Chapter Two: Goodbyes

Cavca read over the letter once more before sealing it in the envelope and marking it with Frodo's name. Dersi was going to set sail for the Undying Lands to visit her parents and grandmother in a week and Cavca was hoping to ask her to deliver this letter to Frodo. She sealed it with her father's crest and placed it down onto the table once more. Dersi was supposed to be by soon to bid momentary farewell to all her friends. Cavca finally was able to get herself up, and grabbing her coat, she put the letter in one of the pockets and headed out the door on her way to Bag End.

Sam and Tersa had been left it, though they rarely stayed there. They lived in their own home. Cavca was the one who spent the most time at Bag End. The two Bagginses who had lived there the entire time she'd known them were the two closest people to her. Bilbo Baggins was like a father to her after her own had died. When the rest of her family had lost their lives, Bilbo was always there to see her through. She loved him dearly for all the care he had shown her. Then there was Frodo. . . . Frodo had been the love of her life. She had met him when she was eight years old and had not so much as looked at another guy since. He was the only one who could bring her to talk after the three years she spent in silence when her father died. Even though he had never loved her and even though he was long gone, she couldn't bring herself to give up. She didn't hope he'd come back to her by any means. All she hoped was that he wasn't as sad as he had been the last time she had seen him and that he remembered her even the slightest bit.

Cavca Gamgee was now thirty eight years old. She had passed her 'coming of age' birthday without Frodo or Bilbo, her two favorite people. It wasn't the same without them or Gandalf. They were her first friends and all she had left of her father was in Gandalf and Bilbo. As much pain as it brought her to be apart from Frodo, she wasn't going to even try to compare with the pain he went through and was glad that he was in a place where he could get better. She wouldn't want anything to stop him from being happier. It took all she had to stop herself from building a boat and trying to sail around to find the Undying Lands by herself, but then she though about it. Even if she was able to find the Undying Lands on her own, there was no way that she'd find Frodo or that he'd want her to stay, and then she'd get lost on the way home. So, she settled to simply stay at Bag End throughout most of her life to make sure that nothing was disturbed.

Though Cavca didn't actually live in Bag End, it is almost certain that most of the neighbors thought she did. She would arrive early each morning and not leave until well after nightfall. She stayed in the house, memorizing every detail of it and looking through all of Bilbo's books, even though she'd read them all years ago. She would sit in the same seat that both Frodo and Bilbo had sat in while they wrote their stories. Sam had basically given the book to her. She read the stories over and over again. She kept the house neat and clean as though she had some secret hope that the inhabitants would some day return. Many of the townsfolk pitied her greatly. She had loved Frodo forever and she hadn't thought about dating anyone else so, because he didn't even look twice at her, she had never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, never married, and all that bull that most of the gossips would spread around. She didn't care though. Nothing fazed her. She was just there, doing her routine of cleaning and keeping Bag End.

It was almost noon when Tersa and Sam walked in, already knowing that Cavca was in the study as she always was at midday. Hearing them enter, Cavca rose from the desk, grabbing the red book with the golden tree on the front as she did. She walked out into the hallway and greeted them with a sad smile.

"Are you ready?" Sam asked looking at her with pity in his eyes. He'd known she loved Frodo the entire time. Under Cavca's explicit directions, Sam didn't tell Frodo, as much as he'd wanted to.

"I think so," Cavca said solemnly. Not only was she sending something telling her best friend that she loved him, she was also saying goodbye to another long-time dear friend.

"Are you going to be okay?" Tersa asked, hugging her.

"Yeah. Thanks Ters."

"Sure."

Cavca looked down at the red book in her hand that she had read some of everyday, over and over again, for the past six and a half years. Slowly, she moved her hand up to hand it to Sam.

"Here," she said quietly. "I'm done reading it."

"Cavca…" Sam started, but stopped knowing that she wouldn't want to talk about it. Cavca was never one to openly express her feelings which was why Frodo still didn't know how she felt. She never acted any differently around him.

"So, time to wish Dersi a happy trip, huh?" she said stepping around the two of them and heading out the door. As she left the front door, she mumbled to herself, "Goodbye Bag End."

Cavca looked around at Merry, Pippin, Dersi, Tersa, and Sam, all of whom sat at one of the round tables at The Green Dragon near the fire along side her. The normal cozy flames blew cold air toward her and embraced her shoulders without warning. She shivered. Everyone was a bit solemn tonight. There was a secret that Cavca wasn't supposed to know about tonight. She did. The secret that they were all trying to hide from Cavca was that Tersa and Sam would be accompanying Dersi to the Undying Lands. That was actually why she was going. Then, when she returned, she, Pippin, and Merry were moving to Rohan and Gondor. They were all going to see Frodo and Bilbo, and none of them would be coming back to the Shire. Cavca was going to be left alone in the Shire. No one was going to be left behind with her. For this very reason, for the previous week, Cavca had been spending less time in Bag End and more time with her friends. She knew that these would be her last memories of her friends she probably would ever have.

Part of her was extremely frightened to think about what her life would be like without them. She had known Bilbo her entire life and Frodo and Sam for nearly that long. She'd followed Pip and Merry on many adventures without them knowing it when she was in her tweens and had actually met them along with Tersa when she was sixteen and Dersi shortly afterward. She'd known them all forever and now, not only was she losing the one lad she'd ever loved and her surrogate father, but she was losing the rest of her friends as well. She was to be left alone in a town full of people who hated her for being different. She hadn't felt that alone since her father had died.

Tersa and Dersi looked at each other and Cavca worriedly. They could tell that something was bothering her but couldn't tell what. Then it happened, a silent message was passed between them. She knew.

"Cavca, there's something I need to tell you," Sam said beating both Tersa and Dersi to saying something. "When Dersi leaves for the Undying Lands, she's not leaving alone. . . . . . . Tersa and I are going with her. . . . We aren't coming back with her either."

