"Hi Lan Fan!" Meiko yelled, waving at her. This was not, in Scar's opinion, the smartest move. Judging from Lan Fan's expression, she was quite willing to use her kunai knife on anyone who even slightly annoyed her. She leaped down from the roof, and Lin took off running.
"Young Lord!" Scar and Meiko jumped out of the way as Lan Fan sprinted after Lin.
"Ooooh," said Meiko evilly. "She's chasing after him." Scar wondered what Meiko's parents were like, to raise a child with such a foul mind. Lan Fan caught her prey and pinned him down without too much difficulty.
"Please!" Lin begged. "Just one more day! Then I'll go back to Xing!"
"Young Lord, you cannot neglect that meeting with the leaders of the Tang family about grazing rights for their sheep."
"I don't care about the Tang family's sheep!"
"I know, Young Lord, but the Tangs might try to take the property of the Nao'lin clan by force, and then-"
"You should be the emperor, not me! You remember more of this stuff than I do!"
"I could never do that, Young Lord!" The argument might have continued for hours if Meiko hadn't chosen that moment to say "Hey! You two argue like a married couple!" Dead silence fell. Three pairs of eyes fixed on her. Meiko looked from Scar, to Lin, to Lan Fan, back to Scar, back to Lin, to Scar again, and screamed "You all blinked! I win!"
"I didn't know we were having a staring contest," Lin muttered.
"Enough of this," snapped Lan Fan, who looked uncharacteristically embarrassed. "Young Lord, are either of these two a threat to you?" Scar found himself in the unusual position of notbeing the one glared at as a potential enemy.
"No, no," said Lin quickly. "We were just talking."
"Very well," said Lan Fan, sheathing her knife. "In that case, we will return to Xing immediately." Lin promptly tried to make a break for it. Scar couldn't quite follow what happened next, but Lin somehow ended up in what looked like a very painful headlock.
"I apologize for the disturbance," said Lan Fan while Lin tried unsuccessfully to free himself. Meiko grinned evilly at him.
"I wonder what you two are gonna go do together," she giggled. Lan Fan gave her a death glare almost as formidable as Riza Hawkeye's.
"Do you need any help?" Scar asked, watching Lin struggle.
"No," Lan Fan replied, her tone resigned. "I've done this before. I can handle him." With that, she began dragging him towards the nearest train station. Meiko waved as they left.
"Bye-bye! Lin, you're really fashionable! Lan Fan, your automail is awesome! Have fun together!"
"Goodbye!" Lin called mournfully. Lan Fan did not bother to respond. Once they were gone, Scar cast a suspicious look at Meiko.
"Do you understand the full implications of some of your comments?" he asked.
"Yep," said Meiko happily. "I have a dirty mind."
"That's not a good thing."
"I wholeheartedly agree," said a new voice. Three girls who Scar had never seen before approached them, accompanied by Ed, Mustang, Hawkeye, and May. One of the girls looked like an older, much more mature version of Meiko; the other two appeared to be twins.
"Aaaww," Meiko whined. "Does this mean it's time to go?"
"Tempting as it is, we can't stay in this world forever," said one of the twins.
"WHY NOT?" demanded Meiko. The black-haired girl sighed and recited, "1) School. 2) Our parents would kill us. 3) This world doesn't have internet. 4) There are some things in our world besides internet that I'd really miss."
"But what about SCAR?" For the first time, Meiko seemed to notice the others. Her eyes took on a gleam that bordered on demonic.
"Hey, Colonel Mustang! During that scene in book 19, ARE YOU GOING TO THE BATHROOM?" Mustang gave her a look of mingled astonishment and revulsion. Ed snickered quietly.
"First of all, it's Brigadier General Mustang now. Second of all-"
"We tried to tell her," said the youngest girl. "It's when you decode the message about Selim Bradley being a homunculus. We tried to explain that you were just using it as a place to think, but-"
"It's Meiko," finished the black-haired girl.
"Yeah," said the other two.
"I take it that you are Mariel, Nami, and Nicole?" Scar asked.
"Yep," said one of the brown-haired girls. "I'm Nicole, that's Mariel, that's Nami. And Nami and I aren't twins."
" People always ask if we're twins." complained Nami. "It's annoying. Nicole has blue eyes, I have brown eyes. Like Hawkeye," she added, smirking.
"Not fair," muttered Nicole. Apparently, this discussion did nothing to distract Meiko.
"Well? WERE YOU?" she asked, staring at Mustang.
"NO!"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure! I should know when I'm-"
"Sir, you may want to rethink what you are about to say," Hawkeye cut him off. Scar decided to restore some logic to the conversation.
