Chapter 2.
When Mike woke up again only Donna and Rachel was there. Harvey had to go to the office, they told him. He couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. Harvey had to go back to work already. But both Rachel and Donna were great. They helped him to get more comfortable, helped him to drink and got his nurses to up the pain killers. And they talked to him. He felt a bit clearer in his head but still groggy and his body felt kind of numb. Something was wrong with him. There were something strange with his legs, which was weird. He hadn't injured them. He remembered now what had happened during his attack. Remembering wasn't pleasant at all and he wished for obliviousness, but wasn't that lucky. He didn't want to think about his injuries at all. It made him feel sick and helpless. There seemed to be so many of them as well. He didn't even know how he had managed to break his arm. He didn't feel like moving now because it felt like he was going to make things worse if he did.
Harvey showed up a while later. Instead of going to Mike he took Donna out into the hallway to talk. Mike got worried.
"Where did they go?" He breathlessly asked Rachel but she didn't know. They came back a while later and then Donna took Rachel and left. Rachel said that she would go home and get him some better clothes. He would like to have that so he didn't argue. Even though he kind of didn't want to be where he was and wished she would stay.
Harvey now took a seat in the chair Rachel had been in. It was pushed close to Mike's bed and Harvey moved a bit further away.
"Do you remember what happened to you Mike?" Harvey asked.
He nodded. "Most of it."
"You think you can tell me then?"
"Sure." Mike said, but nothing else.
"Now, or…? Do you want to wait?"
"I went to see Joe and told him I was dropping the case. He accused me of selling out but I left and he followed me outside. He…he had a crowbar Harvey." Mike got lost in those awful memories. "He hit me with it… three times I think. And then he… he tried to get me out of the way. He was going to…" Mike had to stop.
"Put you in a dumpster?" Harvey suggested carefully.
Mike's eyes widened and Harvey saw how he tensed. "Yeah." He whispered. "But he couldn't lift me up that high, so he stuffed me behind it and then he left me there." Mike swallowed and stared in from it him for so long that Harvey thought that he wouldn't say anything else. But he did.
"I knew I needed to get help." He spoke slowly now.
"And you got help Mike." Harvey said.
"I was so afraid that I would pass out before…" he blinked a bit. "Before I got help."
"Well, you did. When I found you, you were unconscious."
Mike just nodded a little. "I don't really remember much about what happened after. It is a bit scary. I always remember." He swallowed hard.
"Maybe you don't need to remember this, Mike."
"Maybe not."
"Mike, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that I didn't found you sooner."
The other man shook his head a little. "No, it's fine. I'm the one that should be thanking you. For coming to get me. Thank you Harvey."
"I shouldn't have sent you there."
Mike rolled his eyes. "This wasn't your fault. I went there myself, without telling anyone. I have myself to blame for this."
"The hell you have!" Harvey exclaimed. "Don't you blame yourself. It's that idiot Joe that is to blame for all of this! What the hell was he thinking?"
"That I just destroyed the only chance of a decent life he would ever get?"
"Are you justifying him?" Harvey started to get angry now.
"No, of course not. But…"
"But nothing! He could have ended you. I'm going to fucking kill him as soon as they find him."
Mike just sighed and leaned further down onto his pillows.
Harvey's phone beeped and he froze in his seat as he read the message on it. Damn it, this was bad news. He needed to get over to the office. He looked over at Mike who now had his eyes closed. He could see that the kid most likely was in pain. Damn, he didn't want to do this.
"Look Mike, something has come up."
Mike sleepily opened his eyes. "What?" he said.
"It's about the case."
Mike looked at him and raised his eyebrows a little.
"What are you not telling me?" Mike asked. "What's going on?"
Harvey sighed a bit. They hadn't talked about Donna's case yet, so Mike had no idea what was going on with it. And now Harvey couldn't count on Mike to help with it. He needed to figure this out by himself and he couldn't do that in a hospital room. They had gotten some time because of what had happened with Mike, but that time was over now and the other side were moving forward whether they were ready or not.
