Thank you to everyone who reviewed. You guys are awesome. This is the middle chapter of the story. Just pre-apologising for a cliche italics flashack but I needed some actual Tiva interaction in the chapter somewhere. Hope you guys enjoy.
Hospitals have always been distressing places. Despite being full of good people who dedicate themelves to saving and preserving lives, it's impossible to feel safe and secure when inside their squeeky clean yet germ infested halls. Doctor Donald Mallard, or 'Ducky' as all his friends new him, only ever associated hospitals with death and suffering. Far too many visits to them had resulted in him leaving with part of his ever-weakening heart being broken.
There's only so many times he can see distraught family members being told their loved ones have passed on. Far too many times have these loved ones been young parents or even children. His experience of death, and the turmoil it throws people into, is one reason why he has never been too regretful about never having a family of his own.
But on some days he remembered that he did.
Days when team Gibbs is completely and utterly shaken. Days when his list of dear friends and long-time colleagues could potentially be shortened once again. When he spends days and nights in the hospital to monitor the doctors and ensure that the endangered member of the NCIS family is being treated correctly. All the while praying they can ever actually be healed. Because that's what they become in the dark times; Family.
That's why he had been sat down next to Abby for what felt like an eternity waiting for news of there dear senior field agent's surgical success. Or at least what they both insisted would be a success in their overly optimistic opinions. Her tears had stopped flowing a few hours ago but her eyes were damp and bloodshot as she tried desperately to stop her lips trembling. Her head had been rested on Ducky's shouder for about half and hour or so as he tried his best to comfort her.
After a few more minutes of silent worrying, he spotted Gibbs marching down the hallway towards them. He had a coffee in hand and a stressed looking McGee on his six. The silver haired ex-marine glanced at Abby as he stopped in front of them and, for a moment, his face formed an expression you'd expect to see on the face of a father looking at his suffering daughter. Ducky supposed, in a way, that's what he was seeing.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs always had the weight of the whole team on his shoulders, but it was often a load he could share with DiNozzo. At times like this, he must've felt as though he had the whole world on them.
''Any news?'' Gibbs asked in his softest tone.
A simple, solemn shake of the head was all Ducky offered in response, but it was enough for Gibbs to sigh heavily with sorrow. He looked back at McGee, ''You don't have to be here, Tim.'' He offered placing a hand on his sholder. ''You can go home and get some sleep.'' Ducky suspected that McGee didn't even consider the option.
''I'm not leaving, boss. Not until we know something.'' He replied firmly. Him and Gibbs had just spent hours investigating the rather large crime scene and connecting the remaining dots of the case that Tony and Ziva had blown wide open. It was night time by the time they were done and Ducky suspected McGee's exhaustion could only be outweighed by his loyalty to DiNozzo.
With that his boss nodded, understanding that sleep would be evasive for any of them anyway. ''Ok.'' He turned back to Ducky, ''Where'd Ziva go?''
It was a simple question but the Scotsman did not have a precise answer. ''She left a few minutes ago. She didn't say where but I suspect putting on her usual brave face was becoming too difficult for her. She just wants some time alone.''
The sigh Gibbs let out upon hearing that answer suggested that he had expected such a reaction from their emotionally guarded Israeli friend. ''She shouldn't close herself off this time, Duck. It'll eat away at her.''
''She blames herself for what happened, Jethro. And I fear she expects us to blame her as well.'' Ducky was sure she was expecting a tongue lashing from one of them at any second berating her Tony-protecting skills. This was of course ridiculous. They all knew the lengths the pair would go to for each other. DiNozzo had once even flown half way around the world just to avenge Ziva's assumed death. The doctor had no doubt he wouldn't hesitate to throw himself into oncoming bullets to save her.
Gibbs seemed to look almost hurt at the idea of the woman expecting the rest of the team to simply point the finger at her. Abby lifted her head off Ducky's shoulder as she finally decided to speak her mind again for the first time in about an hour. ''You gotta find her, Gibbs.'' She pleaded. Her voice was still strained and hoarse from all the crying. ''She won't say anything, but she's falling apart. She needs help even if she doesn't want it.''
