[April 1994]

Alex walked along the crash barriers of the road, hitting it every few steps to let off some steam. It had been six weeks since he had heard about his siblings being accepted back into their parents' house and roughly a month since he had decided to act out at his foster home to make them bring him back to the group homes at least, since they all were a lot closer to where Amber and Aaron where residing. It had been too long, and still, he had no idea how to actually make the authorities let him go back with his family. It was a very fine line between behaving and subsequently finding a suitable foster family that wanted to care for him and then to the opposite, not behaving and going into special care or worse, juvenile detention. In all his years as a foster kid, Alex hadn't found out what it was, or which behavior it was that would make him go back to live with his parents. It really only came back to the fact that it really didn't matter to child welfare if the Karev kids were together or separated, whereas that fact alone determined the actual well-being of all of them. But no, it wasn't the kids that they were concerned with, but the parents alone.

The social workers defined the Karev parents' moods in highs and lows. They'd grant them temporary custody of their kids again once his father managed to put on some decent clothes and hide his armpits and arm crooks so the social workers could at least ignore the fact that he was an addict which they all knew about all too well. It irked Alex, no it enraged him, how everybody could be so blind. Yes, he had to give him that, his father did know how to clean up and act all charming and reasonable, even responsible. He had been a respected person once. Before giving his life up to live off of heroin and giving up his job to go tour with his freaking guitar. His dad knew how to clean up superficially, he had to give him that. However, it maddened him how all those social workers only met with him for like an hour once a month and then tried to decide if he was capable of caring for the kids again. The remaining 671 hours of every month, the kids were the ones paying for that mistake. And all because the child welfare services not once stood back and pondered if it would be a good idea to maybe ask the kids what it was like to live with a junkie and a crazy lady. His mom never contributed much to the decision if they were ready to care again. If she cleaned up nicely, she was a friendly, quiet and pleasant person. Nobody could see the crazy going on in her head. Apart from the kids. They suffered underneath it. Alex sighed deeply, punching his fist into the crash barrier again, the skin on his knuckles splitting and he could feel the burn of his blood and the dust mixing on his wound.

Alex walked on, making out the almost decayed looking elementary school he was steering towards, to go see if he could snatch a few words out of his brother. He really was the only person that he could use for information momentarily. Nobody would give him any. Not even Ms. Morgan. Especially not Ms. Morgan. Alex' insides stirred when he thought about the lady. He loathed her. They mutually loathed each other. She had been responsible for so many wrongs in his life, however, there was one thing he really couldn't seem to forget about which made him hate her even more. Her calling his brother developmentally challenged. How could someone be at such an important position in Iowa's child welfare services while being such a terrible, terrible person? Alex gulped, trying to forget about the very clear picture of the old woman he had in his head. When he neared the school premises, he ducked and sneaked around the back way to not get caught doing it. He had ditched school for the day to make his trip here. He couldn't risk being seen. Once he rounded a corner to the backyard of the school, Alex could make out Aaron kneeling on the insides of the wired fence, waiting for Alex to appear at their arranged meeting spot. Alex' heart hurt for his baby brother. They hadn't arranged a meeting for that day which made him think that Aaron had to be sitting and waiting there every freaking day. He creeped closer and Aaron looked up at the bushes rustling, giving his big brother a wide smile. Alex reciprocated it and they bumped knuckles through the fence. His bloody hands didn't go unnoticed by Aaron.

"Who did you punch now?" Aaron asked exasperatedly. His voice was something in between a scared whisper for he knew if Alex started punching again, he would never go back to living with them, and on the other hand it sounded so grown-up, so reasonable. Alex chuckled and waved him away.

