing!
Sakura: Well that was weird…
Me: Anyways, I guess we should start answering questions now.
Sasuke: I don't wanna answer Swirl's question. It offends me.
Me: Just for that, I'm making you go first.
Sasuke: You can't make me, because I stole your M50! Ha!
Me: Oh yeah? Then face the wrath of… THE BAZOOKA! –aims and loads- 'ka-chack!'
Sasuke: Shit! When did she get one of those?!
Naruto: That doesn't matter, teme! Just answer the damn question!
Sasuke: -huge sigh- Fine, dobe.
Kankurou: SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE FLIPPING QUESTION!
Gaara: …Since when did you get a temper?
Kankurou: I don't have one. Sasuke just pisses me off.
Sasuke: Alright, alright. Here goes.
ExlposiveNoteNinja: Sasuke--Do you HAVE a brain cell? Even one? SERIOUSLY!
Naruto--Dude! C'mon, please? Why haven't you just whooped the emo's ass yet (you all know who I mean...+glares at Sasuke+ Humpf.)
Kakashi--So, do you use hair cement? (watch the Cloud song, senie, you'll get it...Heh heh heh... :P)
Ichiraku ramen man! +points finger accusingly+ EXACTLY how many calories does your ramen have!? :D :P Lol, sorry, I seel RANDOM...
(bewcause you can't tell, eh? :P)
Okay, this one if fomr Splode, my clone, to Deidara...
+ahem+ Dude, why didn't you just a-splode Sasuke in the first place and get it ovre with?
Orochimaru: DEAR GODS WHAT THE HEL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU AND WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A MICHEAL JACKSON CLONE AND VOLDEMORT WITH HAIR?!
Voldemort--Okay, one, why am I asking you a question? Why are in a NARUTO fic? And, um...Oh yeah, are you and Orochimaru related? Don't be shy...heh heh heh...
Sakura--Why are you only useful like five times through the whole series so far? Really. :P Just kdding, but WHY do (or did) you feel ANY sort of ATTRACTION to the mo whatso ever?!
Hinata: So, exactly what kind of thoughts are you hiding behind that timidityi of yours, Hina-chan?
Temari--Um...Oh yeah...You do realize some people on Youtube are calling you 'Fan Girl'. right? You can put together what the cruel joke is behind that, right? You're going to maul them with your awesomeness, RIGHT?!
Gaara--RACCOON! Not a panda, ne? :P
Kankuro: Cheer up, eh! You have fangirls, too! :P
Sasori: So, why are you a senile killer agian? I didn't QUITE catch that bit.
Itachi: Do you really have a Sharinga? Or just a really, really, REALLY terrible case of Pink-eye? :P
Sasuke: Who do you think I am? I'm the effing Uchiha Survivor, that's who. I beat Deidara, Orochimaru, and Itachi. OF COURSE I HAVE A BAZILLION DAMN BRAIN CELLS!!
Me: Actually, Sasuke, we just got back the MRI results. You only have one, lonely little brain cell, and it has multiple disabilities, including hip displaysia, dermatitis, dementia, ADHD... Oh yeah! And it has Collie Eye Anomaly!
Sasuke: …Wtf?
Naruto: Braincells have eyes?
Me: And besides, you reject, you made two Orochimarus, which is EVEN WORSE THAN ONE!!
Sasuke: Wait… How the hell could I have made two Orochimarus? He's dead…
Me: Because, you idiot, you absorbed part of his soul, so if that ever gets out, there will be an Orochimaru. Kabuto absorbed the rest of him, so if it takes over Kabuto, there will be two Orochimarus.
Sasuke: Oh… Crap.
Deidara: And you didn't beat me either-un! I blew myself up in self-sacrifice as a last attempt to murder your sorry soul-un!
Itachi: You didn't defeat me, you foolish little brother. I died from overuse of the Mangekyou.
Sasuke: WTF? Aren't you guys supposed to be, you know, DEAD?!
