Guess who's back, back again. Seii is back, tell a friend. Points to those that can pick out references through out the story.
As for setting, I'll put this somewhere in season one. Barry's close to just starting out, Iris and Eddie are still secretly dating, Cold hasn't drastically kidnapped anyone yet, Wells hasn't shown his true colours, etc etc.
-x-
"So let me get this right," Dr. Wells started. "While Dr. Snow and I were out on a coffee run you let Mr. Allen get into a verbal war with the two convicts resulting in an arson attempt."
"Eeehhh," Cisco went to correct Wells, voice high, "I wouldn't call it an attempt because it did successfully happen." Caitlin opened her mouth, no doubt to get onto him, so he rushed out, "Pues the building was condemned anyway! No harm no foul! My favourite football call." Cisco said and Caitlin looked nonplussed, "Goaaaal." He tacked on weakly. The doctor just raised her eyebrow, arms crossed.
"'No harm no foul?'" Caitlin mocked, "Cisco, our jobs when monitoring him out in the field is to keep him from dangerous situations, not give him ideas how to make a dumb action multiply tenfold!"
"I don't know, I think Cold liked it." Cisco pointed out.
"Ramon, they're hardened criminals." Wells remarked, moved his electric chair towards an empty table and unloaded the coffee he and Snow had procured.
"If they weren't hardened criminals before, they definitely are now with all that verbal foreplay between Cold and Flash." Cisco shot out without thinking. Caitlin gave him a wide eyed look.
"Oh, come on. That was funny." Cisco tried to persuade Caitlin. She shook her head quickly, eyes darting over to Wells.
Harrison turned with his chair, the only noise in the cortex being a quiet electronic hum. It stopped and he looked Cisco square in the eye, "No, Cisco, that was quite inappropriate. Especially in your place of work. Dr. Snow is correct in saying our job is keeping Barry Allen safe." The room went silent again save for the electric humming that followed Wells out of the room and down the hall. Cisco squinted after him and wondered if Caitlin also picked up creepy vibes from the man these days.
"Buzz kill." Cisco mumbled he turned to see Caitlin picking up his aeolian gun.
"What are you doing with a hair dryer?" Caitlin asked.
"In my defence, one: it takes a lot to keep this hair looking nice and silky as it does," Cisco flipped his hair over one shoulder.
"Alright, Fabio."
"Excuse you! Fabio is an inspiration. Two: that's a super cool new wind gun. Not a hair dryer." Cisco corrected.
"Really? I'm no mechanical engineer, but this here is the fan housing and the air inlet grille," Caitlin tapped the back of Cisco's gun, "The air outlet grille and a very familiar on/off switch," she continued, tapping on the front and side of the gun, "And if you look in through the inlet grille, you can see what looks like a thermostat and a thermal fuse heat element. Congratulations, Cisco, you reinvented the blow dryer."
"...So it needs some work."
"And you need to do some research on copy right laws and make sure you're not breaking any of them."
"So it looks a little like a blow dryer, big deal. A lot of things are made with inspiration of other things in mind but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is a copy of said things." Cisco said imperiously.
"Dr. Snow, Mr. Ramon, have you seen Barry since that building fire he put out?" Joe's voice came around the corner and into the cortex. "Nice hairdryer."
Caitlin turned a smirk on Cisco and put down his 'creation'. Cisco just groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. "Not another word." Cisco had a passing thought that this whole everyone coming in and out of the cortex business reminded him a lot of Friends.
"No, we haven't heard back from Barry since then. You'll find that Cisco," here was a pointed glare towards the engineer, who stuck his tongue out, "Was keeping up with communications."
"And if both of you will hold on to your hats," Cisco propositioned and jogged over to the monitoring station, "His vitals are fine. His comms are turned off but that doesn't mean anything horrible."
"Right." Caitlin tried to assure Joe.
"There are reports of Flash and Captain Cold teaming up to beat this fire and I wanted to hear it straight from my kid what kinda wackadoodle stunt he's trying to pull this time." Joe said. "Not to mention whatever has been stolen is still missing." The detective added as an after thought.
"Help put out the fire's a little bit of a stretch... more like they both helped the fire start burning." Cisco smiled.
"And by 'they both' Cisco means he was also involved." Caitlin said.
"Way to throw me under the bus, hermanita! If I'm going down, te voy a llevar conmigo!" Cisco pointed at Caitlin dramatically.