"How's mom doing?" Alex was leaning against the shabby wire fence that had been set up to protect the kids going to the most run down and lampooned public elementary school in Des Moines from strangers and criminals when playing out in the yard, watching the on goings between the youngsters. His brother Aaron, an awkward but sweet fifth grader, was squatting on the dirty ground, scratching shapes in the dirt with a stick, his head in between his knees, looking like a scared turtle. Alex tried his hardest not to roll his eyes at his little brother. Alex had always been the dad figure in their family and had taken over responsibilities and had to be strong and fearless for the benefit of his siblings and mother. His brother, though, even though he was barely four years younger than him, had always been the weaker one, always sashaying on the very fine line between drowning and surviving, Alex always having been the one who had been tugging him along forcefully. It broke Alex' heart to know that Aaron was scared beyond belief to now have to kind of take Alex' spot within their family since his older brother had still not been permitted to go home and live with his parents again. Apparently, testing out the limits with a 10 year old and 6 year old seemed a lot more reasonable to child welfare before deciding if all the kids were safe and well cared for back under the roof of their parents. But on the other hand, he so wanted to yell and snark at his little brother. He needed to buck up a bit. He needed to learn to defend himself. And he wasn't gonna do so with his head jammed between his knees. He sighed.

"She's okay. She mostly spends her days on the couch," Aaron reported back to his brother dutifully. Alex nodded hesitantly, knowing all about his mother's migraines. This is how all her episodes had started from what he could remember. Thinking back to her last episode and its repercussions on their family, he sighed.

"I'm home," Alex yelled to a seemingly empty house, throwing his backpack on the base of the stairwell, entering the kitchen, seeing his 5 year old sister sitting on the floor in the doorway between kitchen and living room. "Hey baby girl," he bent down to pet her fine hair softly before kissing her cheek, making her smile. "Whatcha doing? Playing doctor's?" he eyed the little toy doctor's kit Amber was holding out to him. She nodded at him with big eyes and smiled her innocent little smile. "You'll need to listen to my breathing sounds, once I've said hi to mom, alright?" he told her before passing into the living room.

He rounded the couch, looking around for Aaron who he hadn't seen yet. He was probably hiding again, even though that was a pretty hard task contemplating that their house was very sparsely furnished. "Mom," he yelled, seeing her swaying in her sitting position on the couch. "Mom, one's enough," he snatched the pillbox out of her hand and grabbing the stack of pills as well, leaving one in the palm of her hand. His mom looked up at him with a grateful smile.

"Oh, honey, you're such a good boy," she said in a sing-song voice before ingesting the sleeping pill. Alex pocketed the box before guiding her to lie down on the couch and put the previously wetted wash cloth on her forehead.

"I'm gonna go fetch you a cup of water," he whispered, squeezing his mom's upper arm. He went back to the kitchen and filled up a cup before returning, looking down at Amber's make-belief doctor's session with an old, ragged teddy bear, already walking by before realizing what he was seeing. "Amber, NO," he yelled frantically, turning around quickly, spilling all the water while spinning. Amber looked up at him in terror, instantly starting to shiver. "Don't move, sweetie," he instructed her before putting the cup aside and bending down to take away the very real, very used looking syringe she was playing with, giving the teddy a shot. "Amber, you can't play with that, where did you get it from?" By now, Amber had started up crying softly. "Oh baby, come here," Alex hugged her to him, holding out the needle cautiously. When she had calmed a bit, he got up and looked through her doctor's kit. "I'll take that, alright? I'll give it back to you later, alright?" he told her, meeting big eyes and a heavy nod. When she wanted to hug her teddy bear, he snatched it away also. "And I'm gonna get you a new toy, alright?" he tried to stay calm even though his head was spinning. He was no doctor but he sure knew that there was no such thing as a five year old walking away from playing with a used heroin needle unharmed. "Aaron? Aaron, come out, I need your help," he called, making Aaron appear instantly. He tugged him closer before whispering, "Aaron, I need you to go get the antiseptic from upstairs. It's in the bathroom closet. There's one for needles and one for skin. Bring both," he instructed slowly, Aaron immediately following his orders.

"Amber, come here, where did you find the needles?" She pointed over to where some boxes filled with old rags were stored, usually meant for Amber to have something to play dress up with, crouching down on the floor. Alex sighed, trying to keep in his rage.

