Castle Madison: Early October
Lord John had to leave Castle Madison for a few weeks, promising his girls he'll be back in time for the All Hallow's Day festival and with a kiss on their foreheads he left hardly saying goodbye to Cassandra. John being gone though meant that now both McGinty and Cassandra were running the castle and, McGinty now having less and less free time.
Cassandra found she was missing the Steward's company as he darted from place to place or would stay cooped up in the Lord's study, reviewing and looking at papers.
Jane and Mary's quiet disposition hadn't changed since their father's leaving, if anything they seemed sadder. Hoping to get them to talk and their minds off their father she posed them a question during High Tea. "What is this festival I'm hearing about?"
Jane didn't say anything but Mary seemed to perk up, her youthful face growing excited. "It's the All Hallow's Day Festival. Mother based it off of some old holiday that had been done to celebrate the ending of summer and the beginning of winter. It's so much fun! There's singing and dancing and laughter and so many wonderful foods!" Cassandra's eyes widen a bit on how much and fast Mary said this.
I don't think I've ever heard her speak so much. But Cassandra soon smiled, happy to have at least one of the girls talking. "That does sound like fun."
"It was mother's favorite event," Jane spoke, her gaze not moving from the embroidery she was stitching. "The year she died and it came time for the festival father was going to stop producing it but McGinty, I guess, talked him out of it as somehow in the end we had a festival that year."
"Yes and McGinty sang such a beautiful tribute in mother's honor." Mary smiled at the memory. This was new; Cassandra didn't know McGinty could sing.
"He sings?" Both girls nodded their heads.
"McGinty, Byrom, Kelly –the horse trainer-, Harkin –the minstrel-, Byrne – I think he works in the kitchens or something- and Cahill -our music teacher- all sing together on special occasions like the festival."
Unfortunately though Cassandra couldn't ask them any more questions as at that minute said music teacher entered the common sitting room of the castle.
"Good morning, Cahill," Cassandra greeted. "Is it time for the girls' music lessons?"
"Yes, Ma'am," he bowed low. Cassandra nodded her head, telling the girls she would talk with them after their lessons. The girls and Cahill left the room, leaving Cassandra in silence but after a few minutes of silence she left to locate the young Steward, she wouldn't mind the company as she embroidered.
It only took a few tries; there were only a few places he would be. He was found in John's study looking through some papers.
"Would you like some company, McGinty?" The young male's head shot up at hearing her voice and a tired smile came to his face while his soul filled eyes danced.
"I am fairly busy at the moment but if you want to stay and endure my quiet company, you are more than welcome." He turned his head back to his papers.
Cassandra just smiled and settled right in the chair across the desk from McGinty.
They entered a pleasant silence as they did their own work. But after another hour and half of reading boring papers Damian decided to take a break, especially as his neck and eyes were giving him pains.
"How's the sampler coming?" Cassandra didn't look up but she did smile.
"Slow but steady," she paused to hold the needlework up for him to see. From what Damian could tell of such finery it looked more or less like a blob of colored strings.
"It's coming along beautifully," he smiled not wanting to actually voice that it looked more like a patchwork quilt than anything else he had seen.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I just started it. How can it look beautiful when all it looks like is some random colored stitches?"
He opened his mouth to say something but closed it instead when nothing came to mind. Cassandra giggled at him and he decided he very much liked that sound.
"You're very cute," Cassandra commented as she took back up the needle. "Don't ever change."
He felt a strange warmth enter his cheeks at the compliment. "So, what is it going to look like?"
"Not sure," her voice was soft. "I'm thinking of going to try to do the castle's suit of arms and around it would be a green vine with some flowers growing out of it or something."
"Sounds ambitious."
"Only the coat of arms." She gave him a soft smile as she pulled out some scissors and cut the thread, tying it quick before pulling out some more of a different color.
