SIRIUS ALWAYS THOUGHT that the word 'crush' was such an infantile word. It's one of those words that he thinks must have been invented by older folks, the ones with an interest in belittling young love. He hated it. He knew for a certain fact that he did not have a crush on Kailynn. The entire notion was completely ridiculous to him.
He loved her.
He loved her and he knew that he would continue to love until the day he died. And if there was a life after that? He would love her then too. She was the one. He knew it. She was all that was in his mind; she was his true north, his everything. He could drink in her words like a spiked butterbeer and enjoy feeling tipsy. He watched her like she had the stars in her hands and soft petals at her feet. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go. But the problem with all that, was he had to ask her out first.
Never mind that fact that he was barely even friends with her, as the only connections he had were through two of his best friends, and even then, they were close enough to called each other friends. More like acquaintances. Let's also not forget that every time he gets within a ten-foot radius of her, his nerves become so bad that he shakes at just the thought of hearing her speak.
He always tells himself; 'Tomorrow I'll find a way to talk to her, tell her how I feel.' But he always chickens out before he can even flip the covers off to get out of bed. And he has a right to be scared.
It's not like developing these kinds of feelings at the ripe and mature age of 11 is normal and even remotely healthy. He knows full well that some people would consider his feelings an obsession, especially seeing as he had barely interacted five times in the six that he's know her, but for the life of him, he could stop himself if he tried. Not that he wanted to. Of course, there had been times when he wanted all the pain of continuously being too scared to talk to her, to just go away. But never did he, and never will he want to stop loving her.
He just wished that he could finally stop hiding his emotions.
Luckily for him, he had three best friends who had pledged upon their honour as mischief makers to helping him on his quest for love.
"Oh, you should have seen her." James said dreamily. "She was breath-taking. The way her hair practically captured the light of the sun, like it was being filled with its light and f-"
"James, can we please, for once, not talk about Lily." Remus interrupted with a roll of his eyes, clipping him in the back of his head as they re-joined Sirius in the compartment. James pouted and shoved away him away, electing to flop down next to Peter and away from the mean werewolf. Sirius shook his head and let out a laugh, kicking his feet up and reaching them across the seat to lay them across Remus. "Nice to see that our new, resident Head Boy hasn't become a complete goodie, goodie."
James' hand flew to his chest, a largely exaggerated gasp filling the air. "I would never! I'd rather have a snogging session with Snivellus." He said indignantly, causing the other boys to holler in disgust and throw some of the sweets they had bought earlier at him.
"Too far, Prongs. Too far." Sirius laughed, landing a silver Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured bean in his hair. "And here I thought you were in love with Lily." Somehow managing to catch the next bean in his mouth, James grinned widely and flipped him the bird. "Oh, shut up, Padfoot. At least I can get more than a garbled sentence out to my one true love, unlike a certain Gryffindor we know."
Immediately feeling a red-hot flush creeping up his neck, Sirius huffed and glared at his snickering friends, highly embarrassed that in the six years he had been in love with the same girl, all he had been able to say to her was, 'Hi, how are you,' and 'Bye, have a nice day.' In light of his glaringly obvious discomposure, Peter and James shared an evil grin.
"Say, Peter?" James asked the small boy, ignoring his black-haired friend as he watched them warily, the blush still not quite receded from his cheeks. "What was it Kailynn asked said there? I could've sworn it had something to do with Sirius." He pondered, placing a finger against his chin mockingly, seemingly 'searching' for an answer.
Catching on quickly, Peter adopted the same pose and grinned as Sirius visibly perked up. "Now that you mention it, she did say something, didn't she? It's a shame I can't remember. Remus?"
Before the boy could answer, Sirius launched himself across his seat and landed heavily on him, tightly wrapping his arms around him and leaning his head on his shoulder. "Moony, what did she say? Please don't be mean to poor, little me!" He whined dramatically as Remus awkwardly patted his head. But unbeknownst to the black-haired boy, his friend wasn't as sympathetic as he seemed.
"You know, Padfoot." He said, a mischievous expression growing on his face. "I would tell you, but most unfortunately, I seem to have developed a strange case of temporary amnesia." As the boy looked up at him in horror, he couldn't help the small snicker that left him at his friends' betrayed expression. Pouting, Sirius unlatched himself from Remus and returned to the far end of the seat, curling into a ball and haughtily refusing to look at any of friends as they laughed at his misfortune.
"You guys are mean."
For the first time since attending Hogwarts, Sirius found himself alone as he searched for an empty carriage to take him up to the school.
It was a strange concept for him, as there was never a moment when he was without one or two of his friends. But what with Remus doing prefect tasks, Peter off Merlin knows where and James – much to a certain redhead's dismay – doing Head Boy duties with Lily, that's what he was.
Alone.
It was something he hadn't had to think about in the past year or so, as he only ever felt truly alone when he was at his old house, and he had long left them behind for a life in the Potter household. But it's always been something that has weighed heavily in the back of his mind. That someday, one by one, the people he loved would disappear, whether it be on their own volition, or by others means.
