Rachel watched as Max took off, disappearing out of sight just before Chloe turned. Momentarily confused, Chloe stared at the empty doorway before speaking.
"Alright, I give up, who peeped and got a free show this time?"
Rachel smiled, her lover's voice was filled with pride. Even though they mostly tried to be sneaky about their steamy rendezvous, Chloe certainly enjoyed an audience.
"Sorry there, David Blaine, no audience for your magic tricks today." Rachel turned Chloe's face back towards her, planting a final, passionate kiss on her eagerly awaiting lips. "Though… perhaps we should close the door next time. I know you like to put on a show and everything—"
"Whoa, hey, Mr. Keaton has no right to be mad. We are not in the dressing room this time. And we have way more clothes on ..." Chloe's words brought a smile to Rachel's face. That was a good memory
It didn't matter that Mr. Keaton adored Rachel, Chloe too, his rules about fraternizing in the dressing room were very strict. Not even the heroic savior of the Tempest—the cynical, yet romantic Chloe Price—could get away with breaking them. Unfortunately for Mr. Keaton, breaking the rules was kind of Chloe's thing. Well… bending them, at the very least.
"Remember everyone, no fraternization of any kind in the dressing room. No kissing, no sexual harassment and certainly no sex. You all have dorms for that." Rachel's impression of their teacher brought Chloe close to tears, her laughter echoing through the empty classroom. It took her some time to recover.
"Seriously though, no one saw us?" Chloe almost seemed worried, almost. Rachel shook her head, smiling as Chloe rolled her eyes.
"Lame." Chloe let out a dramatic sigh worthy of an Oscar nomination, her eyes feasting on Rachel's figure. Smiling, Rachel bit her lip. She loved it when Chloe looked at her like that. "I'm still hungry, and you have too many clothes on, hella' too many."
"Oh? Is that so?" Rachel asked, eyeing her lover mischievously. It was adorable how Chloe was using her word now. Especially since she had originally mocked her for it when they had first met. "Your room or mine?"
"Whichever's closer," Chloe responded, drawing nearer. Her hot breath fanning across Rachel's neck, sending tingles of anticipation creeping into Rachel's chest.
"Mine then." As soon as Rachel's words left her mouth, Chloe was practically dragging her through the halls of Blackwell. Rachel tried to keep her giggling under control, but it was really, really hard.
Rachel's thoughts went back to Max. Rachel had always suspected that something was going on inside the shy introvert's head, and now she knew something was also going on inside of her heart. Even before she had met Max, Rachel surmised that the friendship between Max and Chloe had been too special to be just a simple innocent relationship.
The void that had been left in Chloe's life after Max had vanished had been too great, had taken far too long to heal, for anything less than love. Smiling sadly as she glanced at Chloe, she wondered if Chloe even knew. Max certainly did, at least now she did. That look on her face, the terror in her eyes, that was all the evidence Rachel needed to know the truth. Rachel mused with the idea of telling Chloe about it, but she shrugged off the idea. Chloe didn't need to know, not right now anyway.
Besides, it wasn't as if it was the first time Rachel had kept something from Chloe. None of that mattered though, Chloe was happy. Rachel was too, for the moment. She wasn't always happy with the state of her world, but she was now, especially right now.
The thought soured the dancing feelings of excitement that were fluttering around her stomach. It wasn't as if Rachel liked keeping secrets from Chloe, it was just better this way. Rachel had spent so much time, invested too much, in piecing the girl back together to allow anything to compromise what she had done. Chloe's happiness was paramount. She would tell her the truth one day, another day… Always another day.
"Dude, sweet shot!" Warren's praise was not lost on Kevin. It certainly had been a pretty awesome shot.
"Thanks bud— oh shit, left flank!" Quickly taking cover, Kevin reloaded his weapon and prepared to attack.
"Yeah I see them…" Warren responded with a sigh.
Oh shit, here it comes…
"Dude… did you really have to take Max with you to the Sabaton concert? Max. Of all the girls at school… and you took Max with you! Not cool, bro, not cool."
Kevin sighed as he peppered his targets with hastily aimed weapons fire. His concentration was too unfocused for accuracy right now.
