The next day…..
Damon sits on his bed trying to calm his unbeating heart. He has never felt like this before. No one has ever caused him to feel like this. It almost fills as though his soul (which he didn't think he had) has been ripped away. He dreamed of Bonnie last night and awoke with a pain in his chest, a pain that burned his insides. He was leaving…he knew Mystic Falls wasn't a permanent thing but he didn't think that his departure would be like this….quiet with no explanation.
Bonnie is sitting by her bedroom window, her eyes are bloodshot red and have heavy bags under them because she has stayed up all night crying. The only person she is crying over is herself. Because she is an idiot…she let herself fall for him….. She agreed to be his distraction from Elena.
A knock at her door startles her and the one person she doesn't want to see appears with Carolina in tow. Carolina sits on Bonnie's bed and Elena goes over to Bonnie and takes her hand. She knows that something has happened and that that something involves Damon, because his behavior seems to mirror Bonnie's…quiet…and frozen like a statue starring at nothing.
"Bonnie….please say something. We have to know whats wrong." Bonnie squints her eyes and looks up at Elena. All she wants to do is be angry at her but she can't. Because Elena is her sister, her best friend, and it's not her fault that he fell in love with her. She can't help the way she looks. Carolina always the impatient one jumps up and grabs Bonnie by the shoulders shouting things at her. "Elena told me you and Damon had a thing. Did he hurt you…is that it?" Elena pushes Carolina aside as the mention of Damon causes Bonnie to flinch and for fresh tears she didn't think she had left to fall. "Oh no Bonnie I'm so sorry.." Carolina starts as she too is now crying. Elena sits down beside Bonnie, placing Bonnie's head on her shoulder.
"Do you love him?" Elena finally asks, because she can't take the silence and not knowing what is going on in Bonnie's mind. "Does it matter?" Bonnie answers simply. "Yes", Carolina chirps in now sitting on the floor beside Bonnie's feet. Bonnie contemplates answering because these are her two best friends and she needs someone to talk to, someone to understand the physical pain she feels right now. Like her chest is on fire and like her whole body is trying to rip her to pieces. "It doesn't matter…because it was always you Elena….always you". Bonnie's voice is more calmer than she thought it would be. Elena gasps because Bonnie's statement answer and fill in the blanks to everything that has been going on for the past month and a half. Bonnie fell in love with Damon and somehow Bonnie now believes he is in love with Elena still. "That's not true! Damon doesn't love me…he doesn't…." Elena wildly says grasping Bonnie's hand in a pleading way.
As usual Bonnie the one in a crisis has to comfort her friend. She gives a weak smile and wipes the tears from Elena's eyes. "It's fine Elena…life goes on". Elena hugs Bonnie and Bonnie hugs her back. Carolina hugs both of them and says that the only thing that cure this moment is some good old retail therapy which causes them to all laugh from a place they didn't know still existed.
Weirdly Bonnie doesn't need to know that Damon has left town. Because she feels it. Its as if the universe is being so cruel to her, to have her depressed and in pain over a guy who just needed her as a good lay, because her best friend was taken. But then Bonnie pauses at her own line of thinking…because for some reason she refuses to believe that every time they were together it was just about sex. Bonnie remembers a specific time that no matter how many of the memories of him she tries to erase this one in particular will never go away, because it is embedded in her mind, body, and shattered soul forever.
Bonnie and Damon are in the backyard training, when a storm suddenly comes and they get caught in the rain. By the time they make it in they are both soaked.
Bonnie sits on Damon's bed while he is in the shower. She has already showered and grabbed some of Elena's clothes from Stefan's room she hopes Elena wont miss. Sitting on Damon's bed gives Bonnie goose bumps. Its no secret that he is a ladies man (his quote exactly). She begins to wonder what he is like in bed. So far they'd only kissed and groped each other like a couple of frantic young lovers. Bonnie blushes because even though she hasn't said anything to him, she knows he knows. She knows that's why sometimes when his hands slide under her shirt and the panicked gasp she gives he pulls away. This confuses her because one minute Bonnie believes that they are doing this just to escape real life so why hasn't he slept with her? But then sometimes Damon kisses her so gently and tells her that they don't have to go any farther like a patient lover. Then these ideas began to pop in her head like maybe Damon doesn't want her like that because he knows that taking her virginity would be too much…too emotional….too permanent. Or maybe she's just a good kissing buddy and he wants a real women to actually have sex with.
"Earth to Sabrina" Damon says walking toward her…in nothing but a black towel wrapped around his waist, his dark hair glistening with the drops of water still in them. Bonnie doesn't notice him calling her one of her many 'nicknames' and gasps when she sees him standing in front of her. He sits down on the bed and kisses her cheek. He wait's a few seconds and listens to her heartbeat speed up. Music to his ears. He has been thinking about this moment for a while now and he is tired of waiting. He knows that Bonnie is a virgin and he has struggled with the idea of actually being her first. But he wants her….and now he realizes that he needs her because she brings some type of comfort that can't be found in a random one night stand.
"Your beautiful you know" he whispers and Bonnie blushes and avoids his gaze. He kisses her, but this kiss is different. Its like he is trying to convey everything that he is feeling into the kiss. Seconds turn into minutes and Damon has removed Bonnie's clothing and slid her body underneath the sheets with his. He wraps his hands around her waist and places himself between her legs. He begins to kiss her and tries to concentrate on her body but the sound of her heartbeat is drowning out everything and that seems to be the only thing he can concentrate on. She's nervous defiantly. So he hovers over her body and whispers in to her ear "it's ok Bonnie….calm down" the act allows Bonnie to breath a little bit more gently because it makes her realize that Damon understands how serious this moment is for her, for him…for them. He does that by speaking in a calm serious voice and using her actual real name (because sometimes Bonnie thinks that he actually has forgotten it and just chooses to call her names of all the tv witches).