Gibbs regarded her for a second before giving a familiar nod of confirmation. ''You ok, Abs?'' They were all well aware of how badly she worried for any team member, even if they just got punched or pushed over. In situations like this, Ducky was sure their usually fearless leader was secretly terrified that his little family was being torn apart. Hence the question.
''No.'' She replied simply. ''But I'm not afraid to admit it. Go find her, Gibbs.''
It was more or less an order. And he seemed willing to oblige. He simply nodded again, this time to the group. ''You know where to find me.'' He added as he turned away holding up his cell phone briefly in case they forgot the answer. And with that, he disappeared back down the hallway to presumably use his gut-related powers to find their Israeli-American friend.
Ducky sighed as the heavy emotional weight of the tragic day failed to leave the room. In fact, it grew heavier as McGee waited until the bossman was out of sight before sitting down in a vacated chair in a slump and putting his head in his hands. It was obvious he had reached the end of his streak of composed professionalism. No longer could he pretend that he wasn't suffering.
The elderly M.E took a second or two to think about his colleagues. They were all strong, utterly professional and generally exceptional people. Very rarely would he see them in such a state of emotional disarray. On the outside they were rock, but on the inside they were full of nothing but love.
Tony DiNozzo was at the centre of everything that made this team, this family, survive on a day to day basis without falling apart. He was much more than just a senior field agent. He was a friend, a partner, a brother. He was the heart and soul of this group.
Ziva couldn't be in that building right now, she just couldn't. The noise, the smell and the general gloom of a hospital is the last thing she wants to be surrounded by right now. Yet she dare not go home. She couldn't abandon him completely. She had let him down enough already. That's why she found herself sitting on a bench overlooking the small pond in the gardens of the dreaded building. Ignoring the cold of the night, only acknowledging the hollow feeling she felt inside her. The darkness felt fitting, as if it symbolized the feeling in her heart.
Still no news on Tony's surgery. It had been hours since she was almost dragged away kicking and screaming from the doors to the surgery unit. It took a calming hand by Ducky to stop her going into a full fit of rage. Couldn't live without you, I guess. Oh how she understands what he meant now. She truly understands. In fact, she wonders how she can live with herself. She never told her partner how much he meant to her. How she could be driven completely insane by him one minute and how he can just as easily steal her breath away the next. She never told him how much she…
She couldn't even say it to him in her thoughts. How could she? This past year she has been vaguely aware that she was in love with him but never even allowed herself to really stop and think about it. There have been times, like during the days following her father's death, that he showed his true colors. He showed her how much he cares, showed her how big his heart truly was. He made it impossible for her not to fall for him. Would she ever get another chance to tell him that? Would she ever have the nerve to, even after the events of today?
There have been times when she almost found it within herself to just do it. To just talk to him, really talk to him about where they stood. One of which was in the dark days of Parsons investigating their team. The whole thing with her and Adam had clearly hurt Tony. In Ziva's desperate attempt to keep hold of the closeness they had just begun getting used to, she nearly told him her true feelings. She decided against it, knowing it would only add to the confusion and chaos.
Another, more happy memory of the last thanksgiving pushed to front of her jumble mind. Yes, that was the moment she realized he completely owned her heart. She almost told him so that evening at Gibbs' house…
Dinner was everything she was used to, from Ducky's long stories to Abby's excited picture taking. It was all warm and familiar. She felt at home with these individuals. But her mind never drifted too far away from one particular individual. Her partner had been his usual charming self when interacting with everyone else but whenever she chanced meeting his eyes, he would give her a small smile and wink that felt completely private and wonderfully intimate.
Tony had truly surprised Ziva earlier that evening with his actions. Taking the time to make an opera CD for her and hooking it all up to the bullpen's surround sound system so she could honor her little sister's memory was, without a doubt, the kindest thing anyone had ever done for her. By doing so he proved that she was right to trust him with the private piece of information she shared about her annual opera trips.
