Doubt & Trust

(AN) Megan and I splurged one night to right two chapters in a row! So you guys better enjoy it! LOL jk XDD–Millie

Chapter 2: Hollow Attack! Sakimiya Minami

I never asked for freakish shinigami powers, or my crappy adopted parents. They were the ones who threw a wrench into my perfectly normal life living with my grandma. And I hated their guts for doing that. But, if it weren't for them, grandma wouldn't be alive right now, and I wouldn't have any clue of who I was and who I owed my life to, now would I?

It all started with me living as an orphan with my Grandma. Small house, small town, small everything. It was a plain life, but I was happy. Content. The happy life ended the day I turned seven. It had been a great day. Well, except for the first part. I was experimenting with my powers in the forest where I thought I wouldn't be able to damage anything. How stupid and wrong I was. I mean, my zampakuto's power is fire (although I hadn't released it at the time) and here I was playing with little fireballs in the forest! Needless to say, I set the woods on fire. Ever since then, I've been a tree-hugger. You would be too if you saw those innocent trees being destroyed right before your eyes! I heard a scream, and I immediately ran towards the voice. Being the stupid little kid I was, I didn't notice that the fire didn't, no, couldn't hurt me.

Someone once told me that it was like a mermaid being unable to drown. Yeah, 'cause a guy's greatest dream is to be compared to a mermaid.

Anyways, when I got to a clearing, I saw a girl that was my age (which wasn't that old back then) with two twin pigtails. I'm not sure how, or why, but I have a feeling I grabbed her and just ran, screaming my head off like a girl. Not that I have anything against them. It's the opposite actually.

After I 'heroically' saved her, we spent the rest of the day finding our way back to the village and hanging out along the way. Not to be cheesy, but I guess you could say she was my first love. And the proof I needed to know that the opposite gender were a) not a plague that would wipe out all civilization and their pets b) weren't fat old ladies who tried to pinch your cheek. Before, I thought they were icky and had cooties. How wrong I was.

I don't remember her face well, but I do remember her eyes. They were bright green. You had to notice them when you saw her; you couldn't possibly have seen the color before. I loved the way they twinkled when she laughed (and I made sure to make that often) and before I knew it, the day was over. Like I said, she was my first love, first girl friend, first everything to me.

The others weren't nearly as good.

The day ended. The moon had been a thin crescent that night. She was only there to vacation, so she left early the next day. I never saw her again after that.

Her name was Ai. Or at least, something like that. The details weren't important, only my feelings. I know, you're probably thinking that it was only 'puppy love' and children's feelings shouldn't matter. They get over it. They can't possibly know and see enough to understand. Well, I've probably seen more when I was a seven year old kid, than you would have ever seen in your life.

I had a pretty awful childhood, on account of my parents dying, and then being passed from relative to relative. I was finally happy when I turned 5 because my grandmother took me away and I had two years of bliss. But the six years after my adoption and grandma's sickness, were like no other. The awful pit of darkness that I was punished with by my parents was by far one of the worst memories of my life. I guess that's just what you would call a dedicated parent huh? Well, I wouldn't know because I've never had real, loving, parents. Who am I? My name is Sakimiya Minami. However, that's only the name of my adopted parents, so I don't know my real name.

My grandmother had only told me that my parents had named me Minami. She would tell me stories about my parents and what they did when they were alive, instead of the usual fairy tales that normal kids are told before bed. It's not like you can call me exactly normal though.

Anyways, when I lived with my adoptive parents, instead of fairy tales, they told me about ghosts, hollows, and the job of shinigamis', which required the spiritual power that I had possessed since I was a little kid.

I was pushed to the brink of insanity. Until I was 'worthy of a name', I had no name. Every day I was given a goal. The same one, every day. Perfection. A straight, narrow, tightrope with no room for mistakes or relaxation was what I now balanced on. I fell. A lot. My punishment wasn't so much as punishment as a daily routine. My reward for success was nothing, but being spared punishment. Running away was no option. An elite bodyguard, threats on the money sustaining my grandmother's life, and a personal task force were more than enough to keep me there.