"Mike, Donna is being charged with felony fraud and she is guilty." He didn't say anything else than that. Under other circumstances he would have come off harder on Mike for his part in this, but not this time, not with Mike looking like he did now. Not with him in pain like this.
Mike was quiet for some time.
"Five elements." He then mumbled. "Proving fraud consists of five elements."
"They have all of them Mike."
"What about injury? How did she injure Liberty Rail? Evan Smith won't sit in front of a jury and explain how those documents can injure her clients without exposing them." Mike closed his eyes in what Harvey guessed was pain. Harvey thought for a while, his brain working quickly. Mike was on to something.
"I think you got it Mike. The worst thing Donna did then was trespassing. I can use this. I have to go, but I'll be back to see you later."
"No." Mike said to Harvey's surprise.
"What? Yeah, I will."
"No, I mean…" Mike paused to swallow. He tried to focus his eyes on Harvey's. "Don't go. Rachel isn't here either. She… she's not here. Can't you stay?"
Harvey sighed. "I can't Mike. I want to but I can't. This is for Donna. You know she is in trouble."
Mike looked at him for a long time and Harvey could easily read the emotions that played across his face. He bit his lip but nodded.
"Right." He quietly said. "Okay."
"Look, I'll see if someone else can come by and keep you company."
"No it's fine." Mike hurriedly said, but looked like it was far from fine. His eyes darted back and forth between his lap and Harvey's face.
Harvey felt so torn. He didn't want to leave Mike like this, but at the same time he needed to go and do this for Donna.
"I'll come back Mike." He said when he was at the doorway. Mike didn't even look at him.
He didn't like leaving him like that, but he had to. They needed to get this case out of the way. The meeting went well, and he felt relieved. He went to the office intending on telling Donna the good news and then leave for the hospital again. But at the office just after Donna had thanked him the DA came and screwed everything up again. She was up the next morning at nine. That changed his plans to go and see Mike. He felt terrible about it, but right now his focus was with Donna. She needed him more, at least that was what he thought. Sure Mike was badly hurt and in need of comfort and help, but Donna needed his help right now. Besides, Mike had Rachel. He would be fine.
The court didn't go well and Donna was upset, she questioned him and asked for support, but he couldn't give it to her. He wasn't sure how he would handle all of this. So he made a phone call he didn't want to make.
Mike's voice were hoarse and weak when he answered.
"Hi Mike. How are you doing?" He asked carefully.
Mike didn't even answer that. "Are you coming here?" he asked instead and Harvey's heart sank. He closed his eyes as he answered.
"No, Mike. I can't come right now."
"But, you said… you said yesterday that you would come back. You… you didn't."
"I know. I know that, but right now I can't. I have to deal with Donna's case. I need your help Mike."
The other man was quiet for a long time. "With what?"
"Is Rachel with you?"
"Yes."
"Good. Mike, I need you to send her over here. I need her help."
"What?" He could hear how Mike drew a deep breath. "But… but she is here with me, I don't want her to go."
Harvey pressed his lips together hard at the sound of Mike's voice. It didn't even sound like Mike. It sounded small and maybe even scared. He hated having to do this. Choose between who of the two people he cared most about in the world to support. And he hated having to do this to Mike. At a time when the kid really needed him, maybe more than he ever had, he was choosing Donna. He closed his eyes as he spoke again.
"This is for Donna, Mike. She might face prison."
"Yeah, okay." Mike whispered after a short pause. "I'll get her to come."
"Thanks, kid. Feel better." He had wanted to say something else, something better and more meaningful, but he hadn't.
Mike didn't answer and Harvey was met with nothing. But Mike was true to his word and Rachel showed up a while later. She wasn't happy at all about it though.
"I'm only doing this for Donna." She said. "I hate leaving him like that."
"He will be fine, Rachel."
