See Chapter 1 for Disclaimers.
*********************
Chapter 2
By the end of the first month, my life had changed drastically. For as long as I could remember, I had been a loner, one surrounded by people but a loner none the less. I had refused to get emotionally attached to anyone, after all I had learned that lesson repeatedly over my long life. I was always ready to run at the first sign of trouble. Now, I was no longer a loner, I had two caring people who I shared my life with. I was no longer emotionally distant, at least not with them. I was no longer ready to run, I was determined to stand by them no matter what. I was more scared than I can ever remember being before.
Though I had been drawn to them both from the moment we met, I can remember the exact moment when I realized just how deeply entrenched, both emotionally and physically, they were in my life. It was a Friday night and Spike and I had given Xander his first lesson in sword fighting that very day. We were in the den relaxing. Spike and Xander were on the floor in front of the fire, Xander had convinced Spike to give him a massage to ease his aching muscles after the strenuous workout. I was sitting in my favorite chair, poring over my latest acquisition, an ancient manuscript I had paid an arm and a leg for. I heard Spike make some snarky comment and as I looked up I saw a sight that gripped my heart and has never let go. Spike, straddling Xander hips, was leaning over him to say something and Xander had twisted around to look at Spike over his shoulder. Their faces were inches apart and sported huge smiles. The fire reflected off of their skins making them look as if they were lit by some internal light as bright as a sun.
It was at that moment that I knew that I loved them. I knew that this would be the one that I wouldn't survive. If I lost them, whether to death or distance, my death would soon follow. I don't know what scared me more, the fact that I, the ultimate survivor, had found the one thing that I couldn't survive or the fact that I didn't care. I vowed to do whatever was necessary to win my two loves and make them happy for all eternity.
As the days progressed, I began to understand just how difficult my task would be. Spike would be the easiest to approach on the subject. I wouldn't have to worry about offending or insulting him. But, what if I was wrong. If he left because of me I knew that would drive Xander away as well, it was obvious how much Xander needed him. Also, I knew that I would need Spike's help with Xander. Xander's past had turned him into an emotional minefield. I was terrified that he would believe that I was no better than his family. That I had befriended him for the sole purpose of taking advantage of him.
It was another week before I was finally ready to approached Spike. We were once again sitting in the den and Xander had already headed up to bed. I was still trying to figure out how to bring up the subject when Spike solved the problem for me.
"Just spit it out, mate."
Startled, I jerked my head up from the book I was staring blankly at. "What?"
"Pet, you've been fretting over something all week. I can tell you want to talk, so spit it out already," Spike said rolling his eyes.
"I'm in love with you, with you and Xander," I said in a rush.
Spike just sat there not saying anything. For a moment, I thought that he hadn't heard me. Then he said just one word, "Explain."
For the next hour I talked. I told him about the instant attraction I had had felt towards them when they had first burst into the hospital. I told him how my concern for their safety and happiness had grown to the point that it was all that I cared about. I told him about that night a week before, when I finally realized how deep my feelings ran. I told him about my desire for them both and my concerns about Xander's reaction to it. By the time I was finally finished, I had offered him both my love and my life. The only thing left to do was find out if I would get my hearts desire or if instead I would see it crushed beneath a pair of size ten Doc Martins.
We sat in silence for a few minutes then Spike got a faraway look in his eyes as he told me about his previous experiences with love. He told me about Cecily, a beautiful young woman he had fallen in love with while he was still human. She had scorned and belittled him saying that he was 'beneath her'. He told me about his 'dark princess', Drucilla, the lovely and insane vampire who made him and that he had loved for over a hundred years. She had used him for protection and as someone to take care of her, running back to her Angel at every opportunity. He told me about Angelus, the vampire who was his sire in all but fact. Angelus had taken great pleasure in making Spike love him and then torturing him for it.
As he told his story, I began to realize that Spike was just as fragile emotionally as Xander was. I could have slapped myself for not realizing it before. After all, was I not the master at showing the world just what I wanted it to see? Why then hadn't I been able to recognize it in someone else, especially someone I was as close to as I was to Spike. The rage I felt inside at the people who had hurt him must have been visible on my face because Spike suddenly stiffened as if preparing to defend himself from attack. I quickly explained to him that I was angry not at him but at the people who had hurt him. He didn't believe me at first but finally relaxed as if accepting it. How little affection must he have experienced in his life to make him believe that no one could care enough about him to be angry at those who trespassed against him. I silently added Drucilla and Angel to the mental list I carried with me of people I hated and would soon deal with. Up to this point the only people on the list had been Xander's parents and friends.
