Dear Diary,
Today was rough, tomorrow will be worse and every day after that will get increasingly worse. I remember two years ago when I was in my last year of high school and Elena burned her house down, I thought she was being ridiculous. I even told Stefan that day, "What could be so harrowing and terrible that you would turn your humanity off and burn down your house." Now I feel like an idiot because all I want to do is shut it off. My mom is dead. My mom was dying today and I missed her last moments because I was making out with Stefan. I don't even know that I could describe in words the overwhelming feeling of regret, guilt, sadness, anger and pity for myself that I feel. It's 2 in the morning and I can't sleep. All I can think about is my mom. The memory of her taking her last breath continues to replay over again in my head on repeat. Tomorrow us her funeral. I can't take it. My head throbs. I want it all to stop. I can't do it anymore. Either a genius or life-ruining idea just came to me. All I have to do is go to the funeral, pay my respects, get through tomorrow and then I can turn it off. I'm going to do it. What do I have to live for? I would rather be dead inside than have to go through days like this every day. I can't think of anyone who could convince me otherwise. Except... Stefan. But he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him. Unless, if Stefan has feelings for me he could get me through this. I wouldn't have to turn off my humanity. No, I have to turn off my emotions, but it wouldn't but to ask him...