Dinner was eaten and drinks were drained as the team used the occasion to act like any other (almost) normal family would during thanksgiving. Ziva was in charge of dessert as per usual. The whole team adored her creative after-dinner treats and insisted that such kitchen skills should never go to waste. She excused herself and made her way to Gibbs' kitchen to prepare this year's particular choice of treat.
She had been in there for barely a minute before Tony joined her with a slight smile on his face. ''Need any help?'' He asked sincerely.
She smiled at his insistence on being a gentleman. ''Thank you, Tony. But I am fine.'' She said glancing up from the countertop to meet his eyes. ''You have done enough to help me tonight.''
His face softened at her admission. ''That's what I'm here for, Miss David.'' He said with a fake tip of the hat. Hidden behind his humorous tone was a serious message he was trying to send her.
Ziva read it loud and clear. ''I never truly thanked you.'' She told him with a hint of regret and apology.
''You never have to, Ziva.'' He had abandoned his toothy smile for a more open, serious expression. ''I don't do it to get praise. The stuff that's important to you is important to me.''
She turned to mush slightly at that comment. He was killing her tonight. ''You did not have to do what you did, Tony. It must have taken you hours.'' She told him, half expecting him to respond with a frustrated sigh at her usual dismissal of her worthiness for his time.
She was surprised then, when he rested a hand on her shoulder and held her gaze with such intensity that her breath caught. ''You're worth every second.'' He eventually said in a quiet voice that nearly brought tears to her eyes.
She couldn't bare it any longer, she threw her arms around him in a tight hug and rested hear head against his chest. He hesitated at first, no doubt wondering what had come over his usually hardened partner, before wrapping his arms around her in reply.
He gently stroked her back a few times before breaking the comfortable silence, ''I know how much Tali meant to you, Ziva.'' He said gently into her crown of curls. ''It was the least I could do.'' He almost sounded sorry he couldn't do more. And Ziva wondered if he had actually tried to do anything to get her tickets for the real opera. With the way he was treating her tonight, she wouldn't have been all that surprised.
She eventually broke away from the hug and immediately missed the warmth of his body. She wouldn't let that stop her telling him what was on her mind though. ''Tony…'' She trailed off as it turned out that she couldn't quite put it into words.
He smirked slightly before prompting her. ''What?''
She took a deep breath before deciding that right now actions would speak louder than words and raised herself up to kiss him on the cheek with sheer adoration. Once she pulled pack down to her height she rested her hand on his chest, right over his heart. ''You are the best partner anyone could ever wish for.'' She eventually told him, finding her previously lost voice.
At that compliment, his face melted as he ran a hand through her curls and cradled the back of her head. She could tell by his face that he was about to match her statement with something equally deep and heartfelt. ''Ziva, you gotta understand that you're more than just-''
''What's the hold up in here, guys?'' Abby's chirpy voice interrupted them in the private, imaginary confessional booth they'd created. They both jumped a little and separated to increase the distance between them to something safer. Their friend had clearly realized she was intruding though. Although she didn't seem to care.
''Oh my god, am I interrupting something?'' She asked with an all knowing smirk. ''Wow and in Gibbs' house too. You guys really are fearless.'' She put her hand to her heart as her face melted in that typical way. ''But so damn cute.''
Before they could explain themselves. She clip-clopped over to them in her heals and gave them each a rather tight hug before turning towards the doorway. ''Don't worry, people. My lips are sealed.'' She saluted them before leaving them in an awkward silence.
They eventually looked at each other again. ''Um…'' Was all Tony could say, his face was one of pure confusion.
''We should bring out the dessert.'' Ziva quickly suggested while awkwardly avoiding eye contact. ''Could you bring out some of the servings?'' She knew a return to normality was the best way to forget about yet another interrupted intimate moment between her and Tony.