Itachi: Well, apparently Blu has the power to bring us back from the dead to answer questions.
Me: ANYWAYS! Next question! This one's for you, Naruto.
Naruto: Oh trust me, I would love to mash him to a bloody pulp, but Kishimoto-san is really taking a looooong time with us meeting up again. x.x
Me: -singing- The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Bringing up the lights and finding a Christmas tree! (2)
Ino: Ok, what was that?
Me: It's the twelve pains of Christmas. Very funny song, especially with all the great videos on YouTube. :)
Ino: Okay, and that wasn't weird at all…
Me: Shut up, Ino-pig.
Ino: What the…? Hey, only Sakura's allowed to call me that!
Me: Too bad. I'm the author. If I wanted to, I could make you eat whale blubber until you exploded.
Ino: You wouldn't!
Me: Try me. –mocking glare-
Ino: Fine. You win. –flops-
Me: Alright! Now that we've gotten that squared away, it's time for the next question!
Gaara: I don't think Kakashi's here yet…
Me: Oh trust me, he's here.
Gaara: How do you know? I don't see him anywhere…
Me: KAKASHI-KUN! IF YOU DON'T GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW I'M RETURNING YOUR BOOK TO THE LIBRARY IMMEDIATELY!!
Kakashi: -poofs in- Hey. What did I miss?
Me: -smiles- Good boy. You've got a question from Swirly.
Kakashi: Okay then. Here goes. Nope. It's one-hundred percent naturally spikey. Hooray for spikey-haired people!
Me: Yay! Spikey hair! It's fun! Teehee!
Neji: Oh no, not again…
Me: -takes out gigantic green rubber ball- DIE YOU RELIGIOUS ASSHOLE!! –pounds Hidan into the dust with ball- FATALITY!! TEEHEE!! (3)
Hidan: Ow… My religion-obsessing brain… And my beautiful surfer-dude hair… -sniffle-
Naruto: Oh grow up, you sissy.
Me: Haha! You will never be anything like a surfer, teme! That's right, I called you teme! What are you gonna do about it?
Kakashi: Uh, Blu? I think that might've been going a little too far…
Hidan: I am not a teme! Don't ever call me that, bitch!
Me: Don't… Call… Me… A… Bitch.
Kakashi: Shit. You just had to say that, didn't you, Hidan?
Hidan: Hmph! She called me a teme!
Kakashi: Do I look like I care what she called you? Do you even know what one of her OC's can do?
Hidan: No…
Me: Shizu! I got a little treat for ya!
Shizu: Hmm? Treat? All I see is some overly religious baka with weird hair.
Me: Exactly. More specifically, he is a treat for your bijuu.
Shizu: -light up eyes- You mean I can really let her out?
Me: Yep! You have my full permission!
Shizu: Sweetness! –forms seals rapidly- RAAAAAAWR!!
Me: -hands out popcorn- Now this is entertainment!
Minato: Wait… Aren't we missing something?
Naruto: … Daddy?
Kakashi: WTF?
Me: Squee! Minato-sama! But I don't remember bringing you back from the dead…
Minato: Um, yeah you did… A while ago… I just never went back. :)
Me: Well then, in that case, you're right! We are missing someone!
Sakura: Who?
Me: KAKUZU! GET YOUR MONEY-OBSESSIVE ASS IN HERE NOW!!
Kakuzu: You interrupted my coin counting! I was almost at three thousand quarters!
Sasuke: Okay, seriously, how does someone even get three thousand quarters?
Me: Doesn't matter! Time for the penny-pincher and the religious asshole to get PWNED!!
Temari: Um, guys? I think Shizu's lost it…
Shizu: GRAAAWR!! –starts rampaging-
Me: Shizu! Wrong target! It's those two! –points at Hidan and Kakuzu-
Note: During this brief interlude, Shizu has fully unleashed the power of her Bijuu, the Akki Mesuinu. The Mesuinu is a demon dog from ancient Rome somewhat resembling a Pitbull that exudes golden Chakra. It has a strong blood lust and will kill anything in it's way.