However, he tried not to dwell on it for too long as he got comfortable in his seat, not wanting to think about what would happen after he left Hogwarts. Luckily for him, the universe seemed to be on his side, as it sent him a distraction from his dark thoughts.
"Hey." A soft voice greeted from the door of the carriage, causing his eyes to widen and his back to stiffen. "Do you mind if I sit here?"
Unfortunately for him, said distraction was a little bit too distracting.
Magnificently blue eyes stared shyly at his face, never quite meeting his own eyes and flittering away from him in nervousness. Nevertheless, the expression upon her pale face was soft and kind, as it always was, and there a hopeful upturn in the corner of her mouth, not quite a smile, but not quite a straight line either. Hair flowed down her back like black ink of a tilted piece of parchment, much of tangled mess of curls having long since come loose of the singular clip she had used to hold it together. The stark contrast of the black against her paper white skin only served to make her more ethereal, and more divine than her kind nature already caused her to be.
And all the more beautiful to Sirius.
Blinking rapidly, he slowly came back to reality and realised he hadn't answered her, leaving her to wait awkwardly for him to answer as he stared at her, wide eyed and practically drooling. "O-of course." He stuttered, glad the darkness of the night concealed his growing blush as he scrambled to open the door for her. "Thanks." She replied, a relieved smile stretching across her face as she clambered up and took a seat opposite him.
As soon as she sat down, the carriage immediately began moving and the young witch and wizard lapsed into an awkward silence, one of them not knowing how to start a conversation and the other simply too nervous to talk with the girl he had been crushing on for the past six years.
Time seemed to stretch itself for the two youngsters, as if it were waiting for something, and wouldn't restore normality until it got what it wanted. And even though there were so many things he wanted to talk to her about, so many things he wanted to know, Sirius would go to open his mouth and say something, only to chicken out at the last second and reluctantly keep his silence.
However, much to the surprise of both parties, it would not be Sirius to initiate conversation.
"So," Kailynn said, eyes flittering nervously to everything but the boy in front of her. "H-how was your break?" She asked awkwardly, wringing her hands and biting the inside of her lip as she waited for him to answer.
"Good, good, it was good." Sirius said, trying to disguise the eagerness in his voice. "I spent it James and his family." Desperately wanting the conversation to continue, despite how strained it already was, Sirius attempted to keep it going. "How about yours?"
"Oh, y-yeah, same." She replied, offering nothing else to fuel the meagre conversation, leaving them to – one again – lapse into a silence neither of them knew how to break. After a few more tense minutes of the two teenagers avoiding each other's gaze, Kailynn couldn't take it anymore.
"Look, I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I'm really not good at small talk I don't know that well. . ." She paused and let out a self-conscious chuckle, running a hand through her tangled hair as she reconsidered what she said. "Actually, I'm not really good at talking in general, even with people I doknow."
There was another pause in silence, albeit less tense then it was before.
"Well then." Sirius suddenly said, an idea coming into his mind that made a grin slowly appear on his face. "How about we start from the beginning? I'll go first." Seeing the confusion grow on her face made his grin grow wider, glad that – somehow – they were making some kind of progress. "Hello, my name is Sirius Black. If you don't mind me asking, what might be yours?"
Kailynn's brows furrowed even further, the cuteness of her confusion momentarily distracting him. "What?" She said, shaking her head slightly. "But yo-" Cutting herself off, understanding dawned upon her face as she seemed to realise where the Gryffindor boy was going. Once again running her hand through her hair, she shook her head and tried to conceal the small amused smile that threatened to break out. But as she risked a quick look at Sirius, she couldn't help the laugh that left her lips as she saw him holding out his hand with a beaming grin.
"Good evening, Mr Black." She replied, delicately placing her hand in his and giving it a light shake. "My name is Kailynn Deupré. Pleasure to meet you."
For a moment, Sirius couldn't find his voice. He felt his cheeks flush hot, and his stomach went heavy. His skin tingled where their hands met, travelling up his arm and across his shoulder blades, causing him to shiver subtly. As cheesy and overused as it was, there were butterflies – no, griffins – rampaging around in his stomach, and a heavy weight pressing on his chest, causing his heart to beat so hard and erratically, he thought it might fly out.
"The pleasure's all mine." Sirius said, coming out of his stupor. In split second decision, sooner than he could chicken out, he brought her hand to his lips and gave it a quick, but soft kiss. Before she could comment or react to his out of character action, Sirius promptly let go of her hand and sat back in his seat, glad – for the millionth time – that the darkness concealed his blush. "So, Kailynn Deupré, what is your favourite colour?"
For the rest of the ride, their conversation consisted of all sorts topicsAll too soon the carriage pulled to a stop, surprising both teenagers, as they had become so immersed in conversation, the rest of the ride had passed by in a blur. Glancing around in disappointment, Sirius watched as other student clambered out of their carriages and chattered with their friends, all moving towards the giant doors that led into the castle. Getting out of the carriage first, he held his hand up to Kailynn. "Milady."
