[A/N: their ages are a bit different than they are in the anime and I just made the Rookie 9 a bit older so they're about 15 when the story begins. Everyone else's age is roughly the same as it is in the anime.]

CH 1 – Evanescence

She fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

The only thing stopping her from falling from the cliff to her death was his grip around her wrists. She desperately tried to grasp his as well but her body was so worn out and weak her muscles wouldn't obey. His grip was weakening. His hands slipped from around her wrists to her hands. Was this the end? She grimly thought so. She looked up at him, her eyes desperate for salvation. But he was nothing but apathetic. And as a smirk slowly drew across his face she realized that his grip hadn't slipped on accident. Before the shock wore off for her to react, he had let go and walked away, leaving her to her death.

That's what it felt like to Sakura at least, but more painful.

–*–

The weeks fallowing Sasuke's departure from Konoha had been trying for Naruto and the others as they dealt with his betrayal and Sakura's growing depression. The first time he had gone to visit her she wouldn't let him in. But as weeks passed, she finally started letting him in. He never stayed long though. Seeing Sakura in her current state was heartbreaking. He hated Sasuke for doing this to her.

Many of them tried to get through to her, tried to get her to move on, or at least leave her apartment. But no one, from her best friend Ino to sweet Hinata to Kakashi, could shake her from her comatose.

"Aren't you gonna eat your ramen, Naruto? It's getting cold," Iruka said.

Naruto just stared at the bowl before him. Iruka had taken him out for ramen in the hopes to brighten the boy's mood. However, Naruto was more interested in thinking of how to get things to how they used to be than eating ramen.

"Why...?"

"Naruto?"

"Why did Sasuke have to leave? Why now of all times?" He banged his fist on the table making their bowls rattle. "Doesn't he care at all about us? Doesn't he realize that we need him? Sakura needs him most of all right now. Why did he have to hurt her more? She doesn't deserve this! Not right after losing her parents!" His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fist tighter. He started trembling with fury; or maybe it was desolation—he couldn't tell.

Iruka sat silently as Naruto vented. What could he say when he himself had been having similar thoughts?

Naruto stood. "Thanks for the ramen Iruka-sensei, but I'm not very hungry right now. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Naruto."

Shortly after Naruto left the Ichiraku Ramen Shop it began pouring. Thankfully the rain was not cold because he did not have an umbrella. He sighed and pulled his coat tightly around himself. He turned the corner and headed towards Sakura's place. He knew Sakura liked the rain. Maybe she would come out to enjoy it and go for a walk with him.

He arrived at her apartment and knocked on the door. No answer. "Sakura?" he called as he knocked again. Still there was no answer. He tried the knob finding it was unlocked. Worry shot through his veins in icy chills. Why would Sakura leave the door unlocked? It wasn't like her. He went inside cautiously and looked around. She wasn't there.

He started to panic. There didn't seem to have been a fight so he had a doubt this was a kidnapping. But where would she have gone? He ran out of the apartment and into the streets. He jumped onto the roof of a near-by house to get a better view of the area. The rain made most of the citizens of Konoha retreat indoors making it easier for Naruto to try to spot Sakura.

He searched from the cenotaph to Hokage Mountain; he even dared searching the Uchiha Compound. But Sakura was nowhere to be found. Naruto began wondering if she left the village. If she had, the guards or ANBU would have stopped her. Right? As he continued to wander the streets he bumped into Kakashi.

"Naruto, why are you walking around in–"

"Sakura's gone!" he interrupted. "I went over to her place but she wasn't there. I've been looking all over for her. We gotta find her, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Don't worry Naruto, we'll find her," he said as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder to comfort him. "Where have you looked already?"

"I went to the cenotaph, the lookout at the mountain, the training grounds, and the hospital, but she wasn't there." His words spilled frantically from his mouth and he kept shifting his weight, not wanting to stand still while his friend was missing. He was so worried about her. He only prayed that she wasn't stupid enough to go out searching for Sasuke on her own.

