Kara was still worried about what had happened the night she had blacked out. Alex had told her that she had picked Kara up at the office, just before she passed out, which meant that she had probably been with Miss Grant, considering the fact that her boss had still been there in the morning. And from those strange, worried looks Miss Grant had been shooting her way when she thought Kara wasn't looking, obviously something had happened.
She desperately hoped that she hadn't tipped her hand and revealed to the older woman that she was in love with her. She had worked so hard to hide that fact, even trying to make herself interested in James, someone who already knew her secrets, but in that she had failed miserably. At least her efforts with the photographer had been noticed by Miss Grant, however, so her true feelings were safely hidden, unless she had done something stupid like kissed her boss that night.
But Kara didn't have time to worry about that right now, she had just gotten her powers back and there was an earthquake to deal with. At least Miss Grant was calling her the wrong name again, so maybe things would be settling back to normal soon, even if she never remembered what had happened.
Hours later Kara finally returned home, not even bothering to take off her costume before sinking into bed. She just wanted to sleep, her powers still weren't back at full strength and her bed was so very soft. Now if only that annoying buzzing would go away and let her rest.
She frowned, now that she thought about it, the buzzing had started the moment she regained her powers. In all the chaos she had just pushed it to the side, but now, alone and without other demands at last, it was becoming impossible to ignore. Propping herself up on her elbows, Kara focused on the noise, trying to locate the source. Her initial worry was that there was another drone following her around, but as she concentrated, she realized that the buzzing was inside her head.
Closing her eyes, Kara blocked out everything else, closing down her external senses one by one until only the buzzing remained. And now it began to take shape, the buzzing gave way to a gentle hum, accompanied by a soft, glowing light. As she increased her focus, the light shifted into a humanoid figure, and she realized that the hum was actually a heartbeat. And then with a jolt the image came into sharp focus.
"Miss Grant," she breathed.
Kara realized she could sense the other woman, almost as if they were side by side. She could hear the older woman's heartbeat, feel the slight pain in Miss Grant's left leg where she had banged it during the earthquake, and most importantly, she could feel the steady pulse of her life force, strong and beautiful, just like the woman herself.
But no, that wasn't possible, there was no reason why getting her powers back should have opened this connection as well. On Krypton no one had powers, and yet they could still feel the pull, still feel that… that need for the other person. Was it because Miss Grant was human? Because she didn't have the same biology? That must be it. Miss Grant wasn't kryptonian, and so there was no return pulse to send the connection back, which was why Kara hadn't been able to feel it without her heightened abilities, but even so, this made no sense, this connection. It didn't because this should only happen with her mate, unless… and now finally, after nearly a week, Kara remembered.
"Oh…" Kara's exhaustion was gone, replaced with the same panic she had felt that night after she realized what she had done. This was exactly why she had worked so hard to hide her affections. Cat, and vaguely Kara realized that she had used the woman's first name, Cat didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to find herself bound to an alien who she didn't even like all that much. It was all her fault, she was Supergirl, she was supposed to protect people, especially the woman she was in love with. That night, however, when Cat had looked at her like that in the elevator, all Kara had wanted was to show Cat how much she loved her, show her what it meant when a Kryptonian fell in love.
But Cat had kissed her first, hadn't she? And suddenly Kara felt a thin glimmer of hope. Was it just possible that Cat did care about her as more than just her assistant? Replaying the evening in question in her head, Kara couldn't help the small smile that began to grow on her lips. As she thought about it, the stronger her conviction became, until she reached the end of the evening and her smile vanished and she winced, remembering how she had ended things, running out on the other woman and leaving her all alone.
"I have to go to her," she was speaking to herself again, but she didn't care. If Cat actually did care for her, even just a little bit, maybe there was a chance to turn this into something more. Cat didn't need to know right away that Kara was bound to her, after all. Cat was human, the bonding wouldn't have any effect on her, she wouldn't need Kara the same was Kara needed Cat. That meant that they could give things time to grow, Kara would happily wait for an eternity if she though there was even a chance to live in harmony together with Cat, with her mate.
But first she needed to go to the office. Cat would still be there, she was sure, and she had promised to come talk to Cat if and when she remembered.
"Now I just need to remember to call her Miss Grant," she grumbled, but it was a happy grumble, a hopeful one.
/
When Supergirl had told her that she was inspired by her, by Cat Grant, Cat had felt her heart lift for the first time in days. But it had been short-lived, and ultimately the praise only made her feel worse about herself, which was why she was still at the office, burying herself in work, rather than at home with her son.
"Miss Grant?" Cat's head shot up at the sound of her name, she hadn't heard anyone come in, but it had been a long day.
"You should be home, what are you-" but she stopped mid-sentence when she saw the blush creeping over her assistant's face, and the knowing look in her eyes.
She knew what was about to come out of Kara's mouth next, but she still dreaded it, and her hand came down to clutch as the armrest of her desk chair for whatever additional support it could provide.
"You said I should come talk to you when I remembered?" Kara offered a small smile, and Cat frowned in confusion. This was not right, how could Kara be looking at her like that? Like she was happy, like Cat hadn't practically raped her?
"Come in and close the door." Cat felt like her voice was not her own, issuing forth from a third party while she herself stood off to the side, observing the events. At least her voice wasn't shaking, and her legs were steady as she stood and walked around her desk.
