A/N: Thanks so much for your nice words about the beginning. Keep'em coming, please!

Since she broke up with Beck, Jade had been reticent from interacting with their circle of friends. Part of the reason was they gravitated towards Beck who was clearly a more easy-going type. But the biggest thing that held Jade back from the others was Tori Vega.

Jade was standoffish (and some would say downright antagonistic) toward the half Latina. Her jovial demeanor and all around "can-do" attitude towards…everything is intoxicating. People fell under her spell and she became fast friends with the students at Hollywood Arts. All except for one.

While on the surface she told Tori time and again how much she annoyed her, Jade actually harbored a deep fascination with the girl. What compelled her to seek her friendship in particular? Her approval? Her affection? Jade didn't understand what Tori's deal was and for the longest time she responded to these confusing feelings with hateful words and actions.

Jade was tired of Beck and boys like him. But the more she thought about it, boys were becoming less interesting for her in general. She never thought of herself as gay or at least bisexual. There have always been girl crushes but they started to focus less on celebrities and more on everyday people. Or, rather, one everyday person.

Tori's fierce loyalty was evident with each passing day. How she forgot the previous day's transgressions and acted like there were no hard words exchanged between her and Jade.

After a while, Jade realized she was growing more and more fond of Tori. While she had succeeded in getting over herself in allowing the smiley girl into her life, Jade was reminded on a nearly daily basis of how much Tori was out of her reach. On and on, she would gush about some guy but none of them would ever stick. They were typically a flavor of the month. Some of them, such as Steve Carson and Ryder Daniels downright hurt her.

Jade had taken shots at Tori in the past but when it came to matters of the heart, she took things damn seriously. And it disgusted her deep down how she was being used by Daniels, for example, though she was too immature to admit those feelings. Now that Jade has articulated these feelings towards Tori, she became protective of her. There was one jerk who tried to put the moves on her and she rebuffed him and left. The boy would return to find his car's wheels all punctured by, from the look of the holes, a pair of scissors.

But after going out with guy after guy, creep after creep; it became more apparent to Jade that Tori would rather keep getting used, abused and rejected than perhaps give girls a shot. Perhaps, Jade? She shook her head because she knew that was an impossibility. The pain of being reminded of never being able to have and hold Tori made Jade sick. Very sick.

She has resorted to cutting with simple razorblades like the kind for box cutters. A fresh box would yield about twenty of those sharp rectangles. After a session (when she felt she purged herself enough) Jade would discard the spent blade into the trash. Maybe her subconscious worried about infection. Ironic, kind of like the alcohol swab before a lethal injection.

For a couple years, this suited Jade. The welts on her stomach were easy to hide but the colder months were preferable because despite living in California, nobody questions long sleeves in January. The summer (bikini season) was the hardest time. The itch to release this sadness on her body was insane. She found solutions for that, such as behind her neck which was obscured by her long hair or the inside of her thigh.

Tori was going out with this one guy named James Hinckley. The two of them courted for about 18 months and when he proposed to her that they would marry after high school, Jade was plunged into a whirlpool of despair. That was that. She would never have her. Ever.

Jade had explored the meatier parts of her body, avoiding serious injuries that would result in a visit to the ER. But this wasn't about feeling better. This time she needed to be removed from the situation. She couldn't stand to see Tori spend the rest of her life with someone else. It was simply too much.

She drew a cold bath which she figured would numb her body completely. And with a couple clumsy passes, Jade finally initiated the devastating blow to her main cables in the wrists and dropped her arms into the tub. The clear water became more opaque and then, dark. Jade ignored the pounding on the bathroom door. But soon the haziness made it easier for her to disregard the world around her. She didn't hear the door being kicked in nor her father's screams of horror. She did not see the inside of the ambulance nor the emergency room.

Jade didn't know if she was becoming pure energy or just nothingness. Either way, it meant no longer being on a planet where Tori Vega and Jade West could never be together.

The "urge," as it was called in group, returned periodically. Adrian advised that if it was becoming more frequent, then Jade should try the suicide lifeline. She was thinking she was going to be handed a phone number but apparently every facet of society has gotten with the times. This helpline was a private chat room.

It was a public forum with private messaging functions. The way it made itself attractive was it was open to all social networking platforms. Not keen on remembering lots of different passwords and usernames, Jade used the same handle for all online activities, from Twitter to The Slap. She logged on and connected with the "life support" people.

ScissorLuv: Is anybody out there?

Serenity041: Do you need someone to talk to?

Jade hesitated on the keys for a minute. The username for the other person made her want to vomit.

ScissorLuv: Yes.

Serenity041: I'm listening, friend. Sometimes that can be a very powerful thing.

ScissorLuv: What?

Serenity041:To listen. It might make you feel better.

ScissorLuv: I don't know about why I feel this way.

Serenity041: To end it, you mean?

ScissorLuv: Yeah.

Serenity041: What makes you think there is no way out of your problems?

ScissorLuv: The problem is how to get in. I love her more than anything and I can never be with her. She would never see me that way and besides she's already seeing someone.

Serenity041: People can break up.

ScissorLuv: Not this time. You don't understand…I can't live without her. I never had her before but now that I experienced her, I can't go a single day without seeing or hearing her.

Serenity041: You should tell her how you feel before you miss your chance.

ScissorLuv: It's already too late. This was a mistake.

Robbie Shapiro slumped back into his chair, watching the troubled teen log off.

"Jade," he muttered to himself. "What's happened to you?"