If He Stays_
Understanding_
There's so much about it that doesn't make sense. Dean in the hallway beating the crap out of a medical poster. Cas and Charlie trying to convince Dean to hold it together. The fact that his job is done and he could leave now, but he has lost everything and doesn't have anywhere else to go.
He sits beside the body in the bed. Kevin is no stranger to vigils, to silent contemplation of things too big for his brain. From honors to a prophet, he was always studying the profound. Yet this thin quivering line between life and death...This was something he didn't really understand.
The doctors have gone just minutes ago. They don't know what happened but the EKG is stable for now. They tell the family to say their goodbyes. This Sam guy to them is just another stiff that's not likely to wake up.
Kevin plucks at his jeans. So much has happened in the last two days.
"I don't really know how to say this...I'm not big on speeches." Kevin clears his throat, and another sob rises.
"I was a little bit pissed at you guys for so long...And now, now I get it. Now I understand everything that you've sacrificed in your life, Sam." Kevin looks back at the bed. Back at the face that is intubated now, the oxygen tube having given up hours ago. He feels his breath catch. The frail corpse-like shape in the bed is nothing like the friendly giant that he knows as Sam. Kevin shakes his head.
"I get it now, Sam. If you go tonight, I get it. But the hole you're gonna leave in your brother is gonna be the same size as the hole that ripped heaven in half." Kevin gets up too upset now. He runs from the room.
Sam's spirit leans against the door, head spinning. He stares at the body in the bed.
"Look at you, lazy jerk." Sam stomps over to his body.
"Look at you and what you're doing to the people you care about." Sam's shoulders slouch.
"And in the end, maybe it's not in your control." Sam feels the first little trickle of fear go up his spine.
"It could be." The familiar British accent says from the room's window.
Sam spins to see Death leaning on his cane.
"What?" Sam holds on to his chest. He thinks there should be a breath there. He finds that he is the breath that he is holding. That his life is no more than this vapor.
"I give you tonight and only tonight to decide. Stay or go, Sam. If you stay, you will find your way back to this room. Should you choose to go, come and find me." Death smiles.
Sam feels his whole body reel as he lands bare feet first in the middle of a red dirt road.