"Cisco," Joe started.
"Oh, would look at this," Cisco stepped forward and plucked up an empty slushie cup. "Looks like I'm out of juice! Better go fix this travesty. Hasta luego!" He all but ran out of the cortex.
Caitlin gestured at the drinks left abandoned on a metal table, "Coffee? Apparently Cisco is electing to have food colour sugar sludge today."
Joe ran a hand over his face and sighed, "Sounds good. I have to get back to the precinct. Try to stay sane the rest of your morning." The detective advised. He wrapped his hands around a coffee cup with Cisco's name on it, "When Barry gets back make sure he shoots me a text please."
"I make no promises on my sanity but I'll make sure Barry checks in with you. Have a good rest of your day, Joe."
Joe nodded and walked out.
Barry flashed himself and Cold a couple of blocks over, not wanting to run into any police that were no doubt called.
"Where is Heatwave, anyway? He moves quick, and that's coming from me." Flash mumbled after a moment or two of letting the thief reorient himself.
"Is whiplash normal?" Len grumbled, massaging the back of his neck.
"Oh! I probably should have warned you," Barry said. Len raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry." Barry said sheepishly.
"I'm almost used to being swept off my feet and at unbarring speeds by you, oddly enough." Len said. He then turned and started to walk off.
"Wait-"
"What's the matter, Scarlet? You can't arrest me for theft. In fact, the bag of ice is still around your wrist," Len said with a smirk, "You should probably give that back before they think you stole it."
"I stole-" Barry began and then started to sputter.
"Don't hurt yourself too bad. We need you in tip top shape for our next pow wow-I imagine this is only the tip of the iceberg." Len teased.
Flash huffed and speed off with the goods, leaving Snart behind to do whatever Snarts do. Probably to plan another heist. Joy.
-x-
Detective Thawne was one of the first at the scene. The dilapidated building was surprisingly still standing. That didn't mean he wanted to walk in there and check for the diamonds as per the rich Gothamite standing next to him's request.
Sophia Starr crossed her arms and huffed petulantly. She had been arguing back and forth with the policemen for about fifteen minutes now. To say that Eddie was tired of this was an understatement. He had already called Detective West via his walkie talkie about the missing goods and the pesky socialite, and West had replied that he was going to check up on a lead. Detrimental to Eddie's patience, the older man hadn't replied since.
"That building could fall down any minute, ma'am, we really don't want to risk anything." Eddie tried to placate her once more.
"Aren't you the woman who almost married Cobblepot for his wealth?" Detective Frank Curtis asked, just trying to get them all off the topic of risking their lives in a condemned building for a bag of fancy rocks.
"Sounds to me like you just have one bad idea after another. Storing your diamonds here and all that. Isn't that man the one who owns the Iceberg Lounge? I'm positive it's a front for illegal activities but for some reason GCPD hasn't touched it." The only other detective with them, Charlie Conwell, added.
"It's practically impossible to get a standing warrant for that place." Eddie cut in as Ms. Starr's face was growing red in anger.
"And besides," Curtis cut in, "There's been a decline in crime. I heard from some Gotham buddies that there's some kinda boogeyman shadow scaring the delinquents off the streets at night. Doesn't make much difference for day crime but night crime has gone down."
"Oh, you're talking about the Batman!" Ms. Starr exclaimed, face clearing of it's angry redness. Eddie had a fleeting thought in whether offering her some water or something to lower her blood pressure would get him slapped or not.
"The Batman?" Conwell repeated in query.
"He's real! I've seen him at one of my parties. He had sharp ears and claws! And his eyes glow white! He just flew across the room at an inhuman speed!" Starr crowed out in her nasally voice, expressing everything she said with her hands.
"Your parties that involved a lot of champagne?" Conwell said snidely. Starr's face just got red again.
"That's what they call him. He's just a myth, though." Curtis dismissed.
"Well, then why are they building a light for them on top of the Gotham precinct?" Starr shot back angrily.
"A rumour to scare the pubic into acting good," Conwell dismissed, "like how the boogeyman does."
Eddie shrugged with his shoulders and hands, "It wouldn't be-" There was a flash of lightening and the bag of stolen goods practically materialised in his outstretched hands as he spoke, "-the weirdest thing I've heard. Oh!" Eddie jumped and fumbled with the bag's sudden appearance. Sophia Starr stepped forward and snatched the bag out of the blond detective's hand, practically unfazed.