"Thanks." She said, a light blush dusting across her cheeks as she accepted his offer to help her out of the carriage. For the second time that day, his hand met hers and he felt his heart was once again pounding in his throat, so loudly that he swore it was audible, threatening to break out. It felt like liquid adrenaline being injected right into his bloodstream. Her eyes wandered around the crowd as she stepped down to the ground, but his stayed locked on her. When their eyes met again, he couldn't help but be mesmerised by the smile she gave him. It was only a small smile, but it was enough to make him go weak at the knees.
Seeing his friends waving him over in the distance, Sirius was regrettably forced to let go of Kailynn's hand. "I suppose this is where we part." He said, gesturing towards his wide eyed and gaping friends as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his robe. However, as soon as Kailynn looked over and saw them, the scrambled to act natural and ended up hiding behind a group of second years as they made their way to the great hall. Not entirely sure what they had been doing to warrant their panicked behaviour, she smiled and nodded her head shyly. "Yeah." She said, noticing her own group of Ravenclaw friends calling to her. "Thanks, Sirius. I had fun."
"Me too. See you 'round?" He asked hopefully as he started to move away, ignoring James in the distance as he excitedly jumped up and down and smacked Moony repeatedly on his shoulder.
"Yeah." She confirmed, onceagain glancing back at his group of friends, Kailynn's smile grew wider as they hid behind a different group of an amused shake of her head, she pretended not to notice his friends' strange antics. "See you 'round."
As she gave him a small wave and smile, Sirius watched her go with a slightly heavy heart and suddenly, had a wild thought.
"Hey, Kailynn!" He called, swallowing nervously when she turned around and tilted her head curiosity. "S-say, if we have any classes tomorrow . . . d– w-would you like to, I don't know, sit together?" He somehow got out, running a hand through his hair and hoping that she didn't notice his obvious blush and stutter.
But his worrying was all for naught, as after pondering for a few agonising seconds, her smile came back in full and Sirius could felt his stomach clench in relief. "I don't see why not. Until tomorrow, Sirius."
With one last torturously beautiful smile, she turned around and walked away, soon joining a group of giggling girls who flocked around her like a colony of seagulls.
Too busy staring after the love of his life, Sirius didn't even realise his friends had snuck up on him until he felt two arms sling across his shoulders. Already knowing what he would find, he refused to give them the satisfaction of looking at their overly exaggerated, proud faces.
"Oh, Moony!" James wailed, throwing the arm that wasn't around His friend's shoulder, over his eyes dramatically. "Look at our boy! Talking to girls! Growing up!" He gave a fake cry of anguish and went limp, relying completely on Sirius to keep him upright. "I don't know if I can handle it!"
"Trust me, I know the feeling, Prongs." Remus said sympathetically, also leaning his tall figure on Sirius. "It seems like only this afternoon he had been too scared to even enter the same compartment as his love, know he's having full blown romantic carriage rides with her."
Even Peter, who was usually the quietest of the four, joined in on teasing the blushing boy. "Lads, what is the world coming to?" He exclaimed, walking backwards to face them as they finally pushed their way past the mob of people and into the castle. "At the rate things are going, next thing we know, he'll being ditching us to sit with her in class."
As the three boys cackled at their friends' expense, said friend's blush grew darker in shade, prompting everyone around them to stare as the rest of the Marauders to howled louder. Scowling irritably, Sirius shrugged their arms off his shoulders and stalked through the Great Hall's doors, blatantly ignoring his supposed 'friends' as they continued to laugh and joke behind him, instead opting to sulkily plant himself at the Gryffindor table by himself.
However, it didn't take long for the three other boys to take up residence next to and across from him. "Ah, come on Padfoot, you know we're only joking." Remus told him, only having slight difficulty getting his lanky legs through the gap between the bench and table. "We're proud of you, really."
"Yeah," Peter squeaked, plopping into his seat. "I'm mean, we all know I would never be able to do that in a million years."
Still refusing to acknowledge the other Marauders, Sirius slumped down and laid his head on his arms, stubbornly keeping his eyes trained on the teachers at the head table as James nudged his side with his elbow. "Paddy, mate." He said, once again slinging an arm around his shoulder. "You know we don't mean it, right?"
"I know, I know." Sirius groaned, hiding his head in the crook of his arm, unable to completely ignore his best friends any longer. "You guys are mean." He mumbled, to which they all laughed. But it quickly trailed off as the Great Hall doors creaked open to allow entrance to the Head of Gryffindor and a gaggle of terrified first years. Sighing in relief, Sirius, like all the students in the hall who began to simmer, turned to watch the group as they passed by, grateful for the distraction.
"Don't think you've gotten away from this." Remus muttered to him, Peter and James smirking in agreement. "After this, you're either going to tell us all the juicy details or we'll convince Filch to hang you from your toes." He grinned mischievously. "Shouldn't be too hard."