"Alright, baby, everything's gonna be good," he told her soothingly, when Aaron appeared back in the doorway. "Aaron, put the toys in the sink and scrub them with the alcohol. But wait," Alex rummaged around a drawer for some rubber gloves, "wear these. Be careful," he told him. "Amber, come here," he said, inspecting Amber's hands and arms and face area. He put on some throw out gloves before rubbing Amber's hands with the disinfectant. "Alright, that should do for now," he said. "We need to go to the hospital, though," he explained to his siblings, both looking at him with wide eyes. He looked over his mom's knocked out demeanor, sighing. He knew she couldn't be woken in this state. He looked at the clock. They had three hours before his dad would come home and realize they weren't there. "Okay, everyone, move," he instructed, helping Amber putting on her shoes and a sweater before rummaging for a piece of old cloth, coiling it around the syringe and boxing it up in a carton, putting it in his backpack and bringing it with him. They all walked out together. Alex opened up the trashcan to throw out the teddy bear, making Amber cry once more. He lifted her up to hug her to him, whispering soothing words in her ear. "Everything's gonna be okay, Amber, everything's going to be just fine," he whispered, side-hugging his little brother upon seeing his distraught face. "Everything's going to be just fine," he repeated, squeezing Aaron's shoulder tightly, walking straight ahead, a three mile road towards the next hospital.

"What about Amber? Is she doing okay? Has she been back to the doctor?" Alex could feel his pulse fasten a tiny bit thinking about his sickish baby sister left alone in the hands of his incapable mother and junkie father. Aaron shrugged.

"She's fine. She cries a lot. Can't sleep. Has bad nightmares. She always comes crawling over in the middle of the night. That Ms. Jolanders came to take her back to the hospital for the check-up but I don't know anything about it. She talked to mom afterwards," Aaron mumbled while he was still working on his dirt art.

"Has she been back to school?"

"No," Aaron shook his head. "Mom makes her lie on the couch with her all the time. Won't let her go out. She can't even go play with me with the neighbor kids," he whispered. Alex rubbed his face in exasperation.

"She's gonna have to repeat kindergarten at the rate she's going. There's no way she's up for first grade next year," Alex kept pondering out loud, Aaron only shrugging. There was a long pause when they both just spun their own thoughts around in their heads, Alex staring ahead.

"Are you gonna come back home soon?" Aaron looked up for the first time, searching his brother's eyes. Alex sighed again, seeing the fear and helplessness in his baby brother's eyes.

"I wish I could tell you a date, buddy," Alex tried to tell him soothingly. "Until then, you need to keep your head up, alright? You need to be strong for mom and Amber. You're all they have. Alright? Can you do that for me? I'm gonna try everything to be back as soon as possible, alright?" Alex had reached through the stretched fence wires and grabbed onto Aaron's shoulder to give him some physical reassurance, waiting for Aaron's nod. It took a while but when he did nod, Alex' heart sank a little lower. "I'm sorry, Aaron," Alex whispered, feeling like he was out of ideas. "I wish I could be there with you," he admitted, hating the idea of going back to that dump but knowing that his vulnerable family was sleeping beneath one roof with a violent junkie without him at their rescue made him feel physically sick to his stomach.

"Hey, lookie there, the weirdo kid has a boyyyyfriend," a boy seemingly Aaron's age called over towards them, encased in a crowd of same aged boys and girls laughing and cheering cruelly. Aaron blushed and tugged his head in between his knees again, steering ahead at the shapes he had scratched onto the ground earlier. Alex scrunched up his face to make out the group of kids before looking down at his brother.

"Aaron, is that how they're talking to you here?" he tried to find out, feeling the mad rise in his throat. Aaron just shrugged. "Dude, you need to grow a pair and stand up to them, otherwise you're never gonna make it through middle school, let alone high school!" he raised his voice a bit towards his brother who seemed to sink lower and lower with every word. Alex looked at him another moment before turning his eyes towards the group of still laughing kids again and took in a sharp breath, only to be interrupted by Aaron.

"No, please, Alex, don't say anything," the little boy begged him. "It's bad enough as it is," he explained. "Please, I don't need them to say anything about you as well," he said. "There's already the dirty clothes and the shaggy hair and my weak muscles and my sometimes slow mental math in class. I don't need them trashing my family as well. Please, Alex," he pleaded with him desperately, making the older one sigh again and bite his lips.

