"You can't do this, Edward!" Alice practically screeched, throwing her hands up in the air. "If we leave... Bella... Bella will be hurt!" Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"But, she'll get over it." I glowered. What was a little pain to a lifetime of danger, or several lifetimes of cruel immortality? "She's better off that way, in the long term at least." Jasper tried to relax me, but I just looked at him blankly. Somehow, this made him shrink away from me, along with the feeling. Maybe my face wasn't as blank as I thought?
"Alice is right, Edward." Said... Rosalie? All our heads snapped up to look at her. Since when did Rosalie want Bella part of our family? "She might blab if left alone."
"And with no proof; get sent to a mental institute!" I snarled. After I said the words, both Alice and I shuddered. Alice had spent a lot of her human life there; and I would never wish the same fate to Bella.
"Edward, if you're going to ditch her, at least dispose of her," Rosalie sneered.
"We're leaving so some other vampire doesn't dispose of her," I said through gritted teeth.
"Who said we are leaving?" Esme said angrily. Wow, I had never seen her like this. "Not only are you wanting me to leave this house, my house, the one I build and decorated with my own time and money, but you also want me to leave my daughter behind, feeling unloved?!" She shook her head, eyes sparkling in that tearful way again. "No, Edward. We are not leaving." Carlisle held her then, stroking her arm lovingly.
"Your mother is right. If anything is to be done, you know what. Until then... we are staying. As are you."
"But-" I started.
"No, Edward, you aren't going. It's six against one, and I can already see you staying." Alice said. She saw something else, and an angry glint was in her eyes. I want to talk to you about that... later. Her mental voice was truly a snarl. I really had hit a nerve with this one.
What the hell, make it worse. "I guess you don't care for Bella. At least not as much as I would have thought. She will get into danger, being around vampi-"
"Damn it Edward!" Emmett roared, slamming his hand on the table. It split in two where his fist collided with it. Nobody seemed to care about that, every one of them were either glaring at me, or growling; even Rosalie. "Don't you dare say we don't care for Bella! Would we have protected her from James?! Would we have welcomed her into our home?! Would we have pulled Jasper away?!" Shame filled the room. "Don't you dare," He repeated, in a snarl.
"I agree." Rosalie glowered at me. "You all know how I would rather Bella was not part of our family. But I have come to accept she is. And I may not tell her that till she's lying on her death bed –which, loving you she will surely reach- but she needs to know this family needs her. Because we do need her. As someone who has stood back, watched the family life go by, I have at least, the knowledge of a change. Something we didn't think we needed. And you might think you're strong enough, you can leave her, but you can't. You arsehole." She spat, getting up and walking away. We all watched her, wide eyed.
"I should probably follow her..." Emmett mumbled.
"Get lost, Emmett!" Came a voice from upstairs.
"Looks like I'm stuck down here..."
"I agree with Rosalie, you're not strong enough, Edward. As much as I'm surprised as to who said it, she's right." Alice said, not as violent as before. Esme came out of her angry stupor and gasped at the broken table in front of her.
"Emmett!" She cried, "That was an antique!"
"Sorry, Mom. I had an excuse though," He glared at me.
"Yes, well. If any more of my furniture is broken, I will blame you, Edward," She said. I just looked at her angrily.
"Are we all settled, then? Nothing will happen, as we are not moving, Edward."
"I'm not so sure about that, Carlisle." I said blankly. Alice gasped in shock and rage.
"That's even WORSE!" She screeched, looking at me.
"It's the only thing I can do, and it will be better, in the long term."
"What's going on?" Jasper asked, holding on to Alice, in what I hoped wasn't a restraint. Alice glared at me, more murderous than ever.
"You'll never guess what he's going to do to Bella," She snarled. "He's dumping her."
"But... Edward... you love her, right?"
"It's for the best!" I yelled, but it was no use. Esme had her face in her hands, and was dry sobbing.
"You'll be miserable, she'll be miserable... what is the point?" She asked, looking like she would cry again.
"The point is to keep her safe. She will know about us, be won't be involved with us. Therefore, she will be no target for other vampires. And we will not have to endure her scent... " I looked at Jasper, who avoided my gaze. "Plus, we can make sure she doesn't say anything, not that she will."
"And your life will be hell." Alice said solemnly. "Imagine watching her be with someone else. Do it. How do you feel, thinking about that?" She was still glaring, but her voice was quieter, calmer. It was a painful thing to think about, but it was supposed to happen. I shouldn't be alive, I was like a ghost, stealing her life from her.
"It should happen. I have no right to feel anything about it." I said seriously.
"But you do."
"But I shouldn't." I countered. She took a different, more painful route.
"What about her? How do you think Bella will feel, seeing you every day? Do you think she will be able to get over you that easily?"
