Dear Romance Expert,
I have a problem. I have a crush on my neighbour. He's a really nice guy, if not a little awkward, but he's fun and we get along well together. I think he likes me too. The problem is... I'm married. And if that weren't bad enough, my neighbour is an enemy of my husband.
Is there a way to make my neighbour and husband fall madly into a fit of lust for one another so they can passionately caress one another in front of our house while I watch?
Sincerely,
Frying Pan Fantasies
*****
Dear Frying Pan,
Are you certain you can't satisfy this particular compulsion through romantic literature?
Honhonhonhonhon,
The Romance Expert