I tried to listen like Jasper had told Lillie to do, but I heard and felt nothing, knowing I wasn't good enough for Kate to love anymore. I hadn't been in a long time.
- Bella

Isabella Swan

Almost everyone was gone. Mom and Phil returned to the hotel they were staying at, Carlisle and Esme went home, and Emmett had caused a big scene when Jasper and Dad asked him to stay here. He'd upset Lillie with the yelling so I took her up to mine and Kate's old room to lay her down.

I was beside her on my old bed, rubbing her back as she drifted off quickly, obviously completely exhausted.

I thought about sleeping, but knew I'd have nightmares, so I just stayed here, rubbing her back like I had the last few nights and trying to keep my mind blank.

There was a soft knock on the door before it opened. When I turned towards it, I was shocked to see Edward standing there.

It had been a long time, but it still hurt. It always would.

"Hey," he whispered.

I chewed on my lip as I got off the bed, careful not to wake Lillie. I stood a few feet away from him and crossed my arms over around my waist, as if almost hugging myself.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier. I just took Rosalie home,"

I wasn't sure why he was telling me about where his girlfriend was. I really didn't care. And I also didn't care that he hadn't talked to me since I had arrived. But I nodded anyway to let him know I heard him.

"I'm really fucking sorry. . . this just. . . shouldn't have happened. Not to Kate."

I felt the familiar sting to my eyes as he spoke the words.

"You think I don't know that?" Did he think I didn't wish every second that it was me who was taken from my father and not Kate?

She was the better daughter. The one that did everything right. She stayed with him when Mom left him for Phil, a man almost ten years younger than her. And I fucking ran. I ran away because of the asshole standing in front of me now.

I ran and left Kate to deal with Dad's broken heart. Even though she begged me to stay, told me it would become better as time went by.

But she was wrong. It never got better. It always hurt. But I couldn't just blame Edward. It was my fault too.

"I didn't mean anything by it, Bella," he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

I nodded and looked down, sniffing before I asked about Emmett, "You find Em?"

"Ah. . ." his face shadowed over and he shook his head, "Jasper and I are going out to look for him now. Jasper convinced your father to get some sleep so the house will be empty as soon as I'm gone. Jasper's out in his truck right now. Do you need anything before we leave?"

I shook my head no, relieved that the two of them were going to find Emmett. I was so worried about him right now that I felt like I was going to be sick. There was nothing in my system to be sick with, thankfully.

"Tell Jasper to text me when you find him?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks,"

He nodded this time, running his hand up through his hair as he'd been doing since as far back as I could remember.

"I'm sorry again, Bella. . . If you need anything. . ."

"Yeah," I whispered, knowing he was just being nice.

He looked to his feet sadly, lingering before leaving the room again.

I let a few sobs escape, being as quiet as possible as I looked back at Lillie. She was still asleep.

So I fell to the floor, covering my mouth with my hands and curling in on myself as I cried for my big sister. Needing her like I needed air. I needed her to tell me what to do. Tell me she didn't hate me for being a horrible person. Tell me she loved me.

I tried to listen like Jasper had told Lillie to do, but I heard and felt nothing, knowing I wasn't good enough for Kate to love anymore. I hadn't been in a long time.