Really, Warren? You bring up that now? While we're in the middle of our Legendary run? As if it wasn't hard enough!
Warren and Kevin had been working their way through Halo 4 on the hardest difficulty for the past couple of days. The game was alright, nothing like its predecessors, but it was still fun. And challenging, at least on this difficulty. Now was not the time to be arguing over girls. Not that there was much of an argument to begin with.
"It wasn't a date! I asked Kate first and – shit, low shields, cover me – Max only came with me because Chloe and Rachel came too… I think." Kevin shook his head. Enemies were closing in from all sides now, things weren't looking good.
"Grenade!" Warren shouted, a little too loudly, causing Kevin to flinch.
The pair were seated on Warren's couch, hunched over, hands gripping their controllers tightly. Things were getting tense, both in game and inside the dorm room. An explosion ripped through several enemies, sending them ragdolling into the air. Normally the two would have whooped in joy, but things were far too serious in real life at the moment.
"Trust me, man. We didn't even hold hands or anything. We barely even spoke. I know it was stupid and I know how it looks, but you have to believe me… nothing is going on between us. She's still all yours." Kevin's shields finally restored, he jumped back into the fray, downing several enemies with his shotgun before he was forced to take cover.
"Alright, alright, relax big guy. It's cool." Warren sighed. A quick glance at Warren revealed that some of the tension had left his body. Not all of it though. The two of them were probably still about to die. The enemies just kept coming. "I'm just freaking about this movie that Max and I are going to this weekend—"
"Holy shit, she said yes? Awesome dude, congrats!" Kevin was so caught up in the moment that he almost didn't see the enemies flanking around his right. Relying entirely on his muscle memory, he switched to his battle rifle and swung towards his new targets, downing them with a few well-aimed bursts. Slowly exhaling a breath he hadn't known he was holding, Kevin cursed himself for his lack of focus.
Damnit, keep your head in the game… too bad Kate didn't say 'yes' to me…
"Well… she hasn't yet… I mean I haven't asked her, but she will. She totally wants to go ape. I can feel it." Warren's words drew another sigh from Kevin.
"Go… ape? Do I even want to know?" he asked, dreading the answer.
Warren had a near death experience of his own as he turned to stare at his friend, his mouth ajar for a brief moment before his attention was wrenched back to the television screen.
"Planet of the Apes, man… Sheesh, how lame are you?"
Pretty freaking lame if you can convince Max to go see that movie and I can't even get Kate out to an awesome concert— "Dude, rocket launcher, grab the rocket launcher!"
"Hell yeah, we're in business now!" Warren cheered as he retrieved the weapon. Kevin's worries were now completely forgotten. The gaming gods were smiling upon them.
Max's desperate sobs refused to relent, and Kate's shoulder was damp from the girl's tears. It was okay though. Max needed this. She really needed this. Humming softly, Kate held the crying girl close, tenderly running her fingers through Max's brown hair. Something major must have snapped within Max's life, something important, something close to her breaking heart. Max's entire body shook as she tried to choke back her anguish, bringing Kate's humming to a halt.
"Don't fight it, Max. Just let it all out. You're safe here with me." Kate's soothing words had an immediate effect on the grief-stricken girl. Tension flooded out of Max as she folded herself into Kate's comforting embrace. "Be at peace, Max. The light will guide you through these troubling times."
Throughout the next few minutes, Max's cries lost their edge, lessening in severity. Seeing that words were no longer necessary, Kate resumed her humming, the tune from her violin playing still rooted deeply within her mind. Max and Kate rocked back and forth in time with the music as Max's tears turned to quiet sniffles.
Soon, it would be time to discover the mystery behind Max's suffering. Soon it would be time to find the wound, and heal it. But not yet, Max's wavering strength was hanging on a knife's edge, too much pressure and she would be lost once more. Kate waited patiently, holding the grieving girl as she gently rocked back and forth. The two had shared the same space for so long that Max's scent entirely dominated Kate's senses.
Not that there was anything dominating about Max's aromatic aura. It was reserved, gentle, tentatively tickling Kate's awareness. Very much like Max herself. It was hard to place exactly what Max smelled like though. Hidden somewhere beneath an inoffensive deodorant, generic laundry detergent, and some kind of body-wash, was Max.