We talked a while longer and I tried to convince him that I was sincere and that I never wanted to hurt him. I wasn't sure if he believed me but, he agreed to think about it.
At three a.m. the next morning, I was abruptly woken by the feeling of my mattress being gently jostled. I cautiously opened my eyes, not knowing what to expect. Only to find Spike sitting on the edge of my bed staring at me with a confused and almost hurt look in his eyes. Still unable to believe that he was worthy of affection, he asked me once again if I was sure that I loved him. I told him that there was nothing in the world that could make me stop. Immediately the vulnerability on his face disappeared and his usual cocky expression was back. He confidently took over the other half of my bed and, leaning against the headboard, asked me how we were going to get Xander.
That morning signaled the beginning of true happiness in my life. Spike and I had agreed to go slowly in our new relationship for fear of making a mistake. However, I soon realized that did not include sleeping alone. Even though I would go to bed long before Spike was ready to turn in, from that night on I never again woke up alone. I was greatly surprised by how much I came to crave his presence. It was as if Spike was determined that neither of us would ever be lonely again.
**
In the days that followed, we set out to win Xander. We first tried to make him more secure in his relationship with us. We made sure to always use patience and understanding when handling him. We confided in him about our pasts, causing him to be confident enough to do the same. We made sure that we always had time for him and never excluded him. Most importantly of all, we made a point to tell him that we liked him for who he was.
As the days progressed, a new Xander began to emerge, one that was more confident, proud, and secure. He began to believe that he was a more capable person, instead of automatically assuming that he wasn't. He no longer hesitated to ask for help or for someone to teach him something new, as a result we now have a thriving vegetable garden. He began to stand up for himself more and to demand respect. The most telling change was when he stopped making furniture or repairing things simply because he felt that he would be unwanted if he didn't do enough. Instead, he began to use the woodworking as a way of having fun and enjoying himself and as a result his work changed from merely well built and functional to works of art. I have seen people who trained their entire live yet were still not be able to create pieces near as beautiful.
**
The biggest obstacle to our goal in those days were his friends. Every time he visited with them, he came back with his feelings trampled, no longer secure in his place or confident in his abilities. Things finally came to a head four months after our initial meeting.
As the weeks and months passed, Spike and I had quickly realized that we would soon have to deal with Xander's friends. After all, it felt as if we took a giant leap backward for every step forward. This was something that we refused to allow to continue. Our only concerns were for Xander and our fear that he would sink into a depression that we would be unable to save him from. In order to respect Xander's wishes, Spike and I tried to devise a way to help without confronting his friends directly. Our hesitation could have cost us Xander's life.
It was a Saturday night and I had been called in to the hospital unexpectedly, preventing me from joining Xander and Spike on the usual weekly patrol. Although I had left the hospital as soon as I could, it was after two a.m. before I returned home. I was surprised to find the house empty. An hour passed and with it my worry grew. The only times that any of us had ever been this late returning home from patrol were nights in which all hell seemed to break loose. I had gathered up my coat and was headed out to look for them when they finally returned. It took only one look at Xander face for me to realize that something was very wrong. He looked as if his world was crashing in on him. I turned to Spike, trying to find out what had happened, only to be confronted with a look of both puzzlement and worry. I knew instantly that Spike was unaware of what had happened and was just as concerned for Xander as I was.
Seeing how distraught my two loves were, I quickly took control. I ushered them into the den and sat them down on the couch. I than sat down on the coffee table in front of them and asked Xander what had happened. It took several tries before I was successful in gaining his attention. To my astonishment, Xander threw himself into my arms and began to cry. His sobs filled the room, breaking both my heart and Spike's. We tried our best to comfort him. Yet, it still took hours for him to finally calm down.
When his tears had finally stopped, we were laying on the rug in front of the fire. Spike and I were facing each other protectively cradling Xander between us. I don't know how long we laid there simply taking comfort in each other's arms before Xander finally began to speak, his voice weak and faltering. His words filled me with a fear that shook me to my core. I was once again faced with losing someone that I loved.
**
Spike and I listened attentively as Xander told us about the events that had happened that night. It had begun like most other Saturdays with Xander meeting up with his friends and then splitting up for their usual patrols. For once, Xander and Spike had had a fairly uneventful evening, only running into two fledges and several homeless people. It was after Xander had met back up with his friends that things began to go wrong. The Scoobies were at Giles discussing the events of the evening, with Spike once again lurking protectively outside. At first, Xander hadn't been paying attention. That quickly changed when Willow mention an encounter with a demon. It had appeared in front of her and her girlfriend Tara and spoke of how 'the blood had already been spilled' and 'the sacrifice was now at hand'. The demon had then disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. As she described the demon, Xander quickly realized that it was the same one that had taken his life months before.
