Kaidan sunk blindly into his seat. His eyes strained and bloodshot from the extensive crying, drinking, and lack of sleep that he's been through since the day he had to trade the life of the woman he had gave his heart to, in return for the well of the galaxy. It's been days since the battle, and the Normandy in an attempt to escape the obliterating explosion, had crashed in a unknown forest, in an unknown planet. Since then, it has been undergoing intensive repairs and was ready to take its leave any day.

They had just prepped for departure, but Kaidan was still reeling in from unbelievable change of events.. He fought back the tears that threatened burn his eyes and longingly stared at the small pictures they had taken when they were on shore leave on the one, her arms were lazed around his waist as she smiled brightly at the camera. Her head rested softly against his chest, while he wrapped one arm around her waist, and the other gently grazing hers. Her light green eyes shined in the flashing light. Unbeknownst to them of how their fate would be rocked once again. He shifted his gaze to the picture standing right beside, where she sat next to him and the rest of the crew. Briefly forgetting in that moment that they had a galaxy to save. Shepard had done it. She had saved everyone, including him. But he couldn't believe that she was gone. His mind flashed back to the battle scene that rendered him wounded, and that caused Shepard to call for an emergency extraction to get him and Garrus back on the Normandy. To the last time he saw her.

With her gazed fixated on Kaidan, Shepard hands him over to Garrus. "Here, take him."

Garrus simply nodded and took Kaidan's arms over his shoulder as Shepard began to walk away. When suddenly Kaidan called after her.

"Shepard!"

She cursed under her breath and slowly turned around and faced him once more. Her green eyes had seemed to have a darker shade, trying to hide the pain they wielded. The last thing she wanted was to be separated from him, but she couldn't risk losing him.. Not again.

"You gotta get out of here." She managed to say, trying to maintain a strong tone.

He shook his head. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen."

She took a small step towards him. "Don't argue with me Kaidan.."

He stared into her eyes. Pleading.. Begging her to let him stay. His voice started to break. "Don't leave me behind…"

Shepard closed the gap between them and placed her hand on his cheek.

"No matter what happens. I love you.. Always.." She felt the corners of eyes start to burn with the tears that dared to come loose.

Kaidan slowly wrapped her hand with his, giving it a tight squeeze as he also fought back his own tears. "I love you too.. Be careful.."

Shepard didn't trust her voice any longer and simply smiled at him before walking away. Leaving Kaidan to stare after her with a desperate longing as the Normandy started to ascend once more. Not knowing if he will ever see her again..

He took a long look at her plaque. Shepard's carefully engraved name laid next to the pictures. His voice felt like someone had ran sandpaper through it, all dry and cracked. "She gave herself up so that everyone else could live.."

On the days that followed the battle, the Normandy had done a small funeral and memorial for all those that were lost during the course of this war. Legion, Anderson.. Shepard..

"The price of war.." he whispered angrily as he recollected his thoughts. But throughout the ceremony, Kaidan couldn't bring himself to place her name on the wall. Memories of her would plague him, still plagued him. From the way her soft, scarred lips felt when they pressed against his, to the uplifting pleasure and indescribable spiritual connection of their bodies coming together as one, to the way she made him feel like he could accomplish anything. Surpass anything. She would constantly make him feel like he was the luckiest man in the world any minute he was lucky enough to spend at her side. He remembered clearly the endless moments they've shared from sleepless nights finishing reports, to the first night their bodies intertwined and made love, to the night he first lost her, and to the day he saw her again.. All of these piercing memories.. All these feelings made him feel that somewhere in him, deep in his heart, he knew that she lived.

"She promised.." He said angrily as his thoughts conti ate away at him. He slammed his hands onto the desk. Tears streamed down his face again. "She promised she'd be here!".