Was that vanilla?
Unable to resist her curiosity, Kate immersed herself in Max's world, allowing every part of her to enter her soul.
Definitely vanilla.
A sudden knock at the door made Kate jolt in surprise, momentarily disturbing the recovering Max. Kate wondered who it could be, then her mind froze at the thought.
Oh shoot, Victoria!
A brief and fleeting feeling of panic seized Kate's mind, but she thrust it away, banishing it from whence it came.
Victoria was only returning her book. The timing could have been better, but this wasn't the end of the world. Far from it actually, Kate did need her book back. Victoria had promised to return it several days ago, but hadn't really made a serious effort.
"Max, I'll just be a moment. When I come back, we'll talk some more, okay?"
Max nodded, wiping at her face with the sleeves of her grey hoodie. It didn't matter that they hadn't actually done very much talking, but actions spoke louder than words. And Max's actions clearly screamed, 'help me.'
Remembering to discard her damp cardigan before heading to her door, Kate paused. Her outer layer now discarded, she felt perilously under-dressed. Her thin white blouse was sometimes see-through and her khaki pencil skirt felt like it was getting shorter. Sighing, Kate dismissed her fears. She had a tank top underneath her shirt, and people had to be used to seeing her legs by now. Kate liked her legs, and she liked showing them off too. Her mother certainly wasn't around to shame her for it at the moment, even though the voice was still there.
Max picked herself up off the floor to make way for Kate, and carefully sat down on Kate's couch, glancing nervously at the door as she brought her knees up to her chest. Kate smiled at her reassuringly. Max smiled back, a thin, unsure, broken smile. Kate would have Max smile again, but not like that, never again like that. That was a travesty of a smile.
Opening her door a crack, Kate slipped out into the hallway, nearly bumping into Victoria as she did so. The short-haired blonde begrudgingly made room for Kate in the hall. Thankfully, it was empty. Kate felt as if she had gone into battle without her armor. Victoria wasn't much of a dragon to Kate now, but the girl still looked as if she wanted to be one.
Cheekily, Victoria was hiding something behind her back. Kate smiled. It had to be her book. Though Victoria's theatrics were certainly unnecessary, Kate would admit that she was intrigued. She felt like a kid on Christmas morning, even though she had already peaked at her presents.
Whistling, Victoria eyed Kate up and down. "My, my, Kate… I think I can see your collarbone. Scandalous! And those legs, who are you trying to impress today?"
Kate's hands were at her neck in an instant, fingers detecting that the top two buttons of her blouse were undone. Doing her best to not let the embarrassment show, Kate rebuttoned her shirt.
"You're no fun," grumbled Victoria, giving Kate a searching look before she continued. "You don't have a guy in there, do you? What happened to pretty miss perfect and her abstinence campaign?"
"Victoria…"
"Relax, Jesus— sorry… Seriously, I'm only giving you shit." Victoria's eyes went to the floor. Either she was inspecting Kate's snow-white Keds or she really was sorry about her quip.
Suppressing her irritation, Kate took in Victoria's outfit with a glance. She was, as usual, very fashionably dressed, expensively fashionably dressed. Even with their talks recently, Kate could see Victoria wasn't quite past her own insecurities, with her black cardigan buttoned all the way up and her legs entirely covered by pantyhose.
Victoria may walk the walk and talk the talk, but it was all a show. A show that was perhaps more evident than ever as she stood before her, shifting her weight uneasily from foot to foot under Kate's direct perusal. If Kate did nothing, the pair were liable to stand in the hallway for hours, or at least until someone interrupted their awkward gathering.
"Victoria, what's wrong?" asked Kate, her words bringing down Victoria's flimsy shield instantly with her gentle question.
"Marsh… I ruined your book."
Kate tried not to react, but she did.
Victoria glanced up from the floor just in time to see Kate's face and paled. That book had been Kate's favorite… Worse, she needed it for a project. "Don't freak out! Look, I got you a new one!"
From behind her back, Victoria revealed, and practically shoved, an entirely different copy of 'The October Country' into Kate's hands. Kate was stunned. It wasn't her copy. It had been the standard print. In her hands she held a much rarer copy. It was practically a collector's item!
