Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews!! ::giggles:: They made me happy! Thanks to: shimi, Bridget N, Froline el-Vasper, Riana Bay ((hey, I know you!!)), Moonlight and Midnight ((wait, I know you too!!)), and PanPan ((thanks for reviewing my other stories, too! That made me happy!))
Getting Over You: Fixing ThingsDo
I drink? Do I date?
I've got perfect placement all my
ink.
Satisfied, in your eyes.
I'm the biggest fan I've got
right now.
I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look.
The
people around me, the people surround me.
I feel big, I feel tall,
I feel dry.
The Used – I'm A Fake i
Remus Lupin's PoV
I kissed Sirius.
Bloody hell. I kissed Sirius Black, my best friend. Isn't there some rule about loving your best friend and acting upon it? Doesn't that ruin the relationship? I imagine that if such a rule exists, I definitely broke it, and Sirius won't want to talk to me anymore.
I'm such a bloody moron!
As soon I got to the Gryffindor tower, I raced through the common room and up to the dormitory. Once there, I shut the curtains around my bed and threw myself down on it, burying my head in my pillow and letting the tears come. That was perhaps the stupidest and most humiliating thing that I have ever done in my seventeen years of existence. And that was including when I almost told Sirius that I didn't like girls about two seconds before I kissed him.
Today seemed to be the day for gay mishaps.
I sat up and wiped the tears from my face, hoping Sirius wouldn't come in for a bit. I quickly got out of bed and changed into my pajamas, secretly hoping that this was a terrible nightmare that I would soon wake up from.
No kissing Lily.
No kissing Sirius.
Just.. no kissing at all.
But, oh, it would be wonderful to kiss Sirius again. Those lips were incredibly soft and seemed to mold perfectly to mine. It was just what I had dreamed of.
Except for the running away part, of course. In my dreams, I push Sirius roughly against a wall and kiss him frantically and passionately, my tongue sliding over his. I'd run my hands through that glorious hair and-
Footsteps on the stairs pulled me harshly out of my delicious fantasy. I quickly hid behind my curtains and burrowed myself deep under my covers. I heard the dormitory door swing open and people – two, three? – come in the room.
"Where's Remus?" I hear James ask. The door clicked shut behind him.
"Dunno," Peter replied. Maybe Sirius wasn't there at all… "He came tearing through the common room about thirty minutes ago."
"Keep it down, I think he's asleep," a familiar voice admonished. Oh, my dear beautiful Sirius… "His bed curtains are closed."
The voices lowered considerably out of courtesy for me and I was soon lulled into sleep. With the memory of Sirius's kiss fresh on my lips, I slipped into quiet dreams of Sirius, my shining star.
Three Days Later, Sirius Black's PoV
I was woken up early by rustles on the other side of my bed curtains. I looked at the watch I had neglected to remove the night before and groaned quietly.
Six o'clock. In the morning.
I lay there for a bit, trying to wake up properly. Or at least enough so that I wouldn't bite off the head of the first person I saw. Knowing that I would never be able to get back to sleep, I sat up and pulled the curtains away. I stretched and yawned with my eyes closed against the morning light and heard a door close quickly. I opened my eyes and noticed that the curtains on Remus's bed were open, and he wasn't in it. I had successfully managed to avoid talking to him for the past three days, which meant sitting through a silent detention, and I hoped that I could continue to postpone the inevitable.
Running my hands through my hair I walked over to the bathroom, absently noticing the wet carpet and opened the door. The most beautiful I sight I had ever seen greeted me on the other side of the door.
Remus was standing there with nothing on but a towel about his waist, his pale skin illuminated from the droplets still clinging to him. His hair was wet and dripping onto his shoulders, leaving wonderful trails of water that I followed with my eager gaze. Remus's six pack was glistening with the water he didn't fully dry off and from the face down he was slowly turning pink from embarrassment.
"I.. um.. I thought you were.. um.. gone.." I mumbled, still staring at him and standing in the doorway.