"Now slow your horses, ma'am, we need to go back to the precinct and take a statement." Curtis said.
Eddie shook off the tremors in his hand and picked up his walkie talkie.
-x-
"Detective West," Joe's walkie talkie came to life as he was making his way to his desk. He unclipped it from his belt and brought it up to his mouth, "Thawne. Anything to report?"
"We've... recovered the stolen goods." Eddie's voice rang out, "We're heading back now with Ms. Starr to wrap this case up."
"Loud and clear." Joe said and clipped his communication device back on his belt and took a long drag of his coffee. He was just going to wait until Thawne came back until he reported to the Captain.
-x-
Caitlin looked up from her work as Cisco's blueprints flew up around her. "Barry." She greeted.
"Ohh, you don't sound too happy..." Barry trailed off, and pushed his cowl back. He ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times. "Where's Cisco?"
"Out on a slushie run." Caitlin said. She then tapped her cheek, indicating Barry should wipe his own cheek. Barry did so but it just spread the soot out more.
"Do you think it's time for a slushie intervention?" Barry asked after he gave up getting his face clean.
"Possibly. What I'm more worried about is him getting you into more trouble than is needed. In fact, you attract trouble just fine without teasing it." Caitlin lectured, with an imperiously raised eyebrow of doom.
"Why don't we save the rest of this lecture until Cisco gets back?" Barry hedged.
"That's doable." Caitlin conceded. She then gestured to the table they set the coffee down on, "Coffee? Although it's probably cold by now."
"Oh, no more temperature related jokes. I've reached maximum capacity. I can take no more." Barry flashed over to the lone coffee cup and picked it up, "Ah yes, comfort food." He then promptly chugged it in one go.
"Maybe Cisco's not the only one who needs a drink intervention." Caitlin said.
Cisco walked back in the cortex with a larger sized cup then he had in the morning, "What about intervention? Is Joe gone?"
"Joe was here?" Barry asked.
"Yes. He asked me to tell you to text him. And now that you're both here..." Caitlin trailed off and Barry fumbled with his phone that he left on the monitor table.
Cisco audibly gulped at Caitlin's tone. Barry stood straight up and shared a glance with Cisco. They definitely knew what they were in for.
-x-
}}Received 15:36 from Barry Allen: dksjdjdkkdjss
Joe glanced down and pulled his phone out of his pocket. His phone didn't stop buzzing so he opened up his messages and watched them pop up within seconds of eachother.
}}im fine everythings fine ill explain tomorrow at work
}}if i dont come into work tomorrow put a bolo out on caitlin and assume she has murdered both cisco and i for livin the pun life
}}have mercy
}}i would like to say that iris can have my apartment when i am gone
}Sent 15:38 to Barry Allen: You'd better explain it in full detail.
}Sent 15:40: You deserve everything Dr. Snow dishes out. And I don't want Iris living in that apartment. I barely want you living in that apparent.
}Sent 15:44: What do you mean by "pun life"?
Joe looked up as the sound of heels clacking on the ground reached his ears.
"Daddy!" Iris practically squealed, "I have a great new story for my blog! Witnesses are saying that they heard puns being traded back and forth inside the building before it went up in flames. How interesting is that? I'll have to find more interviewees and figure out who was there and what was said but this is gold!" She chattered.
Ah. That's what Barry meant by "pun life".
}Sent 15:50 to Barry Allen: You can stop by for dinner tonight. You're getting another lecture, Speedy Gonzalez.
-x-
Okay so I knoooow that this chapter doesn't have as many puns as the last chapter... I mean, I kept thinking-how am I gonna beat 26 puns? 27 puns? But then I looked inside myself and I was like-self? And the void echoed back. Anywhoodles. I promise there'll be more puns next chapter!
Sophia Starr is a character from Batman: The Animated Series.
If anyone has any puns and/or ideas they want me to fit in this, please let me know!
Can anyone guess what Rogue will make an appearance next chapter? (:
Fierysun: I tried pm-ing you to reply but it didn't seem to work. So! I'm happy you found the first chapter hilarious and I am writing more. Thank you.
Haha(Guest): Nah, dude, your pun was spot on! The thing you have to keep in mind with puns is that they're all great. Just say 'em with confidence and laugh at it yourself if you have to! Thank you for commenting.