Shizu: FOOD! PREY! Must… KILL!
Naruto: Hey, this is getting pretty good!
Minato: -ish sitting with Naruto- Yup! You get 'em, Shizu!
Me: -deadly serious- Just remember, she can still be unpredictable, so-
Hidan: AUGH! MY SPLEEN!
Kakuzu: FORGET YOUR SPLEEN! WHAT ABOUT MY LIVER?!
Shizu: NECA! NECA! NECAAAAAAAAA!! (Latin reference, means 'kill'.)
Me: Oh crap… This could be bad…
Yamato: You called me?
Me: Yeah, Shizu's starting to loose it, so once she's finished those two off, I think you'll need to surpress her…
Yamato: Hai!
Hidan & Kakuzu: -gurgle… dead-
Me: Um, yeah… I think now would be the time…
Yamato: I'm on it! –performs jutsu-
Shizu: RAAAAWR!!
Kakashi: I really hope this works…
Shizu: RAAA- … grr? –gold chakra fizzles out-
Me: Yay! Good girl, Shizu! And good job, Yamato!
Everyone: Yay!
Shikamaru: So… Don't we have more questions to answer?
Me: -singing- You got a new horizon it's ephemeral style, a melancholy town where we never smile. And all I wanna hear is the message beep, my dreams, they gotta catch me 'cause I don't get sleep, no. (4)
All: WTF? O.o
Me: It's Gaara's theme song! It's awesome!
Gaara: … I have a theme song?
Me: According to over half of your fangirls, yes!
Tsunade: Okay, why do you keep quoting things off of YouTube?
Me: Because it's fun.
Tsunade: And? –death glare-
Me: -mumbles- And because I was hitting the Belgian Chocolate too hard…
Tsunade: Aha! I knew it!
Me: Oh, be quiet. I like my chocolate!
Kakashi: Ahem! Don't we have more questions to answer?
Me: Oh! Right! I knew that! Um, I need the Ichiraku Ramen Man…
IRM: At your service! Would you like to try the flavor of the day?
Me: Um, no. You got a question from a reviewer!
IRM: I did? Fantastic! And my answer is… Drumroll please… Only 200 calories per bowl!
Tenten: Wow… That's some seriously good stuff…
IRM: Yep! Our food is of the best quality in all of Konohagakure no Sato!
Me: Okay then… Next question! Deidara-san!
Deidara: Nani, un?
Geshi: You have a question, piece of Iwa crud.
Deidara: Hey! I'm not crud, you little shit!
Me: Hey! Geshi, when did you get here? You're supposed to be at home! And no insulting the guests, especially Deidara! He's cool.
Geshi: Whatever. You know I have issues with Iwanin. And, quite obviously, I'm not at home.
Deidara: Can I just answer my question now, un?
Me: Sure you can, Deidara. Go ahead. –glares at Geshi-
Deidara: Ahem. Because he was excessively tricky, un. And Itachi-san asked me to leave him alive for him, un.
Itachi: Yes, yes I did. And thank you for following my request. Sorry about the whole you dyeing bit.
Me: Maybe you're a joker, maybe you deserve to die! (5)
Naruto: She doesn't mean me, does she? –ish slightly scared-
Me: No, I don't mean you, Naruto! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I killed you!
Naruto: Good! So then you're just quoting YouTube again?
Me: Yeppers! Hooray for the brilliance that YouTube!
Minato: Is anyone else worried about this?
Kurenai: No, not really.
Minato: And why not?!
Kakashi: Because she's pretty much always like this.
Minato: Oh.
Sakura: That's right. And so far, there have been no fatalities as a result of it, unless Sasuke had died.
Minato: Oh.
Me: So, on to the next question! Now it's Oro-teme's turn!
Orochimaru: Must you call me that?
Me: Well it's not like I can call you anything else. I could call you a snake man, but that would be an insult to snakes.