He watched her hands intently, watched as graceful and slender fingers worked the string and the piece of material it was on. I wonder, he thought as he watched her work. How soft are those hands? He felt such a desire to stand up and walk over to her, taking one of her hands in his and feeling them. Were they soft and smooth? How would their hands fit? When he was a young boy his mother always told him that she knew his father was the one because of how their hands had fit. He hadn't understood what that had meant at the time but now that he was older… he was starting to understand.
"What are you thinking about?" Damian was drawn out of his thoughts by her curious voice.
"Hmm?" He focused back in on her, focused back in on the thought that he was a servant and she was going to be his Lord's Lady. They could never be.
"What are you thinking about? You looked so serious just sitting there staring." Her deep forest eyes went back down to her needlework.
You, he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. "I was just thinking…" he awkwardly trailed off before focusing in on the papers in front of him. "About the new land reports." He faked a smile, she looked up quickly to pass him a look that clearly said she didn't believe him, but she let it go though.
Damian went back to reading said reports but it didn't take long before Cassandra asked another question. "What's your position on romance?"
"What? Romance?" He looked back up, slightly confused on how they entered that subject. "What is with you women and romance?"
She shrugged. "It's a nice thought to know that someone loves and cares for you."
"Isn't the love of a parent and our savior and God enough for you?"
Cassandra paused and in a rare show of nerves, bit her own lip. "They are but there's something special, comforting, about having the love of someone who is completely ordinary with no tie to you other than the fact he loves you. Is that so bad?"
He didn't respond for a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts on the issue. "If love does exist then it should not effect my relationship to Lord John, he has done more than enough for me and I owe him my allegiance and respect. I will not participate in any activities, no matter how strong the feeling is, that could disrupt that."
The young lady nodded her head before cutting the string, knotting it and swiftly departing with the words. "I'll let you be then." But Damian had noticed as she had packed up that her eyes were holding a strange gleam to them, a sad and hurt gleam.
The young Steward felt a small part of his heart want to jump up, grab her and tell her otherwise. That he would leave Lord John's service if only she could reciprocate his feelings of care and promise. But that wasn't the case, she couldn't, shouldn't, reciprocate those feelings. A part of his heart, the same part that wanted to go after her, broke at the thought of not being able to consul and comfort her. All he wanted to do was protect her, and, if she did hold these feelings for him he would have to break her heart. For he was just a servant and she was a lady.
There was a tense silence between them after that noon, neither one talked to the other except on terms of absolute business. Cassandra busied herself with the girls and writing to her friends and family back in England, taking a more active stance in her duties as Lady of the Castle while Damian concentrated on running the castle.
As the two ignored each other a sickness started to creep through the castle. It happened subtly with a few of the older servants getting sick but then it started to spread. After the tenth person got the same terrible fever and chills Cassandra called a nearby physician, a man named Browne. He immediately quarantined the castle and all of its inhabitants until he could figure out what the sickness was.
Dear Mum, Cassandra had started writing one night a few days later, after thirty other servants became ill. A strange epidemic has risen among the servants. McGinty is doing the best he can with keeping the servants calm and everything running as smoothly as possible. I fear he might grow ill soon he's working himself so hard.
Please pray for everyone's health, Mother. Mary is terribly frightened and while Jane doesn't show it, I know she is too. I'm scared as well. I don't know what to do! I don't know how to help. The doctor is refusing to let me in to see the sick as he's afraid I'll catch it too but… I want to help! I don't just like sitting here, wondering. At least McGinty is doing something. Oh, Mother I'm so scared!
Love your frightened daughter,
Cassandra
Two weeks later though it looked like they was starting to pull through the crisis. That was until Cassandra woke up from a cold and heart-racing dream. Her eyes were wide as her mind replayed the last words she had screamed in the dream, "No. NO!"
Why had she reacted like that? Why had she froze at seeing him in that position and when the doctor had told her the news the whole world seemed to have died? Why had it shocked her so badly?
But she knew. She knew exactly why it did shock her, and the nightmare had only proved it further. She wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon this night and so she decided to take a night walk in the starlight. It was finally a new moon with a clear sky, making it so that the only things lighting up the sky were the stars and the patterns they made.
