The Europe tour was over. The band had played UK, Denmark, Sweden, Germany, Luxembourg, France and Belguim. It had been incredible; the buzz after each show was palpable even the morning after. Yet the constant touring had taken its toll, I could tell. Tegan - yes Tegan – had even grown quiet lately, preferring to listen to her ipod and read after shows than drink beer and play cards with the band. Sara rarely looked up from her book lately. The fatigue took its hold on everybody. Even some members of the band were feeling it. Ted, sweet and lovable Ted, had become impatient and sensitive. Sonia was a blessing in disguise. Her mere presence restored a sense of tranquillity to everybody; her relentless enthusiasm simply didn't allow for people to become miserable. Thankfully we all had just over a week off until the next show, and being home for a while was a blessing.
These were my thoughts as Tegan and I got a cab from the airport back home. It was a relief when I unlocked the door of our apartment and we staggered in with our suitcases.
"Mmmmm that smells good," Tegan sighed, her eyes closed. "Home."
We dropped our suitcases on the floor in the hall, and Tegan wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug. Precious seconds ticked by. I sort of enjoyed it when Tegan was tired. Apart from the irritableness, she became a lot more vulnerable, letting her strong wall built of humour and confidence break away. She became infant-like, and I liked it as she became more dependent on me.
"Your hair is gross," I groaned as her head was pressed into my neck. "Please, go take a shower."
She reluctantly pulled away. "You're not too sparkly clean yourself," she replied. "Fine, I'll have first shower. Is there any food around here?" her voice trailed off as she moved towards the bedroom, dragging her huge suitcase along behind her.
I found some bread in the freezer and quickly defrosted it and put it in the toaster, spreading it thickly with butter. Tegan didn't like anything on her toast apart from butter. I brought the plate to the living room and relaxed into the sofa, letting the cushions envelope me. Sleep hovered in front of me, begging to be taken. I heard a few crashes in the bedroom, and guessed that Tegan was probably out of the shower. She walked into the living room in a pair of leggings and a hoodie, towel in hand, attempting to dry the mass of wavy hair which had grown so quickly over the tour.
"God, I feel so much better now," Tegan smiled, letting herself fall onto the couch next to me. She swung her legs up and over mine, and curled almost childlike into me. I slid one arm around her waist to hold her there, the other on her calf. Her hair was wet against my shoulder, but I didn't mind.
"Oooh you made food too," Tegan grabbed a slice of toast and took a large bite. "I'm so hungry," her words were muffled by the food in her mouth. One thing neither Sonia or I had ever managed to teach Tegan was table manners. She always talked with her mouth full and often chewed with her mouth open, and sometimes it irritated me. Right now, though, it just added to her vulnerability, which I took delight in.
Tegan swallowed. "I wonder what Sara's doing now."
"I don't want to know," I replied.
Stacy had come to the airport to welcome us back, and Sara fell into her arms immediately. After months with barely any contact, I was so happy that Sara and her girlfriend were reunited. Sara's loneliness and longing for Stacy on tour had been felt by all of us.
Tegan giggled. "Hrmm, true," she acknowledged, grinning. "Speaking of which…" With one arm around my neck, the other hand rested on my hip and lightly drew circles. She brushed her cheek against mine before lightly kissing my lips. I hadn't been alone with Tegan in what felt like forever. We kissed for a few minutes before she broke away to yawn.
"Man, I'm so tired," Tegan yawned again. Jet lag was the worst. I too was finding it difficult to keep my eyes open. I took a sleepy bite of buttery toast and looked sideways at Tegan. Her face was pale from lack of sleep and the bags under her eyes were a delicate grey. Her eyes, however, sparkled mischievously.
I stroked her cheek as leaned in again to kiss her, brushing her lips lightly. I was surprised by her reaction, as instead of kissing softly as we had been doing before she began kissing me passionately, pressing her body against mine. I went along with it for a while, until her hand made its way to my inner thigh. I pulled away.
"Tee…" my eyes questioned hers. As much as I wanted that right now, we were both too tired I knew, and I was looking forward to later when we were refreshed. Her eyes looked back at me, disappointedly.
"Oh come on, we really need to get some sleep." I kissed her quickly on the lips before slowly standing up with her still in my arms. I loved the fact that she was so small and light, and I could lift her up easily even though I was also small. She wound her arms around my neck and tucked her head into my shoulder as I carried her through to the bedroom and placed her gently on the bed. I pulled my shirt over my head and took my jeans off as Tegan wriggled out of her hoodie and leggings. Getting into bed felt like entering heaven. The mattress sank underneath our tired bodies and the covers enveloped us into a soft, warm haven. Tegan was facing away from me and I pressed against her back, holding her waist. I knew how much she loved spooning, and it was infrequently that I managed to be the big spoon. I loved being the little spoon, of course, but the vulnerability Tegan showed when she let me take control was a secret joy of mine. I kissed her shoulder.
"You shouldn't have stopped me," Tegan grumbled. "We haven't had the chance for so long and it would have been fun." Her voice faded as her eyes closed.
"Hush, baby. You're practically asleep now. Later." My eyes traced her warm body. The curve of her shoulder and the soft space between her shoulder and collar bone were reflected in the sunlight seeping through the blinds. I had forgotten it was only mid-morning.
Tegan continued to grumble but her voice grew quieter, and stopped altogether. A second after, her breathing slowed and she was asleep.
"Sweet dreams, baby," I whispered as my head sank into my pillow, my forehead resting against Tegan's back, and I too fell asleep.