"Go to the gates and ask if they've seen her leaving the village. If they haven't, inform them to keep a watch out for her just incase she tries to. I'll continue looking around the village."

Naruto nodded and quickly went on his way. Kakashi, however, was in no hurry as he began wandering down the street. He had a pretty good idea of where Sakura was but didn't want to get Naruto's spirits up if he was wrong. Really, there was only one other place he could think of that Naruto hadn't checked already that she might go.

When he entered the small compound he could feel the despair weighing heavily in the air. He took a breath and followed the dirt path to the side of the entrance. He ended up in a private cemetery. Looking around, he found Sakura sitting in front of her parents' graves right where he thought she would be.

"Did you have to summon me in the middle of the rain?" Pakkun asked after Kakashi called him.

He ignored his complaint though. "Go find Naruto and tell him to meet me back at Sakura's apartment. He should be near the gate."

"You owe me extra biscuits for this," the dog grumbled as he trotted off.

Kakashi walked up to her silently and knelt down next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. She was trembling slightly and he thought, perhaps, she was crying. But with the rain it was hard to tell. He slid off his jacket and wrapped it around her. Sakura turned and finally acknowledged him. Her eyes were red and puffy, proof that she had been crying.

For a moment they just stared at each other. Then without warning, Sakura flung herself into Kakashi's arms. He felt helpless as she buried her face in his chest and cried. How was he supposed to comfort her? What was he supposed to say, to do? He did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around her holding her closely to him.

The rain began to lighten, and so did Sakura's crying. She had stopped shaking but continued to cling to him. He guided her up to her feet. She wiped at her face to get rid of the final tears that rolled down her cheeks. She glanced up at him and he smiled softly as if to say, "Let's go." She nodded to the silent request and they started heading back to her apartment.

As they walked back, he kept an arm around her. Partly because he didn't trust her strength to not collapse under the pain she was feeling. And partly because it was the most affection he dared to show her. He would never admit it to anyone willingly—hell he had trouble admitting it to himself—but he felt more fondly of Sakura than he probably should. And recently he had been more compelled to reach out to her since she was in such a fragile state from so much loss; though he rarely did anything more than was expected from him.

Besides, he was her sensei, her senior, her friend. There were certain boundaries between them that he was assured to keep and didn't dare cross.

They arrived at her apartment before Naruto and Pakkun. Kakashi sat on the couch and waited as she went to change in the bathroom. Though, it was taking her longer than it should have and he began to wonder. He went over to the bathroom door and lightly knocked. "Sakura?" He pressed his ear to the door. She was crying again.

Cautiously, he opened the door and peered inside. Sakura sat hunched over on the floor half naked and crying. All over her thighs were faint lines left from past scars. But not all of them looked that old. He frowned as be put two and two together. Sakura had been cutting herself for some time now…

How had it come to this? Sakura should not have to suffer such great pain at such a young age, yet there always seemed to be more just around the corner these days. He felt futile as he stared at her scars and wondered what he could do to prevent more from appearing. Sadly, he didn't think there was anything he could do.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he was by her side wrapping his arms around her. It was strange how her tears suddenly left her eyes. But then again, maybe that's all she needed, to be reassured that she was not alone.

After finally calming herself down, she sat back. When she went to brush her bangs from her face Kakashi caught her wrist. There were scars on her wrists too. Of all the scars, these looked the freshest. She clenched her fists and turned her face away from him.

"Don't get the wrong idea," she mumbled. "I was never trying to kill myself."

He knew it was the truth. All ninjas knew where the major veins and arteries were so if she had wanted to kill herself, she could have done so easily. But that did not change the fact that she was hurting herself. Why she would subject herself to more pain on purpose confused him.

He raised her wrist to his lips and kissed the scars. "Don't ever do it again." He looked down at her and met her dumbstruck gaze. Neither of them knew why he had done it and he mentally reprimanded himself for not having more control over his actions.

