Spike let out a small laugh as he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the dishevelled wreck that was his ex-boyfriend.
"I'll try not to take offence at that," he said.
"Oh… sorry…" John Paul stammered, "But… shit!"
"You said… here drink this." Spike passed the mug of coffee to John Paul as he raised his broken head from the pillow, "You really look like you need it."
John Paul took a sip of the hot bitter liquid and winced as the pain in his head and the sense of guilt made it hard to focus.
"I can't believe I…" John Paul shook his head and immediately regretted the action as a new agony shot through his temples causing him to groan in pain and self-loathing.
"What exactly do you remember?" Spike asked him as John Paul placed the coffee back on the bedside table.
"I remember going to the Dog," John Paul replied, "And drinking… rather a lot I'm guessing… and then…"
John Paul frowned as he tried to piece together the flashes of the previous evening that played though his mind.
"I kissed you…didn't I?" He asked.
"Well technically I think I kissed you," Spike admitted, "But yeah… you didn't exactly fight me off. And then what?"
John Paul's eyes darkened as he tried to recall the rest of the nights events but he finally shrugged in defeat as he accepted that whatever he had done next his mind was not ready, or possibly not willing, to accept it.
---
Craig's mouth tasted like something very large and very sick had crawled in it to die. His head pounded with the thudding of a very large brass band and his stomach was twisted in some very interesting Boy Scout knots.
As he parted his lips to let out a low groan he got a mouthful of cushion at which point he decided to brave the daylight and open one eye to see exactly where he was.
Allowing his vision to focus for a moment Craig carefully raised his head to discover that he was face down on the living room sofa.
"Sorry mate," a voice from the doorway said, "There was just no way I could carry you to your bedroom."
Craig turned his head slowly to see Adam approaching him with a mug of much needed black coffee.
"I think I've died," Craig groaned with a croaky voice.
"Nah you haven't," Adam assured him, "I wouldn't have made you a coffee if you were dead!"
"Thanks," Craig mumbled as he attempted to get himself upright and take the hot drink from Adam's hand.
"How d'you feel?" Adam asked.
"How do I look?"
Adam grimaced.
"That bad eh?" Craig said.
"I've seen you look better," Adam admitted.
"Just how much did I drink?"
"I lost count…"
"Was I very annoying?"
Adam laughed. "Well I heard more about John Paul's eyes that I ever expected so."
"Sorry," Craig said with some degree of embarrassment as he sipped at his drink, "I didn't do anything stupid did I… or upset anyone."
When Adam didn't answer Craig raised his eyes to look at his flat mate.
"What did I do?" Judging by the expression on Adam's face Craig knew there was something the he couldn't remember… and probably wouldn't want to.
"It doesn't matter," Adam told him with a shrug.
"OK… so there IS something… what is it?"
Craig frowned as he tried to replay the night in his mind. He had perfect recollection of many empty bottles and, for some reason, John Paul's green and yellow hoodie but there was nothing worrying in those memories.
"Really… don't worry about it… it was nothing…" Adam said without looking Craig in the eye.
As Craig thought harder he suddenly recalled the glow of Adam's bright green eyes only inches from his face looking at him with confusion and… and what?
"Oh shit!" Craig exclaimed as the memory of pressing his lips against Adam's came crashing back into his brain. The feel of Adam's soft mouth under his, the need that had boiled inside him and the strength in Adam's hands as he pushed Craig away.
"I'm really sorry mate… I don't know what I was thinking…" Craig felt his cheeks flush as he spoke.
"Like I said, don't worry about it. You were drunk, I know that's all there was to it… too much thinking about John Paul's eyes if you ask me!"
Craig rubbed his hands over his face. "Thank god it was only you," he said staggering to his feet and making his unsteady way towards the bathroom.
"How d'you mean?"
