You're gone ... You're gone...
But it doesn't matter how many times I repeat it, that I know for sure that you will never come back to me: a small part of me refuses to believe it. Not when fate seemed to give us another chance. Slowly, I close my eyes in front of that empty coffin over which they have spread the Resistance's flag and I force myself to breathe deeply. Because, no matter how much I think about it, I don't understand what happened. And further... ¿Why did it happen?
I'm delusional, I know, and I was too when I suggested you that stupid idea two days ago, before you left to some destiny you didn't deserved yet. But what could I do? Surprisingly, I still smile when I remember the moment you took him for the first time in your arms, your expression, that infinite love shining in those blue eyes, dark as the most beautiful sea. Something you usually kept for me; for the rest of the world, your eyes were sly, your half-smile always denoted that you were planning something not always cool and finally, you had that determined attitude for which all your subordinates respected and admired you. Otherwise, clearly none of those moments can compete with the grin on your face when I announced you I was pregnant at that hanging garden of Naboo, after we finally decided to face my past and Luke's. We needed to know about our other half-family, where that mother who separated us at birth trying to hide our existence from Vader, was born and grown.
I know I've always been full of surprises for you but what can I say that I haven't already said? I neither had ever dreamed that my father was my greatest enemy, but still less that his genes were going to be transmitted so strongly to our son. I feel the tears slipping back on my cheeks when I think of him ... My little Ben. I knew, before Rey told me, that it was he who destroyed your life. I sensed it, the Force is strong in me, we always knew that.
Rey ... I know how proud you became of her in the short time you met. She admires you so much, do you know that? Not just for your reputation, but as a human being and I'm not sure if as something else... She may intuit my Force as I suspect hers, and the moment she told me about her vision, just before she went after Luke, I recognize that I feared for her more than ever. But what could I tell her? Besides, I fear more that she will be the one facing Ben and I prefer not to think about it. Nevertheless, I still believe that my son should be there somewhere inside Kylo Ren. That he is not yet the monster that seems to have become into. Although sometimes, when this situation overloads me, I cannot help thinking otherwise. Because... What kind of son would be able to kill his father?
Oh, Han. What went wrong? Why has Ben to be just the cause of our misfortune and Luke's disappearance without a trace? Luckily R2 activated again at the time Rey and the pilots returned to base. Did you know that my brother hid most of his whereabouts drawings inside? He was always so smart ... And I know he hid his location from us so Ben couldn't ever find him... I can feel it, Han. He is looking for Luke desperately, and I fear that the same destiny that came to you will arrive to my dear brother. Ben has always been strong in the Force, as his grandfather. And, how will it affect Luke if someday I have to tell him that you're no longer with us? I still remember those years when you were jealous of him, and I cannot help laughing. After the Battle of Endor, when you said that silly phrase: "when he came back, I will not intrude," I confess that I fell in love with you even more than I already had done. It is true that when I first met you, I never would have imagined that we would end up as we did, neither for good nor for evil. Although I must admit there always was that scoundrel point that I could not resist from you. You were worse than a magnet, but I do not regret anything. That's for sure.
It's almost sunset and it's getting cold. I do not know how long we will be here, in this planet, as the First Order knows our placement, but the medal that I hold in my hands, the one I gave to you so many years ago in Yavin and wich I deposited the day of your funeral on this tomb, will stay with me forever. Reminding how much you loved me, and so how much I loved you.
I still love you, and I hope you know it wherever you are.
Rest in peace, General Solo.
Farewell, my love.