As soon as she finished speaking, Giles had set everyone to researching both the demon and the sacrifice that it had mentioned. It was hours later before they had any success. Xander, finding a picture of the demon, handed the book he had been reading to Giles who then translated the relevant passages to the rest of the group. It was apparently a destiny demon who's only role in life was to set things in motion so that the destiny of certain key people could be fulfilled. There were many prophecies pertaining to these types of demons. However, there was only one that still remained to be fulfilled. Giles had then proceeded to read the prophecy aloud:
When all previous prophecies have been fulfilled, in the time of the
Slayer who has died yet still lives, the champion will be found. He
will be the One. He will either usher in an age of eternal darkness
or an age of eternal light. The champion will be he who lives on the
gates to hell and both fights and embraces the soulless ones. The
champion is he who has died yet is not dead. Both Death and the dead
will be his companions. Once his blood has been spilled, the
sacrifice will be at hand. The sacrifice will be his soul. Only the
strength and love of his companions will be able to influence the
outcome. His life will be in their hands.
When Xander recited the prophecy, I felt my body go cold. It was immediately obvious to me that the champion spoken of in the prophecy was Xander. It only took one look for me to see that Spike had realized the same thing. We now knew what had scared Xander so badly. The only question was, what were we going to do about it.
When he had finished talking, Xander once again started sobbing. I tried to comfort him the best that I could as I asked him the question that was circling around in my head. I asked him if he had informed his friends that he was the one mentioned in the prophecy. He told us that he had tried but they would not listen. They heard the prophecy and immediately assumed that Buffy was the champion, despite the fact that the champion was referred to as 'he' on several occasions.
We laid there for hours, trying to reassure ourselves of Xander's safety. As the time passed, I had felt a sense of peace come over me. If this prophecy was correct, I would no longer have to worry about losing someone I loved to 'The Game'. Xander would be the One. The last immortal left standing. The only thing left to do was to insure that Xander's soul was not lost in the process. I drifted off to sleep secure in the knowledge that I would never again outlive one of my lovers.
TBC
*********************
Chapter 2
By the end of the first month, my life had changed drastically. For as long as I could remember, I had been a loner, one surrounded by people but a loner none the less. I had refused to get emotionally attached to anyone, after all I had learned that lesson repeatedly over my long life. I was always ready to run at the first sign of trouble. Now, I was no longer a loner, I had two caring people who I shared my life with. I was no longer emotionally distant, at least not with them. I was no longer ready to run, I was determined to stand by them no matter what. I was more scared than I can ever remember being before.
Though I had been drawn to them both from the moment we met, I can remember the exact moment when I realized just how deeply entrenched, both emotionally and physically, they were in my life. It was a Friday night and Spike and I had given Xander his first lesson in sword fighting that very day. We were in the den relaxing. Spike and Xander were on the floor in front of the fire, Xander had convinced Spike to give him a massage to ease his aching muscles after the strenuous workout. I was sitting in my favorite chair, poring over my latest acquisition, an ancient manuscript I had paid an arm and a leg for. I heard Spike make some snarky comment and as I looked up I saw a sight that gripped my heart and has never let go. Spike, straddling Xander hips, was leaning over him to say something and Xander had twisted around to look at Spike over his shoulder. Their faces were inches apart and sported huge smiles. The fire reflected off of their skins making them look as if they were lit by some internal light as bright as a sun.
It was at that moment that I knew that I loved them. I knew that this would be the one that I wouldn't survive. If I lost them, whether to death or distance, my death would soon follow. I don't know what scared me more, the fact that I, the ultimate survivor, had found the one thing that I couldn't survive or the fact that I didn't care. I vowed to do whatever was necessary to win my two loves and make them happy for all eternity.
As the days progressed, I began to understand just how difficult my task would be. Spike would be the easiest to approach on the subject. I wouldn't have to worry about offending or insulting him. But, what if I was wrong. If he left because of me I knew that would drive Xander away as well, it was obvious how much Xander needed him. Also, I knew that I would need Spike's help with Xander. Xander's past had turned him into an emotional minefield. I was terrified that he would believe that I was no better than his family. That I had befriended him for the sole purpose of taking advantage of him.
It was another week before I was finally ready to approached Spike. We were once again sitting in the den and Xander had already headed up to bed. I was still trying to figure out how to bring up the subject when Spike solved the problem for me.