"You didn't see him today." She said looking away. Then she didn't want to talk about it anymore and Harvey didn't bring it up. He couldn't let himself think about Mike being alone in a hospital bed right now. He just needed to focus on the case at hand, if he could figure it out he would have time later to deal with Mike.
-SUITS-
Mike wished that he had declined Harvey's request for help. Something close to joy had surged through him when Harvey had said that he needed Mike's help. He wanted to feel useful again even when he was laying in this damn bed just waiting for something, he didn't know what. He had wanted a distraction from what was going on inside of him. He had needed that. Instead Harvey had basically asked him for his permission to take Rachel as help instead of him, instead of Mike. He was useless now. Harvey thought so.
He didn't want to be alone now though. He was still in a great deal of pain. His jaw hurt when he moved it too much, like when he talked. But worst was his back. He wished he could lay some other way as to not put so much pressure on it, but there wasn't really any other option.
It sucked. But the pain wasn't the worst thing. No, there were something else that were wrong with him, in him. Something very wrong. He hadn't really told Rachel or Harvey about that yet. He didn't know why he hadn't. But this scared him. Something was wrong with his legs.
He had been sleeping a lot while at the hospital, had been in pain and a little groggy. His whole body felt strangely numb and heavy. His doctors hadn't really done a thorough check on him yet. They were going to do it today he had been told this morning. That's why he wanted Rachel with him now. Rachel or Harvey or anyone. But they didn't have time for him now. He had to deal with this himself. But it was just that he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to.
He felt so weak and humiliated. He had been so pathetic. He had been no match for Joe. He had even begged. He hadn't told Harvey that. He would never tell anyone that. He didn't tell the police when they were there to question him that morning. They hadn't found Joe yet.
He really needed a distraction, right now. He found his phone on the little table next his bed. Someone had charged it for him. Probably Rachel. He opened it and saw that he had a lot of missed calls and messages. They came from Harvey, Rachel and Donna. He smiled when he read the worried messages from Rachel and the multiple Where are you? from Harvey. But then Harvey's messages got more annoyed and he felt a knot firm in his stomach. He hesitated before he listened to the voice mails. After hearing the last one that was from Donna he felt worse than ever. She accused him of being selfish for disappearing when he knew she was in trouble. She had left him that message at the same time as he had been laying beaten unconscious behind a dumpster. It hadn't been his fault! Still he could hear the anger and resentment in her voice. It had been anger there, not worry. She had assumed that he had chosen to be away in the middle of the case against her, just as it seemed as Harvey had done. He couldn't believe they thought that of him. He felt worse and upset now and threw the phone away from him wishing he hadn't listen to the voicemail.
An agonizing hour later his doctor and a nurse came by.
"Hello Mister Ross. How are you doing?"
"It's Mike." Mike just said.
"I'm here to examine you. I'll just raise your bed for a bit. How is the pain?"
"Not too bad."
The nurse started taking his blood pressure and the doctor examined his jaw. She instructed him to only eat soft diet preferably through a straw until he had healed.
"Now, let's take a look at your back."
Mike felt his heart speed up, the doctor noticed as his breathing did the same.
"What's wrong Mike?" She asked and laid a light hand on his shoulder.
He groaned as he tried to sit up. This was the first time he was somewhat upright and he felt a little dizzy. He felt himself start to shake. This was so wrong! It was wrong!
"My legs…" He got out. "It's something wrong with them. I don't think I can move them!"
"All right, Mike. I want you to just calm down now. Lay back down please."
He didn't listen to her as he tried again to sit up, pain seared through his back and for a moment he thought he was going to pass out. Everything went dark for a second and the next thing he knew he was back on the pillows. Apparently he did pass out.
"You back with us Mike? Can you answer me?"
"Yeah…" He mumbled. "What happened?"
"You passed out. You are not ready to move around like that yet. You need to stay still. We are taking you for and X-ray in a few minutes."
"But my legs…?"
"We will figure out that's going on. Just relax for now."
He groaned out loud. He was so scared.
