CHAPTER ONE – PEACE AND SUGAR

Five months later…

STEELA

If Sierra doesn't get outside soon, we're both going to be late.

I glance to the speeder's clock. Seven thirty-five. Her school starts at seven forty-five, and my shift's at eight. It's a good thing it only takes five minutes or so to get from here to the school, or Sierra would be chronically late.

(I've brought up the idea of just having her walk to school, but Tandin won't hear of it. I strongly suspect this is one of his "bonding experiences")

The front door slams as Sierra bolts out, cramming a ration bar into her mouth.

I open the speeder door and she climbs in.

"Sorry! My alarm didn't go off."

I put the speeder in drive and start edging down the street toward her school building. "Check it tonight so it goes off tomorrow. How's our little project going?"

Sierra takes an intense interest in her ration bar.

"Sierra, you have to have friends." I argue. "You just have to. It's a part of being a sentient being!"

"I have friends!"

"Really? Name them." I raise a finger. "I do not count."

"But you're my friend."

"Yes, I'm your friend, but I'm also five years older than you." I tell her. "Let me clarify this: you need to have friends your age. Any success with that?"

"No."

I figured as much. This is what happens when a kid enters a school at twelve years old when all the other kids have known each other for life. And with everything that's happened, she needs some friends her age.

I can only do so much without memories of Lux ripping me apart at the seams.

"Why don't you eat your lunch with some girls in your classes?" I suggest for what's probably the third time.

"Worth a try," she says dully, putting her ration bar wrapper in her pocket.

I slide through the last few seconds of a stoplight and pull into the school parking lot. Someone honks at me. Some of these mothers drive like demons.

I park the speeder.

"I'm serious about lunch."

"It's not that big a deal."

"It becomes a big deal when I tell Tandin." I say, with absolutely zero intent of actually telling Tandin.

She blinks. "You wouldn't."

"You never know." I release the speeder door lock. "Have a nice day!"

One of the demon-driver mothers blasts her horn at me. It takes all my willpower not to roll my eyes at her.

I have ten minutes to get to the palace.

…..

Getting to work on time entails taking a page from the demon-driver mothers' books and crazy driving to the parking lot, then running full-tilt into the palace.

I scan my fingerprint at the time clock, all out of breath.

Transaction accepted for Gerrera, Steela at 7:59 AM.

Thank the Lord.

"That was a close one,"

I turn around. Standing behind me is one of the other advisors. For some reason or another, I can't remember his name.

"The girl I have to take to school in the morning was late," I explain. "How about you, Benjamin?"

The advisor's smile twitches. "It's 'Bastian,' actually,"

Oops. "I'm so sorry."

"No offense taken, I have a rather uncommon name. And my morning's gone very well. The weather is pleasant."

The weather…Right. The sun was shining this morning and there was a breeze.

"It was. I hope it stays this way for the rest of the week." I edge down the hall toward my office.

"Me, too." He raises a datapad the smallest bit. "May we meet in my office after the meeting? I have a proposal for the fire code."

And there it is. That's what Bastian wants: a new fire code.

I glance at the clock. "Can you pitch it to me right now?"

Bastian blinks. "Right now?"

"Our meeting doesn't start for a half hour. Can you pitch the proposal right now?"

"Ah…I'm meeting with one of the other advisors soon," he says. "But after the meeting, my office should be cleared."

Okay, Steela. It's the fire code. Shouldn't be anything too complicated. Heck, it might even be relaxing after the meeting.

"That should work," I start down the hallway, "I'll see you after the meeting."

AHSOKA

In the past five months, I've slept at Padme's apartment thirteen times.

How do I know the number? Anakin has been keeping track of them. Supposedly he's turning the calendar in to the Soul Healers to see if I've been making progress.

"Making progress."

They mean "forgetting Lux."

Those two words turn my stomach. I can still remember the first words he said to me ("You're a Jedi, aren't you?") and the last ("Hang on!")

"Hang on,"

Oh Lux, she hung on and so did you. Your knuckles were going white with your grip on a rock face that would crumble any second, but I saved her first.

She had been hanging longer. The muscles in her arms were starting to twitch. I knew you had a little more grip in you, so I saved her first.

I saved Steela. My friend.

I left the man I loved hanging on a cliff face.

I check to make sure Padme's in another room, and then bury my face in my hands.

If I had just made sure that gunship was down…

My shoulder is mostly healed, but it still aches whenever there's a big rainstorm.

Good. Let it ache. Let it stay like that as a reminder of what's happened, of what I lost on the cliff that became Lux's grave.

Lux. My love, the one who dragged me to Carlaac, the one who helped to liberate Onderon, the hearer of so many words unsaid, so many things that would never leave my lips.