"Just spit it out, mate."
Startled, I jerked my head up from the book I was staring blankly at. "What?"
"Pet, you've been fretting over something all week. I can tell you want to talk, so spit it out already," Spike said rolling his eyes.
"I'm in love with you, with you and Xander," I said in a rush.
Spike just sat there not saying anything. For a moment, I thought that he hadn't heard me. Then he said just one word, "Explain."
For the next hour I talked. I told him about the instant attraction I had had felt towards them when they had first burst into the hospital. I told him how my concern for their safety and happiness had grown to the point that it was all that I cared about. I told him about that night a week before, when I finally realized how deep my feelings ran. I told him about my desire for them both and my concerns about Xander's reaction to it. By the time I was finally finished, I had offered him both my love and my life. The only thing left to do was find out if I would get my hearts desire or if instead I would see it crushed beneath a pair of size ten Doc Martins.
We sat in silence for a few minutes then Spike got a faraway look in his eyes as he told me about his previous experiences with love. He told me about Cecily, a beautiful young woman he had fallen in love with while he was still human. She had scorned and belittled him saying that he was 'beneath her'. He told me about his 'dark princess', Drucilla, the lovely and insane vampire who made him and that he had loved for over a hundred years. She had used him for protection and as someone to take care of her, running back to her Angel at every opportunity. He told me about Angelus, the vampire who was his sire in all but fact. Angelus had taken great pleasure in making Spike love him and then torturing him for it.
As he told his story, I began to realize that Spike was just as fragile emotionally as Xander was. I could have slapped myself for not realizing it before. After all, was I not the master at showing the world just what I wanted it to see? Why then hadn't I been able to recognize it in someone else, especially someone I was as close to as I was to Spike. The rage I felt inside at the people who had hurt him must have been visible on my face because Spike suddenly stiffened as if preparing to defend himself from attack. I quickly explained to him that I was angry not at him but at the people who had hurt him. He didn't believe me at first but finally relaxed as if accepting it. How little affection must he have experienced in his life to make him believe that no one could care enough about him to be angry at those who trespassed against him. I silently added Drucilla and Angel to the mental list I carried with me of people I hated and would soon deal with. Up to this point the only people on the list had been Xander's parents and friends.
We talked a while longer and I tried to convince him that I was sincere and that I never wanted to hurt him. I wasn't sure if he believed me but, he agreed to think about it.
At three a.m. the next morning, I was abruptly woken by the feeling of my mattress being gently jostled. I cautiously opened my eyes, not knowing what to expect. Only to find Spike sitting on the edge of my bed staring at me with a confused and almost hurt look in his eyes. Still unable to believe that he was worthy of affection, he asked me once again if I was sure that I loved him. I told him that there was nothing in the world that could make me stop. Immediately the vulnerability on his face disappeared and his usual cocky expression was back. He confidently took over the other half of my bed and, leaning against the headboard, asked me how we were going to get Xander.
That morning signaled the beginning of true happiness in my life. Spike and I had agreed to go slowly in our new relationship for fear of making a mistake. However, I soon realized that did not include sleeping alone. Even though I would go to bed long before Spike was ready to turn in, from that night on I never again woke up alone. I was greatly surprised by how much I came to crave his presence. It was as if Spike was determined that neither of us would ever be lonely again.
**
In the days that followed, we set out to win Xander. We first tried to make him more secure in his relationship with us. We made sure to always use patience and understanding when handling him. We confided in him about our pasts, causing him to be confident enough to do the same. We made sure that we always had time for him and never excluded him. Most importantly of all, we made a point to tell him that we liked him for who he was.
As the days progressed, a new Xander began to emerge, one that was more confident, proud, and secure. He began to believe that he was a more capable person, instead of automatically assuming that he wasn't. He no longer hesitated to ask for help or for someone to teach him something new, as a result we now have a thriving vegetable garden. He began to stand up for himself more and to demand respect. The most telling change was when he stopped making furniture or repairing things simply because he felt that he would be unwanted if he didn't do enough. Instead, he began to use the woodworking as a way of having fun and enjoying himself and as a result his work changed from merely well built and functional to works of art. I have seen people who trained their entire live yet were still not be able to create pieces near as beautiful.
**
The biggest obstacle to our goal in those days were his friends. Every time he visited with them, he came back with his feelings trampled, no longer secure in his place or confident in his abilities. Things finally came to a head four months after our initial meeting.