She started examine him then, tested if he could feel anything along his legs and feet. She carefully lifted his legs one at the time. Mike had gripped the blanket with both hands and held on tight. He watched in terror how the doctor lifted his right leg and slowly put it down again. He couldn't feel a thing!
"Nothing?" She asked.
Mike shook his head. "No…" he whispered as tears rose in his eyes.
"Do you need a break?" She asked. "I know how hard this must be."
He shook his head. "Just get it over with."
So she did as he laid there unable to stop the tears that were slowly running down his cheeks. He did his best in keeping himself calm.
They were finished a while later.
"Do you need to get some rest before we take you for the X-rays? Maybe you would like to call someone?"
Mike desperately wanted to answer yes to both of those questions but he just shook his head. He couldn't call anyone anyway. They were all too busy with Donna's case. Although he was pretty sure that someone would come if he called. But maybe then they would lose the case. He couldn't have that on his conscience. So he shook his head.
The next thing he knew he was rolled into a room and placed next to some sort of machine. More people came into the room and he was gently placed on a gurney. They explained what would happen and what he needed to do. He had tears in his eyes. This was just so much.
About an hour later he was back in his hospital room. A nurse was there with him as they waited for the doctor and answers. He tried to stay as still as possible. If he kept his whole body still, then he wouldn't know that he wasn't able to move his legs. Every time he thought about that he wanted to freak out, he wanted to scream and cry until he couldn't anymore. But for now he just kept still and waited.
He didn't know how long he waited. The nurse tried to talk to him but he just couldn't answer, she understood and just stay in silence in the room with him.
"I'm sorry for the wait Mike. I have the results from your X-rays but I wanted to take a closer look at them first."
Mike just nodded. He didn't trust his voice at the moment. The doctor nodded towards the nurse and she left the room leaving them alone. His doctor now held a file in her hand, his file.
"You have been doing very well Mike." She smiled sadly at him.
"This is not going to be easy to hear Mike, and I'm really sorry to have to tell you this."
He nodded, unable to get words out. It felt like his world were falling apart around him. He already knew what she was going to say, but his mouth wouldn't work as he willed her to say something different.
"Mike, you suffer from a form of paralysis called paraplegia. Paraplegic paralysis is caused form injuries to the spinal cord, and these affect your brain's ability to send and receive signals from below the site of your injury. It means that the hit you took to your back has caused nerve damage."
She looked emphatically at him. "I'm so sorry Mike. You are paralyzed from the waist down."
His mouth opened and closed a few times. Tears were in his eyes.
"No…" he whispered.
"I'm so sorry." She said again and leaned forward and patted his arm. "Are you sure there is no one you want to call?"
He shook his head again. "Is it…is it permanent?" He asked instead.
"It's uncommon for people with this kind of injury to recover." She said.
"Oh god…" Mike whimpered. "No…" He started to cry. He threw his arm over his face as he tried to stop. His doctor sat there in silence with him, still with a hand on his arm in the cast. He didn't move that one. It comforted him a tiny bit, even though he couldn't really feel it through the cast. He regained control after just a few minutes and accepted a tissue.
They spoke a bit more, she told him that they would do other tests the next day and that there were a lot of help to get. She said that they had discussed the option of surgery but deemed that it wasn't necessary in his case. She also told him that intensive physical therapy and functioning could help strengthen muscles and nerve connections. He knew she meant it to be comforting but wasn't able to take it in.
A single thought kept running through his mind. I'm paralyzed. He couldn't walk anymore. His life had just changed forever. He didn't want to think about what all this meant.
His doctor stayed for another thirty minutes then she had to leave. She told him that he just could push a button and a nurse would be with him. Then she was gone and he was alone.
He couldn't believe that this was happening. He couldn't be paralyzed. It wasn't in his world, it just didn't happen. But then, here he was, unable to get out of bed.
