Disclaimer: I don't own ER, etc (you know the drill by now :p )

Note: Ahh, the angst! Oh, also you can put this in any time-frame you like. You just need to know that there was never any accident and no whacking off of legs ever took place.

Ray couldn't help it, couldn't take his eyes off Neela who was the most beautiful vision in a night-blue, plunge-back halterneck dress. He knew he was supposed to be getting over her, knew that she had established herself with Gates now but … But what? But he was still in love with her. He nearly scoffed out loud. It didn't matter how often he told himself to move on, he was like a mouse in a maze, always running around hoping to find the exit but forever taking wrong turns that took him back to the beginning again. And this was one of those turns…

"Ray?"

He looked down to see Katey's face tilted up to his, an almost beatific smile lighting up her face. Ray swallowed back the guilt that he was feeling and smiled in return.

"Katey?"

"I just wanted to say that I'm having a great time here with you tonight." She nestled back against his chest again and let out a small contented sigh.

Ray put his arm further round Katey's waist, "Me too". The lie left a bitter taste in his mouth, or rather, it was a half-lie. Katey was beautiful and clearly into him and he was glad to have her with him and he was having a great time. However, it was a great time of the masochistic type because despite his inner lack of enthusiasm for the party itself, he would have crossed the country just to be in the same place as Neela regardless of who she was with.

The few, short minutes they had spent with just their eyes boring into each other was proof of that. Then the music stopped and the spell was broken.

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Neela tried to bury the jealousy that had been building within her as she watched Ray pull Katey ever closer to him as they danced. It was foolish, she had made her choice, the easiest choice which helped her to move on from Michael, or so it had seemed at the time. Now, she wasn't so sure or perhaps it was the opposite and she had been so sure of the right choice that she had run from it as fast as she could, hiding from the sense of betrayal that would sweep over her if she had taken it. So she had let him go and turned to ready-and-waiting arms of Gates.

And now? Well, she supposed she had to make the best of it. Gates was cute in a rough-and-tumble manner and he did amuse her and more importantly, he was nothing like anyone she had gone for before.

As they danced, Neela rested her head against her partner's tuxedoed chest and closed her eyes, fighting the dark feeling inside her which threatened to swallow her up if she allowed herself to acknowledge it. Suddenly, she opened her eyes, sensing that she was being watched. Neela looked up to find Ray's green orbs locked on her and she couldn't look away. So many emotions that swirled and simmered on both their parts, none of which could be spoken. At least, not just now.

She was faintly aware of shouting and cheering in the background but it had just become a buzz of white noise to her.

Suddenly, she was no longer moving to music but instead, Gates had swept her up in his arms and had locked his mouth against hers in a deep kiss before pulling back and shouting,

"Happy New Year!"

Ahh, that must've been 'The Bells' all the noise was about. Neela recovered herself and returned the greeting as gold and silver streamers rained down upon the party-goers. She forced a grin which almost slipped when she glanced across and saw Ray and Katey engaged in a protracted and passionate kiss. Neela quickly turned away, so quickly that she missed seeing Ray open his eyes to look for her as he tried to disengage from Katey.

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Sometime later, Neela slipped away to the roof terrace as Gates held court, meeting and greeting anyone he came across and regaling them with various anecdotes on any subject they might care to mention. She needed air as well as the double bourbon which she had firmly clasped in her hand. It was quiet so she didn't notice him as she leaned over the railing to look down at the throngs of people still out on the streets.

"Don't do it, it's not worth it," he teased jokingly.

Startled, Neela looked up at the voice and smiled at Ray.

"Good party isn't it?" she gestured expansively with the bourbon glass. "Where's Katey?" She had to ask even though she knew there was no need for her to do so.

"Some of her friends managed to get tickets for here so they're around somewhere, catching up and all that stuff." Ray paused, he couldn't help himself either, "Gates?"

"Much the same as Katey, I guess. I just needed to get some quiet time up here, its so busy." Neela pursed her lips, unsure of what else to say and so regretting what she said next.

"You didn't wear a tux." It was more statement than question but she wanted to kick herself as she thought he would think she was slighting him about his choice of clothing.

"I mean, everyone else is but you look great in that." She stopped, it wasn't coming out right at all. She truly did mean that he looked extremely good in the well-cut, tailored black suit and tie but the words weren't doing what they were supposed to.

"Sorry, I mean…"

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"It's alright, I know what you mean." Ray put Neela out of her misery

"Thanks, you look stunning, yourself." Why stunning Ray thought that might have been a bit strong.

"Thanks." They stood just an arms-length apart, both too awkward and tongue-tied to say anything else. It was ironic considering how much time they used to spend in each other's company and never ran out of things to say.

"Oh," Neela remembered something and surprised Ray by stepping close to him, leaning up and kissing him lightly on the cheek, "Happy New Year. I didn't get a chance to say it to you back then."

There was plenty she hadn't had a chance to say but that was a completely different 'back then' altogether.

Ray smiled, gently put his hand on her arm and returned the greeting, both of them felt a burning warmth where lips had brushed cheeks. They regarded each other silently once more before…

"There you are, I was wanting you to meet one of my closest friends." Katey was fast approaching them with a smiling red-head in tow.

Let me know how this story is taking you so far, you know what to do :D x