Hahahaha I'm still procrastinating, so here's another chapter.
I moved through the corridors of the administration building quickly, Dimitri following me like a shadow. I wasn't usually one to avoid making a scene, and it was taking all of my willpower to keep from turning on my heel and demanding an explanation.
But no. Alberta and Dimitri had agreed that our relationship should stay quiet. So I wasn't going to make a scene – yet.
We passed a few staff members on our way through the building, most of whom offered friendly greetings to Dimitri as we passed. I noticed one of two admiring looks directed his way by the female staff as well, which didn't serve to assuage my seething anger.
Dimitri answered every greeting with a quick word and a smile before hurrying along after me as I steam rolled ahead. Honestly, I didn't even know where I was going. Maybe the gym would serve as a quiet place for me to lose my shit.
With that in mind, I headed for the doors. Unfortunately, they were automatic, so I didn't have the opportunity to express my rage via a dramatic exit, or even get the satisfaction of slamming the door behind me. Dimitri still followed close behind me without a word.
We'd been through this kind of argument several times over the last four years, and I knew that to some degree, he appreciated the effort it took for me to stay silent, to contain my anger until we'd reached an appropriate setting. I couldn't recall directing this much anger at Dimitri in a very long time.
But as we walked towards the gym, my brain worked over the situation in a surprisingly lucid manner.
By the time we entered – and thankfully I did get a dramatic entrance owing to the building's age – most of my anger had melted away. It had been replaced by a calm, cruel plan to make Dimitri suffer. And the second I turned to face him, I could see the resignation in his eyes turn to fear.
"You're… very calm," he observed after a moment.
I smiled serenely. "Well, what good is arguing going to do me? I assume I won't be able to change your mind."
"No."
"Well then, there's nothing for it. I guess we'll just have to pretend we're nothing more than friends, right?" My voice was dripping with forced sweetness, and Dimitri took a cautious step closer.
"That's not really what we –"
"Oh, here," I interrupted, pulling my engagement ring off my finger. Dimitri looked on, astounded and speechless. "That would bring up a lot of awkward questions."
I dropped the ring into his open hand, and watched his caution give way to incredulity. "You can't be serious?" he asked quietly.
There was a stab of pain in his voice that almost made me reconsider. Almost.
"It's not permanent," I assured him quickly. I wanted him to suffer, but not like that. "It's just that I don't want to lie to people when they ask me who my fiancée is. And let's be real, I'm infamous enough on this campus for people to ask questions." I shot him a cheeky smile that I hoped alleviated his concerns. I actually seriously doubted if anyone besides a few guardians would remember me.
He regarded me for a moment, obviously struggling between what he knew was a reasonable argument, and the desire to keep that ring on my finger. It'd taken him a long time to put it there, and I was sure it wasn't easy for him to let go of that victory.
"Okay," he grumbled, slipping the ring into a pocket on the inside of his duster. "But we're still engaged, right?"
"Duh."
He frowned reproachfully at my response. "And you agree to… keep us discreet?" He struggled with the words, and I wondered if it had anything to do with the weight of that ring in his pocket. Maybe he was only just realizing what he'd agreed to. Dimitri was a reasonable man, and Alberta had made some good points. But deep down, he was just like me in a lot of ways. I knew that hiding our relationship like it was a sin wasn't sitting well with him either.
"I'll play whatever part you want," I answered, forcing a smile.
He seemed to relax then, closing the distance between us and pulling my arms away from my chest gently. I hadn't even realized I'd crossed them.
"I don't want you to play a part, Roza," he whispered, pulling me into a hug. "We don't have to lie, or act like we're nothing more than friends. We just don't need to give anyone a reason to think we're more than that."
"But we are more than that," I grumbled into his chest. "I love you."
"I love you too," he reassured me, squeezing me tighter. "But Alberta's right. Even though I was only your mentor, people here might view it negatively."
"It's not like it's any of their business. We're adults, they're adults… I just don't see why they can't deal with it."
I pulled back to observe Dimitri's smirk. "Well, you grew up with the guardians in this place. These teachers have known you their entire lives. Not to mention the new guardians here that were novices with you."
"Your point is…?"
"Do you really think all of them are mature-minded people? That they will all handle this with grace and courtesy, and understand that our relationship is none of their business?"
I paused, considering some of the people I knew in this place. I thought of Stan Alto, with his fiery disposition that sometimes led to inappropriate outbursts, and smiled when I realized how similar our tempers were. Then I frowned when I thought about how he might react to Dimitri and I. I thought about the guardians Dimitri had mentioned, the ones that had been novices with me. How many of them would understand the finesse of our relationship? How many people would see our time at the Academy as scandalous, sinful, and maybe even illegal? How many people would see the loopholes we'd used to stay together as excuses?
Alberta was right. The guardians here were already on edge. Everyone was on the verge of exploding. Something like this could very well set off one of the teachers that had watched me grow up, or start a juicy rumour amongst the guardians I'd gone to school with.
I hated that she was right. I hated that Dimitri made some good points. I glared at him, and knew that he hated it too.