And the soul healers want me to pretend he never existed.

I stroke the arm of Padme's couch, the fabric soft and silky under my fingertips. It's a pretty color too, a sort of creamy-white unlike the clones' armor and the Med Bay's. It's…homier. Softer.

On the adjacent table, Padme has placed a small box of tissues.

The amount of money she spends on tissues has gone through the roof because of me, and that doesn't stop me from grabbing one to wipe the tears flowing from my eyes.

"Ahsoka?"

It's Padme.

I take a deep breath and stuff the tissue in my pocket. "Y-yes? I'm fine."

Unfortunately, Padme's BS detector is state-of-the-art. She makes a beeline for me and sits down, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. After five months, she's practically a professional.

"Shh," she soothes, rubbing my back.

"Why do they want me to just go on like nothing happened?" I sob. "I loved him, and he died. He died! He had a sister. He had so many friends. He had Onderon!"

"It was an accident," Padme says. "Ahsoka, it was an accident and nothing more."

"They want me to forget him. Anakin wants me to forget him but I can't, I don't want to."

And in a voice I've only heard when I was a child.

"He doesn't deserve to be forgotten."

We sit quietly on the couch, Padme rubbing my back to quiet me after my mini-meltdown.

"Why don't you sleep in the guest room again tonight?" She suggests. "I have frozen cookie dough, we can bake cookies."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a burden."

"I'll get the cookies out," Padme says for an answer. "Splash cold water on your face and meet me in the kitchen."

SIERRA

Here's to hoping Tandin gets home before Steela and Saw show up.

Water from the water fountain is a sorry thing to toast with, but it's all I've got. A few quick gulps later and I'm walking home as quickly as I can.

Why? Simple. It's Friday. Tandin has the Gerreras and his mom over for dinner on Friday nights.

I'm not complaining about Nana Tandin, quite the opposite actually. She actually likes me. When Tandin left me at her house overnight, the first thing she asked was whether I wanted to help her bake cookies or just eat the dough straight.

One dozen snickerdoodles later, we were best friends.

She also calls Tandin "Gregory," right to his face. That one never fails to put a smile on my face.

Steela's and Saw's, too. Tandin just doesn't look like a Gregory.

"He did when he was a child!" Nana Tandin announced when Saw brought it up. And then she proceeded to show us all of Tandin's embarrassing baby pictures while he groaned "Mother, please," and Saw laughed so hard he choked on his pot roast.

I wonder if she has a picture of me somewhere. Probably. She bugged Tandin for weeks about my school pictures, and Nana isn't the type to give up unless she gets what she wants.

"You kids are so skinny," she fretted, giving Saw, Steela, and I the up-and-down. "Y'all need to eat. And not just little bird food, real food."

She pointed at Steela with her fork. "I'm talking to you, young lady. If you get any teenier, you're not going to be able to pick up that rifle of yours! A strong wind would blow all three of you off into the jungle, never to be seen again!"

Steela was speechless. But an amazing thing happened. Her fork moved a bite of dinner to her mouth. And so did mine. And Saw's.

I believe it is physically impossible not to love Nana Tandin.

Just like it was nigh-impossible not to love my mom.

I shake the thought off and keep walking down the block.

Here's why I hope Tandin and Nana beat the Gerreras to dinner tonight: Steela's going to ask me if I talked to anyone today, and the answer is going to be "No."

I like people. I really do. I just am not having much success breaching the social bubble.

For someone good at lying as you are, it should be a cinch.

Yes, but there's a difference between lying to adults and lying to your peers. I grew up watching Lux lie to adults day in and day out. In fact, I was sometimes his partner in crime.

Hey, someone had to be the one who unlocked the back door so Lux could sneak into the house.

If Nana beats Steela to the house, then she'll say something about the kids in my class and/or fill Steela's mouth with cookies. Anyone with taste buds like Nana's cookies, and I've seen Steela put down at least six of the frosted ones with sprinkles when she thought nobody could see her.

Steela can't talk if she's full of cookies. If Steela can't talk, then she will forget to ask how my day went, and I can have peace and sugar.

Dad loved sugar. Mom was a health nut, but Dad practically filled the house with the sweet stuff whenever he got the chance. He said it was the magic cure-all for all our problems.

Sugar makes everything better. Right, Dad?

I don't know, but I sure as heck hope it does.

I double my speed back toward Tandin's house, praying that I have some time to calm and compose myself before people have to see me again.

A/N: And not much is going well for our trio of female protagonists.

Thank you to starwarshobbitfics, Lost Lauren, and Rose Ravenclaw for your reviews. And speaking of reviews, please feel free to leave your thoughts on the way out.

Until next time,

Lux's Sister