"Victoria! I can't accept this! It has to be worth—"
"Marsh, you will accept it. Your old one is literally covered in soda. It's the least I can do…"
"I… Thank you!" Overwhelmed with excitement, Kate flung her arms around the entirely unready girl before her.
"Whoa, careful! This thing cost a lot!" Victoria broke away from Kate, retreating from her enthusiasm. Victoria's face had regained some of its color, specifically shades of red.
"Sorry," Kate responded bashfully as she withdrew, "Thank you though, really, don't worry about it. This is an amazing gift."
"It's not a gift, okay? I ruined your shit so I had to replace it. Ugh, am I not allowed in your room anymore? Or do you actually have a guy in there?" responded Victoria as she glanced from her left to her right. Mercifully, the hallway was still empty.
Kate opened her mouth to retort, and paused. Could she tell Victoria who was inside her room, and why? Best not to. Even with the progress that Victoria had made recently, she was still the crowned 'drama queen' of Blackwell. Kate's hesitation seemed to bore Victoria, and she quickly filled the silence with the sound of her own voice.
"Fine, not a boy. You wouldn't break that rule. Knowing my luck, you've got Max in session today. Taylor said she was walking around—" Victoria must have seen something change on Kate's face, because her eyes went wide, her mouth gaping, revealing perfectly white teeth. "Holy shit, it is Max in there, isn't it? You probably took her in the moment you saw her! That's so you, Marsh! Oh, my, God, wait until I tell Taylor—"
"Victoria, that would be very hurtful of you. We talked about this. You can't go around putting people down. It won't erase the hurt you feel. It will only make it worse when you alienate yourself from everyone else." Kate's stern voice slashed across Victoria's face like a whip. The girl was cowed instantly.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry…" Victoria heaved a heavy sigh, a gigantic weight shifting away from her as she did so. "I… won't tell anyone about it, okay? I'm – oh fuck it – I'm glad that you're helping her…"
Kate smiled. It was good to see this side of Victoria. It was hard to see sometimes, becasue she covered it so well. The girl spent her time hiding behind a wall of callousness and a thick fog of superiority. The fog was lifting, though not all at once, but a new day was dawning on Victoria. And from the look on her face, she knew she had Kate to thank for it.
"Thank you for respecting Max's privacy, and thank you for the book. I really do love it." Kate's words brought forth a nod and a hesitant smile from Victoria, then she turned to go, but stopped.
"Oh, hey Marsh, what are you doing tonight?"
Blinking, Kate took a moment to think. "Nothing, why?"
"Dinner?"
"Is Victoria Chase asking me out on a date?" Kate giggled as a look of frustration spread across Victoria's face.
"Oh, get over yourself… if you want to call it a date, fine. I just thought it would be nice to say a proper 'thank you', that's all."
"You already did, this book—"
"No! That book is because I trashed your other book. Dinner is for… the other thing. But if you're busy—"
"Dinner sounds lovely," Kate stated happily, catching Victoria off-guard once more.
"I'll text you the details. See you then?"
"Yes, see you then." Kate watched Victoria as she retreated back to her own dorm just down the hall. Exhaling heavily, Kate regarded her new book with barely contained joy—she really did love it. Another deep breath to compose herself, and she turned and reached for her door.
That had certainly been unexpected.
Chloe collapsed with exhaustion, returning to the comfort of Rachel's soft bed. Breathing heavily, she smiled. Her heart pounded, sending shockwaves throughout her entire trembling body. She was entirely content; her senses blissfully overwhelmed with Rachel. Closing her eyes, Chloe easily traced Rachel's body in her mind—she knew every curve, every detail. As Chloe greedily sucked in air, Rachel's sweet sweat mingled with the scent of jasmine consumed her. The effect was intoxicating, especially since the taste of Rachel's lips still lingered on Chloe's tongue.
Today couldn't get any better.
Opening her eyes, Chloe cast her gaze on her lover, and watched as Rachel's bare chest rose and fell almost in time with her own. Chloe's eyes wandered. Rachel's body was covered in sweat, just like her own, and her hair was a tangled mess—this was mostly Chloe's fault, mostly. Chloe sighed as she took in the sight of pure beauty before her. The moment, however, was ruined by a lingering feeling that was surfacing in the depths of her heart.
