A/N: Hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holiday. As always please read and review.

Chapter Two

Crossroads

Hannah's POV

I do wish I could cry for Clayton as he has so few people who care for him. A person should have more than three people to mourn their passing. Two of those are bewildered children. I know I am crying for I can feel the wet trickle of tears rolling down my cheeks. My tears are for the children he left behind and a few for me. The droning on and on of Reverend Hanover is beginning to feel like spikes being driven into my skull. What I want most at the moment is to go home and comfort my two wonderful stepchildren as best as I can. How does one explain to a seven and four year old that Daddy will not be sitting in his chair smoking his pipe ever again? His boots will no longer trip you when he leaves them in front of the back door instead of to its side. What explanation should they be told as to why he has gone to be with his real wife, their mother, in heaven? I never really thought of myself as Clayton's wife. My role had been more of surrogate mother and housekeeper.

Neither child had a rapport with their father as he hadn't the least idea how to be a caregiver for children. He hadn't wanted children at all. His wife had been enough for him but she had wanted children. Her son Nicholas had almost killed her and then Nicole had come along placing too much of a strain on a woman with an already weak constitution. From what Clayton told me his wife's death had taken any desire he had to continue on but for the sake of the children she had loved and given her life to bare he would live up to his responsibility as best as he could. Often he cried because he could not love his children as a father should. As I would hold him trying to give him comfort he would tell me how blessed he had been the day I had answered his ad for a wife. He would not hear of me denying I had done anything noble. In his eyes I suppose it would seem that way but the truth of the matter is circumstance had driven me to reply to his ad more than any wish to do so.

No one has said it out loud but I know the men on that cattle drive think it had been Clayton who caused the stampede that took his life. That last drive had been the only one he had participated in as he could barely keep his seat on a horse. It doesn't really matter the cause the end result is the same. Two children now have no natural parent and I am now a widow with very little prospects. The ranch I can only assume will be taken over by the bank. The only hope I have is to convince Mr. Eaton that it would be best for me and the men to keep running the ranch as we have until a buyer can be found. By God's grace Roland is out of town or he'd be knocking the bank door down before Clayton's body could be placed in the ground. Lucky for him a business trip took him out of town or loose-jawed people would have had him setting the herd to running trampling everything in their path. For so long that man tried to buy Clayton's ranch. I think stubbornness on Clayton's part more than any desire to keep the ranch had him rejecting every offer Roland made.

If worse comes to worse I may have need to reconsider Roland's attentions. It is not his looks which caused me to deny him any personal contact with me. Avoiding his advances have become something of a trial. Being an extraordinarily handsome man with wealth beyond comprehension, it has never occurred to him that someone would deny him anything he wanted. I did not care for the way he talked down to Clayton. Admittedly Roland knew more about ranching or being a man to push before anyone could push him. He is a man's man. Why he singled me out baffles me. There are many single women who would do more than let him waltz them around the dance floor. Even I have wondered what it would feel like to have him kiss me. I never would have allowed that as it would have hurt Clayton's pride should the gossips get wind of it.

Clayton had tried to be discreet when he visited Miss Lizzy's Pleasure Palace but gossip still found its way to my ear. Another woman may have used that as an excuse to explore a relationship with Roland but I could not. My vows would not let me share with another something my husband should have by right but did not wish to take.

If only Clayton had more money or had known just a bit more about cattle ranching things might not have gotten so far out of hand. I know he did try his best but being stubborn about accepting help from anyone had been a very large stumbling block. None of that matters now as likely the children and I will be seeking a new place to live. Mr. Eaton, the banker, keeps giving me strange intense glances. I do think we shall have either a visit from him or he will send a note asking for my presence at the bank within the next few days.

Finally I hear amen coming from everyone around me. I hope no one noticed me lost in thought instead of listening to my husband's eulogy. Worry over what will happen next weighs heavily on my mind. I have no income at all, nothing to support myself or the children. It will do no good to curse Clayton for his weakness and lack of planning. Perhaps I should have taken steps to force him to see the truth about our situation and then he could have either accepted the offers of help from his neighbors or sold out before everything had been lost. Feeling sympathy for his suffering served no purpose other than to give him another crutch to lean on. Forcing him to deal with everything in a more realistic light would have served us better. Regrets will not put food on the table or clothes on our backs. Now I must be the one to face what life may hold for my family.

These two precious beings may not be of my blood but in every way they have been my children for nearly five years. I am the only mother Nicole has ever had and the only one Nicholas can remember clearly. I encourage them to look at pictures of their mother as it is only right she remains imprinted on their minds. I know they love me and I can share them with a woman who will never hold them, touch them or even tuck them into bed. Only my lips will give them their goodnight kisses. Having them lessens the ache I feel for not having nestled a child of my own underneath my bosom. There had been times I wanted to beg Clayton to give me that one thing most women crave above anything else. Women are natural nurturers. I will be content with the two entrusted to me and thank God for having them.

