June 23 2011

Ten blue lines. Each one staring back at her. She picks one of the sticks up, puts it down and picks another.

It has been an hour since she took the first two. About twenty minutes since the others. Sam gave her a sad smile when she asked for the first. When she had gone back for more Sam had warned her the answer probably wouldn't change, but she keeps waiting for one to say all this wasn't happening.

She can't be pregnant. Even though her body is telling her she is and these five little sticks she peed on agree. This cannot be happening. Not here. Not now. Her head drops into her hands because she has been here before. Being pregnant at the worst possible time and having no idea what she is going to do. Maybe slightly easier than last time because she doesn't have to marry anyone and pretend the baby is his. Still, not good.

Her head aches with all the questions that have been running circles inside her brain since she first started to suspect. How can a baby be born here? They have no medical personnel. They have nothing to help if something goes wrong. They have nothing to offer a child here. This ship offers nothing but grief and remorse.

And what if they never get home and this child grows up alone and watches all of them die? This is impossible, more impossible then being stuck in a time dilation bubble. What are they going to do?

She doesn't show for dinner and Daniel explains it away as she wasn't feeling well. Afterwards he tries to use the comms, but she doesn't answer. He searches their room, his and her old rooms. He roams hallways and decks. Finally finds her on the Bridge, sitting sideways in the captain's chair, legs and feet dangling from the side. She is blankly staring out into the stars.

"Hey." He announces his presence and she turns to look at him.

"Hey." She replies.

"You okay?"

"So…that thing-" She ignores his question and points at the Ori blast just sitting out in space motionless, "-what happens if Sam never figures it out? How long before it hits? Our lifetime? After we are all gone and dead?"

He walks over and kneels next to where she sits. "I try not to think about it. I don't think you should either. We have to believe Sam is going to get us out of this. "

"I'm pregnant." She blurts out. He doesn't respond at first so she turns her gaze toward him. His expression is impassive, probably the same as hers.

"You…what? I mean you what?" He stares at her with wide unbelieving eyes. Observing for a hint of a smile or any tell that she is joking. He finds nothing that says she isn't serious. "No…we were careful. Very careful just so this didn't happen." They had been. She had gone on the pill, but they still used condoms every time. They both knew this couldn't happen here.

"I know."

There is a long moment of silence between them. He stares at her with no words that could even remotely comfort her right now. He brushes her loose bangs out of her face. The ones she always seemed to pull back with a flowery or jeweled barrette. She doesn't have one on today, realizes she hadn't worn one all week actually. His hand falls to cover one of hers. "Are you okay?"

"No. I don't know how we do this."

"I don't know either. What can I do? What do you need?"

She thinks for a moment and watches his concerned face. Her Daniel, who was feeling everything she was, but only thinking of her. "Can you give this a happy ending?"

"If I could I would give you anything you asked of me."

A half smile forms. "My sweet naïve boy. I know you would." She places a hand on his cheek and he turns into it, lightly kissing her palm.

"Come back to the room with me. Let's talk or not talk. Whatever you want to do. Just come away from this…from that." He nods his head toward the Ori blast. He rises and takes her hand into his, pulling her up and taking her out of the Bridge. Away from that damned blast staring back at them. That damned blast that had them here in the first place. If it weren't for that this moment could have been so different.

He sits beside her on their bed. She has her back against the wall with her knees tucked up under her chin. Her arms wrap around her knees making herself a little Vala ball. "We've never discussed this particular what if."

"No, we didn't. We were careful."

"You keep saying that."

"Sorry, I just don't-" He stops, looking for the right words that escape him.

"Me either." She answers his unfinished thought.

"It's just…we were careful." He says it slowly, more to himself then to her.

"Okay I think you have that covered, Daniel. We were very careful, but that doesn't change the part where I'm still pregnant."

"Sorry." He scratches a phantom itch on his head. Not sure what to say and trying not to sound like a broken record. "How far along?" He says it barely above a whisper.

"About five weeks, I think"

He did the math in his head, first having to remember what day it was in what month. That would make her due late February.

"Thirty-four weeks. That gives us time. Time that Sam might-"

She tilts her head toward him with that 'yeah right' look. "It's been over four years, Daniel."

He peers at her, pursed lips with an expression half of understanding and half sorrowful. Needs to ask her a question he never thought he would ever have to utter. "There are things we could do. Do you want to consider…?" He can't even finish the thought.

"No. I can't do that." She had never considered it with Adria, not seriously. And that was unwanted with a child meant to destroy, hurt and kill. She bore that child alone, but she did it. This child was different. She had Daniel. They had each other and in that they had created something. Through every fear and insecurity she had about what was going to happen, she could never consider that. She knows he doesn't either.

"Okay…so we are…having a baby."

Her eyes close and she lets out a long drawn out sigh. "You are being incredibly calm about this for you, ya know."

"I'm not, really." That is all he can say.

"What are you thinking?"

He isn't going to say what he is actually thinking. "I love you." He doesn't mention the tightening in his chest as he realizes what this could mean for them. For all three of them.

"Be serious."

"I am. I wish I could make this easier on you, but I can't. I have no power to change anything here. All I know is I love you. I would be crazier than Mitchell if it weren't for you."

"Oh I don't know that is pretty crazy."

He gives her a fake smile. "I know you know this, but I have to tell you. You aren't alone this time. I am here for you, for this." He nods his head to her midsection.

"What if I am not sure if I can do this again?"

"You can." He truly doesn't doubt that. She is the strongest woman he has ever met. He wouldn't have survived half of what she has been through.

"I may need you to remind me of that every once in a while."

"Always." He pulls her over and she uncurls herself to fit next to him. They don't speak again and eventually she falls asleep. It is then and only then that he leaves her for a moment and goes into the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror. The only sound is his rapid breathing. He slaps both hands against his chest as if that would stop the panic starting to spread through him. It doesn't because no matter what he says or hopes, this has real risk. This could be dangerous. What if something happens to her? He can't lose her. He can't go through that again. Can't even breathe thinking about it. Even a best case scenario where everything turns out fine, they still have a baby on this ridiculous ship. That was a life he wouldn't wish on anyone.

She was right. He can't give this a happy ending. And that scares him more than being stuck on a ship or an Ori blast or never getting home.