Warning: there is some violence in this chapter.
Breathe in slowly now; darling don't lie to me,
Inhale truth I plead for, you
Don't lie, don't leave.
My minds set on failure with the road you chose
Told me you loved me told me you...
Darling
That night I sat at the table wearing his favorite red negligee and a satin robe. Night fell heavy over our house and I was still waiting for Mike to come home. At seven he had sent me a text.
I'll be home in twenty. Don't call.
As the clock struck nine I groaned as I got up and began cleaning the table. I felt so foolish to have put forth all the effort only to be left; once again, standing in my lingerie in a desolate room alone. I could handle being forgotten every other night but I needed him tonight. I needed him to sustain me through this pain. Just once he needed to come through….The dinner I spent so much time on taunted me from the table. With a growl I snuffed out the candles and carried the chicken enchiladas into the kitchen. I violently scraped the platter into the garbage.
Never again, that selfish prick. Who does he think he is? That fucking bastard.
I slammed the dish into the sink with a crash. I grabbed the wine glasses and was walking to the sink when I heard Mike's feet in the walkway. I froze. The scrape of the key in the lock tore at my anger, ripping my fury open. He walked into the dining room and stopped at the sight of me.
"Hey Bells. Did you make dinner?" he asked.
"I did. I madechicken enchiladas," I replied. I strained to keep my voice level. My hand tightened around the wine glass stems.
"Hey, all right that's my favorite!"
"Where were you, Mike? You said twenty minutes and two hours later I was still waiting for you," I said, venom dripping from my voice.
"Jesus Christ Bella. I got caught up. Don't be such a bitch about it. Now if you don't mind I'm hungry so I'll just make myself something," Mike snapped.
"Oh, no allow me." I turned on my heels and ripped open the garbage can lid. I grabbed handfuls of the enchilada and stalked back to him. My vision was red and my arms swung back. The food left my hand and splattered across his shirt. His hands came out in front of him in protection.
"What the fuck Bella! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you being like this?"
"Why? You want to fucking know why?" I paused to pick up the wine glasses and with all my might threw them at his head. They skimmed his scalp as he ducked and the china shattered into a thousand little pieces against the striped wallpaper. A thousand little pieces of glass and pain. A thousand little pieces of abandonment and loss.
Mike came forward and gripped my arms tight in his fists. Pain exploded under my skin. "You crazy bitch, what the fuck are you doing? I'm a little late and you go all bat shit on me? You need to remember I can do whatever I damn well please and you will never pull this shit on me again?" he screamed in my face.
I slackened under his caustic touch. I sunk to my knees beneath him. Sobs racked my chest.
"It's just... I needed you. It's the day. It's June 28th. June 28th, Mike. I thought that would mean something to you?"
"Of course it does Bella. I know what today is I just thought…" he paused, his eyes spiteful. "I thought you had gotten over it by now. Baby, stop it. Get up and you can clean this up." His voice was softer but he was still mad. I relented and clamored to my feet. He put his hand out and I took it pulling myself to his chest. I cried into his stained shirt.
"I'm so sorry, Mike. I'm just so, so sorry. I don't know why I did that," I whispered into his shoulder. Mikes hands ran down my back and relaxed into him.
"God, Bella, do you see what you do to me? How crazy you make me? I don't want to yell like that but I can't help it when you act that way. You have no idea how much I need you. I love you so much it drives me crazy. I don't want to hurt you but you need to stop with this sob sister bullshit. It's been long enough." He said softly.
I looked up at him and nodded. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him fiercely. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. He stood stock still against my body. I needed him to understand how sorry I was. He needed to forgive me for my outburst. I shrugged the robe off my shoulders and let the satin slide down my body. I grabbed the hem of my nightgown and pulled it up. I pushed my naked body against him. Mike relented, pulling his shirt off and wrestling his pant to the ground. He grabbed me and pushed me against the table. I sat on the tabletop and he pushed his way into me. It was rough and hurt but I didn't say anything, I was grateful for his love no matter how he gave it. His hands unrelenting on my skin, he pulled my hair as he began to climax.
"You are mine. No one will love you like I will. I'm all you have Bella."