Orochimaru: No comment. Anyway, to answer your question: Who the hell are those people? And is it really my fault if I enjoy being a power-hungry mad scientist?
Me: Well, you're a sadist!
Orochimaru: And your point is…?
Me: Augh! Nevermind! Just get the hell outta my fic!
Orochimaru: Hey! That wasn't very-- -is shot by bazooka- I'm blasting off again! (6)
Tsunade: Wow. That's about the most effective way I've seen for dealing with him… ever.
Me: I know. And it's surprisingly simple! So, next question!
Voldemort: Um… Where am I? What am I doing here?
Me: I don't really know… Just answer the question.
Sai: Um, who's that guy?
Kakashi: You don't want to know.
Voldemort: I have no idea who that guy is… Can I go now?
Me: Yes, yes you may.
Voldemort: Thanks.
Me: You're welcome. Whoa! Did I just have a normal conversation with Voldemort?! Get back here, you bastard! I have to get back at you for killing all those innocent people!
Shikamaru: Too late. He's gone.
Me: Damn it!
Tsunade: So, I'll take Blu's part for a sec… The next question appears to be for my apprentice…
Sakura: Yay! Um, I actually think I got a lot better during the time Naruto was training. Mostly the only reason I pretended to like Sasuke was to beat out Ino-pig.
Ino: NANI?!
Me: So you never really liked him?
Sakura: Yep. That's right.
Me: Sweet! One declared less fangirl of the emo!
Sasuke: I don't enjoy being referred to as 'the emo' all the time.
Me: Too bad. Deal with it. Actually, don't deal with it. –pulls out M50 while smiling evilly-
Sasuke: WTF?! When did she break into my house?! My LOCKED house?!
Kakashi: She didn't. –twirls key ring around finger-
Sasuke: MY KEYS! O
Me: -singsong voice- Arigatoo, Kakashi-kun! –aims and loads M50-
Naruto: This can't be good…
We're sorry. The following scene has been removed due to it's violent and graphic nature. For the sake of the readers, we apologize that we cannot show Sasuke being carved up like Swiss Cheese by a crazed Blu with a machine gun. This is The Neighborhood Watch Committee!(7)
Shizu: Damn you, Neighborhood Watch Committee!! (7)
Me: You said it!
Sasuke: Bleh. –dead-
Kakashi: Well, this could have implications.
Me: Oh well! Back to answering questions! Next!
Hinata: Y-you c-called me?
Me: Hi Hinata-chan! You have a question!
Hinata: Oh, I-I g-guess I d-d-do. Um, w-well, not m-much. I j-just really w-want to p-prove that I r-really am a g-g-good Hyuuga.
Me: Aww! That's sweet, Hinata!
Hinata: T-thank-you.
Me: Okay, now for the next question!
Gaara: Sorry. Temari can't answer her question. She's too busy beating the shit out of some of the people on YouTube for whatever reason with her fan… And yes, I think raccoon, just because of the whole tanuki thing, but I like pandas more…
Me: Um… Okay then… Hooray for pandas! XD
Kankuro: Cool! Wait… what are fangirls?
Me: Wow… He really is clueless, isn't he?
Gaara: Yeah, he is.
Kakashi: So, next question?
Sasori: Why am I here… again? I don't particularly enjoy Konoha…
Geshi: Just answer the damned question, and then you can leave.
Me: Sheesh, what put you in a foul mood, Geshi?
Geshi: Oh nothing. That is, if you consider thunder loud enough to burst your eardrums, a snoring dog, a squeaky fan, and pouring rain louder than a freight train nothing.
Me: Oh. I get it.
Sasori: Anyways, I'm just gonna answer this question and get outta here. I'm a killer because my parents were killed when I was little and I got way too much fun outta making puppets from dead bodies. Happy? Good. If you need me, I'll be dead.
Me: That was… mildly disturbing.
Naruto: You can say that again, dattebayo! –shudders-
Me: Anyways, time for Swirly's last question!
Neji: Thank the gods! I thought it would never end!