He made another attempt to move his legs. He tried with all he had but they wouldn't budge. He even hit his right leg as hard as he could just to try and see if he could feel something. He didn't, except some pain in his hand. He just stared at his legs. It was like they suddenly wasn't a part of him anymore. They had shut off. He had to look away. He knew it wasn't so, but he almost thought they looked different already. Weaker.
He tried to breathe deeply. Tried to focus on something else than the non-existent feeling of his legs. It was so hard. He felt so vulnerable, so broken. He didn't feel like himself anymore. He started crying again. He couldn't stop it. And besides no one was there that could see him break apart anyway. But then he saw that the box of tissues were standing on a table out of his reach. That made him cry even harder. He hit his legs over and over as hard as he could and screamed in frustration and anguish.
He almost thought that his screams were loud enough to alert the staff, but no one came. He wished he wasn't alone. He grabbed his phone that thankfully was within his reach and unlocked it. His fingers found the phone app and he pressed favorites. He stared at their names. His finger were shaking but it didn't press down. He should do it. He was entitled to. They would come. He knew they would. Probably all of them. They would drop all they had at hand and come to see him. They would, right? Suddenly he became insecure. Donna were facing charges of felony fraud. Harvey and Rachel were working on helping her.
He dropped the phone. He would be paralyzed tomorrow as well. And all the other days. Donna might face prison. And that was his fault. He was the one that accepted and used the evidence she had provided for him. He had suspected that she didn't get them in a good way, but he had trusted her. She was in trouble because of him. He had no right to call them here and disturb them from the case.
Harvey had said that he would be back soon. And earlier he had really been forced to work hard to convince Rachel to leave. He had told her that he would be fine. That was now the biggest lie he had ever told her. How would he tell her this? How would she react? Would she still want to be with him now? Everything were going to change. Maybe she even would have to take care him now. He wanted to cry again at the thought of that. He wouldn't be able to walk the aisle with her on their wedding. If she still wanted to go through with it now. He was a cripple. He was damaged. Broken. Useless.
His thoughts only got darker and darker. He needed an out. He pushed the call button. A nurse came and after asking for some tissues he told her he was in really bad pain. He received medication, he felt a little calmer. He tried to empty his head. He managed to fall asleep, hoping it would last until the next day.
It didn't and he woke up around three in the morning. He was still alone. Not that that surprised him that much. He had gotten a text from Rachel telling him she was working late and that there was a lot with the case. She would try to come by tomorrow. He wanted to call her so badly it hurt. For now he just answered her text. He had to think for a bit on what to write. He couldn't tell her this over text. Instead he wrote that he hoped they would win the case. Nothing more than that.
He wished he could go back to sleep. His back was hurting. He carefully started to turn over on his side to ease it a bit, however he couldn't. His legs were like a sack of cement and wouldn't budge, he was only able to move half of his upper body then he was stopped. He groaned in frustration and stopped trying, the movement was hurting his back. He couldn't help but feel incredibly sorry for himself.
He was paralyzed, helpless and alone. He was scared about his future and what it would be like now. He would be bound to a wheelchair. He wouldn't be able to ride his bike anymore. That alone made him want to cry. And another matter, how would he even be able to dress himself? Use the bathroom? Getting on the wheelchair? All of those pretty simple tasks seemed suddenly unreachable to him.
He laid awake for hours before he fell asleep again.
The next morning he woke up by a nurse shaking him a little. He immediately hoped that everything had been a terrible nightmare. But his legs still didn't move. Despair rushed over him and he wanted to go back asleep.
"I have some breakfast for you here." The nurse said as he started to rise Mike's bed. He pushed a table over Mike's lap and placed a glass of juice on it as well as something that looked like a smoothie. There were straws in both of them. He didn't really have an appetite but had nothing else to do so he might as well eat it. The nurse stayed until he was finished and then checked him over. He was told his doctor would be by later. Then he was alone again.