Rachel hadn't really been in it today.
Chloe had tried, she always did, to make Rachel scream. She relished the awkward looks that Rachel's neighbors gave them later—she lived for that feeling of pride.
That's right, I did that.
Disappointingly, Rachel's moans were quiet today, certainly not loud enough to leave the room and invade everyone else's lives. And Chloe had tried, she had really, really tried. That's why she was so wiped out—hella' wiped out.
Should she bring it up? Was something bothering Rachel?
If something was bothering Rachel, she would bring it up or shout about it, that's what Rachel usually did. So, since Rachel wasn't bringing it up in her usual manner—the direct, sometimes explosive manner—Chloe was going to have to drag it out of her.
Wonderful.
Chloe had only done something like this once before, dragging something out of Rachel was akin to pushing a boulder uphill. Not that Chloe had ever done anything like that before, she just knew it would be hella' difficult.
Moving closer to Rachel, Chloe snuggled up to her, their bodies both still sticky with sweat. She was warm, almost uncomfortably so, despite the chill bite of the air-conditioned room. Rachel sighed happily as Chloe's arms entwined her in a comforting hug, only to be cut short by Chloe's words.
"Something wrong, babe?"
Rachel paused before answering. The pause was far too long to be a normal pause, something was wrong. Chloe could feel it.
"What?" Rachel's single word response was sparkling with surprise, but her body went stiff in Chloe's arms. Chloe's smile soured, something really was bothering Rachel. It was unlike Rachel to keep things locked inside like this.
"Come on, Rache. Talk to me, please." Chloe made sure to add a hint of a desperate whine to her voice, that would get Rachel talking. Pouty Chloe always got what she wanted. Today was no different.
Rachel rolled to face Chloe, and immediately hid her face in Chloe's chest. Her response was muffled, but quite audible. "I'm sorry… it's just… my dad—" The mere mention of Rachel's father made Chloe's blood boil. The room was no longer soothingly cool.
"Do I need to tell that lying bastard off again? I will. I'll do it. Let's go do it right now." Chloe demonstrated her seriousness in the matter by moving to search for her clothes. Rachel, expecting this maneuver, held her in place. Rachel was freakishly strong when she wanted to be.
"No, as much fun as it was to watch the first time, please, leave it alone…" Rachel desperately held herself to Chloe, burrowing closer into her. Chloe's heart swelled. Holding Rachel tighter, she allowed her simmering rage to abate. "… let's just… can we just forget about it and lay here? Please?"
Chloe sighed, Rachel was really upset about this. There was no way that Chloe could let this latest infraction slide. But what could she do? Rachel had her pinned in place, and she had said 'please'. There was nothing that Chloe could do. That was fine though, she hadn't wanted to go to her next class anyway. Mrs. Grant adored her and wouldn't mind. Not too much anyway.
Kevin fidgeted in his seat. His chemistry class was minutes away from starting, and yet, all he could think about was Kate. His mind needed to be clear so it could accept a tide of new information, but a plan to win Kate's affection dominated his focus. The classroom was slowly filling as the clock inexorably marched on towards the beginning of class.
It was stupid.
Not so long ago, in fact weeks ago, Kevin had been entirely content to block out the world and its trivialities. Back then, entirely different things had mattered to him, much more simple matters. Matters involving video games.
Now, it was almost as if he were walking on an alien world that was disturbingly similar to his former home. Everything was more or less the same in this new world, save for one crucial difference.
Kate.
Why her? What was so special about her? He wasn't religious, and she was. She wasn't preachy about it, but would she even be interested in someone who didn't look to God for… whatever it is that you look to him for? She was very pretty though, and her smile was a treasure to behold. It was weird, most of the guys at Blackwell were busy fighting for the 'hot' girls like Victoria, Taylor, Dana and Juliet, and they seemed to entirely ignore Kate. Was it because she was super involved in things like her abstinence campaign or her bible study groups? It certainly couldn't be anything about her personality or her appearance. She was cute, sweet, and had a miracle of a laugh.
Damnit, that laugh!