Outside it was quiet, the only sounds coming from the wind in the trees and the night animals stirring in the bushes. Cassandra didn't have a clue on where she was going until she turned on a path that lead to a small pond, a few feet away sat a stone bench, peering at the reflective surface. Deciding this would be a good place to stop, she fixed her shawl and moved over to the bench. Sitting down she straightened her dress and peered at the small pond. It looked dark and mysterious in the limited light, where everything was dressed in shadows. It was spooky being here by herself… alone.
"My Lady?" Cassandra jumped, startled to see and hear someone with a lantern coming closer. "My Lady, what are you doing up at this untimely hour? Surely you need your bed rest."
"McGinty?" As the figure came closer and her eyes got more used to the light she realized that the figure was indeed the young Steward. She felt her body relax at the presence of another person there.
"Yes?" he said his tone grave and tired, he looked tired and… defeated. She sighed, looking away from him and back to the pond.
"I had a night terror. Couldn't go back to sleep."
"So you decided to go walking without an escort at dark?" Even though his tone was polite she could tell he thought the idea was stupid.
"I'm in the Castle grounds," she objected her tone light as she looked back at him. She could see his face in the lamplight, except his piercing blue eyes. Those were in the shadows.
McGinty shook his head clearly disapproving of the idea. "Even still it's no place for a lady like you to be after dark." The young blonde woman didn't say anything for a moment.
She turned away, not willing to admit it to his face. In a soft voice though she answered, "The dream just scared me so much." McGinty closed his eyes and placed the lantern on the ground as he took a seat beside her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She hesitated for a second before slowly nodding her head. She knew, she shouldn't be telling him the dream, how much it scared and shocked her. How much she cared. But, right now, under the moonlight in private, she could pretend for just a few moments that it was only just them, in their own little world where whatever decision they made wouldn't affect anyone other then them. They were just Cassandra and Damian.
As she retold the nightmare neither one noticed their bodies naturally inching closer. "…I turned around then and saw you lying there on the bed your eyes were closed and you were having trouble breathing. I panicked and called the doctor over." She shook her head, her breath going a bit ragged as she relived the moment all over again. She could feel the tears building behind her eyes as she saw him lying there on the bed. His beautiful blue eyes shut from the world, his chest moving up and down, uneven, as he tried to take in breaths, until he stopped. Cassandra could hear her own piercing scream in her mind as she watched that replay in her mind. A tear started to roll down her face, followed by another and then another. "You had stopped breathing. The doctor had rushed over to your side but it was too late. He just pulled your blanket over your head and said a prayer. All I could do was stand there, staring at your body, the only words escaping my mouth were, 'No, he can't be dead. No he can't leave me!' But you had." With one shuddering breath she collapsed into sobs as the image of the young Steward, her friend, her… no, she couldn't say it because it could never happen between them, laid dead before her eyes. It was all she could see; all she could hear was her own screams.
Damian blinked a few times as he stared at the young lady who was now in tears beside him. He had died in her dreams from the illness that had taken several other good peoples' lives, she had dreamt he had been one of them.
He stared at her, saying barely above a whisper. "Please, please stop crying." Her peals didn't shrink. He touched her shoulder, squeezing it gently, not knowing what to do really. He had never been very good at comforting people. "Please stop."
"He's dead. He can't be dead." She whispered as she shook her head, refusing to believe the dream. "He just can't."
She's still reliving it. He touched her face then, trying to wipe her tears away. "My Lady. Lady Cassandra I'm right here. I'm alive. I'm fine. Please stop crying." He was louder this time, a bit more forceful but still pleading with her. She was still crying, still refusing to listen.
