Never in his life had he imagined what it would feel like to be so hopelessly in love with another person. He'd been in love before and he'd believed in love without a doubt. But this, the kind of love he'd hoped for his entire life, was something that was beyond putting into words. The best he'd come up with was that he was crazy, over the top, insanely in love with her.
He lie in his bed contemplating the conversation he'd had with her that night, going over every word about a million times, thinking of the things he would have said differently. He had told her he was going to have to move on. But he knew in his heart he would never truly move on from her. She was special.
He tried to understand what she meant by some of the words she said, analyzed them as best he could, trying to put himself into Sweets' shoes. He couldn't understand why she'd said that she couldn't change… Wasn't she aware of how much she'd changed already? He came to realize that she must only be scared.
But nonetheless, he was left heartbroken. His head throbbed as he had been trying too hard to hold his tears in his head. He knew he was alone and no one would know, but he wanted desperately to prove to himself that he could be strong. He could move on. He had to. He had to but he knew he wouldn't be able to. He would just have to settle for second best. Or adopt a bunch of cats. God, he hated cats.
Finally he just let his tears stream down his cheeks. He cried quietly. He kicked away his covers and let the coolness of the air soothe his body. He looked to his clock, unaware of how long he'd been lying there, thinking.
'12:41'… It must have been at least an hour and a half. But he figured he might as well forget the clock, he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight anyway.