Kevin had only heard it once, and it hadn't been at a joke he had told, or heard for that matter. If he had overheard the joke, he could have studied it and emulated it in a clever attempt to reproduce the truly magical result it had brought forth. He was usually quite witty and clever, funny from time to time, but not around Kate. Around her, he was a bumbling, incompetent, fool. She probably saw it too. How could she not?
It felt as if he needed Kate's attention to survive. She was the life-fuel for him in this new reality that he had suddenly found himself in. It didn't make any sense. Why couldn't it be another girl, or girls in general? What was it about Kate that made her so special? Why couldn't he just hide in his room and play video games like he had done in the past?
Luckily, he didn't share this class with Kate. If he did, he was entirely certain that getting her out of his mind would be impossible, instead of just nearly impossible. Kevin stared at the clock, his time was running out. The classroom was now mostly full, save for the latecomers. Only a few seats remained empty. Mrs. Grant was also looking at the clock. She seemed eager to start class. So eager, in fact, that she may just start today's lecture early.
Shit.
Mrs. Grant was a great teacher. She made complicated things like chemistry, and the math that came with it, less of a drag. She was overweight and dark skinned, with a wide face that looked somewhat befuddled when it bore a neutral expression. Looks, however, were quite deceiving. Mrs. Grant was smart, wicked smart. Damn near everything that she chose to say seemed calculated and well thought out. She was perhaps the best teacher at Blackwell, at least, in Kevin's opinion. It was a pity she taught something that he was only mildly interested in.
Kevin was good at math, but that didn't mean he liked it. He wasn't like his friend Warren, who inhaled formulas and computations and exhaled things that actually made sense. Kevin's mind was geared for more interesting things. He liked solving problems, which sometimes involved understanding things like math and science. But what he really liked, where his passion lay most, was history. Abysmally, his History class wasn't until much later in the day, and he would have to survive chemistry first. And the endless problem of how to ask Kate out on a date. That problem seemed entirely unsolvable. Math and science would certainly be of no help.
Kevin willed his mind away from Kate. It wasn't like he had a chance with her anyway. She had already turned him down once. She had been nice about it, but she wasn't interested in him at all. And just like that, with that line of thinking imprinted firmly in his mind, Kevin was free to think of other things. Unfortunately, the feelings of freedom did not bring him joy, instead darkness reigned. Kate would not be his. Something inside of him really did not like that.
The class bell rang as the last of his peers scrambled to their seats. Mrs. Grant cleared her throat, signaling a new crisis within Kevin's mind. The way he saw it, he had a choice to make. He could either continue to wallow in misery with the certainty that Kate would never be his, or he could hold onto his blind hope. One day, he might concoct the perfect plan to catch Kate's attention, to prove to her that he was the one for her.
It was an easy choice. Wallowing in misery wasn't very fun at all, he discovered that after giving into the feeling for about a minute. Unfortunately, as Mrs. Grant pushed herself out of her chair, Kevin realized that he was going to learn very little today. His brain was far too busy entertaining itself with the most important question he had ever tried to answer. And it had nothing to do with chemistry.
Mrs. Grant began the lecture without so much as a preamble. It was time to pay attention, or at least it was time to try to pay attention. As the lecture progressed, Kevin's attention began to wander to the most important problem in the entire universe. Suddenly, and thankfully, something odd caught his attention. Chloe was absent.
That wasn't what was odd though—Mrs. Grant usually made a big stink about the absence of one of her students. She hadn't said so much as a single word noting Chloe's absence. Shrugging, Kevin surmised that it probably had something to do with the fact that Chloe was demolishing the class so far. She had scored top marks on the first test. Kevin certainly hadn't expected Chloe, of all people, to be smarter than Warren, or to get better grades than him in a science class.
Casting a glance at Warren seated in the desk to his right, Kevin discovered that his friend was only half paying attention to the lecture. Perhaps that was why the shaggy haired genius had managed to miss a single, yet crucial, question on the last test. He had probably written Max as the answer to a question instead of helium, or whatever. Kevin, on the other hand, felt as if he were in danger of writing Kate for every answer to everything for the rest of his life.
Shaking his head, he did his best to pay attention to Mrs. Grant.
