*Disclaimer: anything sane isn't mine :P
ONWARD!
Running Amok
Halt was sitting at one of the picnic tables at the Gathering, calmly fixing himself a ham and pickle sandwich (don't ask me how the picnic tables got there!) when he heard a gasp;
"GASP!!! You're out of mayonnaise!!!!" Guess who.
"AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! HOW DID YOU GET HERE!!! HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE!!!!" Halt bellowed, grabbing the girl by the shoulders and shaking her.
"I followed you! I am your apprentice after all!" She exclaimed cheerfully, grinning. Halt let go of her and fell to his knees;
"Why? What did I ever do to deserve this!" Halt cried out, looking up at the heavens.
"HEY! I didn't have anything to do with this!!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!!!!! I DIDN'T WRITE IT!!!! I'M JUST THE NARRATOR!!!!!"
"Umm, okay; let's get back to the story." The girl said, rolling her eyes.
"Where were we? Oh yes." The narrator mumbled; "Halt was out of mayonnaise."
"WHAT THE BEEP IS MAYONNAISE?!!!!?!" Halt shrieked,
"OMG! That's right! He was out of mayonnaise!" She screamed, "Oh no! My mentor must have some mayonnaise! Help us Mayonnaise Dog!!!"
insert theme music here
Faster than a squirt of mustard! Redder than a splotch of ketchup! Is it a rabbit? Is it a frog? Better watch out! It's MAYONNAISE DOG!!!!
"SAY WHAT?!!!!?!?!!!!!!" All the Rangers within hearing shouted in unison. All of a sudden, a red blur came streaking through the trees; when it finally stopped , hovering in the air over the picnic table, in an awesome super hero costume was a red dog with a docked tail, tan eyebrows, green eyes, and white markings on it's face that made it look like it had mayonnaise on its snout (aka: a red-tri Aussie).
"Mayonnaise Dog! You heard me!!!" The girl squealed,
"Oof, oof oof oofoofoof oof, ruff bark bark, hoooooowwwwwwlllll!" Said Mayonnaise Dog (who we will now refer to as MD; writing 'mayonnaise dog' every time takes to long :P )
"Really! That absolutely wonderful!!! Congrats!!!!" She shrieked;
"Wuff wuff WUFF!" MD replied, landing gracefully on the table.
"Right! Anyway, so, you see; Halt, my mentor, was making a ham and pickle sandwich, but he doesn't have any mayonnaise!!!!" MD's jaw dropped and her eyes looked like they were going to fall out of her head. "You HAVE to do something Mayonnaise Dog!!!!" In response, MD leapt across the table to Halt's sandwich and began licking the bread, with short, quick strokes.
"HEY!!!" Halt bellowed, reaching for MD to fling her off the table; he stopped dead when he saw what MD was doing, "She's licking the- and-" His face turned a sickly shade of green; you see, as MD was licking the bread, mayonnaise was appearing on the bread. Halt looked seriously ill as MD finished that piece and moved on to the next, leaving a perfectly even coat of innocent looking mayonnaise.
"Oh gross..." Halt moaned, " That dog just-" He was unable to finish this sentence due to the fact that he could no longer keep the contents of his stomach where they belonged. The bread, ham, pickles, and MD got soaked in you-know-what. Since Halt had eaten a hearty breakfast, as well as a having seconds and thirds on dinner last night, lovely chunks of partially digested food were everywhere. Guess what happened next? MD (being a dog, after all) began to consume everything. Halt took one look and up-chucked again, much to the delight of MD; Halt collapsed and lay prone on the ground, moaning.
"Uh! Halt! Now you need more bread!" The girl complained; pulling a rag from her infamous pouch, she proceeded to clean the table. "Here; Mayonnaise Dog, let's try this again." She said, laying out two more pieces of (fresh, not puked on) bread. As MD began to spread mayo on the bread, the girl looked around; all of the Rangers in sight stood frozen, in the middle of whatever it was they had been doing (eating, making sandwiches to eat, about to eat, etc.) and they all kinda looked the same, sickly shade of green as Halt. Shrugging, the girl noticed that MD had finished, so she pulled out some (fresh, not puked on) ham and pickles, and finished making Halt's sandwich for him, then bent to help him to his feet.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!" Halt shrieked, crawling/scrambling out of reach.
"Come on! I made your ham and pickle sandwich for you! Aren't I a nice apprentice?"
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"That was a rhetorical question!!!" She screamed back, and began chasing him around in an attempt to catch him so that he could eat his sandwich. Which I made especially for him; so as to be courteous to me, his apprentice, he should eat it to show his appreciation !!! She thought angrily.
"Hey! Mayonnaise!" Everyone (including all the Rangers, their apprentices, their Ranger horses/ponies, MD, the 127mil gnats that were circling the picnic tables, the 379 frogs that were watching the 127mil gnats, the 284 snakes that were watching the 379 frogs that were watching the 127mil gnats-)
"ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Okay, okay! Geez! I'm not the one that wrote it!!!!"
Anyway, everyone turned to see Crowley (who hadn't seen the whole 'MD licking the bread and mayo appearing on the bread and Halt up-chucking twice' episode) holding Halt's ham and pickle sandwich.
"Mmmmm!" He said, taking a bite; "This is really good!!!"