He grabbed her hands that had been busy twisting and folding her shawl and brought them instead to his face so she could feel him. "I'm right here!" This time there was no plea, only desperation to break the illusion. "I'm alive. It's only a dream. Please, stop crying, please!" He whispered into her thumb that had moved to gently touch his lips. "Please stop. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm here!" Her tears started to slow and her breathing was slowly starting to even. "I'm here." He squeezed her hands that rested on his cheeks and felt her fingers start to move, her soft, smooth fingers brushing against his cheeks, her thumbs touching the corners of his mouth. "I'm here." She opened her eyes then and he looked into shinning deep green eyes. "I'm right here. It's just a dream. The sickness is leaving. We've survived. I'm right here."
Cassandra took a shuddering breath before pulling herself into him, breaking his grip on her hands so she could wrap them around his neck. She clung to him, tight, as she repeated his words into his chest.
"You're alive. You're okay. You're alive."
Slow and awkward he wrapped his own arms around her, wondering if they should really be this close, before disregarding the thought. She needed comfort and he would do his best to provide it. It was the least he could do.
"Don't worry, my Lady. I'll look after you. Don't worry." He whispered into her ear as he rubbed her back and arms, remembering how his own father once had done the same thing with his mother. "I will protect you for as long as I'm near you and have the power to do so." Her breathing was evening out, he could feel her own chest against his torso, start to slow down and become calm. "I'll protect you," he whispered into her hair, her sweet, sweet smelling hair.
"Can you?" she asked, her voice muffled by his shirt.
"To the best of my abilities. You mean too much to me not to protect."
She wasn't expecting that, especially with such a force and sincerity she had never heard from him or anyone else before. "You mean too much to me not to protect." No, no one had ever said that to her before, that she meant so much to them and hearing it coming from him. A man she was considering to mean much more to her than anyone else she had ever met before and, was quite positive, would ever meet again. Her heart was beating fast again and strange butterflies had taken up residence in her stomach. Did he have feelings for her?
"McGinty?" She finally looked up into his eyes that she couldn't really see but in her's Damian saw the stars, the stars twinkling so bright.
"Please," he interrupted as he gazed into those eyes. "Call me Damian. At least for tonight, please."
She nodded her head, not breaking their gazes. "Damian, what do you feel for me? And please, please, be honest. Don't tell me what you think I do or do not want to hear. Just tell me the truth of your feelings. What do you feel for me?"
Damian was caught off guard by the question, his eyes expanding a little bit as his breath caught in his throat. But, he forced a breath. He closed his eyes and tilted his head up a bit, trying to understand the feelings bursting within him at this moment, in this scene.
She had asked for his feelings. His feelings? He wanted to make her laugh, make her smile. He wanted to hold her and care for her. If he had to go home to a girl everyday, it would be her. He knew she wasn't perfect, she had her moments of weakness and selfishness, but the good ones outweighed all those moments. The ones spent together walking around talking and laughing.
Cassandra had told him that night they had both walked around the castle with candles in their hands that she had always dreamed of marrying for love. She had dreamt of being married to a kind and gracious gentleman who would grow to love her and raise their children together in happiness and love. To love and be loved, money and status not being an issue.
When he had heard that he had been impressed. Most of the women he would hear their dreams of thought of rich, and handsome men who would cart them off to a palace or manor to live in, taking them away from the work of a peasant. Very shallow girls who sat around dreaming of men they couldn't have when he knew plenty of perfectly good men who, while might not be rich, would take care of a girl and try to keep her happy. And that was the man that Cassandra wanted.
As he thought of this and Cassandra's perfect man, he was realizing more and more that he wanted to be that man. The man to fulfill her dreams of love. Throwing all caution to the wind as this could easily ruin his job or possibly even his life, here he told her. She had asked for honesty.
"Honesty, you ask," he started slow and soft. Moving his head back down to see Cassandra opening her eyes, revealing her deep forest green orbs again. "Then I shall give it." She nodded her head and he swallowed, his throat growing dry as he opened his mouth. "I do care for you more than I should, My Lady Cassandra. But I can't seem to hide these feelings inside myself any more.
