Chapter 2 - All Things Are Considered

"I don't understand," Tonks complained to McGonagall. "His behaviour is so out of character." It was the following morning and the two women were sitting in the overstuffed armchairs in Hogwarts' staff room. McGonagall looked at Tonks, thoughtfully, as the other woman lost her gaze in the cup of coffee she was holding. Remus had been unusually distant and abrupt lately, and it bothered Tonks. She loved him so much, but he was pulling away from her. McGonagall could see the sadness in her eyes. She had always thought the match was a dubious one, but even so she couldn't help but feel sorry for Tonks.

The conversation was suddenly cut short as the man in question entered the room. Lupin looked haggard. A dusting of stubble coated his chin where he had neglected to shave, and dark rings had appeared beneath his eyes; remnants of his sleepless night. He suspected what they were talking about though he said nothing as he headed past them to make himself a cup of tea. Tonks was understandably upset at his emotional distance. The reason for it had little to do with her, but how could he explain that? He had gone to Azkaban to visit Dumbledore's murderer. How would anyone ever understand that? Resigned to the idea that he would have to keep the knowledge to himself, he said nothing to the two women and simply left the room with his cup of tea in hand. McGonagall shook her head in disbelief as he left.

Lupin wandered aimlessly through the corridors for a time, the cup of tea he carried with him beginning to go cold with neglect, though not as cold as his emotions seemed to be. Dumbledore's death at Snape's hand, and visiting Snape in Azkaban had left him drained and tired. Azkaban. Suddenly it occurred to him that perhaps the place itself had something to do with his current feelings. After all, wasn't that its purpose? And goodness knows the atmosphere at Hogwarts seemed darker too now without Dumbledore. He felt the pull of the werewolf within him. Uncontrolled, he could feel his darker side yearn to respond to the Dark Lord's call. It was a feeling that was almost alien to him; it was different from the feeling that came over him when the moon rose once a month. Even without the wolfsbane potion there was usually no rhyme or rhythm, just animalistic urges. This time the desire was clear; to do as the Dark Lord would have him do. Lupin did his best to bury the feeling, his desire to serve the fallen Dumbledore winning out over the darkness that niggled in the pit of his stomach. All at once, an image of Harry Potter appeared in his mind. Harry also carried the physical traits of both light and dark... and Harry had staunchly, fiercely, chosen the light.

"I choose the light," he whispered to himself. The feeling of niggling darkness began to lift and for the first time in days he almost felt like himself again. Yet there was still work to be done. Snape's last words to him came floating back. "I would have expected you to think the worst of me, but how can you think that of him?" Snape's words gave voice to a troubling thought that all of the Order members had been wrestling with. They had all trusted Dumbledore. Dumbledore had always had his reasons even if they had been unable to understand until the moment of truth rang out. Now there was no Dumbledore to explain Snape's behaviour. Only Lupin now had the ability or the inclination to ring that bell of truth. But what was the truth? There was only one way to find out... to go back to Azkaban and see the man who knew.

Inadvertently, Lupin found that he had arrived at the kitchen door, led no doubt by his growling stomach. Knowing his next course of action made him feel somehow surer of himself, but for now breakfast would come first.

The elves were more than happy to help and rushed at Lupin with a platter of food that a king would have been proud of. Satisfying himself only with a couple of slices of toast, however, he settled down at the table and preoccupied himself with the jam.

"I wondered if I'd find you here." A voice startled him. Looking up he saw that Tonks had just entered the kitchen. Inwardly he sighed, but he knew she deserved something of an explanation.

"Sit down Nymphadora," he said, feeling the tiredness begin to creep back into his bones. Unwillingly, she accepted the invitation and sat at the table.

"What's happening to us, Remus?" She asked, concern lacing her voice. He reached forward and took her hands in his.

"I can't give you the explanation that you deserve just yet. I have some things that I need to attend to. I need you to trust me, Nymphadora. You will understand in time, I promise." He gazed deep into her eyes, knowing that what he was asking was supremely unfair and yet inwardly he begged her to understand even so.

"But I'm scared Remus," she stammered, a tear escaping her eyelid followed by another and then another.

"I know," he replied, "so am I. But it's very important that you trust me. Can you do that?" He curled a finger beneath her chin and drew her face up so that her gaze met his. After a moment, she nodded briefly.

"I trust you," she told him, though he could see how much those three words cost her. He knew what she feared... she feared losing him and she feared the dark ages, and she knew that Lupin couldn't give her any reassurances despite his words.

"I have to go," he told her, deserting his toast and getting up to leave.

The shadow that was now Snape looked up to see Lupin standing in the doorway to his cell once more and looking down at him fixedly.

"Why did you return?" Snape asked, his voice emotionless.

"Dumbledore trusted you and I'm not prepared to question Dumbledore's judgment." Lupin told him.

"You realise that means trusting me." Snape said, mockingly.

"Yes. I do." Lupin replied. After a moment he stepped forward and knelt in front of Snape. "Oh Severus, why?" He asked, his voice pleading, but soft. Snape did not answer. He stared at Lupin, searchingly. His eyes were no longer empty and emotionless, but full once more with the smouldering mysterious turmoil that could once have been found in his eyes before all this; before Azkaban, and before Dumbledore's death. Lupin realised that Snape seemed to be calculating. His former colleague had constantly been misjudged and mistrusted, and for the role that Dumbledore had designated him in the Order he had been incarcerated in Azkaban. It was only natural that he should be misgiving now that another member of the Order had arrived asking questions, even if Lupin had told him last time that the Order did not know about the visit.