"Well if it had been someone else… I mean it's a good job you're not gay and don't fancy me eh? Who knows where it could have lead!" Craig laughed softly as he left the room
"Yeah good job," Adam called after him. "Good job I've not been wanting to kiss you since the day I move in here," he continued under his breath, "Good job it didn't take all of my strength to turn you down last night."
Adam let his gaze wander to the photograph of John Paul on the mantle piece. "I just hope you appreciate him," Adam whispered to the smiling image in the frame.
---
"And that's really all you remember?" Spike asked.
"Yeah… I don't even know how we got back here," John Paul told him, "God what have I done Spike? How could I…?"
Spike smiled and touched his hand lightly against John Paul's face. "You didn't," he said with a gentle smile.
"What d'you mean?"
"Look you came back here with me true enough and when we got here you wanted another drink…"
"Another one… you didn't let me did you?"
"Well I told you it was vodka and coke… I just never put any vodka in it!"
"Thanks…" John Paul sighed, "And then what."
"And then you started telling me just how much you loved Craig," Spike told him glumly, "You know it really puts a damper on the mood when you're trying to seduce someone and he keeps talking about his boyfriend." Spike laughed but there was a hint of genuine sadness to the sound.
"So we didn't…?" John Paul's eyes shone with a new found hope.
"No," Spike said shaking his head, "I wanted you John Paul, I won't deny it, but I realised it wasn't what you really wanted and I wasn't about to take advantage of the fact that you were drunk and missing Craig."
"Thank you," John Paul said with a small smile.
"Besides," Spike said with a laugh, "If you'd taken a moment to check you would've realised that you're still half dressed under that duvet… You passed out downstairs and I didn't have the energy to strip you before putting you to bed."
John Paul lifted the edge of the bed cover and grinned with embarrassment as he noticed that he was still in his jeans. He had been so overcome with guilt at waking up in Spike's bed it had never even crossed his mind to consider what he was wearing.
"I'm sorry Spike," John Paul said quietly.
"What for?"
"I don't know… everything…"
Spike patted John Paul's shoulder as he stood up. "I just hope Craig realises how much he means to you."
"I think he does," John Paul replied as Spike left the room.
---
John Paul sank his toes into the softness of the sofa cushion as he relished the peace of a Sunday afternoon. Most of the previous day had been lost in the haze of a major hangover mixed with an equal measure of guilt.
He might not have slept with Spike, and he would be eternally grateful to his ex for that, but he still felt the overwhelming wash of guilt as his memories became clearer and he recalled in perfect detail just how much he had wanted Spike at that moment, and how kissing him had temporarily pushed all thoughts of Craig from his mind.
John Paul turned his mobile phone over in his hands. He wanted nothing more than to call Craig, to hear his voice and to be reminded of just where his heart really belonged. But each time he dialled Craig's number he cancelled the call before it connected. He knew that if he spoke to Craig, if he heard that voice, he would need to confess what he had done, or what he had almost done, and he wasn't quite prepared for that conversation yet.
With a sigh John Paul rested his head against the back of the sofa. Why did life always have to be this complicated? Could he not, just for once, have the happy ending he had dreamed of? Why was there always something to come between him and Craig? And right now why did that thing have to be the entire Irish Sea?
Scrubbing his hands through his hair John Paul stood up. He needed some air to clear his head. He'd been cooped up inside for too long. He would take a walk and then call Craig… and then tell Craig.
Slipping his bare feet into his trainers he prepared to leave.
As he opened the front door John Paul had to step back quickly to avoid being hit in the face by a hand that had just been raised to knock. He stood transfixed for a second with his eyes resting on the fist that still hovered in mid-air. As the hand slowly fell John Paul's gaze took in the face of his visitor, the soft tanned skin, the pink full mouth and the gentlest, deepest brown eyes he had ever known.
"Craig," John Paul whispered, afraid to say the name any louder in case he broke the spell that had brought the man to his door.