Kara did as she was told, before coming over to join Cat, standing just a little too close.
"I'm so sorry I ran off like that, Miss Grant!" Cat had replayed this conversation over and over in her mind, and never once had she imagined Kara saying that.
"You're apologizing to me?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing, or seeing for that matter, as the next moment Kara actually took a step closer and reached her hand out to touch the older woman. Cat knew she should back away, but she wanted so badly for everything to be alright, to touch Kara again, that she made no move to resist as Kara reached down and grasped Cat's hand in her own.
Cat's lack of protest seemed to give the younger woman more confidence, and her smile widened.
"Of course, Miss Grant, you were so wonderful, and then I just ran off like that," here Kara's smile dropped briefly as she inwardly berated herself, but then she squeezed Cat's hand and her smile returned.
"You think I was wonderful?" And now Cat felt her disbelief turn to anger, not at Kara, but for her. How could Kara say these things? How could she not understand her own value? How could she be the one apologizing like this. "I took advantage of you, Kara! I got you drunk and had sex with you, and apparently you had never done either of those things before!"
She yanked her hand away and took a step back, hating herself for the way Kara's smile faltered, but instead of backing down, Kara took a step of her own, and once again reached for Cat's hand.
"You didn't take advantage of me, we were both drunk, and I very much wanted it to happen, I have for such a long time," Cat moved her hand out of reach, but Kara refused to back down, reaching for Cat's face instead, her eyes imploring, "if I was going to experience those things, don't you know that I would so much rather experience them with you, than with anyone else?"
She was so earnest that Cat felt like her heart was breaking. Cat wanted nothing more than to give in, to bury her face into that gentle touch caressing her cheek, and then pull Kara into a kiss. The desire must have shown on her face, because Kara smiled again, and started to move closer.
And that smile, that perfect, beautiful, hopeful, smile, it was the smile that Cat knew she would give anything to protect. In that moment she knew what she had to do, and so stealing herself, she knocked Kara's hand away from her face and stepped back several feet, crossing her arms over her chest and closing down her heart.
She would not allow this, it didn't matter if Kara truly wanted her, if Kara cared about her. She needed to do what was best for Kara, and she knew, without a doubt, that what was best for Kara was to turn away. Kara was so enamored of her boss that she couldn't even see how she had been mistreated, if Cat gave in now, she was afraid that Kara would never realize her value. Accepting Kara now would be the same as admitting that the way she had treated the girl was all right, that it was how Kara should expect life to treat her. And Cat refused to do any further harm to the girl, after tonight that is, because tonight was going to hurt. Kara was young though, and she would get over it.
But she had to make sure it stuck, that she left no room for hope. She needed to make sure Kara understood there was no chance for them, ever, and in order to do that convincingly, she would need to be cruel.
"Fine, you had a good time, of course you did, you were with me after all," and here she offered a knowing smirk, one cultivated by years of personifying superiority and confidence as the Queen of All Media, "but I don't know what you think is going to happen now, you think just because you admit that you like me, that I'm going to roll over and fall in love with you? My assistant?" She practically spat out the title, making it clear how little she thought of someone of Kara's level.
Cat ignored the stunned look on Kara's face and continued on, making her tone harsher, "did you honestly think it was anything more than just sex for me, Kiera? You're young and mildly attractive, and you were there, that's all there was to it." And here Cat took a step forward, inwardly grimacing at the way Kara backed away involuntarily.
"I handled you so roughly, and after the way you ran out, I've spent the last few days worrying that I raped you, and about all the legal problems that would cause." And now for the final blow, the words that would make Kara realize she should demand better of those who sought for her attention.
"Do you honestly think I would ever treat someone I cared about that way? That I would ever treat someone like that if they actually mattered to me?"
She let the words hang there, hating herself more and more with each passing second, hating herself for doing this to the young woman in front of her. Kara looked like she had suffered a physical blow, there were no tears, but her face betrayed utter dejection and pain.
"I, I understand, Miss Grant, I'm sorry for wasting your time," and with that, Kara turned to flee.
I hope someday she really does understand, was all Cat could think, but she doubted it.
"My latte better be hot tomorrow, no excuses!" She yelled at the retreating back, knowing she wouldn't get a response.
She stayed frozen for nearly five full minutes, five minutes until she was sure Kara was out of the building, before sinking to the floor. The arms that had been crossed authoritatively on her chest pulled up and she wrapped herself in a hug, trying, and failing, to hold her heart together as silent tears poured down her cheeks.
"Please be alright, Kara, I'm so sorry."
/
Kara had been so sure, so confident, so happy. On the short flight to the office she had managed to convince herself that Cat actually cared, but she knew now that it had been an illusion, brought on because she so desperately wanted it to be true.
And now the illusion was shattered, her mate had rejected her, and it was tearing apart her very soul.
As she ran from Cat's office she didn't go down. Instead she went up, and, not even pausing to change into her Supergirl outfit, she shoved open the door to the roof, barely avoiding breaking it in the process, and jumped. She didn't stop ascending until she could see the whole earth spread out below her, until she had flown higher than ever before, and until the cold was so biting even she could feel it.
As her tears came at last, freezing instantly and floating off like diamonds, there was no atmosphere to carry the sound of her screams.