Chapter #1
Legolas Greenleaf
Day 1 I got this diary
I had my 2,675th birthday today and mommy like so totally gave me this book! It is like such an unfashionable birthday present! It's got an ugly, brown cover and yellow pages. Yuck. Daddy took me to the salon and that is like so totally cool. I got my hair done in braids! They look so pretty! I thought that as long as I have this freakin' book, I'll just like totally use it.
Day 2
My daddy told me to get out of the bathroom. Like, can't the world give me like any privacy! I needed to do my hair. *sighs* the world doesn't understand how much my hair means to me.
Day 3
Oh my god! You won't believe what totally happened to me today! I was on my 23d hour in the bathroom and suddenly, I saw a pimple! I don't know what happened then. I think I passed out. Oh, it was dreadful! I mean, you should have seen it! It was huge and ugly! Oh, I can't even think about it. Now I'm in the Greenleaf hospital, getting plastic surgery to remove it. It cost me $653,678,983,867,980 to remove it. That's worth two days of hair care!
Day 4
I went to the Greenleaf public mall today and I like totally had so much fun! I went shopping in the bath and body works and bought myself some lotion and cream and body wash. I smelled so good when I came out of the bathroom. Too bad nobody was there to admire me because I came out at 4:00 am. I went in at 6:00 pm and daddy said that it was way too much time. Daddy won't understand because he's getting old and his hair is getting crinkled. The bad new is that a new pimple came. I went back to the hospital to remove it.
Day 5
Oh my god! Like the most embarrassing thing happened to me today. Ok, like I was like at the Greenleaf restaurant and oh my god! It's too much to think about! I had a strand of hair sticking up! Oh, my god! I think I fainted after that! I can't remember much! That's why I had to put a pound of hairspray onto it to fix it. On the bright side though, I had an excellent beauty sleep last night! I was so beautified when I woke up. Oh, my god! I like never felt better in my whole life!
Day 6
I took such a soothing bath today. I had a bath with warm water with roses floating on the surface of the water. It was like so like totally fun!
Day 7
I was invited to a special meeting today! I hope it's a fashion meeting. Or even better! I fashion show! But then, Daddy came and told me that it was a meeting about a cheap piece of jewelry! That is so not right. That's why I didn't bother wearing one of my best outfits. I just wore a plain old brown rug with a hole in it for my head. Just in case, I wore one of my most flashy outfits underneath it. Like, in the meeting, I was supposed to guard this little guy who was going to like totally take this freaky ring to a mountain to burn it. Or was it a volcano? Who cares anyway! Elrond and his dumb self told me to guard him. At first, I said that I would never to such a thing in my life. But then, he said that he'll buy me concealer to conceal my pimples. I was kind of like offended because I realized that I probably had a zit on me. But I did the job.
Day 8
I met a lot of new people today. I met this freaky guy who said he was a king. I don't believe him because he looked way too dirty to be a king. I also met this ugly freak who said he was a dwarf. He was really mean. I called me a girl. That was like so totally rude. I also met this disgusting guy who's name was Sam. He was like practically in love with this other guy named Frodo. Yuck! *Girly squeal* I also met these two other guys named Merry and Pippin. They're ugly! And I met a guy named Burryme or um, Burnme, or um, wait! Boromir was his name. I could tell he used Thermasilk shampoo because that stuff makes your hair stick together. I also met an old freak named Gandalf. He probably uses Loriel shampoo for extreme seniors. Don't ask because I know everything about hair and makeup.
Day 9
I had a major tragedy today. I couldn't take a bath because there wasn't any water! You haven't heard the worst part. When I found a pond and went to bathe in it, it was mucky! And when I got out, a leech was stuck on me. Yuck! *Girly Squeal* Aragorn pulled it out. And also, the blood that was left on me, clashed with my outfit! Oh my god!
Day 10
Like oh my god! We went to the land of the elves today and like, it was so much fun. Oh my god! Like I actually blended in! There were a million other elves there and this antique name Galadriel. Like oh my god! She has no taste in jewelry. And she looks so like scary when she looks at Frodo. Like oh my god! She was like so freaky! Like oh my god. I was like so freaked out. And I met a cool guy named Haldir. He like so understood my sense in fashion. Like he bought the same clothes as me and he had elf ears. The only thing he didn't have was my lovely face.
