Poker Face – Lady Gaga

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Jim plays poker.

I do not know why this was surprising to me, when I first learned of it, but it did, nonetheless, surprise me. It was very casual and friendly, nothing less than was expected, for him to then invite me along to play a game one day. I readily agreed, thinking of the game as another opportunity to observe Jim whilst he was off duty, in a more relaxed, informal setting.

Watching the Captain had become my newest secret interest, since taking my place as First Officer on the Enterprise. He was an unendingly intriguing individual. Every time that I began to think that I had some small comprehension of him, he would surprise me by doing something that was completely unexpected.

I feel, for the first time ever, limited by my Vulcan heritage. I want to let loose. I want to be able to do what the humans that surround me do so easily, to fit in and be 'normal'. But, instead, I keep silent and play the part of a good Vulcan, fading into the background and dutifully going about my tasks. I am not allowed to feel. I am not allowed to love anyone.

But I do.

I love my Captain.

I love Jim.

My thoughts as the rules of the game are explained to me are chaotic and I feel the urge to leave and meditate, but I have already accepted the invitation. The game progresses easily into a friendly atmosphere between the group of us (Jim, myself, Sulu, and Chekov). Equally as easily, I win every hand. It's quite simple, actually. My basic strategy is to play spades to start.

"Damn, Spock. You're going to run us dry!" Jim said, laughing good humouredly and putting on one of those smiles that make me shiver so illogically.

I simply arch an eyebrow. "You can not read my poker face," I said. There was a certain weight to my words. The concept went far beyond poker. He could not see anything that I hid from him.

He couldn't see that I loved him.

Approximately 1.56 hours later, both Chekov and Sulu had retired and the two of us were left alone to continue the game.

"Okay, I'm out of credits to bet... how 'bout we make it more interesting. Whaddya say, Spock?" Jim asked, grinning again.

I lifted an eyebrow curiously. "What do you suggest?"

"Whoever wins the hand gets to ask the other anything they want, and you have to be honest."

I considered for a moment, then nodded my agreement. It was out of absolute sheer luck that Jim drew a nearly perfect hand and beat me in our next round for the first time that night.

Jim was grinning, considering what to ask me. After a moment, he unceremoniously asked, "Do you love me, Spock?" His voice was soft, cautious.

I was silent for a long moment, looking into his blue eyes. How had he known?

"Yes," I said shamelessly.

He smiled, more genuinely this time, more warmly. "I thought so," he said. He laid his hand down and stood up, walking around the table. I stayed completely still, unsure of what the other was doing.

Then he kissed me.

It was soft and completely foreign. I hardly had time to react before it was terminated and he pulled back.

"I love you, too."

"I would not be a good lover," I said, before I even made the conscious decision to do so. It was true.

"Yes, you will."

"I will not often tell you that I love you."

"I know you do, though."

"I will take part in public displays of affection. I will not kiss or hug you in public."

"That's alright."

"I am Vulcan. I do not... I do not love easily."

"I know. But you love me anyway. And I love you," he said as he leaned down again, pressing his forehead to mine. I wondered if it was a gesture he was familiar with, or if he knew that it was the Vulcan equivalent of a hug.

At that moment, though, it was of little importance.

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A/N: Yay! I love Lady Gaga, and I've been ranting about how Poker Face is Spock's theme song since I heard it. lol