A/N: So this is a very rushed first draft of the second chapter, and as such, it kind of sucks, especially the last part. The final version is fighting me every step of the way and might take a while, so I'm just posting this version now and I'll get the revised version up as soon as I can.

Feedback is love!

Roy crept up onto the top of the hotel, like ninja. He was even dressed like a ninja. Because he was that dedicated. Also, in the nigh-impossible event that he was seen, this getup would ensure his anonymity.

And he looked damn fine in black.

He unrolled the hotel floor plan he had acquired from who-knows-where and judged his location. He was at the northeast corner, and Fullmetal's room was approximately fifteen meters to the west. He counted his steps to judge the distance: one, two, three…

An indeterminable number of steps later, because the author is unsure of Roy's step length and therefore does not know how many of his steps would fill fifteen meters, he was directly above the suite. He tied one end of his safety rope securely around his waist, and the other end around a conveniently placed gargoyle, and slowly lowered himself down to the windowsill.

The window was unlocked. He opened it, carefully, and stepped inside on his manly tipptyoes, quiet as to not make a sound. The room was dark as the night outside, but without the benefit of the moon's light, and as such, Roy couldn't see a goddamn thing.

Flame alchemy! He could use flame alchemy to light the way – and set the hotel on fire. The idea was dismissed even before he remembered that he had forgotten his gloves. Damn.

This had not been part of the game plan. He was a bad ninja.

Roy was, once again, emo, brooding over what he should do next...what the hell. He'd come this far, it was too late to back down now. He could kind of see, now that his eyes had adjusted to the lack of light. He was the goddamn Flame Alchemist. What was the worst that could happen?

Roy took one step forward, hit the sofa, and tripped.

The second girly scream was most certainly not his. The same could not be said of the first, but Roy refused to dwell on that fact, and instead wondered when Fullmetal's voice had regressed to such a high pitch.

"WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM!?" the other voice screamed, and now Roy was certain that it did not belong to Fullmetal, unless Fullmetal's balls had shrunk overnight. "PERVERT!"

Okay, wrong room. Not willing to risk his identity, he waved his arms frantically, as if to signal "Wait, wait, this isn't what it looks like!" His message, however, was not taken as such, and looked more like he was testing out a strange new form of interpretive dance meant to further enrage PO'd young women, which is exactly what it accomplished.

"GET OUT!" the voice screamed, and – THWAK. Something metal and painful – a wrench, some fear-addled part of his mind somehow realized - beaned Roy right between the eyes and knocked him over backward, and how the hell did that girl know where to aim it, did she have night vision or something?

Then the door swung open, crashing against the wall, and "Winry, are you okay? What is it?" Ah, now THAT voice belonged to Fullmetal. Just as shrieky, but lower-pitched.

"CREEPING WINDOW PERVERT!" she screamed, and Roy bolted for said window, ducked down low as other wrenches flew past his head, abandoned all propriety and defenestrated himself before he could be met by the wrath of Fullmetal's titular steel fist.

The safety rope snapped tight against his middle and left him dangling helpless in midair a few meters below the window. Fuck.

"LING IF THAT'S YOU I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING-"

"DON'T YOU DARE INSULT THE PRINCE!" and Roy dropped another few meters as what he had thought was a gargoyle dropped onto the window and holy shit a real live ninja!

"HE WAS SPYING ON WINRY-"

"HE WAS NOT-"

As the screaming match ensued above him, Roy mourned for his eardrums and, in a panic, began gnawing at his "safety" rope unthinkingly. When that didn't work, he remembered that he had thumbs, and untied the knot, and then he remembered why that wasn't a good idea.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" he said. Fortunately, even a failure of a ninja such as himself was ninja enough to grab onto the edge of another windowsill as he dropped past, and he swung himself up onto the ledge, opened the window, and barged inside.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" said the room's occupant. Roy didn't even bother with formalities this time and made a beeline for the door, which he opened and then sprang through like a speedy gazelle. Or something like that. He reached the stairwell and hopped onto the railing, slid down, hit the floor, turned, took the next railing, all the way to the ground floor, while the hotel's alarm blared insistently in the background.

He found a supply closet, broke inside, and sealed the lock with alchemy.

He did not know what to do next. He hadn't planned that far ahead.

Damn.

END PART TWO