Max watched as Kate quietly closed her door. The blonde girl's warm smile lit a spark of hope inside the darkest parts of Max's heart. Somehow, even though it made little sense, when Kate smiled at her, it felt as if everything might actually be okay. Only for a moment though, then the feeling would fade. All too quickly, the dreaded feelings of despair would return, constricting Max's thoughts as much as they did her chest.
Kate slowly crossed her room, aiming for the chair at her desk in the opposite corner of the room—not back to her two-seater couch where Max sat. Max's spirits dampened further. Even though being held by Chloe was what her heart desired most, the time she had spent in Kate's comforting embrace had been a much-needed relief. Would Kate return to her side if she asked? She probably would, right?
No, Max thought bitterly to herself. Snap out of it! You can't continue carrying on like this. Get a grip, you're an adult now… or whatever.
Before sitting, Kate placed a book on her desk and moved her small, four-legged wooden desk chair across the room so that she could be closer to Max. Kate sat down, bringing her peaceful smile into Max's world once more. Max felt oddly uncomfortable and made a hurried attempt to cleanse her face of the half-dried tears. Sniffling as she dabbed at her face with the sleeves of her hoodie, Max flashed Kate an awkward smile.
"How are you feeling, Max? Better, I hope?" Kate's soft voice fluttered through the air like a butterfly in a calm breeze. Max felt safe, secure, and would have been entirely at peace if it weren't for the darkness lurking just outside of Kate's door. Kate sat almost in front of her window, enshrined in the soft afternoon light from outside. The light breeze from the open window toyed with stray strands of Kate's hair, which was always in a neat and efficient bun. The cool autumn air tickled Max's nostrils with its refreshing scents, mingling perfectly with a vague scent of cinnamon.
"Yeah… thanks. Sorry for… barging in like that…" Max's words clung to her throat, far too embarrassed with their owner to become part of reality willingly. Max wondered if Kate still had a bottle of wine stashed away somewhere in her room, that would certainly loosen things up. Not that she, nor Kate, were the drinking type. Max just knew that Kate had it, being incredibly nosey when unattended had its perks.
"Max, please, my door was open for a reason, people are welcome in here anytime, especially you." Kate's smile erased Max's guilt and shame, casting them back to the darkness where they had spawned from. Despite this, Max couldn't help but feel that she was imposing on Kate's life, and that it was time to go.
"Thanks… I appreciate it, but I should really be going—" Max barely managed to force herself off of the couch before Kate stopped her.
"Max… I think we should talk about what's going on." Max swallowed hard. Kate's door seemed much farther away all of the sudden. "I'm worried about you."
"Worried? I've just been having a shitty day, that's all! No need to worry…" Max's words trailed off to a shaky whisper when she caught the serious look on Kate's face.
"Max, please, don't do this. Trust me when I say this. I'm not asking about your personal life because I'm nosey… I'm asking because I'm your friend. A friend who sees that you are hurting… a friend that wants to help."
"Do I have to…?" Max pleaded, casting a quick glance at the door. It still seemed perilously far away.
"You don't have to do anything. You are certainly free to tell me to 'mind my own business' and storm out of here. If you do choose to do that, just remember that I am here for you when you are ready."
There it was, Kate had given her an out, an escape. But what would that accomplish aside from hurting Kate's feelings. Which would be worse? Talking to Kate about the pain inside of her chest, the empty hole in her life, or turning her back on her friend? Both options seemed awful. Kate was so sweet, hurting her would be wrong, but coming up with the words to describe whatever was going on seemed impossible. Suddenly, Max realized something odd. Kate had called herself a friend. Her friend. Max stared back at Kate in shock.
I don't have any friends… not anymore.
"Kate, I'm a shitty friend. You shouldn't want to be my friend." Max's grim tone hit Kate like a slap to the face, a sudden shock unsteadying the girl for the briefest of moments.
"Why on earth would you say something like that?"
Staring at the floor, Max found herself unable to look at the devastation that she had wrought upon Kate.
"I just am… I have a habit of abandoning people when they need me most…"
"Max, that doesn't sound like you at all. Where is this coming from?"
Inhaling deeply, Max felt something shift inside of her chest. Why not? Why not tell Kate what a horrible person I am? Maybe then she'll understand…
"I left Chloe. I left her all alone… I abandoned her," said Max, the wound deep within her ripping open again.