"Aaron," he tried to comfort him somehow without actually knowing what to tell him. "They're just kids. They'll grow out of it. They're dumb and cruel. Don't take it too hard. They'll find another victim soon," Alex spat out, watching as small rocks kept flying out of the tree crown besides them, seemingly from an invisible hand, irritating the group of kids that had momentarily been joking and laughing and now whining about the disturbances. He scrunched up his face, Aaron following his eyes.

"They already did," Aaron whispered, making Alex look back at him.

"What do you mean by that?" he questioned, confused. Aaron pointed up at the treetop with his chin, sighing.

"That's a girl from my class. She lives at the group homes, too. You probably even know her. She's a loner, like me. Kids don't like her much. Nobody wants to be friends with her. The girls don't like her because they're scared. She's not a girlish girl. She doesn't wanna play house or braid hair or knot bracelets, she's kinda… wild and climbs trees and runs and hits sometimes. Well, she likes to fight. Like physically fight. She provokes the boys all the time. They laugh at her. So, when it's not me they're bullying, they do it with her. Difference is, she's not letting them do it. She knows how to fight. We never really talk much but she's helped me out several times. She always gets kicked in the butt for it, though, which makes me feel bad. But I share my lunch with her sometimes if she didn't get any. She's nice," Aaron told Alex who nodded curtly with every bit of information he got out of his brother before his eyes widened in surprise when a small but agile looking girl climbed down the tree trunk a few feet before jumping on one of the boys' backs with force and pulling him down to the ground, trying to wrestle with him.

"Whoa," he said between a chuckle and a startle.

"Yeah, she does that all the time," Aaron said, looking a bit scared himself. "I don't know why she just can't leave them alone," he wondered.

"You think you're such a big shot, don't you," the girl hissed maliciously at the boy who was squealing in horror now, the others just watching. It was clear that they all hated on the foster kid but nobody really had the guts to help the boy who moments before had laughed at Aaron cruelly. "Show me how much of a big shot you are now, huh? Now that your friends can't help you because they're all scared of the mad girl who has no parents. Now that you are out of victims like Aaron who won't defend himself because he's too smart to let you have it, huh? Eat that," her words travelled over to the fence where Alex and Aaron stood watching the whole scene, the girl shoving grass and dirt into the boy's mouth.

"Josephine Wilson, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" The screeching voice of a lady teacher who was jogging out to where the kids had gathered around the boy lying flat on the ground and the girl sitting on top of him, not looking like she cared about her impending punishment. She dragged her off the boy, wrenching her by her shirt, her face only inches from the girl's who still looked pretty unimpressed. "What the heck do you think you're doing?"

"I'm just trying to put back all the dirt that's coming out of Tommy's mouth because nobody wants to hear it," the girl answered nonchalantly. The teacher fumed.

"You little smart mouth. Now you've gone too far," she said, dragging the girl behind her while already taking long strides towards the school's entrance. The girl followed willingly, however, looked back at the still tearing up boy smirking at him. She looked complacent. Tommy's friends all stood behind him, narrowing their eyes at her. Once she could tear her eyes from their still baffled faces, the girl's gaze swiftly grazed over towards where Aaron and Alex were standing. When their eyes met, Alex gulped. He did know the girl. Well, not the girl. He knew those eyes. Those deep, green eyes. Nope, he hadn't forgotten about them. But he had never even thought about the possibility of A running into her again since he hadn't ever seen her before their first meeting and had mused that she had probably only been on her way through to some adoptive family and B Aaron sharing a class with her. She smirked at him before looking at Aaron and softening her smile to let him know that she was always going to protect him since he wasn't a fighter himself. It took Alex aback of how much those eyes talked without saying anything. Alex could see out of the corner of his eye that Aaron gave her the tiniest smile before his head fell to his chest and his eyes searched the ground. The girl's eyes swayed over to his once more, burning into them. Alex tried to hold the gaze.

"I'm not scared of anyone," Jo mouthed, before the teacher had led her away into the school building, leaving a confused and agitated Alex and a very awkward feeling Aaron behind. Well, Alex thought to himself on his way back, I do know one thing now. Jo Wilson is not afraid of anything or anyone. The only thing Alex didn't know was what the hell he was supposed to do with that knowledge. And why in the world he was still thinking about it at all.