I wasn't alone. If I had been, I would be in the mental hospital right now. My crappy excuse for parents had a daughter. Or a son. Or both. Secrecy was something I got used to, and information was valuable. Rumors of the family spread through the servants. Some said they had a daughter they pretended was a son, or vice versa. Others said they had a daughter and a son. And some said they had a daughter or son who they pretended were two different siblings. Either way, when they punished me, they put me in his/her room/dungeon. Short, cropped, hair and pale skin were all I could make of him or her. Ironically, I had always thought of s/he as a girl. Don't get me wrong, it's not like she was a girly-girl or anything, it's just that if she wasn't, I would have been living with a gay. That wasn't the most pleasing thought. Therefore, I thought of her as a she. Sometimes I switched pronouns when she was especially masculine, well, in my head, 'cause I never really talked to her much. The room was dark at all times. No light whatsoever. We were strictly fellow students and prisoners.

That wasn't to say we liked each other. The opposite, actually. We might be stepsiblings, but we hated each other. In public, we were best friends, whether he or she was in girl form or guy form. During training, we were rivals who hated each other and wanted nothing more than for the other to fail. Neither of us was called by names. We hardly even talked. We were encouraged to hate each other.

Although, a few months back, I went through my harshest 'evaluation' yet. We were constantly being tested, in order to keep our parents knowledgeable of our abilities. For some reason, my power was extremely difficult to control that day, it was kind of like a PMSing girl if you know what I mean. Oh god. Please don't tell me my sword is a girl.

Anyways, we were always evaluated together, and my reiatsu just…kind of kept on blowing up. Literally. It was especially bad during our kidou examination. I accidently pushed my power too far, and ended up setting the whole practice arena on fire.

When I was sent back to the light-deprived room with no dinner as a punishment, I noticed that s/he wasn't there. I was curious about where my training 'buddy' had gone, so I stayed up until s/he came back. S/he never did. I probably fell asleep, because in the morning s/he was across the room. Covered in bandages, and I thought I could even see a sling. I winced.

It had to have been from the explosion. No wonder. S/he had been the closest person to me during the test, S/he had gotten the full blast. Likely s/he would spend months struggling through pain during training because of my PMSing sword. (Although, back then, all I knew was that PMSing was when my "mother" got moody and blew things up.) I had no idea what to do.

I hadn't apologized to anyone since I was seven, but I wanted to make things right. Especially since s/he could kick my a at hand-to-hand and I was pretty sure that s/he was someone to hold a grudge. So, I did number three on my stupidest things I've ever done list: I tried to apologize.

"Uh…hey, um….Sorry about yesterday….since, like now you're injured and all that…." I mumbled. I half-hoped she hadn't heard me by the time I'd choked out the words. Oh, how I regretted those words now. She raised her head.

"Shut up, you selfish, idiotic, imbecile. Do you really think you're apologizing for your actions that way? All you're doing is trying to clear your own conscience by saying 'sorry'." She snapped. "If you really wanted to make up for it, why don't you try training harder so that no one gets hurt anymore? All it proves is that you're taking the easy way out. I don't need your false sympathy. We are rivals in every way, and patronizing me is stupid, childish, thing to do. Treat me as your equal rival, otherwise you will end up underestimating me. Lastly, most of these burns aren't from you."

It felt like I was in a hailstorm. All the words bruised my ego. They hurt like crap, and even more so because they were true. She was right. I was only helping myself, it's not like words would make all of her injuries disappear. It was about this time when I started realizing she was a girl. She had to be, with the way she knew how to kick me where it hurt (not literally, although she probably had a lot of reasons to).

"How am I supposed to treat you as 'my equal' when I don't even know what your name is, or even your gender!" I replied. I felt like I needed to stand up for myself a little if no one else was going to. Besides, it was a good time to finally solve the 'mystery' of his/her gender.

S/he stiffened at the word gender. Then, she stood up and looked at me with an expression I hadn't seen on her face before. Two words. Pissed off. Although, there was a trace of something else in there too. Worry perhaps?

