Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The characters are all thanks to Stephanie Meyer, but I do own this plot so enjoy.
Chapter 1: Self-Inflicted
"Self Inflicted"
You see these cuts and bruises
Isn't this all so amusing
I feel the emptiness of just a another day in hell (day in hell)
My life is so confusing
Do this to myself I'm losing
Guess I'm only proving
What everyone can see but me
And I won't let myself be happy
I cut myself just to feel the pain
And I won't give up anything for you
I'm going down and no one can save me
Were going down and no one can save me
I am cold my legs are shaking
Theres no hope right now I'm begging
For just one sight to show me some one out there really cares (really cares)
My clothes are soaked I'm crying
Theres no doubt I know I'm dieing
I did this to myself and that's the part I can't believe
And I won't let myself be happy
I cut myself just to feel the pain
And I won't give up anything for you
I'm going down and no one can save me
Were going down and no one can save me
Going down and no one can save me
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
I won't let myself be happy
I cut myself just to feel the pain
And I won't give up anything for you
Were going down and no one can save me
I'm going down and no one can save me
I'm going down and no one can save me
Wer're going down and no one can save me
Going down and no one can save me
-Self-Inflicted by Smile Empty Soul
After the show-down in the parking lot, the day didn't get much better. I left the heated stares of my peers in search of the office. When I got there, the overly helpful secretary, Ms. Cope, filing my paperwork and handed over all the stuff I would need, my schedule, locker combo, a map, and a piece of paper that each one of my teachers had to sign.
Swallowing heavily, I looked at the map. Starting a new high school as a junior sucked. I was supposed to be the knowledgeable one, making fun of the scared, lost little freshman. Now I'm the scared one. Stepping out into the hallway, I am thankful the registration took so long. Class was in session. Looking at the map, I tried to figure out where I needed to go, where I even was. The damn thing needed an arrow, you know, one of those ones that says "you are hear".
A throat clearing interrupted my internal thoughts about arrows. I lowered my map, looking at a petite, pixie-like girl with amazing gray eyes. She wore a gorgeous sweater and jeans with a designer label and looked at me with a bright smile.
"I'm Alice, where are you headed? What's your name?" she questioned in a voice that sounded like bells. Her cheerfulness was almost enough to make me smile back, something I hadn't done in a long time.
"I'm Bella. I'm going to AP English with Mr. Watson" I mumbled after consulting my schedule.
"Oh, him, I have him later but my boyfriend, Jasper, is in that class now. He's the one with the gorgeous blond hair and the southern accent that just makes you melt" she said with a dreamy look in her eye. This girl has it bad. "Oh, my brother is in that class too. His name is Edward, but you may want to stay away from him." She added, her dreamy look replaced by one of complete seriousness. I would definitely heed her warning, not wanting to start any more trouble on my first day. "Come on I'll take you to class." It turns out English class was only a bit down the hall, quite easy to find. Alice left me there, but only after she made me promise to wait for her so she could show me to my next class.
I walked into English after taking a large breath. Keeping my eyes off the class, I zeroed in on the teacher, making my way over. Mr. Watson was a moderately young teacher, yearly to mid-thirties, I'd say. He had brown hair, much like my own. He smiled at me, thankfully not making me introduce myself to the class and told me to sit next to Edward. The name registered with me just as I say which seat he was pointing to. I froze in horror. It was him. Edward was the boy that threatened me. Alice had warned me to stay clear of him. Remembering her words, I also remembered a tiny detail, she said her brother.
Caught up in my thoughts, I walked on autopilot to the only empty seat, next to him. I pulled out the chair and slid into the seat, trying to ignore the heated glare he was sending my way but failing miserably. I let my hair fall over my shoulder, making a curtain to separate me from him. I could still feel his gaze though, unrelenting, unnerving throughout the entire class. His gaze had me itching my scars, irritating the fresh cuts on my arm.
The bell rang, finally releasing me from the prison that was his stare. A flood of emotions reached me and I fled the classroom, running across the hall to the girls' bathroom. Once locked inside the stall, I let the emotions consume me. My eyes clouded with tears. Sliding down the door, I cried. My body shuddered as it was racked with sobs. Why? I had found another Phil and desperately wished for a knife. I needed to release the tension.
Using the end of a coil from by notebook, I cut a fresh line in my skin, finally breathing a sigh of relief. I stayed in the bathroom until the next bell sounded. Clearing my face and arm of the evidence, I made my way to lunch. I wasn't hungry so I sat alone at a table in the corner, blocking everyone out and instead opting to get lost in my favorite book, Wuthering Heights.
I read about Heathcliff, him giving out his piercing glare to those around him. Every other time I read this, I pictured a made up figure with a terrible gaze, but this time it was different. I didn't see a made up figure. I saw him. I saw Edward. I pictured him a Heathcliff, giving a glare full of hate.
So lost in my comparison, I didn't notice when the real thing came up to me. I didn't notice the shadow he left on my book, though I should have. I didn't notice his glare. And I certainly didn't notice the coke can he held above my head until it emptied all over my clothes and book. I heard his laughter, lifting my head up just in time to see him drop the can on my nose. I felt the pain, welcomed it. It reminded me of my place.
Edward smirked at me and glided away as I was left drenched in soda and near tears. I quickly made it to my feet and to the bathroom. Once again I curled my knees up and cried. trying to resist the urge to make a new line in my skin. Deciding that I didn't want to figure out how else he could torture me, I left school.
At home I couldn't resist the razor blade calling my name. With two new slices in my forearm, I curled into a ball under my covers and cried myself to sleep.