As the weeks and months passed, Spike and I had quickly realized that we would soon have to deal with Xander's friends. After all, it felt as if we took a giant leap backward for every step forward. This was something that we refused to allow to continue. Our only concerns were for Xander and our fear that he would sink into a depression that we would be unable to save him from. In order to respect Xander's wishes, Spike and I tried to devise a way to help without confronting his friends directly. Our hesitation could have cost us Xander's life.
It was a Saturday night and I had been called in to the hospital unexpectedly, preventing me from joining Xander and Spike on the usual weekly patrol. Although I had left the hospital as soon as I could, it was after two a.m. before I returned home. I was surprised to find the house empty. An hour passed and with it my worry grew. The only times that any of us had ever been this late returning home from patrol were nights in which all hell seemed to break loose. I had gathered up my coat and was headed out to look for them when they finally returned. It took only one look at Xander face for me to realize that something was very wrong. He looked as if his world was crashing in on him. I turned to Spike, trying to find out what had happened, only to be confronted with a look of both puzzlement and worry. I knew instantly that Spike was unaware of what had happened and was just as concerned for Xander as I was.
Seeing how distraught my two loves were, I quickly took control. I ushered them into the den and sat them down on the couch. I than sat down on the coffee table in front of them and asked Xander what had happened. It took several tries before I was successful in gaining his attention. To my astonishment, Xander threw himself into my arms and began to cry. His sobs filled the room, breaking both my heart and Spike's. We tried our best to comfort him. Yet, it still took hours for him to finally calm down.
When his tears had finally stopped, we were laying on the rug in front of the fire. Spike and I were facing each other protectively cradling Xander between us. I don't know how long we laid there simply taking comfort in each other's arms before Xander finally began to speak, his voice weak and faltering. His words filled me with a fear that shook me to my core. I was once again faced with losing someone that I loved.
**
Spike and I listened attentively as Xander told us about the events that had happened that night. It had begun like most other Saturdays with Xander meeting up with his friends and then splitting up for their usual patrols. For once, Xander and Spike had had a fairly uneventful evening, only running into two fledges and several homeless people. It was after Xander had met back up with his friends that things began to go wrong. The Scoobies were at Giles discussing the events of the evening, with Spike once again lurking protectively outside. At first, Xander hadn't been paying attention. That quickly changed when Willow mention an encounter with a demon. It had appeared in front of her and her girlfriend Tara and spoke of how 'the blood had already been spilled' and 'the sacrifice was now at hand'. The demon had then disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. As she described the demon, Xander quickly realized that it was the same one that had taken his life months before.
As soon as she finished speaking, Giles had set everyone to researching both the demon and the sacrifice that it had mentioned. It was hours later before they had any success. Xander, finding a picture of the demon, handed the book he had been reading to Giles who then translated the relevant passages to the rest of the group. It was apparently a destiny demon who's only role in life was to set things in motion so that the destiny of certain key people could be fulfilled. There were many prophecies pertaining to these types of demons. However, there was only one that still remained to be fulfilled. Giles had then proceeded to read the prophecy aloud:
When all previous prophecies have been fulfilled, in the time of the
Slayer who has died yet still lives, the champion will be found. He
will be the One. He will either usher in an age of eternal darkness
or an age of eternal light. The champion will be he who lives on the
gates to hell and both fights and embraces the soulless ones. The
champion is he who has died yet is not dead. Both Death and the dead
will be his companions. Once his blood has been spilled, the
sacrifice will be at hand. The sacrifice will be his soul. Only the
strength and love of his companions will be able to influence the
outcome. His life will be in their hands.
When Xander recited the prophecy, I felt my body go cold. It was immediately obvious to me that the champion spoken of in the prophecy was Xander. It only took one look for me to see that Spike had realized the same thing. We now knew what had scared Xander so badly. The only question was, what were we going to do about it.
When he had finished talking, Xander once again started sobbing. I tried to comfort him the best that I could as I asked him the question that was circling around in my head. I asked him if he had informed his friends that he was the one mentioned in the prophecy. He told us that he had tried but they would not listen. They heard the prophecy and immediately assumed that Buffy was the champion, despite the fact that the champion was referred to as 'he' on several occasions.
We laid there for hours, trying to reassure ourselves of Xander's safety. As the time passed, I had felt a sense of peace come over me. If this prophecy was correct, I would no longer have to worry about losing someone I loved to 'The Game'. Xander would be the One. The last immortal left standing. The only thing left to do was to insure that Xander's soul was not lost in the process. I drifted off to sleep secure in the knowledge that I would never again outlive one of my lovers.
TBC