He sighed before replying in what sounded like a disappointed tone. ''Sure.'' He caught her gaze as she handed him two plates of cheesecake, a twinkle in his eye. ''But I can't promise I won't eat it all between here and the table.'' He joked as another trademark grin appeared on his face.
And with that, it was business as usual as all tension drained from the room. She chuckled with him before teasing, ''Just try not to get indigestion, Tony.'' He winked at her before turning away and leaving her alone again…
Back in hellish reality she realized that a stray tear was running down her face as she relived that particular memory all too vividly. She should have just bitten the bullet and told him then. Told him everything. She may well have if they'd been able to share some privacy for just a few more minutes. She promised herself she would tell him how she felt if he lived through this. Or even if he didn't, she would find some sort of way to speak from the heart to him out loud.
Her determined thoughts came to a halt as she heard approaching footsteps. She knew those heavy feet anywhere. The smell of coffee confirmed her theory and, sure enough, Gibbs slipped into a seating position next to her without the need for a greeting. They both sat there in silence for a few minutes, just staring aimlessly into the water of the ponds in front of them. The only sound was their breathing and the distant sound of the city.
Ziva knew her boss was waiting for her to break the silence but she could only think of one thing to say. ''I am sorry, Gibbs.'' She said quietly without even turning towards him.
He sighed heavily. ''You've already said that, Ziva.'' He told her before taking a sip of his ever present coffee. ''And I've already said it's not your fault.''
''Those bullets were meant for me.'' She informed him for about the fifth time that day. ''I was the one who was not alert. I was not aware of my surroundings and…'' She choked back her impending tears. ''And he has paid the price.'' Her eyes dropped further so she was now looking at the ground. ''It should have been me.'' She told him. That was actually the first time she expressed that particular thought out loud.
At that confession of her darkest thoughts, Gibbs reached over and held her chin between his fingers to direct her line of vision towards him. The dampness and lack of life he saw in her usually full-of-life eyes made his heart ache. ''No one's blaming you, Ziva.'' He tried his best to assure her. ''Imagine you just said that to DiNozzo. What do you think he would say?''
She seemed to somehow deflate even further at that. ''I will never know.'' She whispered with a quivering chin as she visibly tried not to burst into tears in front of him again.
''You're talking like he's dead, Ziva.'' He accused. ''What did I tell you this morning about giving up on him?'' He gave her that infamous Gibbs stare that always meant his question wasn't rhetorical.
''Not to.'' She replied as shame etched its way across her face.
He nodded. ''Right. You heard that. So hear this, Ziva.'' He ordered as his stare became even more no-nonsense, ''It's not your fault. He's still alive and he needs his partner to be sane when he wakes up.''
He sounded so sure that could happen. ''But we don't know if-''
Her argument was cut off firmly by her silver haired father figure. ''He will wake up. There's no way he's leaving me to clean up this mess.'' He said in his typical hard ass fashion.
For the first time since the early morning, Ziva smiled slightly at her boss' return to his familiar ways. Even if it was just a show he was putting on. After returning to his softer demeanor he reminded her of what she should have never forgotten. ''He's been where you are before. A long time ago.'' He told her. ''He never gave up on you. He brought you home. Look how far you've come since.''
Her heart squeezed at his reminder. Tony rescued her from the brink of oblivion. He didn't give up on her; even after she gave up on herself. She took on board her boss' message but jumped back to his previous one about what her partner needs from her if- no when- he wakes up.
''I can promise to be there when he wakes.'' She squeezed out through a suddenly tight throat, ''But I cannot promise to stay sane in the mean time.'' He seemed to understand where she was coming from but she had more to say on the matter. ''Tony has always been the one who stops me from losing my mind.''
He gave her a soft look before sighing and averting his gaze back in the direction of the pond once again. ''I know.'' He said in an all knowing tone but she read the underlying message in his acknowledgment: It was not just her sanity on the line. He sometimes felt the same way.