Day 11
Like oh my gosh! I was like at the mall and oh my god! I bought everything there! The ladies that ran the shop just stared at me like they were in their own world and said, "You don't have to pay for this." Well, I don't know what made them do it but I liked getting free stuff.
Day 12
Like today was like so totally scary! There was this war and I hid behind a tree the whole time! So I didn't get shot. Fortunately for me, Boromir died. I hated him anyway. That's why I acted so clueless in the movie when he died. Oh well, too bad. And the good news is, Frodo and Sam sailed away and Merry and Pippin got carried away by some freaks made of mud. Today was a really good day. I was so relieved when Sam and Frodo sailed away. So was Aragorn. Well, I'll be back a year later for the next movie.
Day 377
Ok I'm like so totally back with a new makeover and wig. Didn't you notice that this wig has less frizzy hair? Well, in this movie, I'm more important than Aragorn. This movie is all like totally war where the director paid me $9,000,000,000 to do one or two scenes in the war. I was like so grossed out! Like totally! Ok, goodbye. Oh yeah, we won the war. I'll be back next year for the final movie.
Day, um. I've lost track
Well, I'm like so totally siked that I'm actually in a movie that won an Oscar award! Like in this movie, I was only in one or twenty scenes. This is not fair! And dumb Aragorn who bathes in muck got all the important scenes like when he became king and when he went to have a chat with the ghost king and when he was in the war. I was like so totally offended. I mean, I'm the prettier one. Aragorn just has pretty-he's completely ugly. Arwen just likes him 'cause he's her stepbrother. She is so lame. I mean, like look at her dialogue. "Do you remember the first day we met in preschool and I couldn't spell my name?" Like it was so totally BORING!
Day-I'm lost
I had so much fun filming Pirates of the Caribbean! Whoops! Wrong movie. Well, I ran out of pages and I don't really mind because it was an ugly book anyway. I'll get a pink one next time. Or maybe purple.
-Legolas the prettiest! Oh, I mean Legolas Greenleaf.
Day 1 I got this diary
I had my 2,675th birthday today and mommy like so totally gave me this book! It is like such an unfashionable birthday present! It's got an ugly, brown cover and yellow pages. Yuck. Daddy took me to the salon and that is like so totally cool. I got my hair done in braids! They look so pretty! I thought that as long as I have this freakin' book, I'll just like totally use it.
Day 2
My daddy told me to get out of the bathroom. Like, can't the world give me like any privacy! I needed to do my hair. *sighs* the world doesn't understand how much my hair means to me.
Day 3
Oh my god! You won't believe what totally happened to me today! I was on my 23d hour in the bathroom and suddenly, I saw a pimple! I don't know what happened then. I think I passed out. Oh, it was dreadful! I mean, you should have seen it! It was huge and ugly! Oh, I can't even think about it. Now I'm in the Greenleaf hospital, getting plastic surgery to remove it. It cost me $653,678,983,867,980 to remove it. That's worth two days of hair care!
Day 4
I went to the Greenleaf public mall today and I like totally had so much fun! I went shopping in the bath and body works and bought myself some lotion and cream and body wash. I smelled so good when I came out of the bathroom. Too bad nobody was there to admire me because I came out at 4:00 am. I went in at 6:00 pm and daddy said that it was way too much time. Daddy won't understand because he's getting old and his hair is getting crinkled. The bad new is that a new pimple came. I went back to the hospital to remove it.
Day 5
Oh my god! Like the most embarrassing thing happened to me today. Ok, like I was like at the Greenleaf restaurant and oh my god! It's too much to think about! I had a strand of hair sticking up! Oh, my god! I think I fainted after that! I can't remember much! That's why I had to put a pound of hairspray onto it to fix it. On the bright side though, I had an excellent beauty sleep last night! I was so beautified when I woke up. Oh, my god! I like never felt better in my whole life!
Day 6
I took such a soothing bath today. I had a bath with warm water with roses floating on the surface of the water. It was like so like totally fun!
