Recap
She takes her hands off my shoulders, and to my surprise, she looks to Tobias. "Four, I give you my express permission to deck him if he does anything out of line," she says. I almost laugh until I realize she's being serious. Four cracks a grin, but this one has an edge to it, "You don't have to worry about that, Tori," he said, and she nods approvingly. I just stand there with what I assume is an affronted disposition because Tori just rolls her eyes. "Oh Tris, I'm not saying you're incapable, I just want you to be safe."
I huff and she chuckles. Just then the bell rings and we all go to grab our stuff to head to our various classes.
The first half of the day dragged on, and I soon found myself headed to the cafeteria. Every day at lunch, the girls and I work on anything that needs to be done for Divergent. When I get there, all of them are already sitting at our usual table towards the back. As I sit down, I see that Shauna is writing something down in the agenda book that she keeps the Divergent schedule in, Lynn is doing something on the computer that I can only assume has to do with the website, and Christina and Marlene are having an animated argument over what line of makeup is the best. I get a few forms of 'heys' and 'hellos', and then Shauna starts to speak, "Okay, so I have exciting news," she says with a smile, "I was talking with Zeke and we were talking about Divergent and then, I had an idea!", she paused for dramatic effect. "How awesome would it be if we did a whole segment on Dauntless?! You know, behind the scenes, what inspires the music, how did the band get together, stuff like that. Wouldn't that be cool?", she said with a bright, energetic smile.
Everyone gave some sort of agreement accept for me. I would be the one who would have to arrange the segment, after all. Me being the artistic director and everything. I feel a sinking in my gut, how can I avoid To-Four if I'm supposed to be interviewing him?!
Shauna realizes that I haven't said anything and she looks at me nervously. "Tris? Is that okay with you? I know it's a lot, but Marlene could always help you if you need it because it would be a specialty article, technically. I know you're whole…" she pauses, looking for the right word, "...dilemma with Four and everything. I mean it was just an idea, I told Zeke I would ask everyone first, so if you don't want to…" she trails off, trying to hide her disappointment. I groaned internally, knowing I would have to push past my own problems, even if was just to make Shauna happy. So, I put on the brightest smile I can muster, "No, of course I'll do it. It's a really great idea, Shauna," I say. Her smile brightens at this again, and she starts babbling off to her sister about the different design possibilities for the editorial.
I feel Christina nudge me in the side, I look at her and she gives me an understanding smile, "That was really nice of you, Tris. I'm sure it won't be too bad, and hey, you can just do this piece and then go back to denying your undying love for the blue-eyed, extremely sexy, and quite literal boy-next-door," she says with a devils grin. I just roll my eyes and get out a pen and paper with the intention of starting the plans for the write-up, but my mind draws a blank. So, I free write whatever comes to mind. I feel free when I'm writing, it's a form of expression and one of the reasons I'm able to put my heart and soul into Divergent. It's something I really enjoy. Near the end of lunch, I look at what I had written, a short…..something. A poem? A song? It reads sort of like lyrics.
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull,
these hearts they race, from self control.
Hmm. I don't have the time nor inclination to dwell on where that came from. The bell rings signaling lunch is over, I quickly rip out the page, fold it up, and stuff it in my pocket.
It was finally the end of the day and as I was walking to my car, looking over the notes I had started to make for the piece on Dauntless, I ran into something, or rather, someone. My papers flew out of my hand, and for the second time today, I brace myself for the impact of solid ground….but it never comes. I feel a hand on my waist, touching the exposed skin on my side where my shirt has ridden up, and I shiver at the odd feeling that comes from the contact. That could only mean one thing, I turn around to be met with panicked blue eyes.
"Tris! I'm so sorry, I promise I'm not intentionally doing this," Four says quickly.
I chuckle at his obvious confliction, "I know T-Four. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention. Again," I say as I bend down to start grabbing my papers that were trying to fly away from me. He bends down to help me, "Bea, you know you don't have to call me Four when it's just us," he says quietly. My head pops up and I see him looking at me with his big blue eyes. I hadn't heard that nick-name from him in so long. "Alright Tobias," I say it almost as a whisper. He grins an almost relieved grin at me as he starts to hand me the papers.
As I am about to reach for them, he pulls them back, a perplexed look on his face, "These are notes for Divergent. Are you guys doing a segment on Dauntless?", he asks.
"Yeah, Shauna told us about it today. Apparently her and Zeke talked about it, did Zeke not tell you?", I ask, assuming Zeke would have told them. He shakes his head.
"Oh, well we are. Which basically means it all falls to me, considering I'm the one who covers these kinds of stories," I say, a little exasperated about the way it was all sort of dumped on me.
"Oh," he says, "Well I wouldn't want anyone else doing it. I'm sure it will turn out great, Bea," he says with genuine look on his face that tells me everything he's just said is true. I feel another jolt go through me as he uses that nick-name again. I blush at the compliment, "Thank you Tobias," I say quietly. He's looking at me, and I at him, and it's then that I realize we are still on the ground. He seems to realize this, too, and stands quickly so he can help me up. I smile in thanks and he hands me my papers back, "Just let me know when you want to start that article," he says in his steady voice. I nod in agreement and wave goodby, walking to my car.
I drive home on auto-pilot and almost don't realize when I've stopped the car in my driveway. I sigh, grab my things, and get out of my car. I look across the street to see a familiar dark haired figure getting out of his car. As he shuts his car door, he sees me, and I see a small smile on his face. I wave at him with a soft smile and he waves back. I turn around and go into my house, straight up to my room.