"I want to court you. I want you to become my wife so everyday when I come home I can see your smiling face. To hold you in my arms and shower you with kisses and soft caress all through the night. To sleep with you, in my bed, underneath the starlight and share all the happiness and sorrow in the world with you. I want to be with you. Those are my feelings for you." He slowly, and with great reluctance, started to separate from her. "But you are going to be getting married to my Lord and I am nothing but a servant. If you no longer desire my company, I understand. All I ask is that you let me know so I can tell Lord Madison I need to leave his services." He broke away, getting ready to leave but Cassandra took his hand, holding it.
"Wait," she spoke, soft and sweet. "Please, don't leave." He stopped moving; she didn't let go of his hand.
She got up, moving ever so slowly to face him. Licking her lips, she opened her mouth, cautious and careful. "I feel the same way. I want to be with you too." It was a whisper, a whisper he barely missed, but he still heard it. Still heard the words formed and those words fall off her lips.
"I feel the same way. I want to be with you too."
He felt his heart leap up into his throat in happiness and relief, a happy smile coming on to his face. He was so giddy with excitement he could scream but then he remembered where he was and his place. That bubble of happiness burst, his heart seeming to now rest in his stomach. They couldn't be. "You are getting married to my Lord and I am his most faithful servant. We can not be together."
She shakes her head, irritated. "I don't want to be with him. I want to be with you."
"You don't have a choice." She glared at him for that.
"Nobody has to know. It can be our secret." He continued to shake his head.
"I can't betray my Lord. He's the reason I'm here today. I can't betray his trust or loyalty with him. If I was to be with you it would be illegal and I would betray everything he has ever given me. I can't do that to him."
Her eyes narrowed and turned down. Damian had the urge to pick up her face and once again cradle it in his hands, to stare back into her eyes.
"Please, Cassandra, look at me." His voice sounded like one of a hurt puppy, he was heartbroken. She knew, because she was feeling the same pain to.
With great reluctance she looked back up at him and found she could see his eyes, eyes that were showing a whirlwind of torment, pain and loneliness; his soul. "Do you know what I see when I look into your eyes?" He spoke soft and sweet, a hand coming up to rest right below her chin so she couldn't move her head away from his gaze. "I see another world. A world full of people who can be who they want to be, not what they are supposed to or should be. I see that world and I want to be in it. Never doubt that for a second."
"Why are you telling me this if we can not be?" He was saying all the right words to make her dreams come true, but he wasn't letting it happen. So why say them? Her eyes were starting to itch again as the tears were starting to build, but she refused to let them roll down her cheeks. She didn't want to show how hurt she really was by all this.
"'Cause I do want us to be," he sounded determined and strong, like he could really make them into a possibility. Her eyes widen a bit in confusion and despair. Not understanding what he was trying to tell her. "I want us to be together more than anything."
Cassandra opened her mouth but quickly closed it again as the two heard the echoing noise of a group of men coming from a little bit away. Cassandra and Damian's eyes grew wide, if the guards found them together Damian could and, probably would, get into very deep trouble as he was with the young Lady, with no chaperone and, in the dark of night.
"Follow me!" She whispered, letting her hand tangle with his as she gently tugged him behind a tall hedge that stood behind the bench, separating the pond from the rest of the garden.
"The lantern!" He whispered in a slight panic but it was to late, they could already hear the sentries now turn the corner and one of them noticed the out of place small, burning lantern.
The four sentries picked up the lantern and looked around for the trespassers. "Check behind the ledge!" one of them ordered, another sentry followed the order and as he stepped behind the hedge he was greeted with…
A/N: and that's all folks! Don't you all just love me right now? I leave you a cliffhanger, not to mention it's even cut off in the middle of a sentence! Ha! I feel so evil right now. Especially since I'm not planning on updating for almost a week (going to LA for Thanksgiving, root! Root!).
Well, let me know what you guys think. If you want to kill, maim, torture me that's okay too. I completely understand. But please do tell me what you think, I love hearing what my readers are thinking about my story and where it is going.
Please Review and everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!