Remus looked down, his face and chest turning even redder. "I thought you were asleep.."
For a few more moments we both just stood there in silence, unsure of what to say or do. "Well.. um.. I should go get dressed.." Remus said, leaving his sentence hanging, now bright red.
I nodded a bit and moved to one side, as did he. We moved forward at the same time, not fully realizing that we had both moved to the same side. As we bumped, my arms automatically wrapped around him so he wouldn't fall. I blushed at the delicious feeling of Remus's warm, damp skin connecting with mine.
It felt so amazingly … right.
Before I could think of what I wanted to say or lean in and kiss those tantalizing lips, Remus was quickly backing away and rushing past me. "Excuse me," he mumbled and shut the door quietly behind him.
I stared at the closed door for a bit, amazed at my own stupidity. I ran my hands threw my hair again and shook my head. What the hell was my problem? It was obvious that Remus didn't want me, so why did I keep going after him? With a sigh, I stripped and stepped into the water. I turned the water on hot, needing the almost unbearable heat to pound my skin. I tilted my head back, letting the scalding water spray across my face.
Why did I decide to act upon this feeling I had for Remus? Why couldn't I have just continued on like I had been, pretending I didn't want my best friend? I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel as I did so. Why couldn't I have just kept up the façade that I'd had for years now and act like I wasn't gay?
Well, I suppose technically I would be bisexual, because I definitely like women. But none of them as much as I like Remus. As much as I wanted Remus. As much as I needed Remus.
I opened the bathroom door and saw Remus's bed empty and no trace of him left in the room. I knew none of the other boys would be awake yet, so I quickly got dressed and headed towards the Great Hall.
When I finally arrived there, my heart sank as I realized how few people were up on Saturday at seven o'clock. The only Gryffindor that I knew (besides Remus) was Marius Lovegood, and he tended to be a bit… fuzzy. With a great sigh I walked over to where Remus was sitting and plopped down next to him.
"Morning, Rem," I said cheerfully, as if nothing had happened earlier.
"Good morning, Sirius," he answered politely. I could almost hear my heart break. Remus hadn't talked to me like that since I confronted him about being a werewolf and he thought I would leave him.
"Why are you up so early?" I asked, trying to start a conversation. Remus simply shrugged and continued staring at his bowl of oatmeal. I sighed and pushed the cereal I had poured into a bowl around with my spoon. This wasn't right. Things weren't supposed to be this awkward around us. By now we'd be laughing and smiling and joking with each other.
And it was all my fault.
I had to fix it.
"What have you been up to? We haven't really been talking the past few days." Remus looked up, surprise in his eyes. Did he think I hadn't noticed?
"Nothing. Just school work, you know," Remus replied and looked back down. He pushed his bowl away and stood up. "See you later, Sirius."
"Remmy…" I said softly and pleadingly as he began to walk away, not expecting him to hear me. Remus stopped and slowly turned around and looked at me, a question in his eyes. "Talk to me, Rem, please."
My speech was thick with the fight with myself to hold back the tears that threatened to break through. I refused to cry in front of Remus, but it was so hard.
Remus just shook his head and turned back around, walking out of the Great Hall.
I sat there for a few moments, not quite believing what had just happened. I jumped up out of my chair and left the Great Hall as fast as I could without running. I burst out of the school into the dim, dewy morning and let the tears fall.
Remus hated me.
He hated me because I was stupid and had given him unwanted attention. Not in a million years would he ever forgive me. How could I live without Remus talking to me?
I stalked around the grounds with my hands in my pockets and my head down. Slowly the rain started to fall and within minutes I was soaked. The rain suited my mood. I walked around the lake, watching my feet kick at the rock earth. Suddenly another pair of feet came into view, but the fact that someone else was there didn't register until I bumped into them. I wrapped my arms around them – her – so she wouldn't fall and was vividly reminded of earlier that morning.
I looked up and realizing who it was quickly let go and scowled. "Watch where you're going, Evans."