A little later, once I had finished the minimal amount of homework I had and was now sitting on my bed reading a book, I decided to go take a walk. I looked outside and saw that it was still light outside, I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 6:00. I grab my camera and my phone and I head out. At the end of my street, there is a little patch of woods that Tobias and I used to play in. One day, we ventured a little farther in than usual and found an old treehouse, he went up to make sure it was safe, and then I followed. It became our little spot that no one else knew about, we would always go there to talk or just hang out. I still come occasionally when I just want to be alone, but never with Tobias. There have been occasions that I have heard him up there playing his guitar and I shamelessly sat at the bottom and listened to him sing, but I would always hide when he came back down.
So lost in thought, I hadn't realized I was here, the cost seemed clear, with no sign of Tobias, so I started to climb the latter. I'm about at the third rung when I hear someone behind me,
"What do you think you're doing?", a familiar voice asks. I don't bother turning around.
"I don't think I'm doing anything," I reply, a slight smile fighting its way on my face.
"Don't you know you're not supposed to come up here without me, Trissy?", he says. Is he serious?! He comes up here all the time without me!
"What?! You come up here all the time, I-", I stop short, my eyes widening. I just admitted to seeing him up here and not telling him. I turn around swiftly, when I look down to him, he has a huge grin on his face.
"You what? See me up there singing and camp out at the bottom of the tree listening, only to hide when I come back down to leave? Yeah I know," his smug smile growing wider as he speaks, but there is something else in his eyes. My jaw hangs slack and I blush madly. He chuckles slightly, then he starts to climb. I just watch him until he stops. I wonder why this is until he raises his eyebrows at me and I realize that I have to climb up before him. My cheeks flush even more, if possible , and I continue up the tree.
Once I'm in, I walk to the far corner and sit down, he comes in soon after and takes a seat next to me. I look up at him and see that he's thinking hard about something, he has a little crease in between his eyebrows and his eyes look pensive. He finally looks down at me and I realize how long I've been staring, I quickly look away, and I hear him chuckle. He continues to look at me and I glance at him from the corner of my eye, but he just continues to stare. I start to feel marginally uncomfortable and finally look up at him, eyebrows raised in annoyance. He smile nervously and when he speaks it's quiet and there is a quiver of uncertainty, "Will you...can I play something for you that I've been working on?" he asks. I'm caught off guard slightly, not expecting him to ask that. Why is he nervous, we always used to share our writings with each other? "Of course Tobias, I always love to hear you sing, you know that," I say just as quietly. Damn him. Why does he make me soft?! His mouth quarks up and he goes to get the guitar that he keeps in a case up here. He walks over and sits in front of me with his case. When he opens it and takes out his guitar, I see that there is a well-worn notebook in the bottom, with a pencil stuck somewhere in the middle. He takes that out as well, and sets it beside him, opening it to the page with the pencil. He takes the pencil out and scratches his head with it while studying the notebook for a moment. I smile as I look at him because, sitting hear, concentration in the crease of his brow, he looks like the 17 year old he his. Not the scary, serious, closed-off guy people must see him as.
He finally sticks the pencil behind his ear and takes out his pick. He looks up at me and I just nod, encouraging him to go on. He starts his song.
Carry this picture for luck kept in a locket
Tucked in your collar close to your chest
Make it a secret shown to the closest friends
Meet me at quarter to seven
The sun will still shine then at this time of year
We'll head to the inlet and we'll share a bottle there
And color the coast with your smile
It's the most genuine thing that I've ever seen
I was so lost, but now I believe
And follow me south of the big docks
Where they tether the boats the rich men revere
They're so important, they hire our fathers to steer
And down to the edge of the water
Where we'll spill our guts and we'll name our fears
I'll give you this picture keep it and don't be scared
And color the coast with your smile
It's the most genuine thing that I've ever seen
I was so lost, but now I believe
In the coast, your smile
Is the most genuine thing that I've ever seen
I was so lost but now I believe
Now I believe
Now I believe
Now I believe
The melody is soft and gentle. His voice low as he sings. By the end of the song, I'm in awe. I clap my hands and cup my them over my mouth making fake cheering noises. He chuckles, and I grin at him. I recall some of the lyrics and wonder who he wrote the song about. The thought makes me uneasy, making me wonder if I really want to know the answer. I don't, I decide. I push the thought away, trying to get rid of the odd feeling weighing my chest.
"Tobias, that was great. I feel like I never hear that kind of stuff from you guys," I say, talking about the band. He frowns a little at that.
"Yeah, this isn't really something that I would...share. With the guys I mean. It's just...I don't know. We have a certain image I guess, and this kind of stuff just doesn't fit it," he says looking down. I understand now why he felt so nervous to share it with me, he thinks I hold him to the same image as everyone else does. "Hey," I say, but he won't meet my eyes. "Tobias," I say again sternly, so he will look at me, "You know I would like anything you wrote, right? I'll always support you, in anything you do. You do know that, right?", I ask. He looks up at me, anger so evident in his blue eyes that I am taken aback. "How would I know that, Tris? Was I supposed to pick that up when you started avoiding me or when you started calling me the name everyone else calls me, or was it when you started acting like we barely knew each other?", he asks in his Four voice that he so rarely uses with me, and under the anger is pain and confusion and I know I've hurt him. I'm shocked and several moments pass without me saying anything because I'm at such a loss for words.
Bonjour!
So that's the second chapter. For anyone wanting the know that was Carry this Picture by Dashboard Confessional. Let me know what you think, I'm pretty new to this. :)
-Charlie