Author's Notes: Here I am again with the second drabble of my series! This time I'll be focusing on the relationship between Renji and Rukia. Where do I even begin to START with this couple? At first, I must admit I was a diehard Ichigo & Rukia fan. I was the type of fan who took every little interaction between them very seriously. I would hunt and search for clues or hints that supported Ichigo and Rukia. But then as I started to get further and further into the series, I picked up on the fact that Renji cared (and still does actually) deeply for Rukia. I don't know what took me so long to see that… Oh and then when the anime explored their past together… I was just hooked. So yes Renji and Rukia has officially become my Bleach OTP. At any rate, happy reading and remember constructive criticisms are welcomed. Thank you in advance for reading my story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything else associated with the Bleach franchise.

For the life of him, he couldn't understand what he saw in her. She was graceful, elegant, beautiful, kind and pure. He, on the other hand, was rough, coarse, aggressive, clumsy and anything but pure. His hands were stained with so much blood and his soul was far from clean. But he didn't mind the vast differences between them. He liked her just the way she was.

There was one thing that bothered him greatly though.

Over the years, steadily but surely, they had been drifting apart. He was always so busy training. And the time he didn't spend in training meant that he would be in class. On the rare occasions that he did get to see her, it would only be brief and fleeting moments at best.

To this day, he still hated the sadness that seemed to surround her whenever she couldn't be with him. It wasn't as if he couldn't make time for her. Honestly, if he had truly wanted to see her, he could have easily made the time. Between the constant training and assignments, he was able to force himself into believing that advancing in the academy was more important than his relationship with Rukia.

There were times, so many times, where he just wanted to hold her and reassure her like he once did when they were still living in the Rukongai district. Those were the times when they had been able to express themselves freely. During those days, they both seemed to instinctively know when each other needed something. Whether it was a kind word, a friendly shove or even just a shoulder to lean on, they always made it a point to support one another no matter what.

But those days were long gone. Now they could go days and sometimes even weeks on end without speaking to each other. The playful shoves, long and seemingly never ending conversations about nothing in particular and the days filled with nothing but the two of them lazing about had all but disappeared.

Then he remembered the other times where he was suddenly overcome with a strong urge to see her. At first, he had just brushed it aside. He didn't think it was something to be worried about. When the feeling didn't go away, however, that's when he had resorted to watching her whenever he had free time. He never made an effort to approach her; rather he was just content to watch her from afar.

One day, however, he found himself wanting to do more than just watching her or talking to her as if she were an old friend. He didn't know when it happened but suddenly he found himself wanting to kiss her. Sometimes, he even found himself wanting to run his hands through her hair or gently carress her face as he kissed her senselessly.

Once he had jokingly told her that he was her knight to which she had laughed until tears come to her eyes. Now, however, he actually found himself wanting to fill that role. He wanted to be the one to protect her from the world. To be her beacon of light during her times of trouble and darkness but instead of actually doing so, he ran away from her.

Instead of him handling the situation like an adult, he merely pretended as if things hadn't changed between them. After all, anything was better than admitting the truth to himself or her.

Perhaps the hardest part of all was when he had to resort to avoiding her. He already knew he was fighting a losing battle so rather than trying to stay and fight, he fled like a coward. Whenever he was overcome with the desire to hug her, hold her hand or kiss her, he would try to distract himself by thinking of anything but her.

She was so tempting and yet he could never resist her or deny her anything. But on that day, he had resisted her with all of his might. Despite the inward curses and shouts raging through his mind, he had decided against voicing his true feelings on that particular day.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he couldn't help wondering why he didn't speak up… Why hadn't he taken the initiative and prevented her from going with Byakuya Kuchiki?

For the longest time, he tried to make himself believe that it was because he wanted her to be happy. And while he really and truly wanted her to be happy, he knew that wasn't the real reason why he hadn't said anything.

That day, he held his tongue because he was afraid.

He was confused by his feelings towards Rukia so in order to save face; he made himself believe that it would be better if he stepped aside. It wasn't exactly like he could measure up to the Kuchiki family. No, he was nothing more than a speck of dirt compared to them.

Regardless of what he told himself, he knew that letting her go had been the biggest mistake of his life. He also knew that sometimes it could take a long time to correct the past. And in his case, he didn't know if he would ever get the chance to fix such a grievous error.

Now, however, he didn't have time to think about the past. He had lost enough time with her already. Somehow, someway, he had to make up for committing such a grave mistake. He suspected that he might have already been replaced because now there was someone else in her life… He had already lost her once and he'd be damned if he went throught that a second time.

Unfortunately, he realized his feelings much too late because her heart now belonged to someone else.