Mike and I were inseparable after our first date. He held my hand while walking me to my classes. We would study every night after school. Hike up the Kloshe Nanitch Trail near the Sol Duc River. We ventured down to Ocean Shores in the spring and rode dune buggies and bumper boats. He insisted on paying for everything. He took me to the Home Port and we shared a salmon and shrimp dinner. He made things easy. All summer long we had a wonderful time. When September came we were able get almost all our classes together. I threw myself into the school paper and wrote some hard hitting articles on eating disorders. Angela and I teamed up to do an exposé on binge drinking. Mike was homecoming king and Jessica was homecoming queen. I went to every football game he played in. In the winter he took me to Hurricane Ridge and taught me to snowboard. I wasn't very good but he was patient with me. Charlie eventually began to like him. They would watch Seahawks and Mariner games and raze the TV. For spring break I traveled with him family down to Kah-Nee-Ta in eastern Oregon and we sat by the pool all week drinking smoothies and going down the water slide. I adored his mom Liz. She and I could talk for hours at length. After dating for six months she began to joke about us getting married. It didn't seem so crazy. I was surprised how easily I fell in love with Mike. Being with him made me feel like I was someone worthwhile. Like I finally found my home.
We were sitting at the library trying to study for finals. I studied my trig problems and narrowed my eyes trying to make sense of the symbols in front of me. Beside me Mike pawed at my stomach distracting me. I shot him a look and looked pointedly at my book. He grinned at me and took my hip into his right hand. He pulled me to him until I was practically in his lap. Thank goodness for partitions. He kissed me hungrily. His tongue massaged mine and I could feel him hardening against my leg. His hand crept down my back settling on my ass. Too far, I couldn't do this. I pulled away.
"Mike not now, we're in public." I reminded him.
"Okay Bella, later." He said with a glimmer in his eyes. I looked down and bit my lip. I pulled myself back into my chair. I watched my hands clasp and release in front of me. Ebb and flow of nervous ticks.
"Mike, how far have you gone? With girls I mean. I know you dated Lauren and I just want to know how I stack up."
Mike stopped breathing for a moment. "Honestly, you know I've had sex. I had sex with Lauren as well as Janelle. It was a while ago. But Bella you have to know that there is no comparison. I really like you and I don't want to rush you."
Satisfied with his answer I agreed to leave. His warm hand led me to his car. I looked over at him and felt my stomach tingle. After over two months of dating we hadn't gotten far. A little on top of the clothes stuff in the back of his Nissan. Once he asked for a blow job and I refused. I gave him a hand job instead. I wasn't sure I was ready. Jessica and I had discussed sex. She said I would want to ease into. I knew that Mike would be a good person as my first. He was nice, he was cute and he really liked me. I liked him too. Deep down I knew we would stay together through school. It just made sense. There was no one I liked more at school. While Mike was driving I came to the conclusion that I would do it. I would surprise Mike on prom night. Driving back Mike began to sing off key. Always able to lift my spirits.
Angela and I picked out our dresses together. I found a dress in Vancouver. It fit my torso tightly and had a fringe skirt that went out at the hips. I knew I should go for a long dress but I worried about tripping. Angela picked out a one shoulder turquoise silk dress that made her look even more statuesque than normal. Prom night was as cheesy and fun as I imagined. We took a limo with Jessica and Tyler, Angela and Ben and Eric and Irina. We all went to dinner up in Port Angeles before going back to Forks High School. We could hear the music shaking the walls of the gym while we stood in line. Coming in Mike grabbed my hand and said "You, Miss Swan, need to dance with me."
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
After dancing for several songs and most likely breaking one of Mike's toes we walked outside to get some fresh air. Sitting down at a picnic table Mike grabbed my hand and said "Bella, you look so wonderful tonight. You are a vision."
"Thanks, you've not so bad yourself Mr. Newton," I teased.
"Bella I just…" He paused, his cheeks flushed with color. "I've never said this before but you just look so perfect tonight and I just want you to hear something that reminds me of you. I just need you to know this. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free."
I stared at him tears flowed into my eyes. "Oh Mike," I murmured.
"I love you Isabella Maria Swan."
"I love you too," I whispered. "Mike I'm ready. Can we do it tonight?"
His eyes widened and he grinned. "Yeah, of course, yeah. Wow, yeah. I'll go get the limo to drop us off"
That night Mike got us a room at the Forks Motel. Walking through the door I began to fidget with my silver shawl. I sat down on the bed and took off my silver sandals. I looked over at Mike. His back was to me as he adjusted the radio. I pulled my overnight bag out and found the nightgown I had ordered online with Jessica. It was knee length and pink satin, lace embellished the bust. It was a fairly conservative piece, yet to me it was horrifying.
"I'm going to freshen up," I mumbled, walking over to the bathroom.