"If I look like I'm over her, she should."
"But she won't. And you won't." She didn't know that, with her visions. She sighed then. "At least you will always see each other. I'll keep her wedding dress, I know I'll still need it," Alice said passively, as though she had just commented on the weather, rather than the impossible future.
"Throw it out, or I'll tear it out," I snarled.
"Nuh-huh. The groom doesn't get to see the dress. Plus, you will never find it. And you will regret it if I throw it out. Trust me." I didn't trust her. "But go ahead, dump her. But be ready to grovel," Alice smiled slightly. I scowled at her, that wouldn't happen. Bella would go to college, and we would move on. I would act like I never knew her in high school, and the others would do the same.
The next few days, I tried to act as apathetic as possible, pretend I didn't love Bella anymore. It was tougher than I thought, but I could –barely- manage it. Every look in her eye, those little confused, or hurt looks would just tear right through me though. I felt sick a lot of the time, horrified that I had let it get to a stage where it hurt to hurt her, or even where it did hurt her. At school, our conversations got shorter and shorter, and only ever about things it was absolutely necessary to speak about; like asking her to pass me something; disconnected things.
When it came to the day I was breaking up with her, she hardly even looked at me, which probably meant my acting was working well. But ever so often, when I did look at her, she looked decisive, like she was planning. The little crease between her eyes had appeared. Maybe she had taken enough of the silence and was going to dump me. That would make things easier, in some ways. But also harder, in a lot more. By the end of school, when we walking back to the car park, I was up for it. Or so it seemed.
"Do you mind if I come over tonight?" I asked her, as I hadn't gone to her house yesterday.
"Of course not." She said, sounding relieved.
"Now?" Please cooperate, please, please cooperate. If I didn't do this while I was prepared, ready for it, I don't think I would be able to again.
"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there." She smiled unsurely, though she thought this was the start of things getting better, though she wasn't yet ready to believe it.
An opportunity, at last. I reached over her and grabbed the large package on the passenger seat. "I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there." I smiled at the thought of her truck. I would beat her to her house, make sure my plan could follow through properly and then leave her. The perfect heartbreak plan.
"Okay," She said, confused. I shut her door and walked back to my own car. There was no time to sit and mope around today, this had to be done. I got to the postbox quickly and flitted to it, pushing the package through the slot quickly but carefully. Then I drove back to her house, parking in the space where her father normally did. I unlocked the door with the hidden key from under the eave, and rushed up to her room. Everything that was from me, everything to do with me, I removed it. Pulling her CD out of the player, my eyes rested on her photo album. I would surely be in there. Slowly and carefully, I grabbed it and opened it with the lightest of touches. On the first page, I was there, before her birthday party in her kitchen. I looked happier then. I carefully loosened the picture from the metal framings. Underneath the frame, Bella had written:
Edward Cullen, Charlie's Kitchen, Sept. 13th.
There was nothing I could do about the writing, so I flipped the page to find another picture, Charlie and I watching TV. I pulled that one out, too. There was only one more picture of me in the album, with Bella. Well, at first it was just a picture of me. For some reason, Bella had folded herself out of the picture to put it in the frame. I pulled this one out more carefully than the others- if it was possible to be more careful- this one was the best. Although we looked like we'd just been to a funeral, it still had Bella in it. She looked sad; she hadn't managed to smile in time for the picture. Even despite that, it was like looking at an angel, standing beside a monster. I stood absolutely still for a moment, eyes fixed on the picture. I wish she'd got a better, happier one of herself, as a better memory. This one would do. I folded it up and tucked it in my pocket. The rest of them, I had no idea what to do with them. I didn't want to take them away entirely. What use would I have for some wretched pictures of myself? Plus, I didn't want to take myself right out of her life. Even if she didn't know it, I would still be there, in picture form. Searching around her room, for somewhere she would never find them, I also made sure I'd put everything exactly the way it was before I'd came in. Suddenly, I saw it. A wonky floorboard, sticking out slightly where it met another. I kneeled beside it and gently-so not to snap it right off- pulled it up. There was a small groan as it scraped against the others beside it, but it let up quickly. I set the things I'd collected- her presents, the photos- onto the concrete underneath, making sure it was safe for them there. Then I pushed the plank of wood back down, shoving it into place at what I hoped, was the same as before. I pushed up from the floor, looking around the room once more, and dared down the stairs. One more thing.
Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Be back soon, B.