More regret pushed its way to surface of Ziva's emotions in that moment and she found herself speaking her mind out loud without even thinking about it. ''I have never told him that.'' She whispered. ''I have never told him how much he means to me.''
Her confession was made to the very last person who should be hearing it. A certain Gibbs rule that both her and Tony had danced around during their whole partnership meant a bad reaction was all she ever expected if she would ever so much as say a nice thing about her partner in front of her boss. But when she looked up at him expecting a warning glare, she only saw sympathy and certainly no sign of surprise in his expression.
He nodded. ''You'll get another chance to.'' He told her in a sure voice. ''Make sure you take it.'' He ordered, leaving no room for argument.
Ziva found herself once again feeling determined to admit her feelings to Tony the next time she got the chance. He deserved that much. He has proven how much he cares for her and the extent of what he would do for her. She figured it was about time she returned the favor. ''I will.'' She confirmed. It was the surest her voice had been all day.
Gibb's cell phone starting ringing from inside his pocket before anymore could be said. Her heart stopped as he answered with his usual 'Yeah Gibbs.' She knew what this call was about but she had no idea what it meant. Was Tony out of surgery? Was he still alive? Or was this going to be the moment the last piece of her soul was crushed? She almost didn't want to know.
''Ok.'' Her boss responded to whoever was on the other side of the line. ''Got it.'' He was about hang up when something his fellow conversationalist said made him hold the phone back to his ear. ''Yeah, I've got her.'' With that, he slapped the cell shut and looked at Ziva.
This was the moment she both dreaded and yearned for.
''He's out of surgery.'' He let her know. Her stomach did a little flip at the news. ''He's in the ICU. Come on.'' He stood up, assuming she would follow. She did with a sudden spring in her step.
''Are we allowed to see him?'' She asked hopefully. Indulging in her feeling of hope.
Gibbs shrugged in response. ''Don't know. But we're going to anyway.'' His ability to be so arrogantly sure of himself never ceased to amaze Ziva. It was something she relied on in dark situations. And the day she'd been through had been a whole new level of dark. But ironically, as they got deeper into the night, this was the brightest she had felt since the first bullet was fired earlier that day.
She followed her boss back into the hospital and found that her breathing became shallower as they travelled, step by step, closer to the ICU. They weren't sure what state they'd find him in, but they were sure that DiNozzo was alive. Her new found nervousness was brought about by the anticipation of expressing her love for the man who had just put himself through hell to save her. Again.
They burst through the ICU unit doors without waiting for permission before Gibbs led her to the room he'd been informed contained a certain very special agent. When they reached it he opened the door without hesitation but Ziva found herself frozen on the spot. This was going to be harder than she thought. Gibbs looked back at her in question.
''How does he look, Gibbs?'' She dared to ask through an impossibly tight throat.
He looked into the room before turning back to her with a steely glare. ''Come see for yourself, David.'' He tilted his head in the direction of the door, signaling her to get her butt in the room before stepping inside himself. She took a few seconds to pluck up the courage but eventually followed his order.
Taking a few deep breaths she slowly walked through the doorway. What she saw didn't catch her by surprise exactly but still managed to shock a gasp out of her. Her beloved partner was laid down on a bed and hooked up to what seemed like a ridiculous amount of machines. His face was pale yet somehow peaceful in his unconscious state. His stillness was unnerving but a wave of relief washed through her with every steady beep of the heartbeat monitor. It acted as an acoustic reminder that, despite how bad it seemed, Tony was alive. Not well and not conscious, but still alive.
''Hey! You guys shouldn't be in here.'' An alarmed and tired looking nurse told them after her routines had been interrupted by them barging in. ''No visitors until tomorrow. And that's family only.'' Her sternness faded out of her tone as she looked at Ziva. The Israeli hadn't taken her eyes off the man in the bed since she entered the room. The look of sheer agony etching her exhausted looking features as she stared at his face was one she recognized. More often than not it could be found when looking into the eyes of a patient's lover.
