Disclaimer: I own nothing in the following story, except the dreadful Rubidium girl.

Magnolia Rubidium DaVinci awoke in some strange, foriegn hospital bed. Various gifts adorned the nighttable, but more importantly, a boy sat in a chair beside her. "I was hoping you'd wake up soon," he said, his deep emerald eyes sparkling with concern. He stroked her chocolate brown hair, visually digesting its razor cut and the shocking pink and soft yellow streaks in her bangs. "I'm Harry Potter, by the way."

"Never heard of you," Katsa bluntly muttered, barely sitting up, still in her hockey jersey, but with no pants on. She pulled the blankets over her in embarrasment--had he just been sitting there while she was asleep, or doing something more? "So, what happened? Did I get flown into a hospital or something?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Harry, running a hand through his raven hair to make it look as if he'd just gotten off a broom. "Yeah, after you set my cousin on fire."

"I did that?" Katsa asked, her bright eyes widening. "How?"

Harry took a pensive sigh. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think you're a witch," he answered. No, she thought. This sort of thing only happens in books! "Look, that's not what I came here to tell you."

Magnolia already kind of knew. Somehow, she felt they shared a connection. Even more strangely, she felt the same way about several people she'd met--what was it? Telepathy? "My aunt and uncle are sueing you."

Every inch of her brain screamed with shock as she sat bolt upright. "Sueing me? How could they? How could they even connect me to the incedent?" Katsa shook with fear as she thought of what could happen. She was a sixteen year old girl in a strange country with a single mother back in Canada who worked two jobs just to be able to buy food--heck, she'd stowed away in a cargo hold of a plane to Britain--"I'm completely and utterly dead! My mom's going to kill me!" she realized. "Oh, Harry Potter, can you do something to help me?"

"Come to Hogwarts with me," he offered. "It's a magical school," he continued in response to her awkward look. "I've got connections there. There's this guy named Dumbledore, I'm sure he'll be able to sort everything out."

"Thanks," she said as he began to walk away. "I might consider it. Unlikely, though. I'm Magnolia, by the way, but you call me Katsa."

As soon as Harry was halfway down the hall, Katsa reached for a letter off of her stack of gifts: its return adress read Abraham DaVinci, Azkaban Prison, Cell 666 and was adressed to Magnolia Rubidium DaVinci. Tearing open the thick parchment, she feasted her eyes upon the words, and, as soon as she did, began to cry, making her look strangely alluring--

My dearest Maggie,

It's nice to see you doing so well in hockey and keeping up your grades. I hope to hear from you soon--and I mean really soon, because it seems I'm not getting out on parole after all. I was considering not telling you, but I think you're old enough to know that execution day is within a month. They're going to gas up the place and kill us all. My only wish is to see your face one last time before I go, so please, don't deny a dead man his last wish.

Don't do drugs and continue life without me. With love,

Dad.

"No," she said aloud, getting out of the hospital bed and forgetting she wasn't wearing any pants. She couldn't lose her fatherHe was the only person who truly understood her. Without his comfort, she felt like she could commit suicide, but she wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to die. It was time to plan a rescue.

"Harry! Wait!" she cried, running after the raven-haired boy and preparing to embark on her next adventure. Even from the distance, she could tell that he was blushing, and she could tell that he could tell that she was, too. "Take me to Hogwarts," she said confidently, her alluring smile leaving no trace of the angst that had overcome her seconde earlier.

A/N: you wouldn't believe how unbelievebly easy Suethoring can be. You should try it sometime, and we can all waste precious bandwidth together. Well, tell me how gag-worthy it is! What are you waiting for, review!