I could hardly write, my hand was actually shaking. I guess I was upset, I was just about to break up with the girl I loved, and then see her for another few years. I could just skip school, if any of my family would let me. Matchmaker Alice was definitely against me skipping, though. I put the note somewhere Charlie would notice it, just in case she didn't come straight home. Then, I quickly stepped out of her house, locking it behind me. She hadn't come back yet. Her truck was really, really slow. I thought I'd been a while in the house, but obviously not. I got back in my car and waited; so to seem less suspicious. She got there a minute later. Here we go. I thought sardonically to myself. Crunch time. I got out of my car at the same time as her, not hurrying to open her door for her, for a change. I grabbed her bag and put it back onto her seat. She looked up, confused.
"Come for a walk with me." I wasn't asking her, we were going relentless. I gently took her hand, and tried to feel as apathetic as I was pretending to be. It didn't work. She looked scared as we began to walk to the trees by her house. We only walked a few steps into the forest; her house was still perfectly visible. It would be easy for her to get home from here. I turned to face her, though never looking directly at her, when she was looking at me, at least. I leaned against a nearby tree, as I was beginning to feel dizzy. What if I couldn't? What if this was a bad idea? No, it wasn't a bad idea; she'd be safe without me in her life. I'd just be some guy she used to know, some anonymous that goes to her school. But what about the time when she nearly got run over, last winter? She wouldn't be safe; I very nearly stopped what I was going to say to her. But, someone else could look after her. I was arguing with myself, until suddenly, it all straightened out. I looked into her eyes for half a second, and that was it. I was leaving her; she couldn't afford to be endangered, especially by me. Plus, I wasn't going to call this off and tell everyone it was a big joke.
"Okay, let's talk." She said confidently, though none of the confidence showed in her face. She still looked terrified.
I gasped for air, as though it would give relief to the pain. It didn't, of course. I looked away from her as well, for it would be just that much more difficult to watch her face. "Bella," The name quivered in my voice. "I think… we should see other people." I said them as coherently as I could, but it still seemed like the world had come crashing down on me, not her. Her face went through a series of emotions; shock, confusion, worry, fear, realization, understanding, finally pain. If she thought she could stop me by looking like that, she was dead right.
"W-what?" She whispered. I knew she had heard me, she just wanted to confirm it.
"I feel… I think we've grown apart, and it's time to see other people. It would be better for you," Oh, crap. If she didn't clue into the lie now…
"You-you don't love me?" She gasped in a quiet voice.
Ah, how I'd believed I was prepared for this question. It knocked the air out of me. I wanted to run to her, tell her I was lying, that I would never let her go, as long as I lived. I couldn't say that, of course. "N-no… no, I don't." I stuttered. Oh, if only she knew how big a lie that was. I loved her too much, rather than not at all.
"You've been lying to me?!" She said, voice gaining volume.
No, but I am now, "No, I did love you, but now…"
"Now you don't?!"
I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. I didn't reopen them. "No. No, Bella Swan, I do not love you anymore."
"I love you," She whispered. I didn't open my eyes, to see the tears I could hear falling on her beautiful face. It would tear the shreds of me apart. "I love you," She whispered again, in her ragged, tearful voice.
"I love you more," I said, though it was too quick and quiet for her to hear me, or have any way of knowing I said it. I still hadn't opened my eyes, but I could no longer feel her presence. I opened them slowly, to find she wasn't there anymore. There were footprints though, she had walked back toward her house. I couldn't help it; I broke down. At least she had taken it better than I thought. I had expected anger, more tears, questions. At least now she could be happy, have her own life. I would watch out for her, though. I couldn't stop loving her, and caring for her, so I would save her, if I had to. Maybe Mike Newton would save her. I imagined him giving her CPR, doing it wrong, when I would come in and leisurely rip him out of the way, before carrying on as though I didn't know her. Why would she need CPR? I thought suddenly, urgently. It was a figment of my imagination, I then remembered. I would always love her; I realized then. There would be nobody else.
Ae Fond Kiss; Robert Burns.
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.
Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, nae cheerful twinkle lights me;
Dark despair around benights me.
I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy,
Naething could resist my Nancy:
But to see her was to love her;
Love but her, and love for ever.
Had we never lov'd sae kindly,
Had we never lov'd sae blindly,
Never met-or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken-hearted.
Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest!
Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Peace, Enjoyment, Love and Pleasure!
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever!
Ae fareweeli alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.
AN: First of all, thankyou for my reviews! They were very positive, and I was very surprised to get some so soon! Oh, it just tugged at my heartstrings! xD Thankyou, Vampire Archangel & MarLuvsTheTeddyBear!
I don't know why I put 'Ae Fond Kiss' in, I love the poem, and I think it suits the story. Sorry to those who don't understand the Scottish slang that much, pm me if you really want to know any words (: Don't you think it's a fitting poem? :D
Thanks again, readers and reviewers, if you haven't already, you could review if you want? Or if you just wanna? :P
Rachee (: x