"Watch your mouth. If they had heard you, it would have meant a beating. You are far too curious for your own good. Curiosity did kill the cat. You know the rules, and if you don't you won't live long. I do not exist. It does not matter whether I am female or male. Well, not currently. I am only a convenient accident, or tool. Whichever you prefer."

All I could think of to respond with was, "Why don't you use contractions? I mean, it's always like, 'I am' or 'was not' or something else freakishly formal!"

She seemed to be worried about my mental health.

"Contractions were made by lazy people who could not stand to stretch their tongue farther than coarse language." She deadpanned.

"Hey, are you calling me lazy?! And act like a kid! You're, like, my age! How old are you? Ten? 11?"

"I am around twelve years old. I will be thirteen in a few months."

"I turned 13 three months ago! Ha!"

"Age does not matter. You should be ashamed that you cannot beat me in kidou or hand-to-hand."

"I can make fireballs! That counts as kidou! Beat that!" I replied triumphantly. "Besides, how can I catch you if you're so small and running everywhere like a crazy person?!"

"Maybe you need a lymphatic suction. Then perhaps you shall be able to catch me."

Needless to say, we established a brother-sister-like relationship. Although when we talked it usually ended up in an argument, either about me so-called stupidity or her formality. But a few weeks later, she didn't come back into the room, and I never saw her again. I heard rumors that she had tried to escape. The guards had caught up to her, but she knocked them out. Then, her parents went after her. After bringing her back, they decided they wouldn't sanction the shame of having a runaway daughter, much less a daughter no one knew had existed. They disowned her, and told the public they had sent their daughter to Karakura for training. Soon after I heard the rumors, they sent me on her tail. They didn't know that we had been friends, and wanted to make sure she would keep her mouth shut about the shinigami crap.

Two birds with one stone. I got firsthand experiences of my shinigami duties, and their daughter kept her mouth shut. Not only that, they had managed to get rid of her. I was sent to wipe her memories and seal her powers. Permanently. Dun dun dun!

Except for the fact that I stupid hollow attacked me on my way to my caretakers house (it's Urahari or something like that…sounds like a type of mushroom…) which I had absolutely no experience against!

This fast forwards us to the present. For some reason, I noticed that a group of humans were there.

"Let's see… 1, 2, 3, 4, shit!"

I had been counting the number of people there (with a fair amount of cute girls thrown in there) and had gotten my stomach sliced open, sending me straight into one of the girls. All I thought of was, "Too small." She was at my chin. Probably around five feet, give or take an inch or two. Although the guy next to her was even shorter, and whoa! He had a huge reiatsu. Very spiky. My reiatsu was usually compressed so that I could do better when I actually had access to it. Unfortunately, the kido had miscalculated. My reiatsu had grown, by huge amounts, and I still had the control necessary for a seven year old. For which I can say, thanks. Thanks a lot, puberty. Then I remembered that I was still on top of a girl. Then I realized that she wasn't moving. Oh, jeez.

"I'm so so so so sorry!" I exclaimed as I jumped off. Then, I finally noticed the fact that all of them were in full shinigami robes with a sword and humongous reiatsu. Not to mention the fact that their bodies were lying on the ground. Oh, and the fact that there was a reiatsu-hungry hollow nearby.

While I was in this state of momentary stupidity, I was swiped across the chest by the hollow, and fell back with all my breath knocked out of me. Add lots of blood to that, and you have yourself a wonderful image! The hollow roared, and charged again. This time it headed for me. I wished I had gotten to see Grandma again. I waited. And waited. Nothing hit me. I opened my eyes…

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(AN) I hope you enjoyed that one too! Ok, in case you guys are confused, i'm gonna give you guys some background info. I'm Saiyako Ayumi, Megan is Sakimiya Kanae, Sen is my friend Catherine, Sora is my friend Rita, Rai is my friend Josh, and Takeshi is my friend Vikas. Minami is an OOC chara that i made up for this story, but i still think he's cool! XDD Maybe i'll use him in another story too... (btw, he's a bit of a playboy if you haven't noticed already XDD) -Millie