"John Paul, I had to come… I needed to…" Craig's words died on his lips as he reached for the face of the man he loved, the face that had haunted his dreams until he had no choice other than to book a last minute flight and get back to Chester to see it.
Their mouths crashed together hard as their kiss screamed of their pent up desires and frustrations. It had been too long since they had been together and they had both suffered at the hands of that separation.
Grabbing hold of John Paul's shirt Craig spun the man around until his back collided with the front door slamming it shut. With a force fuelled by desire Craig pushed John Paul back hard, pinning him against the hard wood with the weight of his own body.
John Paul's hands grabbed at Craig, pulling him close and holding him tight, never wanting to let go again. Having Craig back in his arms again let John Paul believe that everything would be alright and that nothing could spoil what they had.
"Not here," John Paul panted as Craig's hands began to fumble with his belt, "Someone could come home."
Craig reluctantly let his hands drop as he stepped back, his face was flushed as he looked into the dazzling blue of John Paul's eyes. Blue was definitely better than green Craig decided smiling to himself as he grabbed John Paul's hands and ran up the stairs taking them two at a time.
---
The second that they arrived in the seclusion of John Paul's bedroom Craig seized hold of John Paul and once again pushed him back against the door. John Paul could feel the hard wood pressing into his back and the heat of Craig's breath on his face as Craig's fingers dug into his shoulders.
Craig let out a short throaty laugh. "Well it's not exactly a tree," he said indicating the door, "But I think it might just do!"
"And what exactly did you have in mind?" John Paul asked with his eyes fixed on the warm curve of Craig's lips, desperate to taste them again, to feel them against his skin.
"I haven't been able to get the image of you up against that tree out of my mind since you left Dublin," Craig told him, his face so close to John Paul's that the man could feel his words before he heard them, "I've not stopped thinking about what else I should have done to you that day while we had the chance."
"I seem to recall what we did was pretty good," John Paul said with a lusty smile as he ran his tongue over his lips. His flesh ached at the memory of that day, of Craig's touch wrapped around him in the cool rain of the public park. He wanted nothing more than for Craig to touch him that way again but the mans fingers still rested on his shoulders.
"I think we can do better," Craig said as he closed the small gap between them pressing his mouth against John Paul's hungry lips.
John Paul's hands were around Craig in a flash, his fingers digging into the softness of Craig's buttocks as he pulled the man against him. Craig ground his groin against John Paul's, rubbing his rapidly growing erection against the one he could feel through John Paul's jeans.
"It's been too long," Craig groaned softly, "I can't be without you this long again."
"It's been driving me insane not being able to see you, to touch you," John Paul confessed, "I want you so bad Craig… I need you…"
Craig tasted so good, so much better than John Paul could ever remember. He wasn't sure if it was due to the time they had been apart or because of how close he had come to jeopardising what they had. Craig felt so right in his arms, his body was so firm as it pinned John Paul to the door, this was where he belonged and John Paul knew that nothing or no one could ever make him feel this alive.
Craig's hands slid from John Paul's shoulders as they kissed, slipping down his chest and over his belly, pausing for a moment to free the fastening of John Paul jeans before one trembling hand ventured inside.
John Paul gasped as Craig's hand passed lightly over his cock, touching it gently, teasing it and making him want more, so much more.
"Turn around," Craig whispered into John Paul's ear, "Let me show you exactly what I should have done when you were against that tree…"
John Paul turned slowly on the spot, mourning the loss of Craig's hand against his cock as his rotation pulled it away from him.
Craig eased both hands under the hem of John Paul's shirt and stroked at the soft smooth skin beneath, his palms caressing John Paul's back, his hips and over his firm belly. John Paul held his breath as Craig continued to touch him and explore him. He rested his forehead against the cool wood of the door and gave himself over completely to Craig.
Craig's hands squeezed lightly at the flesh on John Paul's hips as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans and eased them slowly downwards. His eyes followed the descent of the denim as John Paul's creamy skin was exposed.