Every single Ranger, apprentice, gnat, frog, and snake threw up simultaneously (the Ranger horses/ponies would have too if it were physically possible) and the Ranger horses/ponies all fell over, gagging and choking. And so it continued in a vicious cycle (more like a ridiculous cycle) because MD (being a dog) was running around like crazy, feasting on all the you-know-what; Crowley calmly finished the sandwich, unfazed. When he finished, he looked around, puzzled at all of the sick Rangers and apprentices.
"What happened to you?"
* * *
"Where did that little nitwit get off to now?" Halt groaned when he sat up and looked around; "I'll kill her! I'll kill her if it's the last thing I do!!!!" People were still staggering around the campsite, which reeked to high heaven, and Halt was going to make that girl pay. As if on cue, a commotion broke out near the horses:
"HEY! WHERE'D THE HORSES GO!!!!"
"WHERE'S TUG?!!!"
"WHERE'S BLAZE?!!!"
"HAWKEYE'S MISSING!!!!"
"WHERE'S SWIFT?!!!!"
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" In a trice, Halt was on his feet: he just knew that the girl had something to do with this.
"We've looked everywhere! Where could she have gone with a herd of over FIFTY horses!!!"
"Halt, exactly how long has this girl been following you?!"
"How did she get here?"
"How did she find us?!!!"
The air was abuzz with questions that no one had answers to, and Halt was about at the end of his rope. Not that he carried much rope with him anywayz.... Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of thundering hooves:
"KOWABUNGA DUDE!!!!" With their heads up and eyes wild the Ranger horses/ponies streamed into the camp, and out of the mob came-
"YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Halt shrieked, lunging toward the girl as she swung down from Abelard's back. "NOW, YOU DDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" It all happened so fast; later, those asked said that all they saw was a blur of movement and heard: "EEEEP!", "AAAAA!", and WHU-THUD.
Everyone gaped in shock, their jaws on the ground, at the sight before them: the girl flinching away, her hands over her face peering between her fingers; Halt, on the ground on his side, his arm raised to fend off his attacker; and Abelard, ears pinned and teeth bared standing betwixt Halt and the girl.
"Did you see-"
"Can you believe-"
"How did-"
"Why-"
"I don't believe-"
"Abelard, how could you?" Halt's broken voice broke through the hubbub of voices; Abelard ducked his head, looking abashed.
"I'm his friend, and your apprentice; he couldn't just let you kill me." She said, peering under Abelard's neck; "And besides, my untimely death would haunt you; you wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night, and if you did, you would hear my screams in your dreams." Holy moley moo cows! Halt thought, She's right: then I'd never be rid of her!!!! She'd come back to haunt me!!! The horror of what he had almost done struck him, and he began to cry:
"Oh Halt, don't cry; I'm still here!" The girl sobbed, falling to her knees and flinging her arms around him.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!" Halt bellowed, pushing the girl over; "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO MY HORSE, BUT-"
"All I did was give him a few treats and talk to him nice: he's very lonely and would eventually like to find a nice mare and settle down to raise a family, but he knows that his work is important so he won't abandon you." As she spoke so matter-of-factly, all of Halt's momentum vaporized:
"How do you know that?!" She rolled her eyes;
"I have a way with animals, especially horses; people usually avoid me." At this, someone of to the side snorted and mumbled "Gee, I wonder why."
"I heard that!" She snapped; "Anyway, you really should probably talk to him more; he feels left out and unappreciated." Halt lifted an incredulous eyebrow, but reached over and scratched Abelard's favorite itchy spot, just in case she was right.
"But you don't know the pass-code, so how did you get him to-"
"-let me ride?" She finished for him; "Simple; I gave him some of my Skittles!"
"SAY WHAT?!"
"Skittles! Do you mean- GASP! YOU'VE NEVER HAD SKITTLES?!!!!!!" Her hands flew to her mouth; eyes wide with shock, her brain tried to make sense of this new discovery. "Well, that's too bad, isn't it Abelard?"
"Snort!!!" Abelard replied, shaking his head and making a face.
"There there; it's okay." She crooned, pulling a handful of coloryful round objects and offering them to the horse.
"Wait-" Halt began, but he was too late; Abelard had already snatched them up and was now licking her hand clean.
"Um, what exactly were those?" Will asked worriedly;
"Skittles, duh." But no one was listening to her; you see, Abelard was now striped many different colors, and they (meaning the colors) kept shifting and changing.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HORSE?!!!!!"
"I just told you; SKITTLES!!!"
"" Halt shrieked, falling dramatically to his knees and putting his face in his hands. However, no one was paying attention to him, cuz now Abelard was glowing, not to mention the fact that his hooves were several inches off the ground. They (meaning all the Rangers and their apprentices) watched in shocked silence as the girl vaulted onto him bareback and struck a heroic pose;
"FOR PEACE, LOVE, AND GINGERSNAPS!!!" She shouted, her very voice calling forth courage and the desire to eat gingersnaps from the hearts of all that heard. With a gallant neigh, Abelard leapt into the sky and galloped through the air off over the horizon, leaving a very prettyful rainbow behind.
And it rained Skittles and gingersnaps.
TA-DA!!!!
For those that are waiting for updates on my other (meaning sane) stories, my characters all went on strike (aka, writers block) and I'm still working things out; hopefully I'll have updates ready by Christmas :D
Happy laughing ;)