Chap 2

Jim walked Pam to her car. Watching her get in the little blue Toyota, he felt as if as huge weight had been lifted off him. It had been an emotionally draining day but he was looking forward towards a fresh start. He decided against going home, he still had some casual clothes in his overnight bag and since his apt was only 2 blocks from Karen's he figured he better laid low for a few hours. He went back in the office bathroom changed into a pair of jeans . Jim decided to wear the same shirt just remove the tie. Sure enough on the way to pick up Chinese from the restaurant near his home, he saw Karen pulling up to the pizza place across the street. Not in the mood for a 2nd go around, he grabbed his food and took off to Pam's.

Pam in the meantime drove home and went through her closet. The selection ranged from meager to pathetic in regards to a romantic, causal evening at home. Picking out a yellow sundress that didn't scream nun or office appropriate, she processed to do her hair and make-up. With that done she cleaned her apt a little. At 6:30 her doorbell rang and there was Jim at her doorstep with 2 bags of food and a bouquet of wildflowers. "Hey", he said, in his breathless way.

"Hi", she said, not quite sure what the proper etiquette was for this kind of date. Truth be told she was out of practice with dating and the intensity of the situation was giving her a lot of anxiety.

"These are for you," he said giving her the bouquet.

"Thanks, let me get a vase for them," Pam told Jim, taking them, burying her face in them. She took in their sweet fragrance, thankful for having something to do with her hands. She walked into her kitchen to get a glass vase from her kitchen cabinet on the top shelf. Jim watched her try and reach for the vase from the cabinet. Watching her struggle he walked up behind her told the vase, startling her. Feeling him behind her, she jumped and nearly knocked a couple of glasses over in the process. "Easy there Beesley," Jim told her, putting the vase on the counter.

They held the gaze for a moment, Jim staring at her with that intense gaze of his, Pam returning it. Doing something he had never down before, he pulled his hands on her sides and waited for moment to see what she would do. She just stood there and he took it as an invitation, to start stroking her backside, bent down to kiss her. She responded back, putting her hands on his back and after a few minutes started to grab his shirt. They went on like this for a few moments, until they were both breathless. "Wow," Jim said, "that was amazing." He held Pam in his arms, against this chest.

"I know," she replied, listening to Jim's heartbeat.

Slowly, Jim undid his arms and gazed down at Pam, "But this is not what I came here for Pam."

Disappointed, she asked, "what did you come here for, I thought you wanted more."

"I do what more, I also don't want to blow this by moving too fast," Jim told and realizing how much like Michael he was sounding, "We have waited so long to get the timing right, it would kill me if this died before we even got a chance. I have a lot I want to tell you and I can't tell you when we are kissing."

Pam nodded, "I know, listen, I set the table before you came – could you please put the food out and I will finish with these flowers.

A few minutes they were seated at Pam's small table. She had brought over a bottle of wine she had been saving which Jim opened for the two of them. "So," she said.

"So," he said, "A little of drama today. Could you please tell me why Michael's office was painted black today?"

Pam proceeded to tell him about Dwight and Andy painting the office black as attempt to kill hope in the office. By the time she got to the part were Michael got back and called Dwight an incompetent manager Jim was in hysterics. "I can't believe I missed all of that," he said, rubbing his eyes, "God what a day."

Jim got silence has he remembered the events of the day, the mood becoming more somber. Pam looked at him, wondering if he was going to cry. Taking his hand gently, "Do you miss her, if you do I understand," she told him.

"It's not that," Jim said, wondering how to explain this without screwing up and having her kick him out of her apartment. "Part me of does miss her, Karen was a good friend, you know I don't have to tell you that. I started to hang out with in her Stamford, when I was trying to get over you. She is witty and I knew she was attracted to me. It was a mistake to get involved with her, I was trying to forget you and used her to do that. I feel awful about that part, Karen didn't deserve this."