He checked his phone and Rachel hadn't answered. He couldn't understand why. And why hadn't she even called him? And where was Harvey? He had said that he would come back, but he hadn't. He hadn't even called him. Not once. Didn't they care anymore about him? How hard was it to place a single phone call? It would take them not more than five minutes. He just wanted to hear their voices. Should he call them? He decided not to eventually. If they didn't want to talk to him he would leave them alone. He was pretty sure that they would contact him as soon as the case was closed. And besides, he wasn't entirely sure that he would be able to keep it together if he called them.
He had a long, boring and sad day. His doctor came to see him again as well as some kind of specialist. He was fed with a lot of information of what his new situation entailed. He was told about help he now was entitled to, recommended to a physiatrist or help groups, they even told him about some blog that he might find helpful. Mike just wanted them all to leave. He didn't want to hear about this because he wasn't really sure he had accepted it yet. It all happened too quickly. He wasn't ready to get his wheelchair over to a help group for newly disabled people or whatever.
They seemed to sense his mood and he was soon left alone. Lunch came in form of another smoothie, this time with vegetables in it or something. It was gross and he almost wanted to throw up. In the afternoon he texted Rachel again, as well as Harvey. He just asked how things were going and didn't say anything about himself. They didn't answer. He wanted to call them and beg them to come. Why wouldn't they even answer him? It wasn't too much to ask, was it? They knew he was hurt!
When dinner came and the nurse left again and still nothing from either Harvey or Rachel he actually allowed himself to cry a bit. He felt so abandoned. Maybe they knew what he was now and wouldn't want anything to do with him now. He knew that they never would do that to him, but here he was all alone and he couldn't stop those thoughts from coming. Could he even go back to work after this?
His back was hurting again and a nurse gave him something for it. He tried to sleep. When would they come? He decided to wait until nine and if they weren't here by then he would call. What if they had lost the case and that's why they didn't call him. Maybe they didn't want to burden him with the fact that he had gotten Donna in jail now when he was hurt an all. He didn't know if he would be able to live himself if that were the case. If so he would have to do something. He could strike a deal, himself for her. He had something to bargain with after all, and now with his life like this, he might as well go to jail. He shuddered at the thought and clenched his teeth together. But how hard was it to let him know?
Time passed endlessly slow. He was laying with his phone in his good hand just staring at the screen and activating it every time it became black. Nothing happened and he let the tears run down from his eyes uninterrupted. He willed the phone to ring or beep or something. He felt so bad.
-SUITS-
It turned out that what Harvey and Rachel did worked. They managed to get the case closed. Harvey was so relieved, it had been close. Donna had almost been hurt. But it was over now and he didn't want to think about it anymore. To celebrate they all decided to head over to the hospital. Maybe celebrate was the wrong word but it felt right to finally go and see Mike. He had practically been alone for the last two days. Both he and Rachel was feeling bad about that. Harvey felt even worse when Rachel said that she hadn't spoken to Mike, just texted him late last night. But there hadn't been a lot of time for much else than the case. But that wasn't really true. A short phone call in the car to or from court would have been possible. Hopefully they could make up for their lack of communication now though. He would take a few days now to be with Mike now, whether the kid wanted him to or not. Mike deserved that much. He had just been though something traumatic and now he had been forced to deal with it alone.
Donna and Rachel stopped to get some food for all of them while Harvey proceeded alone to Mike's hospital room. Mike was pale and laying still in bed when Harvey stepped inside, he was staring listlessly in front of him and didn't acknowledge that the door opened. He was clutching his phone in his left hand.
"Hi Mike." Harvey said, smiling against him when the younger man turned his face towards him. The bruises on his face stood out clearly, his skin almost seemed transparent and his eyes were a bit red. Mike looked almost worse than he had the other day and Harvey felt worried about the reason for that.
Mike didn't answer him. It was quarter to nine. He had almost given up. Now when he saw Harvey he felt conflicted. He wanted to be mad at him for taking so long to show up, but at the same time he felt so relieved that he almost wanted to burst into tears. Harvey was finally here. He wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
"How are you doing?" Harvey asked now.