Day 7
I was invited to a special meeting today! I hope it's a fashion meeting. Or even better! I fashion show! But then, Daddy came and told me that it was a meeting about a cheap piece of jewelry! That is so not right. That's why I didn't bother wearing one of my best outfits. I just wore a plain old brown rug with a hole in it for my head. Just in case, I wore one of my most flashy outfits underneath it. Like, in the meeting, I was supposed to guard this little guy who was going to like totally take this freaky ring to a mountain to burn it. Or was it a volcano? Who cares anyway! Elrond and his dumb self told me to guard him. At first, I said that I would never to such a thing in my life. But then, he said that he'll buy me concealer to conceal my pimples. I was kind of like offended because I realized that I probably had a zit on me. But I did the job.
Day 8
I met a lot of new people today. I met this freaky guy who said he was a king. I don't believe him because he looked way too dirty to be a king. I also met this ugly freak who said he was a dwarf. He was really mean. I called me a girl. That was like so totally rude. I also met this disgusting guy who's name was Sam. He was like practically in love with this other guy named Frodo. Yuck! *Girly squeal* I also met these two other guys named Merry and Pippin. They're ugly! And I met a guy named Burryme or um, Burnme, or um, wait! Boromir was his name. I could tell he used Thermasilk shampoo because that stuff makes your hair stick together. I also met an old freak named Gandalf. He probably uses Loriel shampoo for extreme seniors. Don't ask because I know everything about hair and makeup.
Day 9
I had a major tragedy today. I couldn't take a bath because there wasn't any water! You haven't heard the worst part. When I found a pond and went to bathe in it, it was mucky! And when I got out, a leech was stuck on me. Yuck! *Girly Squeal* Aragorn pulled it out. And also, the blood that was left on me, clashed with my outfit! Oh my god!
Day 10
Like oh my god! We went to the land of the elves today and like, it was so much fun. Oh my god! Like I actually blended in! There were a million other elves there and this antique name Galadriel. Like oh my god! She has no taste in jewelry. And she looks so like scary when she looks at Frodo. Like oh my god! She was like so freaky! Like oh my god. I was like so freaked out. And I met a cool guy named Haldir. He like so understood my sense in fashion. Like he bought the same clothes as me and he had elf ears. The only thing he didn't have was my lovely face.
Day 11
Like oh my gosh! I was like at the mall and oh my god! I bought everything there! The ladies that ran the shop just stared at me like they were in their own world and said, "You don't have to pay for this." Well, I don't know what made them do it but I liked getting free stuff.
Day 12
Like today was like so totally scary! There was this war and I hid behind a tree the whole time! So I didn't get shot. Fortunately for me, Boromir died. I hated him anyway. That's why I acted so clueless in the movie when he died. Oh well, too bad. And the good news is, Frodo and Sam sailed away and Merry and Pippin got carried away by some freaks made of mud. Today was a really good day. I was so relieved when Sam and Frodo sailed away. So was Aragorn. Well, I'll be back a year later for the next movie.
Day 377
Ok I'm like so totally back with a new makeover and wig. Didn't you notice that this wig has less frizzy hair? Well, in this movie, I'm more important than Aragorn. This movie is all like totally war where the director paid me $9,000,000,000 to do one or two scenes in the war. I was like so grossed out! Like totally! Ok, goodbye. Oh yeah, we won the war. I'll be back next year for the final movie.
Day, um. I've lost track
Well, I'm like so totally siked that I'm actually in a movie that won an Oscar award! Like in this movie, I was only in one or twenty scenes. This is not fair! And dumb Aragorn who bathes in muck got all the important scenes like when he became king and when he went to have a chat with the ghost king and when he was in the war. I was like so totally offended. I mean, I'm the prettier one. Aragorn just has pretty-he's completely ugly. Arwen just likes him 'cause he's her stepbrother. She is so lame. I mean, like look at her dialogue. "Do you remember the first day we met in preschool and I couldn't spell my name?" Like it was so totally BORING!
Day-I'm lost
I had so much fun filming Pirates of the Caribbean! Whoops! Wrong movie. Well, I ran out of pages and I don't really mind because it was an ugly book anyway. I'll get a pink one next time. Or maybe purple.
-Legolas the prettiest! Oh, I mean Legolas Greenleaf.