"What are all of you doing here?" he asked, addressing Ed, Mustang, Hawkeye, and May.
"I was invited to a meeting with these three," Hawkeye said, indicating the girls.
"I came along," Mustang added.
"'Cause you're overprotective of your girlfriend," Nami muttered too quietly for him to hear.
"I happened to walk by at the wrong moment and got dragged along," Ed grumbled.
"And I was with him," May finished, pointing at Ed, "Asking about Alphonse-sama."
"May loooves Al!" Meiko declared in a sing-song voice. "And Ed loooves Winry and Roy loooves Riza and Scar loooooves ME!" With this, she proceeded to hug Scar's legs, which was the highest part of him she could reach. Ed choked on air and started coughing, while May blushed and Mustang looked torn between amusement and embarrassment. Hawkeye, of course, was expressionless and the three girls simply looked resigned.
"I suppose you have to put up with this a lot," Scar said to them.
"Yeah," sighed Mariel. "You have no idea how inappropriate her remarks can be."
"You want me to be inappropriate?" asked Meiko hopefully. "Roy and Ed want to-" Mariel promptly covered Meiko's mouth. Ed's eyes narrowed.
"What were you about to say about me and that bas-" Nicole covered his mouth.
"Now, now, no need to encourage Meiko," she said mildly. By this point, May had recovered from her shock.
"Alphonse-sama and I love each other very much," she announced, still blushing. "And I won't let anyone make fun of him!"
"Seriously, guys," Nicole said, keeping her hand over Ed's mouth. "We need to get going." Suddenly, Nami's eyes widened.
"MILES!"
"Oh no," Nicole groaned. "We'll never leave now." Miles was walking towards them with his usual implacable expression, which changed into extreme puzzlement as Nami started chanting "Take your sunglasses off! Take your sunglasses off!"
"Sorry," Nicole apologized. "She thinks the way you put your glasses on in the third opening song is really cool."
"Then why is she telling me to take them off?" Miles asked, not following Nami's logic.
"So you can put 'em back on, that's why!" Nami exclaimed. Miles sighed, took his glasses off, and put them back on.
"Awesome!" Nami cheered. "Do it again!" This time, Miles ignored her, and spoke directly to Scar.
"There's a dispute in southern Ishbal about an old temple. Since you understand the details of religious matters like these better than I do, I thought I should ask you to cut the meeting short-"
"Nooo!" wailed Nami and Meiko, who had freed herself from Mariel's grasp. "Don't leave!" Scar frowned.
"From what Meiko said, I though Lt. Hawkeye-"
"She's my favorite character," said Nami quickly. "But I love the way Miles puts his glasses on!"
"And," Mariel added. "It's Captain Hawkeye now." The three girls exchanged oddly triumphant grins.
"They're a lot more excited about my promotion than I am," Hawkeye observed drily.
"We get excited easily," Nicole said, releasing Ed. "Anyways, before any more distractions come up- anime, manga, and J-pop are awesome!" A glowing doorway appeared at once.
"How did you do that?" Ed demanded, staring suspiciously at the doorway.
" Can't tell you. And don't ask about the password either," said Nicole simply.
"Bye," Mariel called cheerfully. "Thanks for the bullets, Hawkeye!" May, Ed, and Scar looked at Hawkeye with varying degrees of accusation.
"You shot at them?" Scar asked.
"They asked me to," Hawkeye replied coolly. "They said they wanted 'souvenirs'."
"Yeah, well, you probably wouldn't have if we hadn't threatened to blackmail you," Mariel remarked. Mustang glared at them.
"If you ever threaten to spread a rumor like that again-" he began.
"You wish it was true," Mariel cackled evilly as she stepped through the doorway.
"Sayonara, Miles!" Nami called. "Riza, you should start calling Roy by his first name instead of 'Colonel'."
"It's Brigadier General now!" Mustang yelled after her as she vanished through the doorway. Nicole, not taking any chances, grabbed Meiko firmly and began pulling her towards the doorway.
"GOODBYE!" Meiko shouted. "Roy and Riza, you should have lots of kids! May, so should you and Al! And Ed and Winry! Like, fifteen kids! SCAR, I LOVE YOU!"
"Miyazaki-sama, Arakawa-sensei, and Yui-san are awesome!" Nicole said, and the mysterious doorway vanished. The disturbed characters made a pact never to speak of what had happened. Meanwhile, the four girls got in trouble with their parents for disappearing without explanation and made a pact never to go back to the world of Fullmetal Alchemist- unless their parents weren't home.