"Fine," I spat angrily. I pulled myself from his embrace. "I'd already agreed anyway."
Dimitri seemed to recognize that he'd made a grave mistake in disrupting the calm acceptance I'd shown previously. He spent a moment hopelessly working through his options, looking for a way to calm me down.
Apparently, he settled on seduction. It had been a sure-fire way to distract me in the past.
"Roza, please." He closed the distance between us again, cupping my face in his hands. "You know I don't want you to be angry."
He brushed a light kiss against my lips, which I refused to return. He paused for only a moment before taking my coldness in stride.
"Roza." The way he said my name so deliciously made my body tingle, and my hard expression must have given way just a little, because he offered me a slow, promising smile. "What can I do?" he breathed, pressing another kiss against my lips.
I relented and kissed him back, just enough to let him know I loved him, that I was interested. But I was in control.
My passive resistance seemed to confuse him – it wasn't like I could fight Dimitri's charms on a regular day. Usually I could hardly control myself. If he'd offered me that smile fifteen minutes ago, I would have been hard pressed to keep myself from ripping his clothes off.
He sighed, and pulled away. "I'm sorry," he offered simply.
I relaxed, knowing how genuinely he regretted this – and knowing how much he was going to regret it in the days to come. "Come on," I answered, touching one hand to his cheek, "we should get some sleep."
His expression took on that sexy, mischievous quality that made my knees weak as he considered my words. "Of course, Guardian Hathaway."
Our walk back to the administration building was quick and full of tension. It was only when Dimitri recognised my trajectory that he began to slow, confusion flickering across his expression.
"Rose, why are we going to the administration building?" he asked lightly, covering the distance he'd lost in two strides. "You know our room is that way?" He gestured with a nod towards the Guardian dorms.
I schooled my expression into one of polite confusion. "Our room? But Comrade, we're supposed to be keeping it on the down low, right?"
Dimitri hesitated, but I wasn't sure he understood the full impact of my words. To be fair, some part of me was considering just grabbing a key for the sake of the façade, and heading back to his room for the night. I'd been rolling around in an empty bed for way too long.
The office we needed had been pointed out by Alberta on our way through, and luckily Dimitri had been paying more attention than I had, because he led us to the office without faltering.
Dimitri's expression was still unsure as I knocked on the door, and a young Moroi answered timidly. He provided me with a key and map – which I knew I was going to throw away the second we walked out of the building, but I accepted anyway – and gave me my room number.
I collected my luggage on the way out the front door – apparently I had to cart my own bags across campus, unlike Lissa. Thankfully, I'd packed light.
I noticed the smile on Dimitri's face as we started our walk across campus to the Guardian dorms.
"Why are you in such a good mood?" I asked suspiciously.
"No reason," he replied, shrugging his shoulders casually.
As it turned out, Dimitri had a pretty good reason for that self-satisfied smile. When I got to my room and unlocked it, I was planning on throwing my bags inside, kissing Dimitri goodnight, and watching him walk forlornly down the hallway away from me. Yeah, it might be a little hard for me to execute, but ultimately I wanted him to pay for the decisions he'd made today. A little celibacy might do us both some good.
But when I turned around, Dimitri wasn't hovering at my door like I'd planned. He wasn't even in the room, or lounging on my bed.
No. Dimitri was across the hall, standing in the frame of the doorway exactly opposite mine, a beautiful, victorious smile plastered on his gorgeous face. The door was open behind him, and I caught a glimpse of the old western he'd been meaning to make a start on for the last month, sitting on the nightstand.
"Oh. I see we're neighbours," I commented casually. My heart was beating wildly against my chest. I hadn't planned on having temptation this close. And good God was he a temptation.
He'd already thrown off his duster, his white shirt slightly crumpled after a full day on duty. His hair was making a defiant attempt to escape its constraints, soft strands falling into his chocolate eyes. And that smile… there wasn't a man on earth more arrogantly self-assured, or more powerful. Something about Dimitri looking so casual had always gotten me hot and bothered. I gripped the frame of my door determinedly.
"Did you want to come over?" he invited. There was a sly glint in his eyes that let me know he hadn't been fooled for a second. The moment I'd made it clear that I was getting my own room, he'd figured out my plans.
And now he was going to play my game.
"Actually, I'm pretty tired," I lied, my entire body vibrating with the desire to dart across the corridor. I made no move to retreat into my room, and neither did Dimitri.
His smile grew, and he leaned himself languidly on the doorjamb. "I understand. But you do have the day off tomorrow. You could always catch up on sleep later." The look he shot me was simmering with the promise of a wakeful night in his bed.
"You don't have the day off," I reminded him breathlessly.
"It'll be worth it."
He was willing to go on shift without sleep. He was being reckless. That was the moment I realized exactly how much power I had over him.
I faked a yawn and stretched, fighting off the urge to accept his invitation. There was no denying the burn in my veins, and the buzz in every nerve that was urging me to cave. I wanted him, but not as much as he wanted me.
"Sorry Comrade, maybe some other time."
