Not.

Disclaimer: Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do.

~•~

"Ugh, what happened? Why does my stomach feel like someone shoved a knife in it?" Tucker complained.

"Because you were knifed by Felix. How the fuck do you not remember, seriously? You did that – ooh, I should stop with the spoilers." Texas stopped to breathe for a second. "..Why is nobody, like, questioning me and my strange knowledge? Like, what?"

"Memory Plant. Works every time." Felix said confidently.

"Because.. Uh.. I don't know!" Jessie replied.

"Anyways, Tucker you got kniiiiiiifed," Texas answered finally.

Tucker bounced a bit on the heels of his feet, warming himself up for a fight. "Felix? That fucking bastard.. Where is he?"

"Isn't he right over there? Hi Felix!"

Felix growled. "Hmph, maybe I am. But what are you gonna do about it, Tucker? I doubt you've recovered so quickly." He grabbed Tucker's sword only to have the glowing blade vaporize. "Wait, what?"

Tucker smirked. "Sorry, but that sword is restricted; No Felixes allowed."

"Fight fight fight fight fight fight!" Texas cheered.

Felix yelled in anger, "You fucking son of a bitch!" He sprinted at Tucker but stopped on a dime when Epsilon appeared in front of him, falsely appearing to block the way.

"Nuh-uh-uh! No, need to get so close, there," said Epsilon.

"Why you little-" Felix was cut off by the Reds' battle cry.

"Today is a good day to die!" Sarge yelled, jumping on top of Felix.

"Suck it, Orange!" Simmons said, grabbing onto Felix's legs.

"Here we go!" Grif yelled, taking Felix's hands.

Texas giggled at little at the Reds, taking to the sidelines as she had no weapons and barely any hand to hand combat skill.

"You may have caught us once, but us Reds have learned a few things about surprises over the years," Sarge continued, before Felix threw them all off, grabbing a knife and throwing it towards Grif.

"Woah!" Grif said, barely ducking the sharp edge. Felix turned around, walking towards Tucker again, dropping the sword he had grabbed; it was useless to him.

"Felix.. I really fucking hate you, you know that?" Tucker said, standing up, holding his side in pain, "I really wonder how Carolina feels about you right now," he continued, before the girl in aqua herself came up to Felix, kicking him in the stomach.

Texas applauded a bit. Woo, fighting! Woo, not involved!

"Huh, I was wondering where you were, freelancer," said Felix, recovering quickly from the blow, "How do you feel about this!" He kicked under Carolina, intending to knock her off balance, but she simply jumped over the blow.

"Not bad, for a beginner," she remarked, punching him in the hand, knocking out the knife he was holding.

"Hmph." He blocked another blow that came his way, then kicked backwards at Sarge, who was going for a sneak attack.That only works once, thought Felix as he turned around, punching Sarge in the helmet before Carolina kicked him again, making him growl in frustration.

Meanwhile, Tucker slowly walked over to his sword, now lying on the ground where Felix had dropped it. He leaned over, grunting in pain, and grabbed the sword, turning his head towards his soon-to-be-dead enemy.

"Felix has future cubes. Tucker, you have been warned." Texas said as seriously as she could through her giggles.

Tucker started to walk towards Felix, many words of hate that should never be spoken in public going through his mind.

"You're slower than the last time I fought you. A little sore, is it?" Felix asked Carolina, turning around again and grabbing her by the throat, using his other hand to continuously punch her. His eyes widened as sudden pain shot through him, and when he looked down, he noticed that Tucker's sword had gone though him.

Tucker pulled it out, as Felix fell to his knees, dropping Carolina. Felix glared at him, before pulling out a teleportation cube, slamming it on the ground, and he disappeared.

Tucker shook his head, the pain inside of him becoming unbearable once more. He dropped to the ground again, squinting his eyes, closing them as he tried desperately to control his breathing. Why did it have to fucking hurt so much? It was just a knife!

When he opened his eyes once more, he realized he was in a different area. He must have fallen unconscious. Again. Dr. Grey was looking over him, studying just how bad his injury was.
"Wh-where is.. Felix?" He asked, still in pain, but there was less of it.

"That's what we're trying to find out. That asshole..," Tucker looked up to see that Kimball was the one who had spoken. When did she get here? he asked himself, "It's good to know you're okay, Tucker," she said, a warm smile now following her words.

Texas composed herself and blinked a few times before asking, "Caboose, what did you do with Epsilon?" before she caught on to what Kimball had said. "Yeah, he's 'okay', alright."

Epsilon gathered himself, "That was... Interesting, to say the least." Thank goodness I distracted Caboose with that cupcake..

"Yeah...," replied Felix, "That's a word.." Fuck! They have me!

"Wow, Felix," Jessie spoke, "They really made you out to be such an asshole!"

~•~

Stupid Blues and their backstabbers.