Thankfully Naruto decided to burst through the front door at that moment. Kakashi stood up and turned away as Sakura quickly threw on her shirt and pants. She just finished tying the drawstring when Naruto came stomping into the room. He was panting, probably from running all the way here. And despite the fact that he was dripping wet, he pulled Sakura into a tight embrace.

"Naruto, you idiot," she complained as she tried to struggle free from his grip, "I just changed into dry clothes! Now I'm going to have to change again."

"I'm so glad you're alright Sakura. I couldn't find you anywhere. I thought something terrible had happened to you," he cried joyfully as he released her. The moment Pakkun had told him that Kakashi found Sakura he had been crying for joy.

Kakashi watched them and couldn't help but feel a small pang in his chest. Subconsciously he was jealous of Naruto, for being able to be so free with his emotions. However, he would never admit that even to himself. He refused to admit the taboo because if he did, then he knew he had truly lost his mind.

His eyes caught Sakura's. "You're leaving now, aren't you?" her gaze said. He nodded to her and silently left.

He didn't get far though. He stood outside her apartment leaning against the wall beside the door. Why was his life always complicated and full of pain? Of all the many things he could do, it seemed he was never able to do what mattered most to him: protecting the ones he loved. He pushed himself off the wall and started out into the rain. He needed a drink.

–*–

2 years later

The times when Sakura never ventured far from her apartment were a distant memory. She smiled and laughed again, though not with the same joy that she use to have. But she was getting better. Instead of drowning her emotions away at home, she focused on improving her abilities under the guidance of Tsunade. When she wasn't training with her, she was off by herself practicing or sleeping. It seemed that the only things she ever did now were train, eat, train some more, and sleep.

At first everyone was happy that she seemed to be moving on finally. But after the first few months of constant training that ended her up in the hospital—on more than one occasion—from extreme chakra exertion, they became concerned again. Before, she did nothing but sulk. Now, she did nothing but push herself in her training.

Sure she had grown phenomenally, but that seemed to be the only thing in her life these days. Rarely did she hang out with friends or take time to relax. Tsunade had tried to force her to rest every so often but she never listened. She would just smile and say that she was fine. No one argued with her because they feared that if they pushed her too hard to relax, she would stop smiling and go back to her secluded sulking.

But Sakura had a dark secret she hid from everyone. Every time she stepped outside her apartment she put on a mask and played happy-go-lucky. Two years and still no one ever saw through her disguise. The fact she was almost constantly training helped. Shattering the earth and trees was a nice way to distract her thoughts and to release her emotions in a way other than crying.

These days, she had to keep busy. The only time she allowed herself to think and feel freely was at night when she went to bed. Most of the time though she was too worn out from training that she quickly passed into dreamless sleep. But when she couldn't, her mind tortured her and she would work even harder the next day to ensure the next night would not be the same.

She had become her greatest enemy. If for even the smallest moment she let her mind slip back to the past, she knew she would instantly crumble. She wanted to forget. She wanted to be truly happy again. But that dream had died a long time ago along with her parents and Sasuke's departure.

She was alone.

She was broken.

And she couldn't take it anymore.

Sunday morning, she called Tsunade telling her she was sick and was going to take the week off to recover and relax. Of course Tsunade had no objections and told her to take another week off too if she wanted.

Truthfully, she had no physical ailment; the only thing that made her sick was being there in Konoha. All morning, she packed all she dared into a large backpack. Most of it was food and supplies she needed to survive out alone. At dusk, she would leave the village. She already had made a fake mission scroll to get by the guards at the gate in case they gave her any trouble—she had to admit being the Hokage's apprentice had many perks. Everything was set, and now she just had to wait.

From the moment Kakashi woke up he felt something was off but he couldn't tell what. He went about his morning like normal yet he still had a sinking feeling that things weren't quite right. Maybe he was getting sick? He hadn't had a physical in a while so maybe something was wrong and his body was trying to tell him so.