''We're family.'' Gibbs told her calmly. ''Please.''
It was rare for him to use that word. The nurse didn't know it but did seem genuinely sorry that she had to argue. ''You can come back tomorrow. He's not going anywhere. We'll take good care of him, I promise.''
As the nurse tried her best not to cave in to Gibbs' pleading- which is a lot easier said than done- Ziva made her way to the bedside. Each step felt larger and heavier as she got closer to Tony's still figure. When she eventually arrived at her destination, she slowly reached for him, taking his cold hand in hers and running her other through his sandy hair. Never once tearing her gaze away from his face. Gibbs and the nurse watched this unfold. The hospital employee's facial expression dissolved into one of pity.
Gibbs leaned closer to her, ''You wanna tell her she has to leave?'' he whispered as if interrogating a mentally unstable suspect. ''cause I sure as hell don't.''
That seemed to do the trick because, after considering it for a second or two, she simply sighed before giving in. ''Ok. But no more people can visit yet. There's still a risk of infection.'' She said warningly. Before turning to leave. ''I'll be down the hall of you need me.''
At that moment Ziva seemed to have broken free of her Tony trance, ''Excuse me.'' She called out finally turning away from her partner's bed. ''Sorry miss…um-''
''Farrow. You can call me Tracy though.'' She offered politely.
Ziva smiled in thanks. ''Ziva'' she nodded in greeting before deciding whether or not she actually wanted to know the answer to what she was about to query. ''How is he doing? Are there any early signs?'' She braced herself for whatever response she might receive, hoping it would not cause her to burst into tears again.
Tracy looked over Tony's chart before nodding encouragingly. ''He's responded well to the surgery. He's already taken a few positive steps forward but still has a long road to recovery- for want of a better phrase.''
That was good news. It had to be, right? The fact that he'd even set foot on the road to recovery has to be a good thing. Ziva let out the breath she didn't even realize she was holding as Gibbs took over the questioning, ''Any idea when he'll be awake?'' That was the big question. The one Ziva almost asked first but couldn't quite bring herself to do it.
Tracy seemed to think too long about this answer. Ziva suspected she was trying to find a way to word the bad news. ''It's hard to say right now. He will wake up. It could happen tomorrow or it could happen…a little later.''
Ziva knew a 'little later' meant a lot later but didn't bother arguing about it. ''Thank you, Tracy. I am sorry if we get you into trouble.'' She said politely.
She waved her hand dismissively. ''Won't be anything more than a slap on the wrist. Don't worry about it.'' And with that she finally left them alone.
Ziva returned her focus to Tony. She was still holding his hand. She hadn't let go yet. She didn't think she could ever let go now, even if she wanted to. The sound of wood scraping across granite temporarily accompanied the sounds of the DiNozzo life support machinery as Gibbs offered her the chair from the corner of the room.
''Thank you.'' She whispered. She had not even thought about sitting down yet. Anything that involved leaving Tony's side, even just for a second, was out of the question at this point. Gibbs' cell phone rang before he could say 'you're welcome'. Although she expected he wasn't going to.
''Yeah.'' A loud and fast paced ramble could be heard coming from the earpiece. Abby, Ziva guessed. And sure enough…''Slow down, Abs.'' Her boss shot back into the phone. ''We're with him. He's still out.'' His eyes went up to heaven as more hyper-speed yelling assaulted his ears. ''He's gonna be fine-'' He sighed. ''They won't let anyone else see him yet.'' He looked down at Ziva as she gave him an empathetic look. ''You know what, Abs? I'll come to you. Ziva's watching him.'' He let out another sigh as his patience appeared to be wearing thin. ''Yeah I talked to her.'' He hung up abruptly to prevent himself being trapped in the never ending world of Abby's questions.
''She told you to talk to me?'' Ziva asked him quietly but with genuine curiosity. She couldn't help feeling a little annoyed at their apparent need to discuss her behind her back however.