Itachi: Of course I have a sharingan, you idiot. How do you think I was able to torment and destroy so many lives? I'll say one thing, it wasn't by using chants.
Me: Finally! On to the next set of questions! These are from Ardnek-chan!
Hey its Ardnek-chan re-reads the first chapter HEY whats wroung with emos I know duck-butt can be a little p...kitten but come on any way
1Q) Naruto-chan: what is it like to have a demon live inside of you? It must be better then having them stalk you mumble stupid Joy-chan mumble
2Q) Hinata-sama: what is the most happiest moment in your life
3Q) Kakashi-baka: What wolud you do if you were on time for once
... Can't think of any thingelse... wait glomps Hinata there I'm happy
Me: Oh, I don't have anything against emo people, I just can't stand the chuck-butt idiot. (Note: Chuck-butt is because Swirly and I couldn't decide if it was chicken-butt or duck-butt, so we combined the two to make Chuck-butt!)
Naruto: It's not too bad having the Kyuubi. He can be really helpful in fights when I'm low on chakra, but sometimes he can be a pain in the ass, 'ttebayo. Um, yes, I guess I'm glad he doesn't stalk me…
Me: Eeeookay, then. Next question!
Hinata: U-um, p-probably when N-Naruto-kun held me a-after I d-did the Jyuuken a-against the b-bugs. –is glomped- Ah!
Me: Wouldn't it be cool to just, ya know, unhinge my jaw and eat a whole turkey?! (8)
All: . . . WTF?
Me: Everyone'll know you're mad, but no one'll mess with you. They come up to close you'll be all like shikshikshkashikshikshk.(8)
Genma: Wait… what?
Me: O.O DO NOT COME NEAR ME! Shikshikshkashikshikshk!(8)
All: Um… Okay… -takes three steps backwards-
Me: XD Okay! Next question!
Kiba: But what the hell was that!?
Me: Commedians PWN you all! 8D
Kakashi: Well, I used to always be on time, when I was younger… I guess some friend's habits just rub off on you…
Geshi: -sighs- Well, that was a surprisingly short and ironically believable excuse… Not to mention actually true. Well there's a change of pace for ya.
Me: Swirly, you should take a leaf from Ardnek-chan's book, and NOT GIVE US SO MANY EFFING QUESTIONS!!
Lee: Even though questions are youthful, they do get excessive sometimes when you put fourteen in one review. YOSH!
Me: YOSHI! GADUNG! (9)
Neji: Ga… dung?
Minato: Yep! Blu-chan can do a perfect Yoshi impression!
Kakashi: Since when?
Minato: Since she started playing Mario Cart Wii as Yoshi at her friend Nanaku-chan's house!
Naruto: Wow Otoo-san… You're a freaking walking encyclopedia, dattebayo!
Me: Now, on to the next and final set of questions for this chapter! As if fifteen pages worth wasn't already long enough!
Shizu: Gack! Fifteen friggin' pages?!
Me: Yuppers! D These questions are from BB!
From Bullet in the Brainpan Squish: BB: It seems you had the same idea as myself. Don't you love reading Swirly's fics?
Shay: -waving hand in the air- I HAVE A QUESTION, I HAVE A QUESTION!
BB: -sigh- Shay
Shay: YEAH!! Okay, i was wondering, where did Sas-gay get a bulletproof vest? Does NAruto like Hinata? Does Ino like Shikamaru? Does Temari love Lee? Do you know what Kakashi looks like under his mask? And, can I have Gaara?
Alle: That's more then one question.
Shay: SHUT UP!
Viv: Hey, Kyuubi, could you pwn all the other demons at once? and do you have a girlfriend? Because my mom is avaliable
BB: just so you know, Viven is a kitsune, and her mother is a Kyuubi herself.
Alle: Hey, lee, how much do your leg weights weigh? And if you could use one ninjutsu, what would it be?
Illiana: My turn? Um, Geshi, why do you love Kakashi? And do you know what Icha icha is about?