Mike nodded while still looking at the radio. He must be nervous too. I struggled with the zipper on my dress. After wrestling for about two minutes I wriggled out of the dress. I pulled on the slip. The satin was cool and smooth against my skin. I looked at the mirror.
You can do this Bella. You can do this.
I took out the pins in my hair. My head ached at the release. I shook out the curls. It was a good look. My hair didn't normally hold curls. I pondered washing off my makeup. I didn't want to get eyeliner on the pillow cases. I quickly washed my face wiping off the remnants of mascara. My hands felt shaky under the countertop as I began to fully appreciate the indissoluble choice I was making. I would never be the same girl after this. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. As nervous as I was I didn't want Mike to see that. I opened the door and saw Mike sitting on the edge of the bed. His coat and tie was off and his shirt unbuttoned. His eyes took in my form.
"Bella, wow…. Um yeah, that's all I can say. Wow, I thought you looked beautiful in your dress but this is the most beautiful I've ever seen you," he proclaimed.
I felt my chest flush. "Thanks."
"Come sit by me gorgeous." He said, patting the space next to him.
I submitted. He held my hand for a moment. "Bella you don't have to do tonight. We can wait."
I shook my head. "No, Michael Newton. I want to do this."
He pondered me for a moment. "You know it will hurt right? The first time always hurts a little."
"I know I want to do this tonight. I love you. I want you."
Mike kissed me hard and groaned into my mouth.
"You don't know how good that sounds to me. You have no idea what you do to me."
His hand slid from my throat down the front of my chest. He looked at me warily. I nodded. His left hand moved over my peak and gently squeezed. I groaned. He traced my nipple with the pad of his finger. He began to kiss me harder. He eased me down on the bed and hovered over me. His mouth was nibbling down my throat, my collarbone. His hand slide down my torso over my stomach. He brushed his fingers over my pelvis. Suddenly his hands were testing my thighs. "Mike, you have to take your clothes off too you know."
He gave a throaty laugh. He sat up and slowly pulled off his shirt. I ran my hand over his lanky chest. Brushed the blond curly hairs with my fingers. I definitely wanted this. He stood up and started pulling his pants down. The hem of his left leg caught on his ankle and he came down onto the bed with an "oaf"
I began to laugh. "Mike, are you okay?"
He chuckled at me. "Yeah, nothing but a bruised ego. That's what I get for trying to be smooth." He kicked the pants off and they fell to the floor. "So much for the mood, huh?"
I laughed at him and he laid next to me. His hand held mine and he brought it up to his lips. Tentatively he kissed it. "Are you really sure, Bella?"
I placed my other hand on his cheek. "I'm ready Mike. I want you."
"I'll go slowly okay." He said, smiling. He rolled over to his bag. I watched him roll the condom on. He delicately slid between my thighs.
"I love you."
I stared into his eyes and replied, "me too, me too."
He pulled out and rolled over on his back. I closed my eyes and thought about how nice sex had been. Sure it hurt at first and but we had plenty of time to work on things from now on. We just seemed to fit together pretty well. I knew that it would feel better for me eventually. Mike sure seemed to enjoy it. I smiled wistfully to myself. Isabella Swan: Sex Goddess. It had a nice ring to it.
"Uh Bella," Mike interrupted "I think the condom broke."
I sat up with a shock. "What do you mean it broke? That couldn't have happened." He showed me the filmy wrapper. Sure enough there was a large tear in the side. My head swam with thoughts. What were we going to do?
"It's harder to get pregnant then you would think. I wouldn't worry about it. Come on lets go to sleep," he assured, lacing his arm around my waist.
He laid me back down and covered me with the caramel and purple comforter. Lying next to me he rubbed my arm. "Good night Bells." Moments later I heard him softly snore. I felt a knot in my throat. I grasped my stomach carefully. I knew. I knew it happened. Just like that.
I own a Budweiser table and a nudie girl painting (Okay so maybe both are the husband's but I own him)
I don't own the characters Stephanie Meyer does
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I need to show two things one that Mike and Bella did love each other very much. And how that love had changed over the years.
The quote Mike uses is from the amazing book Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins. If you haven't read it is a wonderful story. Very quirky.
Kah-Nee-Ta is a great resort. If you're ever near the Dalles I suggest you see it. Last time I went I saw wild horses.
The songs belong to
the Postal Service-Such Great Heights
Eyes set to Kill-Darling
Dresses are on my Polyvore account. Link in my bio.