A/N: Blah blah blah… This is the beginning to a – I hope – funny story. Enjoy ;)
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Sirius' tomato poem belongs to the writers of The Simpsons. Not me.
Chapter 1
"Just think Prongsie! We get to be girls! This is going to be so great!" Sirius exclaimed happily as they made their way to dinner that night. He looked at his friends, and received incredulous looks.
"Padfoot, you aren't seriously excited about this are you?" James asked seriously.
"How many times do you have unlimited access to your own pair of fun-bags?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. James nodded.
"Ahh, I see your point." Peter nodded along. Remus just rolled his eyes. "Seriously though, this is going to make it even harder to get Evans." James said sadly. Sirius laughed.
"I can see it now. Prongs going up in a skirt; 'Hey Evans, fancy a date?'" He said, putting on a girly voice, and roaring with laughter. James glared.
"This is serious you guys! This is our last year; I can't graduate still a virgin!" He cried. Sirius looked at James in surprise.
"You're still a virgin?" He asked curiously. James looked down to hide his blush.
"I was waiting for Lily," He muttered. Sirius cracked up again.
"That's just plain sad mate," Sirius said shaking his head.
"It's ok James; I'm still a virgin too!" Peter said happily. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Big surprise there," He muttered, so only James could hear. James hid a snigger.
"Personally; I don't think it really matters whether you're a virgin or not," Remus stated. James rolled his eyes.
"Maybe not for you, but for those of us who have lives; it does matter." He told him. Remus rolled his eyes.
"You guys should be worrying more about your NEWTs, not how far you've been with girls." He told them sternly. "I mean," Remus continued while Sirius rolled his eyes, and started mimicking him. Remus stopped talking and looked around at Sirius, who was still mimicking him.
"Ok, if you're going to do that, stop when I stop." He told him. Sirius smiled sheepishly.
"I wonder if I'll make a hot girl.." Sirius pondered aloud, stroking his chin. Remus rolled his eyes.
-xox-
"Alright everyone," Madame Pomfrey said, handing out the potions that would switch their genders a week later. "You should all have received your clothes you shall wear in the opposite sex, am I right?" The class nodded. "Okay. On my cue, you will all take your potions. These have been specially made potions by Professor Slughorn, so no one shall have to worry about things going wrong. If, however, a problem arises, you shall come to either him or I; immediately. Such a problem is unlikely to happen, but it does not hurt to have a plan. Now, is everyone ready?" She asked the class. Everyone nodded; Sirius, perhaps a little too excitedly. Madame Pomfrey gave the signal, and everyone took their potion.
James felt the most peculiar sensation. He could feel his chest begin to swell, and his hair began to grow in front of his eyes. He felt a strange tingly sensation near his anatomy, and whimpered at the thought of what was happening there.
He looked over to where Sirius, Remus and Peter were. Peter was breathing heavily, hands on his new accustomed breasts. James suspected that this was the closest he had ever been to a pair of breasts. Remus had his eyes tightly closed, and Sirius was looking at himself in a pocket mirror, grinning. Where he got the mirror, James had no idea.
"Alright, has everyone changed?" Madame Pomfrey's voice rang out. The class murmured that they had. James took this time to look around the room. Everyone had the same facial features, just, in the boys' case, more feminine, and in the girls', more masculine. He looked to where Lily was sitting, to see her long red hair had shortened into a shag, and her curves had flattened out, giving her slightly broad shoulders. She was currently staring fixedly at her hands.
"Now, if Mr. Black would kindly stop fondling himself, we can move on." Madame Pomfrey stated, turning her gaze to Sirius, who blushed at being caught, and dropped his hands.
"Now, while in your new bodies, as I said before, you will be required to keep a journal of what happens to you. For example, for the new, ahem, women, you may want to write about your first pre-menstrual experience. And no, I do not mean when your girlfriend is on her, ahem, rag." The girls who were now boys in the class laughed. Madame Pomfrey smiled, and started to hand out some notebooks.
"You will keep these for the rest of the term, and you must write an entry every day, even if nothing significant happens. Write about your feelings, your experiences, anything that crosses your mind." Madame Pomfrey told them, as the bell rang.
The class shuffled to the door, Sirius resuming his stroking of his breasts.
-xox-
"Sirius, will you please stop playing with your boobs?" Remus asked exasperatedly that night. Sirius' eyes narrowed.
"No way! These are a lot more fun then doing homework." He replied. Remus just rolled his eyes. The boys were currently lounging in the common room, Remus doing homework, Sirius fondling himself, James staring off into space, and Peter picking his nose.
"Aurgh, Wormtail do you have to do that?" Sirius asked disgustedly, noticing what Peter was doing. Peter shrugged, and unstuck his finger, unearthing a green gooey friend. He stared at it for a moment.
"Hey guys, what should I do with this?" He asked them, looking up from the booger. James raised his eyebrows.
"I'd flick it," He said, eyeing the booger with hardly concealed disgust. Peter shrugged, and when he was sure that his friends had gone back to their homework, he raised it to his lips, and took a bite, chewing carefully. James noticed this out of the corner of his eye, and shuddered.
"Anyways," Remus continued, "You can decide to fondle yourself if you want, but don't expect to copy off my homework later." He told him. Sirius scowled.
"But Moony!" He whined. "I don't wanna work!" He wailed, pulling a face. James laughed, but Remus just ignored him, and continued reading.
"Hey Moony, what are you reading there?" James asked, noticing the title; Poetry for the Soul. Remus looked down at his book, and blushed.
"It's a good book," He defended. "Poetry happens to be very interesting, and it's written by Angelina Goldstein." He said, motioning to the author's name. Sirius's eyes widened.
"Don't talk to me about her! I tried to send my poem to put in her new book, and she rejected it!" He said angrily. James looked at him in surprise.
"You wrote a poem?" He asked, as Sirius was taking out a rumpled piece of parchment from his pocket. He cleared his throat.
"There once was a rapping Tomato. That's right, I said rapping Tomato. He rapped all day, from April to May, and also, guess what? It was me." He recited.
Peter clapped excitedly.
"That was great Sirius!" He said loyally. Sirius smiled. James looked like he was about to start laughing. Remus looked stunned.
"Sirius mate, that is priceless!" James said, finally cracking, and bursting into laughter. Sirius looked offended.
"I thought it was rather good!" He said ruefully, folding up his poem again. "I open my heart to you, and you laugh!"
"Open your heart? Sirius, it was about a rapping tomato." James said, wiping tears from his eyes.
"Humph!" Sirius said, and moved to the far side of the couch he was sitting on, away from his friends.
"So it really was rubbish?" Sirius asked a few moments later. His friends nodded sadly. "Hmm," He murmured. "Maybe, now that I'm a girl, I'll be able to write!" He said, as if coming to a brilliant conclusion. Remus rolled his eyes, and James started cracking up again.
"Moony! Gimme your parchment and quill! Quick! I feel the inspiration coming up!" He exclaimed, reaching out his hands for the quill and parchment. He wrote for about ten minutes in silence, before rolling up his parchment, and pocketing it.
"Woah guys, I don't feel so good," Sirius said, grabbing his stomach. James looked at him curiously before he felt it too. He looked at the clock, and saw that it was nine o' clock. Their time as females was up for the day.
-xox-
A/N: So, what do you guys think? Please review.. If I don't get enough, then I won't continue with this. Let me know if it's worth continuing!