He places soft kisses from her breasts all the way down to her thighs. When she feels one of his fingers touch her center she gasps. She's never felt this vulnerable before especially with Damon. She feels moisture pool between her legs and this feeling is mind blowing. When Damon's tongue circles her center and gently nips at her swollen bud Bonnie gasps and begins to make these sounds she's never heard come out of her before. When she begins to feel herself tighten and knows that this is what an orgasm must feel like Damon stops and Bonnie whimpers out of anger. Damon places his hardness between her legs and holds her gaze. Bonnie realizes that Damon is staring at her as if he is unsure. Did she do something wrong? Has he changed his mind…oh God no he's changed his mind. But she looks at him again and realizes that he looks worried. Its then that she feels one of his hand making smooth circles on her back while his other hand holds her waist and his thumb gently rubs her thigh….she is shaking. Her whole body is shaking she realizes. Damon slides over her body and whispers in her ear again. "It's ok Bonnie, I promise I wont hurt you….tell me to stop if its to much". Bonnie nods and before she can process anything else Damon kisses her and slides his tongue into her mouth. She feels him enter her and yes there is pain. But it only last for a few seconds as Bonnie's body adjusts to Damon. He is still, mindful of her delicate form and how easily he could break her. But once he begins to move pleasure overtakes her body and the only thing Bonnie can do is say his name in short breaths. Damon moans and whispers her name as well. Damon has had sex before (obviously) but Damon has never made love before and for some reason he feels as though if this isn't it it's pretty dammn close to it. Because he feels as though he is connecting with Bonnie on something much more higher than physical…their bodies are becoming one along with their souls.
In the aftermath Damon holds Bonnie her back to his chest. He doesn't do it because he feels as though it's the right thing to do, he does it because he needs to do it. Because he needs to savor this moment.
After that Bonnie and Damon grew much closer. That was the start of how Bonnie fell in love with Damon.
Now laying here on her bed she feels as though whatever was left of her has just left. That physical pain comes back in her chest and she cries out in agony. Bonnie is becoming worried because this pain is hurting her and it is affecting her magic. When she was with him she had this glow about her that he commented on all the time. "what can I say I tend to have that affect on women" he'd joke at first but then he'd look at her and whisper into her ear "it's your magic Bonnie, your getting stronger..soon you might even be able to beat me up". Now she could barely light a candle with her mind without it causing her physical pain. Meditation spells caused her nose bleeds and soon everything she did became a task that left her out of breath. She calls the only person she knows that can help her…her cousin Lucy. She isn't specific on the details just that she believes she's losing her powers. The panic in Lucy voice is unmistakable. The next day Bonnie receives a flight confirmation via text from Lucy who wants her to visit. Her dad does not argue with her and allows her to go because it's the summer and he knows that Bonnie just wants to clear her mind before she starts preparing college applications. She lies to her father however. She tells him that Lucy has moved to California. Even though the ticket says clear as day Berkshire England. What was Lucy doing in England who knows…but its easier if her dad thinks she is at least still in the country if anything happens.
She doesn't explain to everyone the real reason why she is leaving. But what they assume is half true…Damon. She needs to get away and clear her mind from Damon. She does however disclose to Carolina and Elena that she is going to England. They take her to the airport and have these teary goodbyes. Carolina wants a vintage dress brought back from England, and Elena wants daily postcards (like she can't just chat with her via Skype). Jeremy hugs her and tells her to take care of herself. The hug is a beat longer than expected and Bonnie grows sad imagining how Jeremy must feel. The only quiet one is Stefan who hasn't spoke up about anything. Everyone figures out that Damon and Bonnie had been something but that something or whatever it was ended and now Damon has skipped town and Bonnie has decided to do the same thing. He doesn't tell Elena about seeing them in the library, he doesn't even question Damon. Because he doesn't need to. He knows his brother, he knows that Damon opened up to Bonnie a side that he has tried to mask for the past 100 years or so. He knows that sometimes Damon can be the most selfless person, which is why he never actually pursued Elena in a way that could actually threaten his (Stefan) relationship with her and he knows that at the end of everything Damon has this self loathe about himself that would break anyone's heart and he knows that's why he left. Because in his mind his love for Bonnie isn't worthy of keeping her. Before Bonnie enters the gate ready to board Stefan grabs her by the arm and hugs her. The act stuns Bonnie for a moment and so do his words "Damon is an idiot. But he is also scared of love because he doesn't understand how it should feel. To have someone adore and care about him in that way scares him because he doesn't believe that he deserves someone like that". Bonnie opens her mouth to say something but then closes it again. Stefan just gives her a pleading smile, kisses her on the forehead and walks away catching up with the others.
On the plane Bonnie tries to sleep because maybe her body just needs rest. But she can't because Stefan's words still stick in the back of her mind. So she thinks them over and over. By the time she reaches England she realizes that it doesn't matter, because Damon is in love with Elena and he left because he realized that it will always be Elena and Stefan. Yes…that's it….always Elena and Stefan was too much for him to handle.
Damon is relieved to have finally made it to New York. The pain in his chest has become unbearable. He decides to come to New York because he loves the city and because he has a few friends here and for some reason Damon doesn't want to be alone. He wants company….specifically company that does not involve a bunch of memories of her. He doesn't try and clean her from his system. Because whenever he even thinks about it the pain becomes ten times worse. He begins to think that maybe she has did this to him because its punishment for hurting her. If so he welcomes it because the pain is the only reminder that what they had was real. That once upon a time a beautiful girl gave herself to him, and told her that she loved him with out asking for anything in return without expecting him to giver her something. Yes, the pain reminds him that they were real.