"I understand Jim, believe me, I speak from experience, better now than waiting 10 years to end a bad relationship. I didn't want to hurt Roy after Casino Night, but it physically hurt to walk away from you. I fully intended to marry him. Until the week before anyway – I woke up one morning and wondered I was doing. I realized that I was going to be married forever more and I had an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe so I took the day off and went on a hike. I nearly went up to Stamford to see you but I couldn't do that to you. It wouldn't have been fair to you to put all of that on you after everything we said that night and it wasn't to fair for Roy for me to marry him." Pam told him, appreciating his honesty.

Jim realized how close he got to falling into the same trap. "I wish you had come up, the whole thing nearly killed me. The thing is this, I realized after a few dates that Karen and I were wrong for each other. We both want different things. I know I don't want to do this for the rest of my life and every time I mentioned that she would brush it off. She has planned out her entire life and the thought of any diversion freaked her out. The concept of taking a mental health day was an abomination. When we had our 6 month anniversary a few weeks ago I suggested taking a long weekend and flying out to Vegas – she nearly had a heart attack. It's my fault, I take full responsibility for this, Karen is a really nice person, a good friend for me but not a partner."

"Jim, I have to know, why did you pull your name today?," Pam asked, her dinner forgotten, "you would have really been terrific at it."

"It's funny you asked, I was getting my sale reports out for David Wallace and I saw your note. It's the stupidest thing, I have probably worked harder at this job this year than anything else I have ever done but I realized how much I would have hated this job. Karen convinced me that I would have flourished at this and I really thought I would be great at it. I would have been great at it Pam but I would have hated it. I saw Jan get fired today and it was completely heartless. Karen kept saying how much Jan deserved it and realized after reading your note this isn't what I want to do and this isn't the direction I want my life to go. I want a real chance with you and I know I can't do that from New York. I want my life to mean something and I can't see myself doing any of this without taking a real chance." Jim looked at her with that intense glaze of his. Pam realized with her toes curling, the chance he wanted to take. "I love you Pam, I always have and I always will. There have been times that I didn't want to and I really tried to stop with Karen but I can't. But I need to know, why didn't you try and connect me after your wedding was cancelled?"

"I love you too Jim, I want you to know that. I can't tell you when exactly but I know that started having feelings for you a lot ago but told myself it was due to a lack of interest from Roy. You have to understand that I have been with Roy for 10 years, since I was a junior in high school. Do you realize that I haven't dated as adult? It's really easy to convince yourself when you haven't had much experience that complicity is love. When you told me how you felt and I knew I couldn't go through with the wedding, I realized 2 things. It would be easy to go up to Stamford but I didn't know how you would react and it wasn't fair to you. Also I didn't know myself very well, I want to make sure that what I felt for you was real and not a fantasy. This year hasn't been easy for me, but I am glad that I did it, I know myself better. I haven't made it easy for you the last couple of years but I want to take a chance too. I know I can do a better job now then last year." Pam told him.

Jim looked at her. He believed her and realized that she needed this time. He also knew they could make it work. Taking her hand, he stood up and pulled her to him, giddy with the reality that for once they really had all the time in the world. "I love you Pam," he whispered in her year, kissing her earlobe.

Pam hugged him back, "I know, I love you too."

They walked to her living and turned on the TV, realizing they had all the time in the world. "Beasley, I can't believe you , is there a Sandra Bullock movie you do not own?', Jim teased her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah – just pop in Speed, you know you fantasized about her in 1994," Pam said, throwing a pillow.

"Hahaha, watch it Pam – violence only breeds violence," Jim told her, throwing the pillow back to her.

"Really – what are you going to do about it," Pam said throwing the offensive pillow back. She didn't even have a chance, before she knew it, Jim pounced on her pushing her back on to the couch.

"What do you have to say know?" he asked her looking deeply with her eyes.

"Why don't you just shut up and show me what you want to do?" Pam told wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Don't mind if I do," Jim said. First he kissed her forehead, then her nose, chin, shoulders and finally her mouth. The movie played in the background and by the time Keenu Reeves had boarded the bus they had headed into her bedroom. By the time the train had derailed they were in her bed. Their hearts were racing.

"Wow," Jim said.

"Wow indeed," Pam replied.

They laid there with their hearts racing watching the stars and wondering about the future and realizing whatever happened, they were in it together.