Craig lowered himself to his knees as he pushed John Paul's jeans to the ground and helped the man step out of them and his trainers at the same time. He ran his hands back up over the skin of John Paul's legs, caressing the soft skin of his thighs and feeling John Paul tremble at his touch.
Pressing his lips to John Paul's inner thigh Craig ran his tongue over its warmth, sucking a little of the flesh into his mouth before biting onto it just hard enough to make John Paul whimper, but not with pain.
John Paul's arms were crossed in front of his face providing a cushion for his head and his hands balled into fists as Craig's slow caresses drove him insane.
He was torn between a desire to scream at Craig to get on with it and fuck him already and the need to make this time last as long as possible, who knew when they would get the chance to be together again?
Craig dragged his finger nails over the milky white skin of John Paul's buttocks and then pressed his mouth to the places he had scratched, letting his tongue trail over the pale pink stripes he had created. His cock was throbbing painfully in his jeans as he knelt in worship of the body he adored, the body that he so desperately wanted to take possession of.
"Craig… please…" John Paul's voice shook as he spoke, he could hardly stand the waiting any longer he needed Craig and he needed him now.
Craig rose to his feet with his hands making a return journey up John Paul's torso until he was stood with his chest pressed hard against his lovers back. He pressed his mouth into the crook of John Paul's neck kissing and nibbling it teasingly.
"I love it when you beg," Craig breathed hotly into John Paul's ear.
"I'll beg all you want… just please don't make me wait any more…"
There was a sudden coolness against John Paul's back as Craig stepped away from him but John Paul just remained stationary as he heard the drawer of his bedside cabinet being pulled open, it was a good thing that Craig knew where he kept all his important supplies.
Craig was behind him again in an instant, fighting with his jean, pulling them down roughly to allow his painfully aroused cock freedom. He flipped the lid of the bottle he had grabbed from John Paul's cabinet and poured its contents over his erection, sighing as the oily liquid ran over him in a promise of things to come.
Craig guided his slippery cock between John Paul's buttocks drawing small teasing circles at the pulsating opening hidden there.
"Tell me how much you want this," Craig insisted as he pushed against John Paul's flesh lightly, too lightly to penetrate him.
"You know I do…" John Paul whimpered trying to push back against the cock poised against him but Craig simply moved back with him enjoying the teasing almost as much as he knew he would enjoy the final satisfaction.
"But I want you to tell me… say it John Paul… tell me what you want…"
"I want you," John Paul said his voice heavy with desperation, "I want you inside me… I want to feel you in me… I want you to fuck me… I want… oh god!"
Before John Paul had finished speaking Craig, unable to resist his own desires any longer, plunged himself hard into John Paul's willing body.
John Paul cried out as the hardness of Craig's cock drove deeply into him with a sudden force that took his breath away and caused a pain to rip through him.
Realising what he had done Craig froze. His lust had got the better of him and he felt a wave of guilt at John Paul's pained cry.
"John Paul I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to…"
"It's OK," John Paul panted as the pain subsided and his body relaxed around the cock buried deep inside him; "Don't stop Craig… for gods sake don't stop."
"It was your fault anyway," Craig justified as he began to move, rather more gently, in and out of the hot flesh that held him, "You're just too fucking hot to resist…"
"I know," John Paul laughed as he felt Craig sliding into him again and filling him in a way that was far more than just physical.
Craig held onto John Paul as he moved inside him, relishing the feeling of that hot, tight entrance that enveloped him perfectly.
He let his hand trail over John Paul's belly again until it came into contact with the hardness of his cock. He brushed his fingers over its length, listening to the soft sighs and whimpers his touch extracted from his lover, until finally taking it in a firm grip and moving his hand in a steady rhythm that he knew would quickly have the desire effect on John Paul, especially if he was feeling as aroused as Craig was.