There was silence as all awaited Cavca's response. Dersi cleared her throat slightly, then continued with the confessions when Cavca made no intention of speaking.

"Pip and Merry are coming too. But, after I get back, Pippin and I are going to Gondor. And Merry's going to Rohan," Dersi said cautiously. They all breathed very quietly and quickly in order to catch any indication of responding whatsoever.

"I know," Cavca sighed after a moment. "I've known for a week."

"Cavca, I'm so sorry," Tersa said. "It's just, Sam wants to see Frodo again and Lord knows I can't leave him."

"And I have been offered my official position again by Aragorn," Pippin said almost silently.

"I know, and I wish you all luck. Have fun," Cavca said still not looking up from the glass of tea she'd been staring into.

"Cavca, you know you're welcome to come with any of us," Merry spoke up at last.

"Thank you, but I need to stay here. There's really no other place for me anyway."

"Cavca, that's not true! Damn it! Why don't you get off your lazy ass and go get him already?! You're not some lady in waiting and even if you were, he won't be coming back. He's off to the Undying Lands, Cavca. That means he won't be coming back!" Tersa flipped. "Just come with us and talk to him! I mean, for crying out loud, you've been miserable for six and a half years! Just go and see him!"

"No, Tersa. Thank you for trying, but I'm going to stay here. I want to. Someone has to make sure the Sackville-Bagginses don't take over Bag End. Besides, he wouldn't want me there anyway. It'd be just like it was when he was here. He'd get annoyed with me and he wouldn't want me around him. There'd be no purpose for me going. Thank you all for caring. I'm sorry that I'm making you worry or anything. But, please. If I could, can I ask that one of you deliver this to him?" Cavca brought out the enveloped parchment and placed it on the table in front of Tersa and Sam.

"What's this?" Sam asked picking it up and looking it over.

"A letter. Please give it to him. . . . It's okay if he doesn't read it or even if he won't accept it, but I want it to be said that I tried."

"Tried what?"

"To tell him," Tersa mumbled quietly. "She told him that she loved him in that letter. Didn't you?"

"Yes," Cavca mouthed unable to speak.

After a moment of looking at Cavca, Tersa picked up the letter and put it in her breast pocket. "I'll give it to him personally and I'll make him read it."

"Thank you, Tersa," Cavca said smiling weakly up at her. "I'm really going to miss all of you. Maybe one day I'll get to see you again."

"I'll miss you, too, Cavca. Don't doubt that," Tersa said moving next to her to hug her. Dersi moved to her other side and hugged her as well.

"We'll all miss you, Cavca. We love you. You've been our friend forever it seems," Dersi said as tears welled up in her eyes as if for the first time, she was actually thinking of what was going to happen. The Fellowship was going to be split up further. The only ones that had stayed together throughout the entire span from when the Fellowship of the Ring was created to when all of those within it died would be Tersa, Sam, and Frodo. Everyone else would be separated. Dersi supposed that she would never see Cavca, Sam, Tersa, Frodo, or Merry ever again. She figured she would see Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli and she was going with Pippin, but she would miss all of her other friends.

Cavca was having a hard time trying not to break down and begin crying again in front of everyone. Every night this past week, she had bawled herself to sleep when she thought of everyone she was losing. She would miss them dearly and never have a moment when she wouldn't wish they were there. She had felt that she never deserved being near them to begin with, but still, she wished they wouldn't leave. With all her heart, she longed for them to stay with her, and she wanted Frodo, Bilbo, and Gandalf to come back. She sighed as she was brought back to reality. She knew they wouldn't. She knew they couldn't. And she also knew that she had to stay here; in the place of her childhood; the place where she had memories with each of them. "I love you all. And I won't forget you no matter how senile I get."

The table erupted into a sad, half hearted laughter. They all looked around at each other and there was not a dry eye among them. They all looked at Dersi who nodded, alerting them to the fact that they had to leave. Each of them hugged each other, knowing that this would probably be the last time they were all together. All of them wished for a time when they and all of their other friends were together.

"Goodbye, Cavca," Pippin said, hugging her. "I think that Frodo missed out on something really wonderful with you. I wish he could have seen it."

"Thank you, Pippin. I'll miss you so much." Cavca said clinging to him as she had done with everyone else as well. "Goodbye. I'll try and see you again."

"And I, you."

"I know that Frodo will eventually come to his senses," Merry said as he hugged her when his turn came. "Unfortunately, it will be too late. You are an amazing person, Cavca. I'll miss hanging out with you."

"I hope that you find someone who will make you happy, Merry. Thank you for always being nice to me. I'll remember fondly of the times we spent with Pippin in Farmer Maggot's crop." She smiled slightly remembering the first time she went with them, rather than following them. Pippin had ticked off Farmer Maggot's dogs and Cavca had helped to get them out of there. "Goodbye, Merry."

Then, there was Sam. He was the only person she hadn't said goodbye to and he was probably going to be the hardest of those left. He was her favorite cousin and he had treated her like his younger sister where her own older brother had left her. She loved him very much and didn't want to think of him leaving. Samwise Gamgee was one of the first people in her family to actually give a damn about her well-being. He was the older brother and friend she had wished for that her own brother wasn't. After a moment of staring at each other, Cavca hugged him tightly.

"I'm going to miss you, Sam. Goodbye," she said simply. Tears rolled down her face, but she ignored them, too busy to acknowledge them as she tried to keep from sobbing into the sleeves of her sweater. Backing away from him and turning to face all of them, she said, "I love you all and I'm going to miss you greatly. No matter what, I swear that I will not forget any of you."

"And we will never forget you," Dersi said, sadly.

"No. We won't," Sam said.