"When?" Kate asked, her voice gentling. She seemed so serious now. Perhaps she really was interested in helping, in understanding. Max ignored the pain and forced herself to continue speaking.
"Five years ago. Her dad died, and I just left her."
"You left her? How did you do that?"
"My dad got a job in Seattle, so we moved away."
"That's hardly your fault, Max. That doesn't sound like something that you had very much control over."
"You don't understand! I told her that I would keep in touch and I didn't! She reached out to me every once and a while and I didn't… I couldn't… I just couldn't do the same."
"Why not? What stopped you?"
"What was I supposed to say? Sorry I have been a shitty friend? Sorry I'm bad at keeping in touch? What if she had been angry with me? What if she hated me for abandoning her? What if she blamed me for… everything?"
"Does Chloe seem angry with you now, Max?" Kate's question brought a tide of anger rising to the surface, but Max suppressed it.
Obviously not, probably not… everyone would know about it if she was… She'd have shouted me down the first time we met… I almost wish she had…
"No… I mean… she probably is… but she has Rachel now, so she doesn't have any reason to be mad at me anymore. She's got her now. What does she need me for?"
"Max… Chloe can have more than one friend. You should really reach out to Chloe, and tell her what you're telling me. I'm sure that you will find—"
"No, I can't!"
"Why not?"
"I just… can't… she'll just think my excuses are stupid. I promised that I would keep in touch, and I broke my promise over and over again… for five years! I don't even know how that much time passed, but it did! It's not like I didn't want to reach out and talk to her, I just couldn't. Like I said… I'm just a really shitty friend."
"I don't think that you are a shitty friend, Max," Kate sensibly countered, her voice now taking a matter-of-fact tone.
"I bailed on our tea-date tonight… that's shitty of me," replied Max.
"Considering the circumstances, I can see why you did." Kate's smile returned, shining radiant once again. She was certainly doing her best to prove to Max that there were no hard feelings. Max shrugged. She still felt like a shitty friend. "Why today though? Did something happen between you and Chloe to bring all of this out?"
"No… I…"
Why had it happened today? Why not yesterday or tomorrow? She had lived with this pain for years after all. Why now?
Kate must have seen it, must have seen the sudden realization hit her. Max didn't want to remember what she saw, but she recalled it anyway. It hadn't started today. No, it had started last night. It had started when she saw Rachel kiss Chloe.
It had gotten worse when she saw Chloe kissing Rachel. Unbearably worse.
Max looked up at Kate, saw her friend sitting and waiting patiently, her face a mixture of apprehension and worry. Kate could see it—she could see it as plainly as Max felt it. Max's chest tightened and the room became smaller. She wanted to look to the door once more, but she found herself entirely unable to break away from Kate's gaze. A hand, Kate's hand, appeared in one of Max's. Max held onto it as if it were the only thing keeping her in this world.
"Max, what happened?" Kate felt so far away now. Max grasped her hand with both of her own, gripping it tightly as she spoke.
"Last night… I saw Rachel kiss Chloe." It was hard to speak, hard to breathe. "And then today… I saw Chloe kissing Rachel…"
"Oh… Max…" Kate was suddenly beside her once again, holding her. Max hadn't even noticed Kate's hand slip away from her. She had been too caught up with the inescapable truth that had burst forth from her lips. She hadn't meant to say it, but it had escaped anyway.
Max tried to say the words, but she couldn't. Her voice was gone, lost to the grief that was assaulting her once again. Tears pooled in her eyes. It had been a long time since she had cried, let alone twice in one day. Unfortunately, these tears did not bring relief with them as their predecessors had. This time, emptiness and loss burst forth from Max's soul as her grief cascaded down her face. Kate's arms attacked the grief with the same warmth and security that they had before, but it wasn't enough, not this time.
This time Max truly knew why everything felt so wrong. Luckily for her, as she choked back her tears, Kate put the undeniable truth to words.
"You love Chloe… don't you, Max?"
"Yes."
And with that confirmation, the misery of the world finally became clear. Max loved Chloe, but not just as a friend. She loved her, and she couldn't rejoice in the realization because Chloe was with Rachel.
Max's love was forsaken, and it was all her fault.