Mike shrugged a bit, looking away. He wasn't sure he would be able to look at Harvey just yet.
"I know what might cheer you up." Harvey said. "Donna is in the clear! Rachel and I got the job done."
"That's great." Mike said quietly, still not looking up.
"Yes it is. What's with you? This is amazing news Mike."
"I said it's great!" Mike sounded angry now.
"Drop the attitude. You know, it is great. You should be happy since it's your fault she was in this mess from the start."
"What are you talking about, the hell it is!" Mike yelled and the anger took over. What was Harvey doing attacking him like that the first thing he did? That wasn't how it should be. He wanted Harvey's support right now, nothing else.
"Well, you know what. Forget it. Sure, it's my fault. Of course you are blaming me. How could I think anything different? You don't give a shit about me anyway." His face were turning red and his eyes a bit shiny. He continued.
"Why are you even here? You came to gloat that you finished the case without me, or what? Or did you just want to come here and make sure I knew that it was all my fault?" He was breathing hard now, but refused to look towards Harvey.
Harvey remained silent. Whatever urge he had had to yell back at Mike was gone. Something was wrong here. Very wrong.
"What happened Mike?" He almost whispered.
Mike did look over at him then, Harvey's sudden change of tone startled him. They locked eyes and Harvey watched how Mike's angry expression went away and a devastated one took its place. Mike's eyes immediately started to tear up and his lower lip trembled. He opened his mouth just to close it again.
"Mike…" Harvey urged. Something was wrong. He waited for Mike to tell him. He felt himself tense where he was. The kid was quiet though.
"I'm is blaming you. And it all turned out okay, Mike. Tell me what's wrong."
Mike hesitated still but then decided to speak. He couldn't bear this alone.
"Yesterday…" Mike started slowly. He didn't know how to say this, so he just said it. "Yesterday they came to my room and they told me that I am paralyzed. I can't walk anymore Harvey."
Harvey froze in place at those words. He just stood there and tried to take in what the kid just had told him. Mike was paralyzed? Paralyzed. He wasn't able to walk. That couldn't be right. Could it? But tears were in Mike's eyes now and he looked incredibly sad. This was devastating. Awful. And even worse, Mike had been alone with the knowledge since yesterday.
"Oh shit. Oh, kid." Harvey mumbled as he found a chair and sat down next to Mike. What should he say? How do you respond to something like this?
"I'm so sorry Mike. I'm so sorry."
Mike didn't answer. It looked like he was fighting his tears. His hand came up and wiped at his eyes.
"I don't even know what to say kid. I'm sorry. Why didn't you call any of us?"
"You know why." Mike said.
"The case." Harvey said quietly. He wanted to curse himself.
"Donna is special, right?"
"Mike…"
"But Harvey, I was thinking, if…if it's over now. Maybe you could… maybe you could stay here for a while now?"
Mike's voice broke a little as he locked eyes with Harvey.
"Of course." Harvey answered.
Mike was breathing hard and he had started to tremble, Harvey wasn't sure he was even aware of it. He couldn't help that his eyes wandered to Mike's legs. They were still. Mike didn't look at Harvey and had the blanket that covered him in a desperate grip.
"I just wanted some company." He mumbled. "You didn't even call."
Harvey nodded and felt like shit.
"I should have called. I should have been here. I'm sorry you had to deal with this on your own."
"It's nothing new." Mike snapped.
Harvey sighed a little bit. "Look Mike. I had to make a tough decision the other day…"
"And you chose Donna. It's fine! I get it."
"I did chose her Mike, at the time I thought her problem was more urgent. You get that, right?"
Mike had turned his head away from him now, his breathing were shaky and his lip trembled.
"I know." He whispered. "I'm sorry Harvey."
"For what, Mike?"
"For getting her into this mess. I shouldn't have used the document, if I hadn't Donna wouldn't have been…"
Harvey interrupted him. "It wasn't your fault Mike. Donna made her own decisions."