"Mama, will Daddy mind them putting all that dirt on him? I don't like dirt on me especially not my face."

"That's 'cause you're a sissy. Sissy Prissy. Nicole is a Sissy Prissy," Nicholas teases as he flounces around like he has seen Nicole do on occasions when she is trying to be a young lady.

The moment of sweetness coursing through me to hear Nicole call me mama has been cut short by Nicholas teasing Nicole. Normally he is very protective of his sister. I imagine his world is somewhat topsy-turvy just as Nicole's and mine are. Even as he taunts her I watch as he slips his hand in hers. Harmless teasing is better than crying from sadness.

Nicole doesn't look upset at all. I do think there is some grownup person hidden just underneath her skin because she is so perceptive of people and things around her. Trying to sound angry she says, "Take it back Nicky. If you don't you're gonna get warts on your tongue and your hair will turn…" she thought for a moment then triumphantly named her favorite color, "green, your tongue will turn green."

I don't have the heart to correct their grammar just now so I put my arms around them and pull them to my side. Looking down I force myself to calmly say, "Nicholas you should not tease your sister and Nicole you know very well that blond hair can only be changed to orange. Black hair turns green. Now if Nicholas had black hair he should be very worried and as for warts on his tongue, that will not likely happen. I am sure I read that warts will not grow where it is wet."

As I hoped they join hands and giggle at my silly observation and joining in their game. Nicholas pauses for a second then with not a glimmer of jest in his voice asks, "I suppose that means I'll have to take my bath now instead of just splashing my hands around in the water?"

Just in time I remember the solemn occasion and contain myself. Nearly choking as I stifle the burst of laughter working its way up my throat I respond with a straight face, "I suppose that would be best." The little scamp will need to be watched more closely during bath time.

Mr. Eaton pauses beside us removing the hat he had just placed on his head. Using his fingers he nervously turns it around and around. Clearing his throat and moving from one foot to another it is all I can do not to shout for him to stop procrastinating and tell me we must leave our only home. We both know I have no money or any means to earn any. What few belongings I had brought with me must be sold once we are turned out from our home. Tipping his head toward me in respect he at last gets to the point.

"Mrs. Garrison I know now is not the proper time to discuss what must be discussed but I did want to prepare you. I'll let you know about what the bank plans to do about your new circumstances. It will be necessary for you to come in and sign some papers." He glances down guiltily at the children as if it is his fault they may be out in the streets with winter coming on. Deliberately he had spoken vaguely so as not to frighten the children. For that I am grateful.

"I shall look forward to our next meeting." I hope I sound convincing as it isn't his fault we are in this mess. Once more I want to curse Clayton even while I feel sorrow for his loss on account of Nicholas and Nicole. Leaving his children in my care is another gift he has given me. They will not be shipped off to relatives they do not know and who did not write or visit their father while he lived. Not one of them answered my telegrams to say they may arrive late but they would perhaps arrive a day or two after the funeral. I am not exactly sure about the dynamics of his family but Clayton held resentment toward his father and brother until the day he died.

A week after the funeral Mr. Eaton sent a letter giving everyone leave to stay or go. Salaries would remain the same. The only difference had been the salary he had offered to me. I had never earned a penny for the things I have done for my parents or for Clayton. Of course one does not expect to earn money doing one's duty. The amount is not substantial but it does include room and board. The most important thing is the three of us shall remain here in our home, at least for a while longer.

It bothers me that both Nicholas and Nicole never ask about their father. If I did not know better I would think they had never had a father in their life at all. The blame for this can be rested on Clayton's shoulders. He made little effort to grow closer to the children. They loved him but it seemed like the sort of love one feels for a distant relative who makes an appearance in your life every once in a while. I don't think they have cried since the day of the funeral. A couple of days being very subdued then by the third day they were back to normal. Not being an expert on children and their psyche, I can't say if this behavior is a good thing or just a way to cover up a very traumatic experience.

I haven't gone into great detail about what may or may not happen. They only know someone else will be taking over from where their father left off. They haven't expressed any resentment. Speculation about who the next Land Baron may be keeps them and me entertained. They compete to see who can create the most outlandish characters to become my new partner. I have given up explaining that this new person and I will not have the same relationship as their father and I had. For them it is a simple matter of a man being the head of the household and a woman standing right there beside him.

For whatever time we have left here I want things to be as normal as possible. There will be plenty of time later to face reality. Come what may the children and I will be together and give comfort to one another. They may not be mine but I will fight tooth and nail to see they are safe and happy. I would do almost anything to that end.