"I know what you want from me, Lupin. Don't think that I'm a fool who will simply bow to you because you give me empty promises. I may be in Azkaban, but I still have my integrity." Snape shot at him. Lupin reeled back in surprise. Once again, he had underestimated Snape. He had expected the man to have misgivings, but his pride, inevitably, was still very much intact.

"Severus, I understand that you have misgivings, but really… I mean what I say." Lupin stammered. After all, he had never been strong willed or opinionated like Severus, James or Sirius had been. He had always been the quiet and careful one. It made this task all the more daunting.

"You mean it, do you?" Snape sneered at him. "Perhaps you do, but when it matters most it's all just hollow words. Would you go back to the Order and defend me? Would you make a promise to someone important to you even if it meant their death? Would you sacrifice everything for the war? Would you make the unbreakable vow?"

Snape's words were strong and they shocked Lupin to the core. Had that been what Snape had done? And would he, Lupin, have been able to do those things if the tables had been turned? When faced with controversy, could he still do what needed to be done? How many times had he taken the easy option instead of doing what was right? Lupin bowed his head, suddenly unable to face the integrity blazing in Snape's eyes knowing that he had always opted for safety. Though Lupin uttered no words, it was the most honest moment Snape had ever witnessed in the other man. When his visitor eventually looked up at him again, the intensity he found in the eyes that gazed back was almost enough to convince him that he really could trust Lupin.

"Let me change that." Remus asked him, staunchly. "Give me a chance to put that right."

Snape considered his response, with an unreadable expression. "We'll see." He eventually said, the corners of his mouth turning upwards in a smirk; the closest he could get to an icebreaker.

For a moment, the two sat side by side in silence, both of them sifting through thoughts and memories. For Snape, this meant a return to his school days and the memories of darkness and misery he had experienced at the incessant bullying he had been subject to.

"Tell me about the werewolf prank back when we were in school." He suddenly said. Lupin turned to him in surprise, remembering his awful times transforming in the shrieking shack, and the terrible time that James and Sirius had left Severus to find him.

"James and Sirius were my best friends, but they used both of us that night. It was only ever meant to be a stupid prank at our expense, but I do believe that they never intended to hurt you." Lupin told him, gently. Snape did not reply, though he seemed to consider this response in his silence. After a moment, Snape spoke again, but this time it was to change the topic.

"I did it because he asked me to." He said, at last.

"What? I don't understand." Lupin asked, confused.

"Dumbledore's death." Snape reminded him. "The plan was two-fold, actually. One aspect of it was intended to save Draco Malfoy from the weight of fulfilling the deed. The boy is still young, innocent, and Dumbledore wanted to spare him. To do this, I was required to make the Unbreakable Vow. The second reason he asked me to do it was to spare him from a long, humiliating and painful death. He foolishly wore a cursed ring and there was little I could do to save him. He would have suffered, Lupin. I couldn't refuse him."

Lupin couldn't help but be amazed at Snape's revelation. It certainly explained a lot, though he doubted whether anyone else would understand even if they did believe it. Snape's trial before the Wizengamot certainly would not be easy, which brought Lupin to another question.

"Severus, do you have someone to speak for you at the trial?" He asked. Snape shot him a sour look.

"What do you think?" Was the simple response. Lupin took a deep breath.

"Would you allow me to stand for you?" He asked. Snape couldn't help but be surprised and inwardly he wrestled with the niggling feeling that Lupin might not turn up if he was counted on. Sometimes it was best to simply rely on yourself.

"I will consider it." Snape eventually replied. Lupin nodded, diplomatically, knowing he couldn't expect any more of Snape than he had received during that day's meeting and understanding that they had already come a long way in such a short period of time.

Back at Hogwarts, Lupin carried a new conviction with him, and a new willingness to fight the horrors of the war that the Dark Lord had created. At dinner that night, McGonagall and Tonks exchanged discreet looks, both of them having noticed the change in his countenance. Even so, Lupin struggled with the knowledge that he could not tell them the reason for this change. Even harder, was the idea that he knew the truth about Snape and that he couldn't tell them. They would never understand since in the midst of their grief their love for Dumbledore clouded their judgment. This thought gave Lupin a new problem to worry about. If his fellow colleagues in the Order of the Phoenix could not be convinced, then how did he expect to convince the Wizengamot? And of course, there was every possibility that he too would be ostracised for siding with Snape. Lupin decided that he would deal with that only when the time came. For now, Snape's trial was his first priority, and he spent much of that night turning strategies over in his mind as he lay alone in the darkness of his chamber.

The next morning, he joined his fellow Order members for breakfast and was sipping a cup of tea when an owl landed on the table in front of him. The owl deposited an officially stamped letter before taking a great flap of its wings and promptly flying away. Trying to remain nonchalant, Lupin opened the letter. The first piece of parchment stated that Severus Snape had appointed him as his representative for the trial. The parchment was signed by both the Minister for Magic and Snape himself. Lupin allowed himself a small smile. Snape had decided to trust him after all. The next piece of parchment stated in large letters that it was an official notification that the Wizengamot would convene to hear the case regarding the death of Albus Dumbledore at the hand of Severus Snape. The parchment listed a series of charges; murder, conspiracy, and being a death eater, among other things. When Lupin noticed the time and date of the hearing, however, he went pale. The trial had been set for that very afternoon.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. The other Order members looked up in surprise. "I have to go." He said, cryptically. With that, Lupin dashed from the table, the letter in hand, and headed straight back to Azkaban.