BB: Oh, and Blu, do me a favor and shoot Sasuke again for me. Please.
Me: Yeah, I love reading Swirly's fics. She seems to have forgotten to mention the teeny tiny little fact that we're sisters…
Geshi: And of course, the world is doomed due to that little tidbit of information.
Me: Well, seems like the first few questions from Shay are aimed at me, so here goes! No one really knows where the Chuck-butt got his vest; one of the many unsolved mysteries. Yes, Naruto likes Hinata, he just hasn't admitted it yet. I think Ino actually likes Chouji, and Temari likes Shikamaru, while Sakura likes Lee. Unfortunately, I think Geshi is the only person here besides Kakashi himself who knows what his face looks like. –cry- And sure, you can have Gaara.
Gaara: Wait… Who did you just sign me off to?
Me: A fangirl.
Gaara: Oh… KUSO!
Me: Hahaha! Oi, Naruto, looks like Kyuubi's got a question!
Naruto: Um… Okay…
Inside of Naruto…
Kyuubi: Yeah? And whadda you want?
Akki: You have a question, Kitsune.
Kyuubi: -sigh- Fine… Yes, I could probably own just about all the other Bijuu… Except for the Kaze Neko and the Akki Mesuinu. And your mother sounds… Intriguing…
Back Outside…
Me: Thanks for letting us use Akki to communicate with Kyuubi, Shizu!
Shizu: No prob! Even though I hate the dog's guts…
Me: -sweatdrop- Okay then, next question!
Lee: My youthful leg weights can be adjusted to any weight I choose, though I prefer the wonderful weight of 275 pounds! I think if I could use one ninjutsu, I would use the youthful Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, because then I'd be able to youthfully fight even more enemies at once! Yosh!
Me: Well that was interesting.
Raidou: 275 FREAKING POUNDS?! You're out of your mind, kid.
Geshi: I'm guessing it's my turn now? Well, let's see… I love him because we have extremely similar personalities. We have been through a lot together, and he's always been there for me, no matter what happens. And yes, I know all about Jiraiya-san's Icha Icha series. It's actually not a bad read if you don't have much else.
Me: Wait… Gesh, you read that stuff?!
Geshi: And? Who's going to stop me?
Me: Fine, you win. –glares- But it's still… gross.
Geshi: Not when you view it as an art form.
Me: Still disturbing. Sorry. Oh, and about Sasuke: Already done, my friend. Already done.
Kiba: Well then, readers! Don't forget to:
Me: DRINK PLENTY OF WATER, WEAR PLENTY OF SUNSCREEN, AND HAVE PLENTY OF FUN!! WHEEEE!! (10)
Kakashi: No, Blu, that's the wrong line…
Kiba: Yeah, I was gonna tell them to review because we need more questions…
Me: Oh. Well, that works too! Bye for now!
All: Ja ne!
Hooray! I finally got this chapter done, even though it took FAHEVAH!! I do apologize… I'm just the world's largest procrastinator when it comes to writing, so yeah… And also I decided to change the layout of this chapter halfway through. Man, this chapter is HUGE!! I think it sets the record as the longest chapter I have ever written for anything. It finally came to an end at seventeen pages in length. Now you guys are probably wondering what was up with all those numbers! Well, they are a wonderful little thing I like to call… EXTRA DISCLAIMERS! HOORAY! –dies of sarcasm-
Number 1: Dam Dadi Doo by Nightcore.
Number 2: The Twelve Pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers
Number 3: How To Be Ninja/Gangster/Emo/Nerd by nigahiga of YouTube
Number 4: Feel Good Inc. by the Gorillaz
Number 5: Soldier's Side by System of a Down
Number 6 & 7: From Lanipator's 'Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged Movie'
Number 8: Snakes and Aliens routine by Dane Cook
Number 9: Yes, I really can do a perfect Yoshi impression. Yoshi is by the people who do Mario... I think it's SEGA...
Number 10: Just a little something we had to say after every meal while I was at summer camp. XD
Please review! 8D