"But you just said…"
"It was bullshit Mike."
Mike didn't react to that. He kept looking down. "Can you look at me?" Harvey asked. What Harvey saw in his eyes when he did made him feel like hitting something, or someone. He never wanted to see that look on Mike's face. But now wasn't the time for anger. Instead he carefully placed a hand along Mike's face and held his gaze.
"Nothing of this was your fault. Do you hear me?"
Mike nodded a little as a few tears escaped and trailed down his cheek.
"I can't move my legs Harvey." He said brokenly.
"I know kid." Harvey answered him. "I'm sorry."
"What am I going to do?" Mike asked quietly looking up at him now with something wild in his eyes.
"You will be okay Mike. You will take it easy and we will figure this out."
"But how?" Mike wanted to know and Harvey wasn't sure how to answer that.
"You'll work it out. You always do."
Mike looked away. "I don't know how to work this out. I don't know."
"Well, I'll help you."
But Mike didn't acknowledge it. He looked like he was fighting to keep himself together. And he really was.
It took Mike all of his effort at this moment to not break down. During their conversation he had been close many times. From the moment Harvey first stepped into his room until now when Harvey said that he would help him. He hadn't known how much he had needed to hear that.
Finally someone came to see him, and finally he didn't have to be alone. And now Harvey said that he would help. He could have burst into tears at that moment, but had stopped himself by trying to not react at all, when he really wanted to just reach out and hold on to Harvey with all he had just to keep him there.
But then he realized that Harvey hadn't really come here for his sake. Harvey had just wanted to let him know that Donna was in the clear. It was great news of course but his own news made it too difficult to be truly happy for her. And in a terrible moment he wished that he could have traded places with Donna. That he would be the one that faced jail and who Harvey had fought for, but that meant that Donna would have been in his situation and he didn't wish that for anyone. The thought made him feel incredibly guilty as well, how could he have thought that?
But that didn't stop the hurt he felt in his chest as Harvey told him that he had chosen Donna over him. It also made him remember the voicemails left in his phone. For a moment then he wished that Harvey would leave the room so that he could break down in peace. But also, if Harvey left now it would end him. So he apologized even if it was mostly to make Harvey like him again. Harvey said that it wasn't his fault and it felt good to hear it.
Harvey told him that everything would work out. Mike couldn't see it at all, how could this work out? He couldn't walk anymore! However he didn't have time to talk more about it.
"Rachel and Donna will be here soon, Mike." Harvey said, "They are bringing food."
"Don't tell them." He said.
"Mike you can't keep this from them."
"Yes I can, it's my decision when to tell them. And besides they are here to celebrate aren't they? This," he mentioned for his legs, "would bring down the mood, wouldn't it?"
"Mike, you can't keep this from them."
"Yes I can, it's my decision!"
"Mike, they deserve to know!"
"I'll tell them, but not tonight."
"They would want to know. How do you think they will feel when you tell them tomorrow?"
"I don't care. What about me? If I don't want to tell them it should be my decision."
"You are paralyzed for god sake, Mike! But fine! Don't tell them. It's up to you but I don't agree with your decision."
"Yeah, I get that." Mike looked away again. Harvey didn't understand, he was doing this for Donna and Rachel. Donna must be so relieved and happy now to not have to be in trouble anymore. They were all coming to celebrate that and Mike couldn't be the one that took that away. But he hated the way Harvey had just told him that he was paralyzed.
Harvey sighed but regretted it when he saw how Mike flinched and looked up at him with wide eyes. Harvey nodded towards him then and smiled a little. He couldn't argue with Mike now. The younger man was looking out into the room with a lost look now.
"When will they come?" He asked in a small voice.
"Any moment I guess." Harvey said.
"Are you sure?" Mike asked and Harvey studied him.
"Of course." He said.
Mike didn't say anything else he just kept his eyes locked on the door, Harvey waited in silence with him. His thoughts were spinning around in his head.
-SUITS-