Ok so as you have probably guessed the last chapter was in Marshall's POV but I am changing it around a bit and this one is in Mary's POV. As always thank you for reading.
"It's Mare you dufus. You never called me Mary." I said to myself as I watched him walk away. I just sat there for hours, trying not to cry.
I wanted so bad to go find him, but knew that it was a bad idea that things would just get worst and I knew I could not handle that.
When I finally left the parking lot of the Sunshine building I drove aimlessly around the city and found myself at the lake that I remember so well. After what I deemed our first official date Marshall had taken me out to the lake at least once a week. He even took me and Brandi out fishing for a day. Even though we all ended up just swimming. This was where we first made love and where I first told him I loved him. And where I made the biggest mistake in thinking that leaving was the best choice.
After another three or so hour I saw headlights coming my way. I hoped it was Marshall. He was the only one I had ever seen out by the lake at quarter till midnight. When the truck pulled up next to my rental I saw that it was indeed Marshall. And he looked like he had been crying. I sat quietly in the bed of the rental and waited to see if Marshall would notice that he parked right next to me. He got of the cab and set a blanket out in the bed of his truck. Without saying a word he got into the bed and sat down. For over half and hour we sat there in silence. Until Marshall spoke up.
"Ya know, no matter how much you hurt me I cant be mad at you. I can't hate you like I want to. And I want to hate you so much. I didn't know if you were ok. For all I knew you could have been dead. I could not have handled that. I need you so damn much that it hurts sometimes. Sometimes I have to just sit in what used to be our living room and cry, or I would lie in your bed and just think. It's hard when the only person you have ever truly loved leaves you. And with just this little note. Just a few words." Marshall said not looking at me. He pulled out a little piece of paper out of his wallet. "Marshall, I know this is going to hurt you, but I had to leave. I just can't do this anymore. Just remember I do love you. Love Mary."
"How exactly was I supposed to handle that? Hmm? How was I supposed to explain to Brandi why she was not coming to visit anymore when she called that Friday night? God Mary I loved you so damn much. Ya know. I was going to propose on our anniversary that was 3 weeks after you left. I hoped you would come home to me. I thought maybe you just needed a vacation. I kept that damn ring in my pocket just hoping you would come home." Marshall told me.
"Mare." I said quietly.
"What?" he asked, his voice laced with confusion.
"Until today you never called me Mary, it was always Mare." I repeated a little louder.
"Yeah well, Mare is the woman I fell in love with, not the one who walked out on me." He replied bitterly.
"I'm not that girl anymore Marshall, I God I don't even know who I am anymore. The only thing I know for sure is that I miss you; I miss your useless trivia, your strong arms around my waist when we watched the sunsets, and I miss the way you would smile at me when you saw me. I miss you. Your right next to me but I can't stop missing you." I said as I felt tears start to run down my cheeks. "I don't know what to do Marshall, how can I prove to you that it was a mistake? How can I earn you back?"
"You have no idea how much I miss you Mary. But how am I supposed to believe you still love me, that you missed me. I mean there's a damn baby car seat in your rental. What am I supposed to think when I see that? That one is too small for a two year old so I know you didn't have my kid." Marshall said to me as he pointed to the cab of the rental truck.
"It's not my kid Marshall. It's my nephew. Brandi had him three weeks ago and signed over custody to me the day James was born." I said quietly trying to hide my tears. "She named you James' god father, and named him after you. James Marshall Shannon."
"Why would she do that?" He asked me.
"Because she loved you and you were the only thing even remotely father like to her since she was one." I told him
"So what has she been up to?" he asked sounding genuinely interested.
"She just finished high school. She lives with her boyfriend and his family in Charlotte, North Carolina. She moved out of Jinx's house two years ago after she filed for emancipation. She loves it. Her boyfriend and she love each other, you can see it in their eyes, but they together decided that they were not ready for a baby. He, Scott, is a pit crew member for some NASCAR driver. So they travel a lot. Brandi is looking forward to being able to go with him now that she is done with school." I told him.
"So what about James, you said he's three weeks old. What do you think of being mommy?" Marshall asked me.
"It's one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love that little boy, he may only be three weeks old but he's my life. I didn't realize how rewarding it is to have a kid. I mean with my mom I never planned on having any of my own before I met you. But I do enjoy it." I said hopping out of the bed of the rental. As I did Marshall looked at me for the first time since he showed up. Thankful that I had chosen to wear shorts and a tank top, I took my shoes off and walked to the water line.
"What about you? What have you been up to?" I asked letting the water hit my feet.
"Not much, when you left, I threw myself into school and finished my masters in psychology by the end of 2001. Then I decided that I was going to follow in my dad's footsteps and join the Marshal's service and I just got promoted to field agent as you know." He said as he moved to the tailgate of his own truck. "I thought you were majoring in business management. What happened to the girl who said law enforcement was not for her?"
"I thought about it when I got back to Jersey. And I decided I would try for it. I always believed you when you said I would be better suited for Law enforcement. I finished my business management major and minored in Law. I spent hours upon hours trying to make sure I would be accepted into the Marshal's service. I wanted to find justice for those that had none. But I heard about WITSEC and as soon as I had the opportunity I applied and obviously got the position." I said walking a little farther into the water so it was up to my knees.
"Where did we go wrong Mary? What happened to us?" Marshall asked. He was standing right behind me. I jumped a little when he spoke, not even noticing that he left his truck.
"I got scared; I thought that our relationship was too good to be true. I did what I do best in unfamiliar situations, I ran." I said turning to face Marshall. "I will never be able to explain how much of a bad idea that was."
"I can. It was the worst idea you have ever had. Why run and not talk to me about it? Why wait until I'm sleeping in our bed to leave? And why not at least let me know you were ok. I didn't see or hear from you in four years and every time I talked to Brandi and asked how you were or where you were she would change the subject or suddenly have to go. Not one call or letter. It was like every morning I woke up without you in our bed a little piece of me died again and again until I had nothing left." He explained
"I did." I said without thinking. I was not planning on letting him know that I had written to him, but did not have the courage to send them.
"You did what?" He asked confused again.
"I wrote you every week. I just didn't send them. And at least once a day I got your number punched into my phone and was about to hit send when it would hit me that you probably did not want to talk to me." I replied looking into his eyes. "I still have all of the letters, all 208 of them. They are in a box in my new house."
"Why keep them?" He asked.
"I don't know. Incase I ever ran into you again. So that when I was old and gray I would be able to look back on the worst four years of my life. I honestly don't know." I told him. I looked at my watch, "Damn it I have to go. I'm late picking up James. I'm sorry; I'll see you at work." I said as I ran to get my shoes back on.
"Hey wait up." Marshall said as I was about to get into my rental. "Do you have anywhere to drop James while you're at work?"
"Shit! No I hadn't thought I was going to start so soon." I said hitting my hand on my forehead.
"Come to my place in the morning before work. Mrs. G. watches my nephew when he's in town and he's not much older than James. I know she would love to watch him. I've already talked to her and she agreed to if you're there by seven. She is looking forward to seeing you again." He told me as he got into his own truck and left.
"Thanks Marshall." I said to emptiness.