"God you feel amazing," Craig gasped as he thrust himself deeper and harder into John Paul. He couldn't remember ever wanting anybody this much or making love to anyone ever feeling this good, this perfect.
"Craig… I… I'm gonna…" John Paul couldn't manage words as Craig hand on his cock drove him wild. Craig's teasing of his body had already pushed him to the edge and now the firm cock inside him and the tight hand pulling at him was too much to resist and in truth he had no wish to resist.
Knowing that John Paul was so close Craig increased his strokes, his body pounding hard against John Paul as he thrust himself inside and his hand moved faster over the cock that began to throb heavily in his grip.
"You're an incredible fuck you know," Craig moaned into John Paul's ear knowing that his words would be the final thing to push the man over the edge, "Fucking your arse like this, there's nothing like it…"
As he spoke Craig's hand gripped tighter and moved faster until John Paul felt the pressure in his body explode from him.
"Christ Craig, fuck me… fuck me hard…"
John Paul cried out with an animalistic need as his body shook with intense pleasure, his climax ripping though his flesh as he clawed at the wood beneath his hands. His cock pulsed in Craig's palm as he came, spattering the door before him and covering the hand that held him.
John Paul's body contracted around Craig's cock making him slam harder into the flesh that was bringing him so close to release.
"God John Paul," Craig panted as he felt the power of his orgasm racing towards him.
"Fuck me Craig," John Paul urged, "I want to feel you come inside me…"
"John Paul, yes… I…"
Craig shouted out his pleasure before sinking his teeth into John Paul's neck. His body shook and he pounded hard into John Paul as his climax rushed from him pouring deep inside his lover.
They leant together against the door breathless but satisfied, their brows glistening with sweat.
"I forgot to ask," John Paul said as he gradually regained his senses, "What brings you back to Chester."
Craig laughed as he pulled away from the comfort John Paul's body and stood on shaky legs as he adjusted his clothes. "I just wanted to see you," he said simply.
"I'm glad you did," John Paul replied turning to face him, "I've really missed you.
"I missed you to," Craig said taking the man he loved in his arms and holding him close, "More than you can imagine."
---
Craig rested his head against John Paul's chest contentedly, it always amazed him how this location could be more comfortable than any pillow he had ever known.
John Paul's fingertips trailed lazily through Craig's hair, happy to have the man back with him again even if it would only be for a short time.
"Did you really only come back coz you wanted to see me?" John Paul asked with a smile.
"Mmm," Craig mumbled desperately trying to fight off the sleep that pulled at him, "I told you… I was missing you…"
"I wish you were here all the time," John Paul said sadly, "Sometimes being apart is so hard… and I…"
John Paul bit his lip. It would be so easy to just hold Craig for as long as he could and to keep his secret buried deep inside where it could do no harm. But John Paul had had enough of secrets in his life and he knew that they had a habit of being revealed whether or not you wanted them to be.
"What is it?" Craig turned his eyes to John Paul at the pain he heard in his voice.
"There's something I think I should tell you… and you won't like it."
Craig felt a cold hand grip at his chest, there was something about John Paul's tone and the sorrow in those pale blue eyes that made him fear the worst.
"What's happened?" He asked raising himself to his knees and looking down on John Paul. He had asked the question but he wasn't all that sure he wanted to know the answer.
John Paul pulled himself upright until his back was resting against his headboard.
"I got really drunk the other night…"
"OK."
"I mean REALLY drunk… I went out with… Spike."
Craig felt his chest tighten at the mention of that name. Spike… why did this have to involve Spike?
"And I was missing you Craig, god I was missing you so bad…" John Paul reached out to take hold of Craig's arm. There was a darkness in Craig's eyes that John Paul hadn't seen for a long time… one that he had hoped he wouldn't see again.
"What happened?" Craig voice was cold as he spoke and it sent chills through John Paul's soul.