I glimpsed the surprise on his face just before my door clicked shut.
Lissa was frantic the next morning.
Alberta might have given me the day off, but duties as the queen's best friend were endless.
"You've practiced this speech a million times," I assured her. "You're going to be fine. And if you're so worried, just spend the next few hours practicing."
I'd been trying to calm Lissa down for the last three hours – I had to make it to Stan's Guardian Theory class in ten minutes, but I didn't have the heart to leave Lissa tearing her hair out. I'd texted Christian to come as back up five minutes ago, but so far firecrotch hadn't made his usual sullen appearance.
"It's not about practicing, Rose, it's about the content!" she exclaimed, slapping the sheets of paper before her. "This is the first speech I've given that wasn't written by someone else, or thought up on the spot! What if I offend someone?"
I shrugged. "So some royal twits get their panties in a bunch, big deal."
Lissa shot me a disapproving glare and pursed her lips. "This is serious, Rose."
I sighed heavily and dragged a hand down my face. I didn't have the energy to pretend I cared about some pimply high school royals getting sore about a perfectly polite speech. I'd spent all night agonizing over my decision to remain celibate, even though my fine ass fiancée was willing and only ten feet away.
Thinking about Dimitri's perfect ass distracted me briefly, before Lissa's groans brought me back to reality.
"Look, you're the queen. They're a bunch of high schoolers. So what if they're royal? They're the ones who made this mess, and I personally think you're being too nice to them. You wouldn't believe the kind of punishment novices would face if they'd tried to pull shit like this. They certainly wouldn't get a visit from her Royal Majesty Kindness and Compassion."
I plucked the papers from Lissa's hands and turned to her fireplace – because of course, the queen got a fireplace. I tossed the speech into the flames before Lissa could stop me, and watched them burn.
"Are you insane?" Lissa exclaimed, her fingers clutching at the air, like she could summon the ashes back to her with sheer willpower.
"Probably," I answered. I turned and seized her shoulders. "You'll do fine, Lissa. Just tell them the truth. I know whatever speech you give tonight, it will be perfect." I gave her a reassuring squeeze and pulled her into an embrace.
After a moment, Lissa relaxed into my hug. When we broke apart, she laughed, and the sound was filled with relief. It wasn't in her nature to do things without planning meticulously beforehand, but in my time as her bridesmaid – and in our time as best friends – I'd learned that sometimes Lissa needed someone to force her hand before she could let go of things.
"You're right," she mused, sitting herself on the divan at the foot of her bed. "You're always right about stuff like this."
"Of course I am."
Lissa gave me a grateful smile, and I sank down onto the divan next to her.
"You've got to help me pick out a dress for tonight," she informed me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I shook my head indulgently – I couldn't imagine the kind of speech she was going to give tonight, or why on earth she would want to do it in a dress. But that was royalty for you.
I imagined again the kind of gathering that would have ensued if it had been novices behind these events, and I almost laughed aloud at the thought of stern Alberta, presenting herself in a ballgown at a fancy dinner to slap some wrists for reckless behaviour.
"Of course I will." I wrapped one arm around her shoulder comfortingly. "But only if you help me pick out which Guardian uniform I should wear. The black one with the white shirt, or the black one with the white shirt."
Lissa laughed again, and it was only when Christian slipped quietly through the door that I remembered I had somewhere to be.
I hastened through my apologies to Lissa, and promised I would be back in an hour. Christian stood, smirking at me without saying a word. His uncharacteristic silence put my teeth on edge – there was definitely something up – but I didn't have time to grill him about his suspicious behaviour.
I flew down the corridor, out of the guest dorms that were used almost exclusively by royal visitors, making my way across campus in record time.
As it turned out, it wasn't fast enough.
By the time I reached Stan's class, I was out of breath and the entire class was seated in silence, listening to Abramova, of all people. I wondered what story she was recounting. I peered through the window, squinting to make out the faces of the other guardians in the room. In the back, I could see Dimitri. I cursed under my breath, and straightened my jacket.
The door opened before I even touched the handle, and I was greeted by a face I'd hoped would never look at me like I was a disappointment again.
"Guardian Hathaway," Stan greeted coolly. "I see that it's true what they say about old habits. They do die hard."
As usual, Stan's wrath, when directed at someone else, elicited sniggers from the class. I almost turned around and left. I hadn't signed up for high school all over again.
Instead, I straightened up and gave Stan a brazen grin. I tried with all my might not to say anything snarky, but it was a damn struggle not to comment on the walrus mustache he'd grown in the last four years.
"My apologies, Guardian Alto. I was caught up with the Queen."
A curious silence fell in the classroom, and I could see Abramova fighting her smile. She was a pretty hardcore woman, and I was sure I'd interrupted one hell of a story, but the novices were far more curious about the queen.
I glanced around the room as Stan moved aside, allowing me to enter. There were plenty of Guardian faces in the back that I recognized, and most were smiling indulgently. There were only one or two faces that I recognized amongst the novices, but as I moved to the front of the room beside Abramova, I got the distinct, uncomfortable feeling that they all recognised me.