As he made his way to the hospital a dot of pink bobbing through the crowd caught his eye. He stopped in the middle of the street and watched her as she walk towards him through the crowd. Just before she was about to pass him she glanced up, sensing his gaze, and stopped dead in her tracks.

For a moment they stood and stared at each other. Her gaze bore into him defensively as if she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't. There was something else in her eyes, something he couldn't decipher.

As suddenly as the moment started, it ended. Sakura continued on her way and Kakashi watched as she disappeared into the crowd. That strange feeling he had been having got vaguely worse.

A day passed

Then a week

Then half of the next

Eleven days had gone by since Sakura first told Tsunade she was feeling ill

"Hey Sakura," Naruto called as he knocked on her door. There was no answer. "Hey, are you there?" he tried again but to the same end.

Eleven days of not hearing any word from the girl about how she was doing now

The woman next door came out of her apartment and frowned at the loud boy. "Sakura's not home right now."

"Do you know when she'll be back?"

She shrugged. "All she mentioned to me was that she was going to be gone for some time on a mission."

"Oh… thank you." Since when did Sakura have a mission? The last time he checked, she was taking some time off because she got sick. Something was wrong. He had to go see Tsunade.

Eleven day of steadily growing anxiety

When he got to her office he went right in, ignoring the fact that the door was closed.

"Naruto, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Did you give Sakura a mission?"

"What? No, she's still sick. Now leave!"

Naruto remained stock still as it hit him. Sakura lied to them. Where she was now he couldn't even guess. Did she go after Sasuke? No, she couldn't have. They hadn't received any leads on him so it wouldn't make sense for her to blindly go out searching for him.

"Naruto, did you hear me?" Tsunade barked. "Get out of my office, now!"

"Sakura's gone."

Eleven days of Kakashi still wondering what was bothering him

"What? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I just went over to her place to see how she was doing. But her neighbor said that she left on a long mission about two weeks ago. My guess is that her sickness was just a cover."

"But why would Sakura do that?"

Naruto shook his head.

Tsunade cursed and slammed her fist against the wall. She couldn't believe her apprentice would run away. Why hadn't she noticed something in the beginning? For Sakura to suddenly take a break from her training, she should have suspected something. She should have been checking up on her! With eleven days having already passed since when she suspected Sakura had left, she had high doubts that they would find her even if she sent out every available shinobi to look for her.

"Kakashi I need you to–" She turned to find herself talking to no one. Great now Kakashi had run away. But she knew why he had gone. Though he should have waited for her orders, she could understand the urgency he must have felt to go out and start searching for her. "Naruto, I need you to lead a search team for Sakura."

Eleven days had gone by before chaos, yet again, broke loose

"It's no use, there's no scent to follow. Her trail is either too old or she covered it really well," Pakkun tried to explain to Kakashi for the millionth time.

"There has to be something!" Kakashi wouldn't take no for an answer. For the first time, his ninken were of no help. Still, he pushed on in a desperate attempt to come across something that would lead him to Sakura.

Kakashi could lie to himself all he wanted but there was no getting something like this passed Pakkun. He had known the man long enough to know that he never acted this spontaneously before for anyone. There was only one explanation. He loved her. In fact, she was probably the first girl he cared so deeply about since… well, forever!

For days he searched, rarely taking time to rest. He didn't stop until he had completely exhausted himself. It was then the ANBU came for him to escort him back to the village. I've gone mad now, he thought to himself as they carried him back. Whether he liked it or not, his actions proved what he had been denying to himself for some time now. I'm sorry… I couldn't be there for you…

Barely conscience you'll say to no one
Isn't something missing
Please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Though I'd die to know you love me

[A/N: the fact that this ending quote is from "Missing" by Evanescence and the chapter is called "Evanescence" is not done on purpose, they just happened to be the title and closing I picked]