"I kissed him," John Paul's voice was hardly more than a whisper and he lowered his gaze as he spoke not ready to see the disappointment in Craig's eyes.
Craig ground his teeth together as he pulled away from John Paul's hand. He left the bed and stood beside John Paul's window, the balmy afternoon had clouded over while they made love and it was now dark and heavy looking.
"And is that all…?" Craig could hardly talk around the bile he could feel rising in his throat.
"Not quite," John Paul admitted, "I went back to his flat…"
Craig spun around to face John Paul, his eyes flashing with a murderous anger. "Did you fuck him," he spat out bitterly.
"NO! God no…" John Paul insisted as he walked to Craig's side, "I didn't… I wouldn't… It's just stupid… I was stupid… I was drunk… and lonely… and I missed you – I wanted YOU."
"Oh I see," Craig replied bitterly, "You were missing me so much you thought you'd have a quick fumble with your ex?"
"It wasn't like that Craig," John Paul said his eyes sparkling with tears that were threatening to escape, "Please try to understand…"
"Understand?" Craig snapped, "How am I supposed to understand that you missed me so much you went and snogged another…"
Craig's words died on his lips as he realised what he was saying. If anyone could understand such an action then surely it was Craig. After all it was an action he had taken himself and it was an action that had been the driving force behind his urgent desire to see John Paul again.
He closed his eyes and scraped his fingers through his hair. "Why did it have to be Spike?" he asked quietly.
"Does that matter?" John Paul replied feeling relieved as he saw Craig's initial anger draining from him.
"It matters," Craig said lifting his eyes to John Paul's, "Why couldn't it be anyone but him?"
"It just was… that's not what's important… I don't understand why it being Spike makes a difference."
"Because it's Spike… he's always there… in the background… getting in the way." Craig struggled with his thoughts as they cascaded through his mind.
"No he isn't," John Paul argued, "He's in the past… YOU'RE what's important to me now… I don't know why you still hate him so much."
"Because he's Spike… because he…" Craig paused desperate for the words that would make any sense and not sure that any of the ones he chose would be enough. "Because he took you from me… he was the first one you…"
John Paul's eyes widened in surprise at Craig's words. "Are you telling me that you dislike Spike so much because he was the first man I slept with?"
"It should have been me," Craig said confirming John Paul's theory, "I just needed more time but he got in the way and stole that from me."
"Oh Craig you idiot," John Paul couldn't hold back a small laugh, "You know that Spike is nothing compared to you… HE might have been the first bloke I slept with… but you were the first…NO, the ONLY person I've ever made love to."
"Make sure you keep it that way," Craig insisted pulling John Paul into his arms.
"Does this mean I'm forgiven," John Paul asked breathing in the scent of Craig's hair.
"That depends," Craig told him.
"On what?"
Craig stepped back holding John Paul at arms length. "On if you can forgive me…"
John Paul laughed. "Oh and what exactly have YOU done?"
Craig licked his lips nervously. "I kissed Adam," he said sheepishly.
John Paul frowned for a second. "Adam?" he asked, "Your straight flatmate Adam?"
Craig nodded.
"You hypocrite," John Paul said with annoyance, "You give me a hard time about Spike and you… with Adam…"
"I'm an idiot remember?" Craig said with a shrug.
"Too right you are," John Paul agreed punching him lightly on the arm, "But you're MY idiot."
John Paul accepted the embrace that Craig offered him and they held each other close.
After a while the full meaning behind Craig's confession hit John Paul and he couldn't help but laugh.
"What?" Craig asked.
"Adam!" John Paul chuckled, "How the hell did he react when you kissed him?"
"He was OK about it really," Craig said, "He didn't freak out or anything… I think he understood that I was missing you so much…"
John Paul laughed again. "We're a right pair aren't we?" he said with a grin.
"Obviously not safe to be kept apart," Craig replied.
"You could be right," John Paul agreed, "We really are gonna have to do something about that."