Chapter 2

JPOV

The exhilaration of running had worn off weeks ago. Now, I was just running because I was at a loss at what else to do. That and the pain. The pain, that if I was human, I was sure would cripple me. I missed her so much. STOP thinking about her! I thought to myself severely. But I couldn't. No matter how I tried, her deep brown eyes were always there, at the back of my mind. That and her hand. With a ring on it that ruined everything. Why did she have to marry it? WHY? I had tortured myself with that question for however long I'd been running. And I could always come up with an answer that tortured me more than the question. Because she loves him. A spasm of pain shot through me. That shocked me. I didn't normally feel such human emotions when I was in this form. Whimpering, I sped up and made a sharp right turn. Did I know where I was going? Of course not. Did I even know which continent I was on? Nope. Because I didn't care.

Jake? Is that you? Embry. Great. I had been trying to evade them for weeks. Deliberately sticking to dense forest so they couldn't figure out where he was, singing a song while they were wolves.

Jake. Please come home. Billy's not doing so well. He puts on a brave face but he's really hurting underneath.

What part of leave me alone do you not understand? I thought back angrily. Then the anger was at myself. I had gone however long without talking to them. Why did I have to now? But he had found the weak chink in my armour. My dad. The pack could manage without me. I would miss them, but they would survive. But my dad was dependant on me. He was in a wheelchair for Christ's sake! The pack would look after him, I knew. But I was all of the family he once had, left. He needed me. And I abandoned him. Guilt washed over me.

Look, if you want me to come home why don't you ask outright instead of trying to guilt me into coming home?

We've all tried that. With no results. I'm not trying to guilt you into coming back, it's the truth.

Right. Well I can't. Not yet. Now piss off. I thought sourly.

Jeez. Okay, sorry. I won't bother you from wallowing in self pity again. He snapped before he phased back. Instantly I felt guilty. I had turned on my own brother and best friend. I really had to stop this grief from governing my life. I was alienating and hurting my family. So, for the first time in a long time I phased into human form. The grief was terrible but I knew I had to face it at some time. I lay down under a tree and went to sleep.

My dreams were haunted with her. Every minute we had spent together since I met her played back in my head. It tortured me. I woke up shaking and sweating. I decided to do something constructive. Like found out where I was. I knew I couldn't go back quite yet. That would be asking too much of myself. Maybe in time, once I got used to the pain. Without really thinking about it I phased and went north. With a good feeling I'd find something that way.

Several hours later I had broke out of the forest. But no sign of civilization. Just wide, open plains. I didn't feel comfortable running in such an exposed area. I was so used dense, green forest. For several minutes I just stared out into the plains waiting for a sign of movement, using my werewolf-enhanced eyesight. No sign of movement. Walking, slowly, I start out in the open space. After warming up to the idea I break out into a full pace sprint. With the wind running through my fur, I start to see the advantage of open space. No dodging trees or bushes. You could go faster purely because there was nothing to avoid.

It had been hours but I was still not tired. Great advantage. It seemed like years since I'd seen a person. It could've been for all I knew. But in the distance I could see huge sky scrapers. This was something I wasn't used to. Once I reached the borders of the city I decided to morph before someone saw me. That was when I hit my first snag. No clothes. Damn. I was debating what would get me into more trouble. Naked guy running through city, or werewolf running through city. I decided I'd go werewolf but with extreme stealth. Slowly, and extremely cautious, I trotted closer and closer to the city. That was when I saw the first house. Opportunity. I peered through a kitchen window. Luck was with me, no one was home. I walked around the house, hoping for an open window. With no luck. But, I did see an open door on the second story. And, conveniently a tree within jumping distance of it. If I hadn't been a werewolf, it would've been hard to climb I thought sourly. Being a werewolf was what had started all of this. When I sat back and weighed up the pros and cons I wasn't sure if I'd rather not be one at all. Now, I was leaning towards no. But soon enough I was on the porch and walking into what was obviously a girl's room. Brown eyes and pale skin flashed through my head, bringing pain as well. I was out of the room in two steps. I peeked swiftly into the next room. It looked like the parents room. I felt so intrusive looking through someone else's wardrobe. I hoped the guy's clothes would fit me. Luck was with me again as this guy was obviously big because they fitted reasonably well. I jumped from the window, landing with poise and quickly departed without anyone knowing. Next, food and figuring out where I am.

I have to say, I hadn't been many places. In fact, I hadn't been further than Seattle. But boy, this place put Seattle to shame. It was huge. It wasn't hard to find a place to eat either. I decided to go with easy and go to McDonalds. They were a bit shocked when they heard my order but when I handed over the money they were willing enough. I would have to go somewhere else after this. People were starting to give me weird looks when I went up to order seconds. After finishing up, I strolled out, trying to ignore the looks I was getting. Next I went to Pizza Hut and then I found an ice cream parlour. Hey, when you haven't eaten in god knows how long AND you're a werewolf you get hungry.

As I was strolling down the street, feeling slightly better, I saw a sign "Phoenix's best ribs" under a restaurant sign. I looked around I horror. THIS was PHOENIX? I started shaking uncontrollably. How did this happen? Why? Why did I have to come to this city, of all places? I may as well go home. Because the only thing I'll think of all the time I'm here is her. Pushing past people I look for the nearest place to phase. Eventually I find a deserted place on the outskirts of Phoenix. But I'm more careful this time, using the last of my self control to take off the clothes I had collected.

Voices fill my head. Embry, Paul and Sam are on patrol. I brace myself for harassment. But I don't know if I can. I'm splitting at the seams. I was going to get better but that was gone now. I was going to have to start all over again.

Hey man, sorry. Paul, I was surprised. He wasn't very good with that kind of thing. Surprisingly.

I don't want to talk about it. Please, I know you have to patrol but just don't talk to me. I thought back. I wasn't angry, I was pleading.

Guys, phase back for five minutes. Sam. What did he want?

What do you want? I thought rudely. I had virtually begged for silence.

I know you're upset but you've got to come home soon. As calm as ever.

I can't Sam, I just can't. Besides you said I could come back when I could. It sounded childish but I didn't care. There was no point playing hardball with Sam, so all I could do was be truthful.

Ok. But at least stay in one place. Don't keep moving every time the shit hits the fan. Stay in one place and make it work.

As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.