Lily Evans scowled back and shoved her hands in her pockets. "You watch where you're going, Black." Her hair was flying around her face and she shook it back. "What are you doing out here anyway?"
"I could ask you the same thing," I replied and hoped she couldn't tell that I had been crying. I didn't need people knowing that I had been crying and discovered by Evans.
"If you tell me, I'll tell you," Evans said, suddenly very serious, the scowl no longer on her face.
I studied her for a moment, trying to decide whether or not I could trust her. "I got in a fight with Remus." Sort of. "And now he won't talk to me."
"I'm sorry, Sirius," Evans said, sounding sincere, using my first name for the first time since our third year at Hogwarts. "I know you guys are really close." Evans looked down and kicked at a rock. "Was it – well, did you guys fight over me kissing him?"
I sighed and ran my hands through my wet hair. "At first. Then we kinda fought over something else. I tried talking to him today and he just walked away. I think he hates me."
Evans looked up at me and shook her head vehemently. "He doesn't hate you. Remus could never hate you. I be he's just confused." I looked at her, a little afraid of what she was getting at. But she wasn't done talking. "You kissed him, didn't you?"
"WHAT?!" I exclaimed, not able to stop myself from the outburst. How the hell had she guessed that? "Why would I kiss Remus? He's my best friend. And a guy." I was going to burn in hell. Evans just shrugged and I glared at her furiously. She obviously didn't believe me. I had to convince her, but how?
As the idea came to me I slyly smirked. I grabbed her hand and pulled her tight against me. Before she could react, I crushed her mouth with mine and wrapped her tightly in my arms. Evans made some noise – primal, exotic – in the back of her throat and threw her arms around me. I sucked on her bottom lip and opened her lips with mine, sliding my tongue into her mouth and caressing her tongue with mine.
I felt her melt in my arms and I nipped her bottom lip before I drew back.
Her eyes were dreamy and blurred. I held her close for a second, just to make sure she wouldn't fall, and then let her go. I couldn't help but smirk at her still dreamy gaze.
"See you later, Evans," I said cockily and walked away. It wasn't until later that I realized Evans hadn't told me why she had been walking in the rain alone on a Saturday morning.
Remus Lupin's PoV
Why hadn't I just talked to him? Why had I been so incredibly stupid? Sirius obviously just wanted to forget that anything had happened and he was trying to get everything back to normal. But no, I had to be stupid.
But was it stupid to not want to forget the greatest moment in my life?
Okay, maybe saying the greatest moment in my life was when Sirius and I kissed was going overboard, but it was definitely up there. The greatest moment in my life so far was when Sirius confronted me about being a werewolf and didn't run away. He is so beautiful. Oops, off topic.
I sighed and sketched idly on a piece of parchment. I was in the Library, sitting at my own table in a corner. My spot. I had a pile of books around me, thought I wasn't reading any of them. They were just my cover. The Library was my special place to relax and do what I loved most. Not even Sirius knew about this. All the Marauders thought I came here to read and study.
Come on, give me a break. I did have a life. A pathetic one, but it was there.
The one thing that no one knew about me was that I was an artist. When I came to the Library it was because I needed to be alone to draw. My pack was filled with pictures that I had drawn, only a few in color since painting wasn't exactly permitted in the Library. I had to wait until night to do that.
I pulled out a new piece of parchment and began to sketch my love. Where he belonged. Among the stars. I drew an ethereal spirit with a smile and laughing eyes. I drew a mischievous sprite with flowing wings and stars in his hands. The stars and the moon.
The angel that held my fate in his hands.
Star child.
Sirius.
When I finished I set down my quill and looked at the drawing, by far my greatest piece of art ever.
Then I put my head in my hands and cried.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXAuthor's Note: There's another chapter over and done with! I should have chapter three up soon. After that, they may take a bit. Just a warning, I'm a bit slow with updates. But I really love this story, so as long as I have reviews, I'll be motivated. ((Hint, Hint)) I don't care if you email me either, just to tell me to get my friggin ass moving. - I love you guys!!
Rae