Gibbs nodded slightly. ''She was worried about you, Ziva.'' He replied as if it was obvious before adding ''They all were.''
Despite feeling love and appreciation for all her co-workers and friends, she felt as though their thoughts may just be in the wrong place. ''It is not me they should be worrying about.'' She stated solemnly after her eyes once again met Tony's icy face.
''They're just looking out for their family.'' He reminded her as he headed towards the door. ''Coulda lost two members of it today. They're entitled to worry about both of them.'' He left the room and Ziva let his point sink in. The mild betrayal she felt as she imagined the team talking about her during her absence earlier seemed stupid now. They were just watching her back.
Looking at her partner then, she realized her mind had been acting stupid all day. How could she have given up on him? How could she have been preparing for a miserable life without him when he had never truly left this world? He was going to come back to her at some point. When this actually happened was another matter. But she was determined to be right there next to him when it did.
She suddenly remembered her resolution earlier about being fully honest with him. She was still doubtful she would ever get the chance to tell him how she felt earlier, but now she was certain. In fact, she felt an unexpected determination within her to spill her heart out to him right then and there.
It may have been cowardly to make these admissions to her partner while he was in coma, but she wanted to make the most of her new found courage.
''Tony…'' She started before having to clear her throat to strengthen her weak voice. ''I do not know if you can hear me.'' She had feeling though, just a gut feeling, that he somehow could. ''What you did to save me earlier was foolish and crazy but…'' She trailed off as she ran a hand over the bandaged wound on his right shoulder, the first of too many injuries he sustained the previous morning. ''But I understand why you did it. I would have done the same for you in a heartbeat.''
''I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. If you are worried about me yelling or Gibbs-slapping you because you nearly died for me then…don't be.'' She told him firmly. ''I have never been less mad at you in all my life, Tony.''
She half hoped her reassurance would cause him to wake up and grin at her in relief. Rationally she knew that was silly. ''Please wake up, Tony.'' She whispered to him. ''You do not have to rush but…I really need you to wake up. I don't think I can survive in this world without you.'' Her heart raced but it became easier to speak with such raw honesty with every sentence. ''You have always been there. You have always had my back -and not just in the field. You are more than just my partner.''
This was the moment. She was about to say the really tricky bit. Three words that she'd only ever said to her immediate family members before. Three words that, if Tony really could hear her, would change everything. ''You are more than just my best friend.'' She continued as her eyes began to tear over again. ''You are everything to me, Tony. Everything. You are the guardian angel I've always needed but never deserved. You are always the light at end of my tunnel. You are aware of all my flaws but somehow choose to see past them. And for that I…'' She stopped abruptly again.
Why couldn't she say it? Why was she so afraid to let herself openly love him? Part of her was worried that if she finally admitted it to him then he would be snatched away from her. That whatever supernatural force that had stolen everyone she'd ever loved away from her would decide it was time to take Tony as well.
Just do it. Her conscience demanded. Just tell him. What do you have to lose? It rhetorically asked her. You have everything to gain.
''And for that I love you.'' It was finally out there and, to Ziva's surprise, a huge weight lifted off her chest. ''I love you so much, Tony. I want you to know that. I want you to know how loved and cherished you really are so that you can let yourself wake up. I promise I will be right here when you do.'' She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed his stone-cold knuckles.
''I need you.'' She whispered at an almost inaudible level. He remained still. Time would tell whether he had heard her heartfelt confessions or not but, right now, all she could do was stay with him. Stay with him and vigilantly watch over him like a mother-bear over her cub.
She will never give up on him again. She promised herself she would be the first face he sees when he wakes up. She was not going anywhere until he does.
This is not the ending. I must stress that. Sorry if it got too mushy and sappy. I tried to keep it as in-character as possible. Stay tuned for part three, guys. Might be a bit of a delay for it compared to this chapter as other things (like crappy work, sleeping and the FA cup final) may get in the way so apologies for that but I promise an ending soon.